Please Help Me, & Others Like Me!

[Deleted User]fdavidm2 (deleted user)

Hi, everybody. I send these remarks out, with the best of intentions, and the greatest respect to every CC person. I really want to improve myself, and help others in the process. I joined this site, certainly seeking cuddles with good ladies, with whom to enjoy many clean, decent, proper, and joyful experiences. For cuddling, specifically, I kept my searches limited to a 150-mile radius of my home, near Phoenix, which is among the top several largest metro areas in the USA. Furthermore, for long-distance friends, just to converse with, I messaged lots of ladies around the nation. In doing that, I took special notice of those occasional profiles and posts, where a woman seemed to be crying out for help with loneliness, grief, or any other sort of emotional pain. My heart always goes out to them. When I become aware of another person who is suffering, it hurts me so deeply. I want to help. So, I reach out to her with a message of hope, to tell her that somebody is out there, who has noticed and who cares. No cuddles expected, or even anticipated by me. No strings, just a caring, helping hand. But, whether I message for cuddles with an enthusiast or a pro, responses are rare. And, when I message anyone else, just to chat, or especially to help, they almost never reply. I am concluding that there's something I am doing seriously wrong, and I want to fix it, so I can stop scaring, creeping out, or otherwise offending so many wonderful women. I know I am way far from perfect, so I seek your kind, but also, honest advice. Not just for myself, but also for the many other good guys here, who are trying not only to find joy, but also to spread it! Thanks, everybody, for your time, and for your patience with me. :-)

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Comments

  • Honestly don't think you are doing anything wrong or creepy . My impression from a lot.of posts in similar nature is that there are many people in your situation. Responses on here are just very hit or miss . Exponentially more men sending messages to women so it's likely that it is getting lost in the shuffle somewhere or the person doesn't log in and kinda creates the profile and leaves

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Do you expect a response, though? Maybe it's enough for these people just to hear that someone cares, even if they don't have the energy to converse.

    Maybe you're just, like... throwing flowers.

    To make friends, I think it takes something a bit different from flowers. More connected, like.

    Less "I see you, I notice, I care," and more "you're neat, the things you like are neat, would you like to talk about some of the things you like, what's that in your picture, is it a–?" and so on.

    Maybe.

    Like @pmvines says, though, sometimes even a really well-written "let's make friends" message won't get a response, because reasons. Throwing flowers definitely takes a lot less time and energy than writing in depth messages! And probably people like (or at least don't mind) receiving flowers. So... you do you, I guess.

    Unless your more flowery messages of hope and caring and all that are written in a possessive or clingy way, I'd say you're probably fine—it's just the Way It Is making you get so few responses.

  • Awww @DarrenWalker throwing flowers.

    I'd invite you to take some more lively pictures - where you're smiling, pics in nature, in focus, holding a puppy, having fun. Pics are the one big thing people have to sense you when you write to them, and so I'd make the most of that by taking the very best aesthetically pleasing pics of you that you can. A smile and an outdoor setting can be a really wonderful way to convey the warmth that is so obviously in your heart.

    <3

  • What @littermate said .... you could probably ....milk... more results from the site with .... mooore... pics, and don’t just do a ...skim .... search of 150 mi ... do the .... whole.....300 mi.

    My 2%

  • @fdavidm2 I've been having the same problem for about a year. It is what it is. I've tried changing my messaging style to no avail, yet atleast. I now have zero expectations of meeting anyone on here, and it's been great, in a sense - no expectations, less pain to deal with. The point of getting on this site was to try to relieve pain, not add to it.

    Pretty much what everyone else is saying. @DarrenWalker heh, that's a neat way to put it. I think it speaks to the part of us that wants to be noticed for who we, as individuals, are. I'll grant that it's hard to develop this relationship through messaging when they don't message you back. Then, what @littermate says makes sense: gotta get that good picture. Women have enough messages to sort through, with our finite energy, it makes sense for them only to respond to the most appealing messages of the bunch, a great picture will help with this.

  • I would concur with @littermate. A few more pictures, in good lighting, and showing yourself in good spirits. Your current pics seem to reflect how you feel now; I'd recommend pics that show you at your best. Your writing style is excellent though, don't change that!

  • edited March 2021

    Reported, reviewed, and removed. User has an opportunity to verify their identity. Until then, we're not playing the trolling game. [-Sid]

  • @sweetnsquishy I didn't take OP post as entitlement or having the expectation of something. If he were I would call him out on it. I feel like he is being honest when asking for feedback if he is doing something wrong . Hes not saying these people aren't responding and placing blame on them or resentment for it . There is a difference between that and honest introspection.

  • edited March 2021

    Reported, reviewed, and removed. [-Sid]

  • edited March 2021

    THOU SHALT NOT post screenshots of conversations. [-Sid]

  • [Deleted User]fdavidm2 (deleted user)

    This sweetnsquishy is something else, and quite a piece of work. Certainly not "sweet"! Hateful and belligerent, to say it nicely, just for starters. I sent him a reply, that he doesn't belong on a good site like this. I am reporting him, and request that you good folks join me in denouncing hatred, and putting a stop to it. Thanks.

  • edited March 2021

    Full on nope [-Sid]

  • [Deleted User]fdavidm2 (deleted user)

    Sir, I come from an interracial family, and I love all human beings, regardless of their physical appearance, gender, political or sexual orientation, religion, age, educational level, income, or any other factors. As for women, my respect and love for them is far beyond my ability to describe. I have two smart, talented, and beautiful daughters, and two lovely granddaughters as well. I miss both of my late grandmother's too. I am far from perfect, but I am obviously not a sexist or a racist either. You are making a fool out of yourself here online, for the whole world to see. Please, go get some help, before your hatred gets you in big-time trouble.

  • @fdavidm2 You do not have to explain yourself to a troll.

  • edited March 2021

    Not havin' this. [-Sid]

  • @sweetnsquishy You ashamed of your race that you do not have a pic? Something tells me you are bored white dude trying to stir the pot.

  • edited March 2021

    Removed. [-Sid]

  • @sweetnsquishy go read a book n have some tea why dont you .

  • @sweetnsquishy I am not ignoring the damage, but you cause damage by labeling people without basis. By attacking people you know nothing about you are repulsing rather than attracting people to your cause; but I am certain that isn’t your goal anyway.

  • edited March 2021

    Well david you may be an empath. Empaths feel things more deeply than most others even in situations that happened to others. There is nothing wrong with that. It is quite nice but many will feel they do not need or want the support you truly want to offer. Especially from a stranger online. It is nothing personal. It is Just the way people are. Perhaps you could volunteer as some sort of counselor. It could be an opportunity for you to help others in a more fruitful way.

  • [Deleted User]creedhands (deleted user)

    Honestly, @fdavidm2 , you are still pretty new to the site. It could take months of sending messages to actually get a response, much less a cuddle. You should be pleasantly surprised and happy if and when you ever get a response, especially from a female enthusiast.

  • @fdavidm2 The fact that you composed a thoughtful, open post makes me think you are on the right path. You will find success.

  • [Deleted User]fdavidm2 (deleted user)

    Thank you, Rocket_Man, for your kindness to me, and your gentle and good suggestion. My traumas have stirred in me a restlessness about the suffering of other people, whether their pain is physical and/or psychological. Whenever I see/hear any man or woman in distress, it just tears me up, and eats at me. And I just want so badly to rush in, and soothe and calm and comfort him or her. Yet, I know there is usually so little I can do for them, and so that feeling of helplessness hurts even more.

  • edited March 2021

    @fdavidm2 You sound so very genuine in your empathy and desire to do better. So, as a woman who is often excruciatingly lonely, desiring of a safe and grounding cuddle... I would like to say that, for at least myself, women may be feeling hyper-sensitive, super on-guard, exhausted and hopeless that men will ever be able to think or see beyond their own desires or perspectives. That really sucks for the good guys who want connection in an authentic way with no ulterior motive. It also really sucks for us women who are tired of having to dodge unwanted sexual advances, romantic overtures, or various other inappropriate things,.

    So, thank you for reaching out. You may want to follow up with really tentative messages that show you are not wanting to add pressure, or expecting anything. Maybe comment on something that touched you, or that you related to. Share a bit about yourself to show that you get it.

    And... at the end of it all... accept a silent "no, thank you"... and move on.

  • [Deleted User]Mmart (deleted user)

    @xelda. Very well stated.

  • Sorry I missed the excitement!

  • Re messages. I honestly have like close to 10 in my inbox from over the past week that I have not even read much less responded to . I dont like.to read my messages unless I'm at a point where I can give them adequate attention and be able to respond thoughtfully . Otherwise I'll read them then not respond and it gets lost in the shuffle. People who know me well enough on here realize its just the way I am and if I dont respond its cus I haven't read them yet , or I've read them and not responded within enough time and they got lost in the shuffle (sorry @valkyrievixen as I am looking at messages right now as I speak I see I read yours and left it for another time to respond and it was buried under other messages please forgive me 😔)

  • You guys all have such great and sincere answers!! I love the support here! On a side note:

    👆🏻Does anyone know who this guy is?? 🤔

  • I don't know if you're really doing anything wrong necessarily. A lot of the women have a lot of messages.

  • Aww, OP deleted his account. 😥

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