Am I cut out to be a Pro?

ss6857ss6857
in Professional Cuddling

Hello! I am a new Pro and I am very excited to start cuddling! I have had one session so far and am in the works to scheduling some more. I have a couple of questions on how I am feeling and wanted to see if any other pros have advice.

Comments:
I have noticed that I tend to get comments like "you're beautiful," "you are an attractive person," etc. These comments come anywhere from the start of a conversation (I had someone message me saying "hey beautiful" from the start), or a passing comment made while doing a pre-cuddle Skype call, or even in the middle of cuddling. When this happens, I immediately feel shut down. I feel that comment makes it more about me and not the total experience of the cuddle session. And it honestly makes me feel like I'm on a dating app and not an app that provides a professional service. I understand that you can think someone is attractive and still have a platonic cuddle session, but my gut reaction when these comments are made is no good. Does anyone else feel this way?

Hosting:
I really didn't want to host. I live in a townhome community where my neighbors don't know how to keep to themselves. And depending on the number of clients that would be coming in and out of my home, it's not something I wanted to deal with. I also have a full time job where I work from home, I work out at home, sleep at home, everything at home! I really wanted my cuddle experience to not be the same place I do everything else. However, I am meeting more and more clients that are unable to host who I would have cuddled with otherwise. Does anyone else prefer not to host? When do you make exceptions if you do?

Comments

  • ResilienceResilience

    I live in a rural community where most love to gossip. I've built a great reputation here for me and my small family. I would really feel uncomfortable with meeting strangers at my home where my children and I sleep.

    The 'hey beautiful' rubs me wrong also.
    Most individuals I've come across with this initial greeting typically become blocked because their behavior does not end up being platonic.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @ss6857 welcome! I'm not a professional, which is why I haven't commented before, but since this thread seems to be a little quiet I'll throw in my tuppence worth.

    If you don't want to host, don't host. The End. Your options are the client's place; in public (including cars, park benches, cinemas, etc); certain therapy rooms (although that seems to be more of a British thing than an American one); your own therapy room (like @Xandriarain); or a hotel (which is what many professionals do). I haven't heard of this in a cuddling context, but you could also use the house of a willing friend.

    The client pays for any costs associated with hosting: do not pay for anything yourself unless you have already received the money from the client. The client also pays your 'excess' travel costs for longer trips e.g. over an hour.

    Comments like the ones you describe are, sadly, very common. They are completely inappropriate and most professionals feel much the same way as you do. Such remarks are amber flags: not quite red, but not far off.

    Always trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    You miss every shot you don’t take. Here are some traits that I think make a good professional cuddler: a good listener, a good conversationalist, empathetic, organized, attentive, assertive, confident.

    I was in a lot of uncomfortable situations until I improved my screening process and became more assertive. You could even set one of your boundaries as “Do not make comments about my appearance” and make that clear before you agree to meet the client.

    If cuddling is something you are passionate about, try it.

  • ss6857ss6857

    Thank you all very much for your comments. Since there isn't a whole lot of guidance, I know these forums are so helpful. Good to know that I'm not alone!

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    cuddlist, cuddle sanctuary and certified cuddlers offer training courses

  • Rocket_ManRocket_Man

    Hello ss. Though this site does not require any type of certification course I feel most pros would benefit from taking one including but not limited to myself. From what I understand they generally go over how to establish boundaries and certain safety protocols to take. Unfortunately some men and even some women get the wrong idea about this site or misuse it. I highly recommend a phone call, public meeting at a coffee shop or some sort of rapport building activity be for going into any strangers home, and if you get weird vibes whether through here or in person, bail out.

  • HollydollhugsHollydollhugs

    I went through the Cuddlist training and it was very beneficial and I would recommend any type of training you can get. Boundaries have to be set and the client has to understand there are no gray areas. I also do not care for the comments about my looks. It’s so much more than someones appearance.
    I too am trying to host, not in my personal space and it is the most difficult issue that I’ve come across with being a pro Cuddler. If I get any information about a remedy to this issue, I will pass it along.
    Learn all you can and you will be just fine.

  • [Deleted User]az22 (deleted user)
    edited February 2021

    Unnecessary commentary and opinion. Removed. [-Sid]

    Unless somebody is being creepy, I don't think flattering comments should be a problem. When I send my pic to women, I have received comments that said I have a nice smile, handsome, etc. I sent similar comments back. There was nothing sexual in nature about it. It was just somebody saying something flattering to another person. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all and I think it actually made both of us even more comfortable in person because we felt comfortable saying flattering comments to each other.

    Reported post. Reviewed. My own issues with this problematic post are: 1) new account with 2) profile with no picture 3) sexualized/romanticized communication/flattery, and last but not least, 4) discounts the OP's and other professionals' observations and commentary regarding men and their odious strategy/approach/opening lines with women of "Hey, beautiful." Just don't. There is no reason or justification for it. [-Sid]

  • xeldaxelda

    @az22 So you wouldn't think it was a problem if a guy on first contact with you said, "Hey handsome, I'd love to book a cuddle session with you! I really like your full lips and cute tank top that you're wearing in your photo."

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    In general I see no issue with complimenting another person on their appearance or acknowledging that they’re attractive as long as it’s done in a respectful manner , that’s including cuddlers. With that said if the OP @ss6857 is uncomfortable with that for whatever reason they have every right to set that boundary and should be respected.
    @xelda I too have had cuddlers in the past ( pros ) in message exchanges make comments like “ oh you’re handsome “ or that I have a nice smile this that or the other. Were they just saying this because they thought it would make me want to book them faster who knows ? 🤷🏾‍♂️ Were their motives sexual or completely innocent 🤷🏾‍♂️ ? Also no clue I’m not inside their heads so I’ll never know their true motive for saying it ! I know it can be different for women being on the receiving end of those comments but that still doesn’t mean the person making them has nefarious intentions.

  • xeldaxelda
    edited February 2021

    @hugonehugall The point is that the OP, and many other women here have said ad nauseam that these comments make us feel creeped out. And yet the men keep saying "I don't see an issue with it".

    Lack of intention does not nullify impact.
    https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/07/intentions-dont-really-matter/

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall
    edited February 2021

    @xelda I also said that on a personal level that if the OP has an issue with it and doesn’t like her wishes should be respected. I was just saying in a general sense I don’t think it’s a big deal if one adult acknowledges that another is attractive in a respectful way that it’s inherently a bad thing. This applies to context outside of meeting someone on CC as well .... there are women in society who don’t take issue with. Everyone’s boundaries are different as we both know.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @hugonehugall why are you not getting this? It's intrinsically creepy: the end.

    On first meeting your new lawyer, would you tell them they are pretty? I hope not. It's creepy because it's deliberately sexualising a professional connection. It's bullying. It's misogyny. It's harrassment.

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    @CuddleDuncan I’m not saying a complete a stranger you’ve never said 2 words to or someone in a professional business setting. But someone you’ve built some sort of rapport with or have exchanged some sort of dialogue with other that initial pleasantries or greetings !!! No I would never tell my lawyer she’s pretty !!! Maybe someone I struck up a conversation with at a social gathering but I again I’m not leading with that .....

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @hugonehugall well I'm pleased to hear that! :)

    I have never told a lawyer she was pretty (or anything like) and I never would, no matter how well I knew them. Similarly a cuddle professional. It's simply not appropriate in my view.

    Social situations with people you know is a different thing, obviously.

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    A cuddle pro to me is different than a lawyer ..... I wouldn’t lead with it in my opening message IE “ The only reason I’m booking you is because you’re hot “ but it would be naive to think that it’s not a factor in who people select to spend their money on for a session. Maybe I’m alone in this , maybe I’m not ( hopefully I’m not ) I think those sentiments can be expressed towards the pro in a manner that’s non creepy, non vulgar , and non offensive. And I’ll say again like I did in my 2 previous comments that the pro has every right to shut those comments down from a client or potential client anytime she wants and should have those wishes respected

  • Mike403Mike403

    @hugonehugall - it's ill-advisable to make any comments to somebody regarding their physical appearance. It just makes then feel like a piece of meat. I'm sure their inbox is flooded with those messages daily. You want to stand out from the rest by showing you're interested in them as a person and not just by how they look.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I’m probably one of the only pros that’s perfectly fine with being called beautiful or pretty. I certainly don’t like being called sexy or hot stuff or comments along those lines but to me, there is a certain way I’ll accept it. I don’t like when it’s initially said, like “hey gorgeous” or “you’re super hot!” You don’t say hello, how are you, how’s your day... nothing. Just straight up “I wanna bang you” vibes, but I agree with @hugonehugall if we’ve talked enough or even exchanged a few messages that show you want to talk and have a connection, I see absolutely nothing wrong with saying at some point “I really like this certain pic in your profile. You’re really beautiful”. I don’t find it demeaning or sexualizing me at all.

    But this does not mean in any way at all that others in my shoes shouldn’t feel creeped out. If they do, they do. So for those guys that send messages complimenting looks, if you get a cold vibe because you creeped them out, move on. Don’t get rude with them or think somethings wrong with them. If they feel like they’ve been objectified, they are valid to those feelings. Some girls hate it. Some girls like it. I am one of those girls that likes compliments. Maybe I’m narcissistic lol but I do understand that a lot of my cuddlers choose me solely because of pictures. As long as they are respectful of my boundaries and my time, I really don’t care if they chose me because they thought I was attractive.
    It’s always good to build a really good rapport with them first to see who they are as a person.

    Just don’t say “sexy” “hot”, even sometimes saying gorgeous can be hard to pull off platonically and definitely don’t add the “F” word before the compliment. That’s too fierce. Calm it down. Dang...

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan
    edited February 2021

    If somebody is asking whether or not they are cut out to be a professional cuddler, it demonstrates that they are thoughtful, inquisitive and lacking in arrogance, and therefore more likely than average to be a good professional.

    As a matter of logic, it is impossible to know whether you are cut out to be a good anything until you have tried it.

  • NeuroDiversityNeuroDiversity
    edited February 2021

    I’m sure you’re great at cuddling. It’s dealing with a variety of men that is hard. Bahahaha

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    @NeuroDiversity so true. It's really easy to cuddle someone you know and trust. Screening and getting to know new clients is the hard part.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for professional cuddling because I'm not exactly the incense-and-new-age-music kind of guy who talks softly of spirituality and affirmations. I mean, I do like all of those things to some extent, but I can also be very no-nonsense and analytical, if that makes any sense. I'm probably selling myself short, because I am more than just a few words can describe— and I don't mean that last part to sound conceited, either. I've always been told I'm a good hugger, though, and I am affectionate and physical and don't have a lot of hangups about touching or being touched. I like to be close to people and I like to talk and listen. Some people have told me they felt like they could tell me anything, or that they haven't had such a deep conversation with anyone in a long time. So I probably am cut out for it even if I'm not quite like other pros out there.

    To answer the OP's question more directly, I can share with you two things:
    1. Men can also feel objectified. I mean, "duh," right? But it's very true. And that can come to a man from both men and women. I have felt equally uncomfortable and threatened by both. Boundaries are something I have to continue to work on communicating, and I've come to trust my gut, no matter how innocent the people who make me feel uncomfortable claim they are.
    2. I totally get the "I do everything at home" thing, especially this past year. Now I'm getting out again for freelance interpreting gigs, and many of the places I go to are medical. It has been a desire of mine to hug medical providers, and now we are at a moment when that can happen, but I've procrastinated on marketing myself as a professional cuddler. I also don't know if those medical providers would want to cuddle in an on-call room (one with beds for doctors to sleep in) in a hospital or in their own homes, but I do know I am hesitant to cuddle people in my own home. It would have to be in our guest room in the bed my husband sleeps in when he is restless and doesn't want to wake me, and my husband would most likely be home. I don't know how well that would go over for him and those who would come to the house for a cuddle. I won't say it won't work, but I have my trepidations.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    BTW, @CuddleDuncan , I like your concise and thoughtful answer!

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