[WOMEN ONLY] Have you ever felt unheard before or during a session?

(Since our last thread was rudely interrupted and ruined I wanted to start a different yet similar discussion to some extent. I made sure to capitalize in the title in order to have a better outcome. Doesn't apply to mods of course if they need to intervene.)

Ok so maybe it comes up more among pros but certainly can with enthusiast cuddlers unless it's just me who had this issue so far. So basically have you had them contact you and just ignore what your profile says or not read it at all when you try your best to inform them? Like I have this feeling that some do not care to know how you run your business (pros) or how you like to cuddle (enthusiasts). What I mean is I often get them to say like so my place or your place? And I'm like have you read the word public in my profile? Ok, maybe I don't say it like that but I still remind them since obviously they should know the answer already. Of course my repeat clients have more choices since I feel safe with them already but newbies just public. Then some even try to tell me how to run my business as in deciding when they want to pay or telling me to agree to doing something else. Personally, I only accept payments before the session and some are like well I'll pay during or whatever. I have nicely said that I'm not the one you should do business with then. This has changed some minds so far but have you had issues like that where they try to control the situation and just shush up your side? If so, how did you handle it? Have you been cuddling less now because of some issues you'd like to share? Or what causes you to turn down a cuddle? Or how can one guarantee to get a second/repeat cuddle from you?

Men-obviously just listen. Don't give any advice please. Don't suggest something for us to change. We don't want that right now. We just want to share and discuss our experiences and not have a repeat of the last thread. Feel free to start a topic on something mentioned here though or contact someone personally about it.

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Comments

  • As a female, "I/we" have final say. I have turned down many cuddles due to males treating cuddles as a "precursor" or "stepping stone" to eventually a sexual encounter. I will not tolerate disrespect cloaked by bullies as me being prudish. RESPECT is a MUST. BOUNDARIES are in place for protection. NEVER feel obligated. If they continue, report them. It's about SAFETY at that point.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    Oh lawd, all the damn time!! Not as much in person, thank god, because I've always used this as part of my filtering criteria. If a dude doesn't listen, cuddling with him is a hard no from me.

    This is my third account on CC. Previously I cuddled both men and women on here. I met some men who were fantastic cuddlers, but I filtered out something like 95% of them to get to those few gems. I dealt with enough bad behavior from the rejected guys (ie. deleting & recreating accounts just to contact me again, catfish attempts) that I deleted my first account. In the second account, I just got tired of dealing with the influx of messages that pretty much boiled down to, "I'm just looking for warm flesh, I haven't read a damn thing on your profile." I ended up deleting that one too.

    On this account, I made the decision to set my profile to say that I only cuddle women, and also write it as a disclaimer at the top of my description. Additionally, I've tried to make everything in my profile as unappealing to straight men as possible. Guess what? Men still message me to cuddle sometimes. When I say no, they often have the audacity to question why I only cuddle women, or worse, to let them know if I change my mind. Oh, sure, buddy. If I change my mind, first dude I contact will totally be one of the pushy ones who didn't read my profile. Great idea.

    Thanks for starting this thread, @Amortentia ! It's nice to have a place to share our experiences with this. I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much crap from clients.

  • I have yet to meet up with someone from this site. Maybe I’m too skittish. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Covid has made things worse (although I’m getting a little less nervous about that as the number of vaccinated people in my areas goes up), and having recently found a regular cuddle buddy has made it less needful for me to rush anything with strangers.

    I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea that a heterosexual guy would want to cuddle completely platonically. In my younger and naiver days, before “just cuddling” was a thing, I ended up doing things I didn’t really want to do just to get the cuddles. I worry about being put in that position again and what kind of trauma that might trigger for me.

    When I try to talk to guys about my nervousness (without getting into my past because (a) I don’t want to give them any ideas and (2) I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with a stranger), I get a mixed bag of reactions. Annoyance is my favorite, followed by frustration and pushiness.

    The attitude I don’t get often - and which IMO would be a much better one - is an acknowledgement that this is a scary situation to consider, and a reassurance that he enjoys cuddling just for the sake of cuddling. And even better, some openness/honesty about why he likes cuddling — and more importantly, why he’s looking for cuddling instead of sex.

    That might be a lot to ask for, but follow my logic. Conventional wisdom says that men only ever think about sex, right? It’s completely logical that women who want to cuddle would have some concerns about men wanting more than just cuddling... so if a guy has a reason to prefer cuddling, why not just put it out there?

    Ah, utopia...

  • @Amortentia

    "So basically have you had them contact you and just ignore what your profile says or not read it at all when you try your best to inform them?"

    All the time. In fact, most of the people who message me make it quite obvious in that first message that they didn't read my profile. I'll often ask them, "Hey there! Have you read my profile?" To which they'll often disappear and not even respond back, likely because they either felt called out or they finally read my profile and didn't like what they read. Either way, that simple question usually gets rid of the bad ones.

  • edited March 2021

    It seems that no matter how clear we are, kind, direct, subtle, or full-blown outraged... there are men who will refuse to honour our boundaries.

    I absolutely treasure the men who empathize, do some self growth and work to see things beyond their own perspectives.

    Those who don't do that work, end up coming across as privileged and entitled (which is so hard to raise with them, because the reaction is often defensiveness or rage).

  • @squeakytoy I'm glad you still decided to come back after deleting your account twice already. I'm hoping the third account is going much better even if you still have some men to teach along the way. But you're totally right about, "If a dude doesn't listen, cuddling with him is a hard no from me." I have some men that I ignore messages from already because I've basically repeated my profile to them and said take it or leave it. But every so often some return to continue pushing their way so they get no response back from me then. Like if you don't want to hear what I have to say then I'll just let you talk to yourself in the messages. This just shows they don't respect you enough so you're totally right that respect is a must @Stevee50. If they can't show it before a cuddle session begins then there's no way I'll book one with them. And no one should have to feel unrespected at any time. Because yeah, "I'm just looking for warm flesh, I haven't read a damn thing on your profile" that is not ok from them. This one is definitely one to turn down and ignore in the future. Even moreso if they ask if we've changed our minds.

  • @FloridaTeddie I'm glad you have a regular cuddle buddy already. That is something nice to have especially during the pandemic I'd say. I also have a regular cuddle buddy even before joining this website but now I just have more regular cuddler buddies. I've also made great friendships with the guys I met here. So don't hesistant on giving it a try because there are some great guys out there too. Unfortunately, there might be some bad ones along the way too. I'm sure you know how it is already though.

    But yes men wanting something platonic can be a bit surprising. And you can expect some on here who don't since I've seen both kinds already. I've one that's a try first and if she says no then no, one that just asks first, and one that's hey I really like you and would be great to have you as my girlfriend. Luckily, with these being my experiences so far they respected my answers and didn't push beyond that.

    And since you mentioned why men might prefer to cuddle instead of sex, well, I actually got some answers from them on this so I can definitely share. I personally don't ask them so they just mentioned it themselves. Usually I would hear that their past or current partner doesn't like cuddling so they miss out on this experience or that even though they say sex is nice there still needs to be a cuddle session. So men like to just cuddle too.

    Also, don't fear communicating with them if you feel nervous, scared, or whatever. I don't know if it's because all my siblings are males or if I just naturally have no problem talking to people but it always worked out better when I shared something with them too. Some men do want to genuinely know also how they can make sure you're comfortable and how both of you can enjoy the cuddle session together. So let them know how! We all just want a nice session so the more we communicate and work on getting that the better the results will be. :)

  • @bekah_cuddles Indeed! That very first message they send definitely says a lot to us about them. I wonder if they just keep doing it the same way each time with a different cuddler or actually try to change up their first message approach at times to see what actually works better in achieving their goal. Hmm. But probably some do and some don't is my guess.

    @xelda yeah. There are some definitely who just outright refuse your boundaries. How do they think that will help them though? I will never know. And yes those other men are definitely ones to treasure. This is why I like my current repeat clients so much and will be easily fine with just sticking to them only too to avoid sessions with those other guys. It's like I have a regular good thing here and you're offering me this nonsense so do you think I'll take it? Not a chance!

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    When I try to talk to guys about my nervousness (without getting into my past because (a) I don’t want to give them any ideas and (2) I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with a stranger), I get a mixed bag of reactions. Annoyance is my favorite, followed by frustration and pushiness.

    @FloridaTeddie Oh yes, those are some of my "favorites" as well. :expressionless: Hey, how about when you start to share this stuff and in return, you get the blank stare with randomly interspersed "uh-huhs" to show the guy is more interested in his own thoughts than what you have to tell him? It's like... I actively listened to you for fifteen minutes about your hobbies, bruh. You can spare one minute of your attention to hear my safety concerns. It may not be a red flag for creepiness (even if it's disrespectful AF) but considering that there's always a risk when you go somewhere private with a dude... why take that risk for a guy who is insufferable to spend time with? Ugh.

    But seriously, there's no reason to rush on meeting anyone from this site or any other site. You don't owe anyone a meeting. Your safety is the most important thing. I enjoy meeting up with internet strangers from this site and others (respecting local covid rules, of course), but these days I only meet up with people I enthusiastically want to meet up with. It's worked out much better than constantly fretting over whether to meet people I'm on the fence about.

    Those who don't do that work, end up coming across as privileged and entitled (which is so hard to raise with them, because the reaction is often defensiveness or rage).

    @xelda Agreed. It's a pain in the ass figuring out how to communicate this stuff to them so that they'll listen. To add to the complication, I find there are a lot of guys who have actively been a big part of the problem and are in denial about it. If they were to accept some of the stuff we tell them, they'd have to face some hard truths about themselves. I don't think a lot of them are ready for that.

    I absolutely treasure our allies as well.

  • Speaking of feeling unheard... I ran across this in a profile the other day:

    I want to cuddle with a woman who likes to listen or just sit in silence.

    At least he/she is upfront and honest, I guess. 😆 And maybe he/she didn’t mean it the way I interpreted it. 🤷‍♀️

    I can also attest that only about 10% of the people that message me actually read my profile. It doesn’t bother me, though. No one is perfect (certainly not me), and I always give people the benefit of the doubt at first. And sometimes I appreciate the help with my screening process! Haha

    Hopefully, the people that need to hear it listen to the things in this thread, and perhaps enjoy a bit more success.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    I want to cuddle with a woman who likes to listen or just sit in silence.

    @valkyrievixen That made me laugh! You're right, at least they're upfront and honest. Hopefully they're also willing to pay a pro for this 😂 I can't imagine many enthusiasts would enjoy sitting in silence and being talked at for free.

  • [Deleted User]jasmines (deleted user)

    I finished a session and told a guy it was time to leave and he told me no & I think that was the scariest moment of my life tbh 🙄

  • @valkyrievixen @squeakytoy I actually saw that profile before and that stood out to me too amongs all else. And I think I interpreted it the same way. Was wondering how those sessions went. "You don't speak. You cuddle. Now sshhh." Lol

    @jasmines oh my gosh! I don't blame you. I would have been terrified if I were you. I'm glad you were able to leave since you are here. What did you do when he said no?

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @jasmines Oh geez, that gave me a shiver. I'm as curious as @Amortentia , what did you end up doing? How did you get out of the situation?

  • edited March 2021

    All the time. At the first sign of not paying attention, not respecting boundaries, being pushy or bossy in any way, GOODBYE.

  • [Deleted User]jasmines (deleted user)

    @Amortentia @squeakytoy I didn't argue I just stood by my door and called security on the down low 🙌 luckily he just left without an issue but it reminded me that I do actually need to tell people when I'm having sessions

  • @jasmines Wow. I'm glad things ended well though. Did he ever try to contact you for another session after that or at least offer an apology? I would suggest to turn him down if he does ask for another session. He may have had other plans and if he didn't get a chance to act on it the first time he could always try again. But yes it's good to let people know where you are. I would suggest to have pepper spray and/or stun gun even. Whatever you need to feel safe.

  • I hope if you met that fellow here @jasmines that you reported him. Ugh.

  • ALL THE TIME...sometimes I wonder "why did I even take my time to fill my profile with all those details?" - it's very obvious most men literally only look at your pictures and that's it.
    Me personally I immediately feel kind of uncomfortable when I notice in the first message they didn't read my profile and also they didn't read the cuddle rules...they probably just scrolled through them and agreed without actually reading them. And I confront them with that...like why are you here if you're not even willing to play by the rules...they are made for our and your safety.

    I now got better in filtering out the bad apples before actually meeting up. But still sometimes you just get a bad one...I lost count on how often men tried to touch my boobs or my ass or between my thighs and they do that as if they where entitled to do so just because you get comfortable laying down with them. And when I tell them NO often they have the audacity to offer me more money, like I'm some prostitute who does extra services for more money. The sad thing about it is that I believe there are women out here on this website who are very inexperienced, young and naive and probably even desperate for money so they think this acceptable. But in the end this puts us other pro cuddlers in a bad light because they think because they got away with it once they can try it again another time with someone else.
    And if they tell me "I'm new to this I don't know how this goes" ...that's some BS, sorry but what is not to understand about Platonic, strictly non-sexual cuddling, no touching of body parts covered my undergarments?
    Some tell me I'm too harsh, but I don't care...
    You don't tell me how to do my cuddle sessions, you don't tell me what they should be worth, you don't tell me how open minded I should be, you don't tell me what to wear or how to feel and you definitely don't talk to me like I have to submit to your requests. Like you don't own me just because you pay me...in the end it's all about mutual respect, boundaries and consent. I ask you before I even touch your head, so please ask me before you touch me in certain places as well...it's as simple as that.

    I started to remind people to actually read my profiles and the cuddle rules as soon as we start talking so we don't have to have certain unnecessary conversations, wasting time...because it's really getting exhausting.
    So what I recommend is keep being upfront with them...you don't always have to be super nice. The moment you feel disrespected it#s not a bad thing to be harsh and don't let them fool you acting like they don't know what they are doing because they are new to this...it takes nothing but common sense and that everybody should have.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Aurora87 JFC that's infuriating. Hell no, you're not being too harsh! If anything, you've been way too patient with these slimeballs. I'm so sorry you've dealt with so much of this stuff from clients. I really hope you've found at least a few respectful repeat clients to make up for it so you can kick the rest to the curb.

  • Also, ladies I just remembered another thing since it just happened to me again. When they contact you to book a session with you and you try to ask them questions to get that done do they sometimes just answer some of the questions only which don't quite help? Like I recently asked if he wanted a virtual or in person session and the days/times he might be available and he only replied with doing an in person session. So now I'm like forced to reask a question again so we can actually book something on some day. I don't know maybe it's just me but I think when they are contacting you to book they should not make me feel like I'm trying to book with them instead.

  • @squeakytoy Oh yeah my experiences have been mainly positive. I'm doing this for almost 3 years now with a break last year because of Covid, I see the change on the enthusiast's and pro's side, unfortunately not for the better. I had a few conversations with "pros" and many of them only do cuddling because they need the money, last year was tough for many people, I get it. But that shouldn't make you feel like you have to lower your standards. The higher the quality of your sessions and the more professional you are the more you get respected and recommended to others and it will pay off longterm.
    And yes I'm a patient person by nature, I'm a teacher and nurse by profession...so I don't mind educating people, but even my patience has limits =)
    I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for all the great experiences I made. And in the end I'm grateful for the bad experiences because they taught me a lot and made me better.
    I really encourage every single one especially of the pro's or who wanna go pro to seek informations from other pro cuddlers, to have an exchange, ask questions when you're 100% sure, even visit seminars if you see someone offering such in your area. But most of the time you can really trust your gut feeling. Cuddling is all about emotions and how it makes you feel...not so much about logics.

  • @Amortentia ... you are absolutely right. But some are not the most talkative or even shy and don't really know how to proceed after contacting you. You as a Professional can take the lead...
    Me personally, when someone in my area contacts me, I assume he wanna book an in-person session so I ask when, and where he'd like to meet up for a session and also encourage him to ask me whatever he needs to know previous to a session. When someones location is not in my area I usually ask if they travel to my area soon or if they are looking for a virtual session...again encourage him to ask if he has questions. That shows you actually pay attention to his profile and that you are respecting his and your time coming to an agreement fast to book a session :)

  • @Aurora87 yeah I usually do just take the lead and repeat my questions since I do want to book something as soon as we can. Do you usually encourage him to ask questions before or after you book something or just depending on how it goes?

  • @Amortentia I encourage them to ask questions before the booking, so they are aware of what they are booking. It's also good for you so you can get a better picture of your potential client and cuddle partner to maybe also make a better decision yourself if you really wanna have a cuddle session with this person...

  • @Amortentia

    This. All the time.
    I'll give details of my location if I'm traveling , hosting capabilities and most importantly my need for them to understand that my sessions are platonic in nature. I ask for them to acknowledge this before booking.

    They often skim right past the session guidelines of my expectations message and respond with "so when can I book with you"?

    Bruh are you just going to ignore my clear and precise need for acknowledgment of expected conduct here?

    At least it tells me they are a red flag and to just decline the session. Makes vetting them easy.

  • [Deleted User]squeakytoy (deleted user)

    @Amortentia @Envie I swear, the way you guys describe it, it's like these dudes think they're ordering pizza. :tired_face:

  • @squeakytoy

    They absolutely do!
    My favorite is "I'm interested txt me ( includes phone number)"
    Wut?!

    So naturally I consider signing them up for car warranty reminders. But haven't, yet.

  • @Envie I book them a free auto service wake up call. For 3 or 4 am

  • edited April 2021

    I used to try to reply to all msgs.
    No more.
    Some twit msged, to say he was on his way to cross the border, to see me [WTF???] for a same day "appointment" [I'm not pro, don't pretend to be, but I get this attitude from half the ppl who msg]
    When I said H E double hockey sticks NO, he left outrageous karma.
    I reported. I blocked.
    That was November.
    2 weeks ago, he left karma again.
    And, while it's not offensive, it is more than creepy to know he's still focusing his attention on me.
    Anyway. Unblocked him so I could report him, then blocked him again.

    Why are nem?

    So, not a session, but his attempt at one.

    @squeakytoy has it right, I think. Women ONLY

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