*sigh*

deefinedeefine
edited March 2021 in General

Lost my last job because I couldn't read their minds... no training, no ability to use the tool I was supposed to work on, couldn't read documentation, couldn't ask many questions... just figure it out and be as fast as us who've been doing this for 10 years including through school. I found a better job but...

Sometimes it's the same thing with people outside of work... you just can't read their minds. Sometimes, they're seeing things you're not aware of, things they've seen before and think they're seeing again... projection? Is that like, the opposite of mind reading? Except that nobody but the person projecting can see the projection?

I know people will put up paper tigers in front of others to try to help battle their own demons... and sometimes I don't see that coming or happening, or when I'm doing it, and sometimes nothing anyone says changes it or makes the other person noticed or heard enough behind the paper. I have a hard time with that. And sometimes calling out the paper tigers or wanting to be heard accurately just ends up getting the paper lit on fire. And sometimes they wanna wrestle with that, and sometimes they don't wanna be seen that way. I'm sad, and I'm not even sure why. I'm not even sure I should be. I guess sometimes it's not my place to be believed

  1. Are people at heart selfish and don't care?24 votes
    1. I heard that once.
      50.00%
    2. I don't know, I felt something once.
      50.00%
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Comments

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @davebutton Sorry to hear about your job loss but hope the new job is better. The truth about atleast many jobs are their only keep you around for as long as they need you. I have known many quality people lose jobs for simple reasons. Sadly I have experienced people that expect you to read thier minds or barely train job employees but expect them to be immediate best producers (both unrealistic expectations). I find that we all need supportive people around us. Yesterday at work, I discussioned some topics that you listed above with my Counseling work children. To keep it short, I informed them to be careful about the types of people they expect to be supportive and how to evaluate ideal matches/attributes to stay away from too (personality types, behavior choices, how they treat or mistreat others close to them). Again as you illustrated above in great detail looking for support from others that chose not to give it, can lead to worse results. Life experiences can shape perception of many but as people we should all work to try to get past potential bias when communicating with others. Showing empathy (trying to understand the other person’s side from a positive/caring perspective), are important. For a Psychology projection, is a defense mechanism used a person/people to accuse other people of having the same undesirable attributes they have. For example, a cheater in a relationship accuse thier faithful partner of cheating, just because they do it. Thank you 😊

  • deefinedeefine
    edited March 2021

    "the types of people they expect to be supportive and how to evaluate ideal matches/attributes to stay away from too (personality types, behavior choices, how they treat or mistreat others close to them)"

    You're right, I didn't pay enough attention to that, what to stay away from. Mistreatment of others.

    Showing empathy in this case though, at least from my side, totally unrelated to the job, just with someone hurting... was where I should have stayed away instead, because of how they talked about others. I suppose it was too close to the core. The paper tigers came out.

    "defense mechanism used a person/people to accuse other people of having the same undesirable attributes they have"

    I think that hits the nail on the head there.

    The problem in this isn't the mind-reading; that's the solution. The problem is the paper tigers. And the real solution is to walk away when they come out because I don't wanna get lit on fire again.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @davebutton Thank you again!😁 We all have to go through developmental process. Over many years, I have learned from positive and negative experiences involving other people. Some things that I have learned are despite me caring for others, using empathy, trying to assist in time of need, listen to what others going through and showing support in others ways (I cannot have the expectations that others will value the same orwant to show support like I do. So for healthy reasons, I have to watch my own expectations level). I too have been hurt 😞 by expecting other people that chose not too possess helpful qualities too be the opposite but have grown much the years (now I have a small but great selection of mutual supportive people in person and or virtually). I find that people that have jerk like qualities often lead to others feelings worse after they attempt, to get support. For me personally, I will be nice, do business with jerks but if I have a personal issue not looking for them. Famous Quote: "Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them." Lou Holts. I agree with his primary point but statistically there are people who care, it just takes an effective screening process to find them. Here are a couple more great Lou Holtz quote: “You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose.” “Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity.“

  • littermatelittermate

    I love you guys. <3

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @littermate Much Love ❤️!!!

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @davebutton I know what you mean, about the people part. It seems, from my observations, that young adults tend to exhibit these unfortunate qualities most frequently. Older adults can as well, if they haven't matured properly. Additionally, people who have been traumatized in some way also seem are also more likely to have this as a part of their personality. Part of maturing is learning how to interact with others in a way that is mutually beneficial. Those who have been burned one too many times will understandably be extra cautious. It could be an emotional response ingrained in their brain that they can't control, in that case they will need professional therapy. Some refuse to change/recognize the behaviors that may have led them less than ideal circumstances.

    Also with the work part, training new employees is never fun. Good employers invest in their trainees because they know it will benefit the company in the long run, so that workplace had lazy management and it will hurt them in the long run. Also, for people who have been doing the same thing so long, they may underestimate how much more knowledge they have than someone who isn't in the same field.

  • deefinedeefine
    edited March 2021

    "for people who have been doing the same thing so long, they may underestimate how much more knowledge they have than someone who isn't in the same field"

    That's how it felt there, and I even mentioned something like that to them (that they "took their knowledge for granted"), and they even nodded and agreed, and then didn't change much.

    But really my job story in the original post is just one side of a strange coin that I'm better trying to avoid now.

    Thanks for the input.

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    People misunderstand other people. People have stereotypes about other people. People don't know how to communicate effectively. None of this is taught by most parents, schools or employers. It has gotten worse with the increase in diversity of current workplaces and educational institutions because cultural differences have become a factor. As far as the original poster's comment, I've found many people are reluctant to share their knowledge whilst other people like sharing their knowledge. Some people are also patient with those who are learning and some people are impatient and get annoyed if you ask the same question twice. What you have mentioned is more a reflection of the other person rather than yourself. People learn and pick up knowledge in different ways and at different speeds.

  • littermatelittermate

    @SuperManCuddles I freaking can't wait to meet you.

  • AmortentiaAmortentia

    Sounds a little like a job I used to have. It was a disorganized place especially the owner. He's like, "My employees are so disorganized and I think you'd be perfect to straighten everything out and help us with your skills." But it was disorganized because of him so I really couldn't help since he didn't take better control. He even had trouble figuring out my exact position title. I kid you not it was like a sentence long. Something like marketing manager, payroll administrator, and supervisor. Still missing some words I'm sure and he kept adjusting the name often. I was to eventually run his second location which was in an even worse position. Anyway I started off getting a cool office and just watching videos for like a week. Then one day I saw someone else sitting in what I thought was my office. Turns out it was her real office and she had no idea about me or what office I'd have. I was to have her position at the other location. Anyway so she got the guy who hired me and was like so what is she supposed to be doing? He's like, "I don't know anymore. Just train her on what you do if you have time or pass her around to others." She was like, "I can't train for like 2 weeks since I'm behind from vacation." So I was sent to work with the next highest person. Turned out I was learning stuff I wouldn't do at all. So she taught me for like a day and sent me to the receptionist who taught me the same thing but differently. She's like, "No, this is wrong do it my way." Then I was sent back later to that previous person and did the same thing the new way I was taught. Then lady was like, "I taught you it this way so do it this way. Why are you doing it differently?". And I'm like,"The other person corrected me to do it that way. "She's like no do it my way." Ughhh. Then was sent back to the receptionist who taught me something new. After her I went back to that main lady who's office I used and she was like ok show me what you learned from them. I showed her and she's like, "No no no. All those ways are wrong do it like this." This continued forever. I was sent to like 6 people and those who share responsibilities did everything their own way and told me their way was right. Like no wonder they're so disorganized and one location dying. Then...the guy who hired me has his wife who works there "sometimes". I was then told by that main lady whose office I used that the wife can't do her job and must be retrained each time so she thought training me to do her job would help. Of course each trained me differently..the wife and main lady in my old office. Then they're like we still don't know where your office will be or computer so just use the computer our patients use but if they need it then return later. Then they had a patient who spoke Russian and he had trouble communicating so I was like let me talk with him in Russian. Then they added translator to my job description. I'm like ok my job wasn't supposed to be dealing with patients this close or setting appointments or translating or searching for a computer to use or being an assistant for everyone. My job was to just sit in the office all day mostly on the computer and deal with employees and finances and junk and correct you all especially since you can't agree on how things must be done. Also not learning to do one thing 6 different ways with 6 different people to please only one person and then to get corrected by the next. That was too dysfunctional for me. Sorry he lost an office and probably lost that Russian person who thought I was the most helpful one there. Would be nice to put the 6 people in a room and give them the same task and watch them scream at each other for doing it wrong lolz

  • [Deleted User]bongeorgeo (deleted user)

    Sorry for your job loss. BUT it is for your own benefit!
    You wouldn't gain much even if you continued to work in this place . YOU CAN NOT READ OTHER PEOPLE MINDS , and if they expect you to do so they are bunch of idiots

    Some companies offer good training, and a lot not !
    Some have money, patience and resources to invest in people , and many don't have any of these

    I remember couple of years ago I was so sad because I was not accepted in a small hospital, but later I got a better job in a larger hospital
    Forget it and move on. You win, they lose . I hope they will get the robot they want soon

    Happiness should be your number one priority in your life. And if this job offers more money but will make you mentally and emotionally exhausted, then it is not a good match for you, it wasn't a good match, and it will never be a good match.

    It will be better one day

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @UKGuy you make many real points about different belief systems, personality types and business practices. I have experienced all the above situations and types of people. @Amortentia and @bongeorgeo I agree and sadly had jobs like that before. I am so happy to have s much better job that fits me now. @davebutton Hang in there man. Just like friendships and or relationships, not every offer is a good offer but the right offer can make it all worth it. I had some wild jobs in the past, hard work paid off and thankful for my current job. @littermate You are awesome! I can’t wait to meet you one day!!!❤️

  • littermatelittermate
    edited March 2021

    Thanks man. <3

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @littermate Hahaha! Very awesome!!!❤️ Your Welcome!![] Thsnk you too!(https://i.imgur.com/MpuULuI.jpg)

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    @davebutton
    You can be grateful that the situation showed you that the job was not for you.

    It’s easier when things almost always go well, or when they almost always don’t, because each gives you a clear path. The most difficult situation is when your job is tolerable, then you can end up staying when you should move on to a new opportunity.

  • deefinedeefine

    Regarding my job comments: I did find what appears to be a much better job.

    @Amortentia "No, this is wrong do it my way."

    Your story's hilarious.

    I've seen this kind of thing often enough that I don't know how most companies survive.

    Seriously, some people need to be put in a room on the same task.

  • littermatelittermate

    Hahaha @SuperManCuddles !

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @littermate Much Love ❤️ Your the Best! 🏆

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    ...Pardon my venting, but....

    What about a job where the women's room breaks, you say, "Hey, can we get that fixed?" and then a week later it's still not fixed so you say, "Hey, you do realize that if we don't fix the women's the men's is going to break from the doubled load, right?"

    And then both bathrooms break and you're scheduled to work eight hours with nowhere, but nowhere, to relieve yourself?

    And you can't even go anywhere else because you work graves and nowhere else is open?

    And when you get on the group chat specifically created to allow you to communicate with management, they get mad at you for complaining, say it's your fault for not telling your manager about the bathrooms the right way, and then remove you from the group?

    ...Yeah.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @DarrenWalker Good freakin lord, that's ridiculous! How did those guys even get to be managers? I wouldn't trust them to babysit a pet rock.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    @squeakytoy: The thing is, in America it's actually illegal to force your employees to work without access to a functioning toilet. And they've done this before, it's not new behavior for them.

    Another fun trick they like to pull is making you work alone, so that even if there's a working bathroom you can't leave the till to get to it.

    The managers... well, we've gone through a lot of them. Nothing ever changes (except to get worse). If I had to guess, I'd say it's the company. It's corporate policy to treat your employees like dirt. This is the first job I've ever worked in retail—I'm told it's the same in every retail service job.

    Man, I need to get out. Now if only I could stand the touch of sunlight!

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @DarrenWalker Can confirm, have worked retail, it always sucks :sweat: And yeah, the retail and customer service jobs I've worked in have pulled plenty of illegal shit too. That's common. That being said, before I got my degree, I did manage to find jobs that paid the same as (or more than) my retail/customer service jobs did and were waaaay more tolerable:

    • Night janitorial work
    • Office temp work like data entry, transcription, etc (did this through an agency - if you have good WPM, the pay can be great)
    • Farm labor (just not berry picking by the basket, that pays shit)

    Just to name a few. I don't know if those kind of jobs are available near you, or if they'd be things you'd want to try, but hopefully there are some less soul-sucking alternatives out there. Good luck on getting the hell out, your current job sounds like a nightmare.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited March 2021

    No degree? One word—casino. They pay well.

  • littermatelittermate

    Waiting tables was the thing I did before a degree and sometimes made quite a bit of money at it. And luckily, if the management is ok, the poopieheads leave after a short time and most others are friendly.

  • [Deleted User]DarrenWalker (deleted user)

    Good suggestions. Thanks, guys!

    Hmm. I do type fairly fast. And one of the perks of growing up in a huge family is that I can do all kinds of cleaning. I'm adding those two to my list of potential alternatives right off.

    Casinos I'll have to do a bit more research into, because basically everything I know about them comes from Bond films. Not terribly helpful given I'm not a thug, a beautiful lady, a bartender, or a croupier (I assume there are more jobs than these in real-life casinos).

    I was a waiter for a while. It... uh....

    I'm not good at it, let's leave it at that. [embarrassed chuckle] Chungus might be, though!

    It's helpful to get an idea of what sort of jobs might be out there: much easier to look when you know what you're looking for. Thanks again, @squeakytoy, @FunCartel, and @littermate!

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    I heard that air traffic control staff make a killing. No degree required, but you will have to pass a long training course.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Glad to give you some ideas, @DarrenWalker ! Good luck, I hope the search bears some fruit.

    On an unrelated note, now I'm picturing @DarkLordChungus as a waiter and it sounds like a John Cleese sketch just waiting to happen :joy: Naturally, the sketch ends with all the menus getting thrown out and replaced by Pikachu photos.

  • Sin_City_LolaSin_City_Lola

    @DarrenWalker I work in banking and you do not need a degree. The pay is great and there are incentives as well. Also, there are functioning toilets ALWAYS. So there's that.

    @SuperManCuddles You are very wise and it is great to read your responses. Even though I am not going through what Dave is you brightened my day as well and I thank you for that. Much love.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Sin_City_Lola Thank you very much for sharing! I am happy to have brightened your day!!!😁🎉Your Welcome! Much love ❤️

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