Approaching your SO about cuddling or cuddling others?

[Deleted User]verona (deleted user)
in General

How would you tell your partner that you need to cuddle and if they don’t provide that how do you approach them to discuss your interest in CC? Some times I feel maybe I am being to needy and do want to overwhelm anyone and at other times I feel so depressed because I don’t get what I need but don’t want to say hey stay in bed with me for a few hours and let’s just explore each other.

Comments

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    In your scenario I would first tell them that you would like to cuddle ect because I think/feel that if they provide that to you than you would be content ... if you bring it up & they are not up for it or cuddling - that type of affection just isn’t their thing, than I would show them CC, like I would tell them & than show them & see how they feel about it or how they react, they might be reluctant to you cuddling others so they might compromise, & if they don’t at the very least they’ll see how important it is to you & you will have a clear conscious.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Are you familiar with love languages? You can see more here..
    https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

    Each love language has a bucket that needs to be filled(enough) for us to be happy. It may be that your partner does not have physical touch as an important love language and so their bucket gets filled easily. Just because your physical touch bucket may be larger than theirs doesn't mean you're needy. You would simply have different needs. If you guys both took the test and talked you may find that your partner has a different bucket that is not as filled as much as they would like. That doesn't make them needy either, simply different.

    Now just knowing all of this could help you guys understand eachother. I can see four potential options here:
    1) With better understanding you guys can fill eachother's buckets better
    2) You decide that nobody can be your everything and you guys fill those buckets outside of the relationship
    3) Nothing changes and you remain at least somewhat unhappy in the relationship
    4) The relationship cannot handle getting love buckets filled outside of the relationship AND you're unwilling to not have your buckets filled so the relationship is terminated.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @JasonCuddles Well put. Life is short. Nobody should have to spend a long time stuck in 3).

  • xeldaxelda

    I wonder if you could share what you said here: "I'd really like more cuddles, because it's so important to my well-being and mental health. Would you like that too? Or would you prefer I get cuddles from other people in a way that is respectful to our relationship (ie: whatever that means for your relationship)"

  • LyleLuvsHugglesLyleLuvsHuggles

    I didn't know about this community while still with my wife, so I simply asked if she would be ok if i found someone to cuddle that she was comfortable with and didn't see as a threat to her place in our relationship. I ended up having a nice cuddleship with my sister in law who is BIG into cuddles and more importantly from my wife's perspective I'm sure NOT into men.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @xelda and @NightShift39 ~ I love how you each propose one brings this up. 💓

  • [Deleted User]verona (deleted user)

    I would cuddle with women but he isn’t comfortable with that neither but we are also very new into our relationship

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited January 2021

    @verona Are you assuming he won’t be comfortable with you cuddling women or have you had a conversation with him before? It has been my experience that if someone does not want to provide what you need in a relationship and is not open to other options then this relationship is not going to go well because your needs will not magically disappear. I think a serious heart to heart discussion with him is in order.

  • MrPaulMrPaul
    edited January 2021

    What @JasonCuddles said is a good start.

    I faced a similar situation, and accepted my partner’s dislike of cuddling, and in exchange she allows me to get cuddling from other women.

    A key element is accepting your SO and not expecting them to become a different person. It’s fine if they also like cuddling and just need to realize it’s important to you, but this is not always the case.

    Be honest with yourself and your SO with your boundaries and expectations.

    @verona I looked at your profile and it says single. Please consider revising it if you are truly in a relationship now.

Sign In or Register to comment.