Inconsistent chatting, what do you do?

quincyq03quincyq03
in General

What do you do when you’re chatting with a cuddler and you’re having a conversation, but then they abruptly take weeks or months to respond? Sometimes you get a response minutes later, other times it’s weeks or months.

I know life happens and I don’t want to assume anything negative, but I also worry that I’m being a nuisance or they don’t want to chat.

It seems to be a cycle. I’ll usually give them a month or two before I give up and if I get no responses from back to back messages after that time, I move on.

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Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    @quincyq03 - Cut contact and move on. The busiest person in the world would make time for somebody they are interested in.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    It’s just hard because there are very few cuddlers around here and I know people have lives. I don’t expect responses right away and maybe they don’t check the site often or get notifications?

  • littermatelittermate

    Ask them directly perhaps.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    I do this. My social batteries sometimes die unexpectedly, see. So if they're anything like me, I'd say... wait? Maybe send "thinking of you" messages that don't require a response every month or so to prevent the power reset from wiping you out of memory?

    I dunno, I guess it depends on the person and how interested you are in talking to them.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    @DarrenWalker thank you for the thoughts. I like the “thinking of you” option, but for someone I’m talking to online who I don’t know all that well yet, that seems like it might be a bit much? I may have to try some form of it though, depending on the context. Thank you!

  • Mike403Mike403

    @quincyq03 - I've been on this site since 2017 and have never met an enthusiast and doubt I ever will. It's nearly impossible for men unless you look like Brad Pitt. However, it's very easy to get a cuddle if you're willing to spend some money. (hiring a pro)

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    @Mike403 it is very difficult if you don’t pay up, but it’s possible. I met up with a gal enthusiast once in 2019, when I first joined.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous
    edited February 2021

    Actually, this can come up with me. I have an extreme case load at times with my day job. Only happens couple times a year.

    That doesn't mean necessarily that I do not care to respond to other messages, it just means, as a human being, I can only do so much in one day.

    I do, however, try to follow up with a message on my profile at the top, letting those know that need to know. I currently have 200 messages on here alone to go through, and I'm not even touching down on correspondence via email, text, phone calls, ect.

    I don't mind if it takes others as long as it takes to get back to me, I don't feel I'm entitled to a response from someone, though it is appreciated. Because I try to show compassion that maybe, just maybe, them not responding has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with something serious going on in their lives.

    I feel if we take the approach to avoid being offended when you know you didn't do anything wrong, it'll help while you wait. Especially with people you are getting to know online.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    It's nearly impossible for men unless you look like Brad Pitt.

    Not gonna lie, I'm getting a little tired of this narrative, considering women have repeatedly shared their reasons for being careful about who they meet on this site. :expressionless: Things like age and physical attractiveness in a cuddle partner are things plenty of men on here have said they value, for sure. But these are not the primary dealbreakers for most of the women on here.

  • quincyq03quincyq03
    edited February 2021

    The other thing I might add is that we’re having an actual engaged conversation. For example, I recently got asked how I was doing, I gave a courteous response and asked politely back how she was doing. Crickets. The first response was within a few minutes, then weeks go by with nothing and just about the same cycle happens again after I follow up.

    I want to get to know someone a little before rushing to meet, especially in this climate. Small talk is hard when you don’t know if you’ll get a response within a day or two, or months later.

    I think this may be more of a case of lack of interest (on their side), or simply not checking this site much. I live in a relatively rural area without a lot of cuddlers of either gender, so I doubt anyone is getting 100+ messages at a time.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    There are many reasons why women stop replying. Some women are just here to make friends. They aren't really interested in cuddling or they already have a cuddle partner. Some are juggling 3 or 4 guys at a time and once they decide on one they stop talking to the other 3 but rarely say that. So you're left wondering until you see them get karma from other guys while they are too busy to talk to you anymore.
    Just move on. Keep trying. Eventually you may find someone who you match with best and maybe even cuddle with them.
    I'm no expert. I suck at social stuff. But made so many mistakes that I can offer this advice I learned the hard way.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    And this is why virtual sessions can be actually very helpful if you need that small talk in a more constant fashion.

    Perhaps that is something you should consider during these trying times if you want to connect with someone on a more personal level.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @squeakytoy - What I said is still not wrong considering there are very few women enthusiasts and a tons of men fighting for them.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @MissAdventurous - I'm afraid a virtual session where we stare at each other might be too awkward for me. lol

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    @Mike403 lol I liked our face to face session more 🤣🤣 but not everyone will get to have that. And you are a wonderful conversationalist btw.

    But yes, everyone has their comfort zone.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @MissAdventurous - Let me know when you come back to Colorado. I'll definitely book another session with you.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    @Mike403 haha deal! Maybe we can check out that lake you were mentioning too 🤣🤣 cuddles first though.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Mike403 I would say it's objectively wrong: I've seen plenty of conventionally-attractive men complaining about their difficulties in meeting enthusiast women on here, and plenty of average-looking men who don't seem to have the same issue in meeting them. This lines up with what women have been saying. But if you choose not to believe me, there's nothing I can do.

  • quincyq03quincyq03

    I don’t think physical “attractiveness” plays as much of a role with cuddling, as it might on dating sites. On the other hand, guys with no profile pictures, I’d have to imagine, probably have an equally hard time.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I dont look like Brad Pitt....

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I have cuddled several enthusiast women. It requires luck - I am fortunate to live in a place which actually has some enthusiast women. It also requires planning, hard work and persistence. And presumably a whole bunch of soft skills and attributes that are hard to pin down.

    More people have walked on the Moon than have described me as good looking, or even average. A lot more. Actually .... wait ... yes! More people have assassinated US Presidents than have called me handsome! =) =) =)

    quincyq03

    I know life happens and I don’t want to assume anything negative, but I also worry that I’m being a nuisance or they don’t want to chat.

    I regard every message to me as a bonus, so I'm always ahead. But as all the good advice in this thread suggests, don't worry about it. Maybe send one message after a week or two, or when you have something appropriate to say. Maybe a final one after a month if you can be bothered. Leave it open, just occasionally somebody comes back and proves worthwhile.

    If you're really being a nuisance they will drop a hint or block you, so don't worry about that either,

    One of the interesting things about the internet is that people use it in ways you can't imagine. For example, one thing that is quite common is to use it for ego-boosting in one way or another. (Collecting matches on dating apps is one example.) So somebody will initiatate a bunch of conversations, then let them go once they feel better. A few weeks or months later they feel low again, reinvigorate the conversations they liked for a few messages, and the pattern repeats.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @CuddleDuncan @squeakytoy - I guess some people just don't have the social skills needed to attract anyone.

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    @quincyq03 I think physical attraction or at least physical preferences play a bit of a larger role than you think. Not so much that’s the reason you’re not getting prompt responses but it is something. As far as conversation lags , I know people get busy or take time of the site all together for various reasons. Also women get more than twice the messages so I’m sure they get overwhelmed & it can take time for them to respond to all of them sometimes.

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    Hmm, if physical attraction is a requirement I would be hugging trees only.

  • MissAdventurousMissAdventurous

    @hugonehugall you are always so patient with my messages 🤣🤣 thank you.

  • hugonehugallhugonehugall

    @MissAdventurous you know me always hanging in there

  • [Deleted User]Chesserroo2 (deleted user)

    They likely associate you with the website and figure they can take a break from it now and then. They maybe have several options besides you and figure maybe you have a life too. They just see you as a penpal who need not be replied to promptly. It does not mean they have zero interest. They might even not know how they should reply, or they might have zero interest in your particular question. They might have read you email, got distracted, forgot it was there, then been waiting for you to email you this whole time before they looked and saw you were waiting on them.

    My advice is if they don't reply, try a different topic in a week. You can ask them why they did not reply before, but preface it so not to sound at all accusatory, or you will get an inaccurate defensive answer.

    I would not drop them unless you have other options. Just don't get your hopes up. People fall in love when they assume and imagine. That is not fair to either of you. Live the relationship at face value. Don't do favors in hopes of getting something never even discussed.

    Also, find other hobbies.

  • [Deleted User]Chesserroo2 (deleted user)

    @quincyq03 You said you are having engaged conversations, but when you elaborate, you describe what is actually a one sided conversation. If she never gave a lengthy response before, I'm guessing she was never interested and just replied out if politeness. If she gave some lengthy replied before, then either she lost interest or is keeping you as a backup.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I shouldn’t put this out there, but I am Brad Pitt. Please don’t blow up my inbox.

  • [Deleted User]Chesserroo2 (deleted user)

    I looked at your profile. You need to post more pictures.

    I also see your text is very short:

    "I am single and just looking for platonic, comforting cuddles. Please note that I am introverted and can be shy at first. Once you earn my trust, I tend to open up fairly quickly."

    1. Your stats section already says you are single, so no need to say it here unless there is a reason you want to add emphasis.

    2. Between the second and third sentences, you should add a clarification sentence: "I wish to converse online a while before meeting in person, but that can include Skype. A few weeks with a few quality hours hearing from you is all I need to make a decision."

    3. Saying you are just looking for comfort cuddled is fine. Maybe you don't want to tell your life story. People still will want to picture just who they are talking to. I recommend dropping a few hints to distinguish yourself and then adding that you don't feel comfortable saying your life story online and don't think your hobbies should be relevant to cuddling. A few people will want to do other platonic activities and select cuddlers with shared interests.

    4. You should also say why you like cuddling, if you have any preferences, and some of your style or rules.

    People don't like uncertainty. Women have many options on here and might pull the trigger when they see a good match. If they are unsure what you want, they might graduate just long enough that another guy gets them.

    I'm also curious what was in the emails. Just because you type a long one does not mean it will win someone over.

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