I want to speak plainly but I'm likely to get blocked. The anger at being flaked on seems excessive, and I can relate. I think men often have exaggerated anger at women because of old injuries from past experiences. Being ghosted feels like being rejected. I bring this up because of the need to be extra careful here. Many of us have old injuries and are trying to heal. I see so many "pros" just joined in March or April and have no karma or anything, and I imagine they haven't always thought this through, these young'uns. Rather than chastising them or getting all contractual, in a cuddling forum maybe we need an extra dose of love, understanding, and forgiveness.
Something
Something strikes me that no one mentioned, and that is the fact that in pro cuddling's sister profession of massage therapy, you often have to fill out intake paperwork and/or sign an informed consent to treatment, this is also true for psychotherapy. Such forms usually include fee agreements/insurance arrangements and cancellation or no-show policies as well as what happens when those policies are violated (termination of the client, legal efforts to collect amounts owed). Plus for the client's benefit, the massage therapist is licensed meaning they went through sufficient training/schooling to do what they do. Professionals that invest in that level of training in something are typically not going to just flake out with no explanation Pro cuddling is still a relatively new and niche thing so obviously that's why no training or schooling is required and that's why it's done under the table without requiring the same professionalism as the above mentioned professions. Whoever said the business setup of this site is more of a social network vibe than an agency is exactly right. I do think eventually pro cuddling will be just like massage therapy in that it will be regulated and much more commonplace. How far away we are from that time and what role a site like cuddlecomfort would take are the big questions. I do think regulation is inevitable eventually though, be it 5, 10 or 30 years from now.
Sorry for the double post.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 That's a really interesting take. I wouldn't have thought of that explanation. It would make a lot of sense.
@squeakytoy I could identify that which has been familiar to me, though it would be better if I was naive.
I can’t imagine the pro wrote down the wrong calander date . The booking feature of the website is specific what day am or pm and where . It’s as plain as day .
I love what @MattsWeather said about the massage therapy profession and its training, credentials, and contracts. Lacking those qualifications and working “under the table” makes professional cuddling look less like a profession of therapeutic touch and more like, well, that other profession where you get into bed with people. Please don’t misunderstand me — I am not saying it’s necessarily wrong to practice professional cuddling on a cash-only basis without credentials and contracts. There may be many fine pros who work that way, and more power to them and their clients. If some people are averse to signing contracts for cuddling, that’s their prerogative. But I don’t think requiring contracts is, as @UCpaaHVg6u0 said, “getting all contractual.” I wholeheartedly agree with him that “many of us have old injuries and are trying to heal” and “in a cuddling forum maybe we need an extra dose of love, understanding, and forgiveness.” I’m sorry if my interactions here seem to lack those graces. I hope it’s okay to disagree respectfully, which brings me to my last point: for me at least, my feelings about being stood up have nothing to do with gender, and are not necessarily reminiscent of past rejection. I simply value my time and expect others to value it as well.
@CuddleWho It's great that your no-show got back to you! However, your original point still stands that flakiness and no showing is disrespectful, it happens to a lot to us, whether enthusiast, professional, male, female, or nonbinary, and it would be nice if it didn't happen as often.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 Interesting perspective. Being ghosted does hurt like rejection because it is essentially rejection. I would say that flakiness is worse, though, atleast for me personally. Yes, flaking/no showing carries with it the sting of rejection, but that isn't the worst part of it, the worst part of it is the disregard for the other person's time. Rejection alone is totally okay, because no one on this planet has to like you. However, If I make plans with someone, it means that I'm adjusting my schedule and setting time aside for that person and turning down making plans with my friends or others. If I do this, then that person decides to not even communicate that they aren't going to make it, it shows that they don't respect my time or schedule and that is the more upsetting part of flakiness, imo. I wouldn't give a person like that a second chance with my time.
Ghosting can be very hurtful. Pros and clients should have more respect to the potential other to give a reason for not being able to meet. I feel there needs to be good communication and when this doesn’t happen, it can make someone feel uneasy. It should be just a common courtesy to tell the other if they aren’t going to be able to meet.
As a massage therapist, professionalism is mandatory to maintain clientele. This is not unlike any other service professional like your accountant or paperhanger or landscaper. Beyond that, whereas massage has licensing ostensibly to protect people from being injured, and training for anatomy and theory and techniques, I don't see cuddling rising to that level. I am open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong. You pay for time and company, but the cuddling itself is left up to the two participants. Perhaps there should be certification that "cuddle therapists" might acquire to bolster their qualifications, but I would not hold my breath for states to build little bureaucracies to regulate it, not would I want to see that.
@UCpaaHVg6u0 Spot on
@Tranquilescape While ghosting and flakiness has likely existed as long as humans could form plans, I think that the anonymity and immediacy of the internet has made flaking easier, and ghosting almost acceptable. Back when cell phones weren't a thing and we could only call people to make plans when we were at home with our phones to meet up at x coffee shop or whatever, I'm guessing that plans fell through less often, but it's just a hunch. Not saying cell phones/internet are all bad, it's so handy to google something almost anywhere in civilization or call for help.
you often have to fill out intake paperwork and/or sign an informed consent to treatment, this is also true for psychotherapy.
This is also true for cuddling, in some cases.
If some people are averse to signing contracts for cuddling, that’s their prerogative.
It's also foolish. A contract exists, whether you sign something or not. If you have a written, signed contract then at least you know what you have agreed. The TOS of this site amount to a contract between professional cuddler and client, with additional terms agreed verbally or by implication between the parties.
Nobody wants acres of paperwork, but written contracts rather than half-written, half-unwritten ones aren't a necessarily bad thing.
I recently had a "pro" cancel on me 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Never once offered a discount. One cancelation was less than 2 hrs before appt. Another one 4 hours. And one on the same day. Had I not initiated the communication each time I am not sure if I would have known they weren't coming. This is not the 1st time this kind of thing has happened on this site. Had one who said she was on her way - never showed up or responded to text to explain why she never came. Most pros I have dealt with have been great. But there are some on this board who do not respect your agreements or your time (and money). Sometimes we find that out the hard way.
@cuddletime222 - If the professional cancels within 24 hours, they are encouraged to give a discount on the next session. If they didn't offer, then ask for a discount.
I get no shows are incredibly frustrating. I get that you could have been depending on it. But by far the biggest problem is flakiness? Not sexual assaults, not people who don't respect boundaries or keep pushing for sex? And you wasted an astronomical amount of time? It's disgusting you don't get many responses (I almost never get responses and I don't know why, but to be angry over it?) You said you've been stood up a lot but how did you know every single time it was because they didn't give a shit? I can't imagine you'd say you were stood up for 40 or 50 dog walking and cuddling appointments, so I'm not really sure how whatever happened to you dating is relevant either.
When I read the post it's not any one line that jumps out. But it's line after line of assuming others intent, feeling entitled, of angry and exaggerated complaints. I'm not saying you weren't stood up, but I've worked in apartment complexes for years. A lot of times we'll have someone come down with a reasonable, genuine issue. We tell them we'll send someone over to fix it (and it's been at complexes that actually do so) and then it starts. "If this isn't fixed immediately I'm going to sue you!", "That person told me they were too busy to talk so I demand they be fired!" (Literally happened to me) etc. So it's one thing to have a legitimate issue. But you also need to be a reasonable person when making that complaint, ensure that your expectations stay reasonable, don't start assuming everyone's intent etc. Fair or not, "reasonable person" is not the impression your posts gave me.
Also, unless I missed something, I do wonder why you stopped using your original account as the loss of karma would make even getting responses more difficult.
Personally, if I was a pro, I'd sympathize with you, but I also would never agree to a session with you. The post reads like a giant red flag to me. I'd be very concerned with how you might react if there was any kind of mistake, misunderstanding etc.
If I had a tantrum every time I had someone cancel or flake on me, I would not be in the industry still.
I'm sorry for the bad ones, all I can say is that the good ones outweigh the bad. Just like anything in life be it job, out and about with strangers or even family, there is no guarantee that they will treat you the way, in theory, we all deserve. Which is with respect.
Happy Cuddles! 😊
@I_Am_Not_A_Cat I rarely tag people.just to say nice post
@pmvines I tag people a lot I think. But that's msotly because I haven't figured out how to quote people here yet.
if it's a pro and you had a scheduled appointment, I agree from a professionalism standpoint that that is not ok. If she must cancel, at minimum she should notify you in a timely-ish manner. Sorry to hear about the poor experience
100% you should leave her bad feedback for it. It wouldn't be acceptable in any other work, so it shouldn't be acceptable here either.
Pros deal with pervs and personal safety maybe getting a flake isn't the worst thing.
@Amortentia use the little arrow that's often above the period key. ">" It puts the whole paragraph into quote mode.
"> (If this wasn't in quotes it would work)" Alternatively, write your post (copy and paste the text you want to quote) and highlight it. Then click on the paragraph symbol above the post-writing box and select Quote from the drop down menu.
Either way the result looks like this.
@UCpaaHVg6u0
I want to speak plainly but I'm likely to get blocked.
As you have discovered, plain speaking doesn't get you blocked, banned or even warned. Nothing wrong with plain speaking. (However, being insulting, rude or disrespectful will bring the attention of the mods very quickly.)
Rather than chastising them or getting all contractual, in a cuddling forum maybe we need an extra dose of love, understanding, and forgiveness.
I quite agree.
I definitely understand the frustration. I don’t like to go the pro route. So it is very very hard to find someone to cuddle with. I finally found someone that contacted me back and was very excited to get together. But she was a couple hours away and doesn’t host. I offered to get an air bnb as long as she was comfortable with that. She was really happy with the one I picked out. I set it up, and she sent another message promising she will keep her commitment... and then today, she emails me to say she changed her mind >_>... Thankfully I was able to get my money back. But I can understand the flakiness. Cuddling with a stranger can be awkward at first. But for what happened to you is definitely worse because of going with a pro. They have more of a responsibility to keep their appointments unless something their client does makes them uncomfortable. I do think there should be multiple ratings. Communication rating, professional rating, personable rating, etc... but I’ve learned on this site that it’s not always going to go the way we want it to. Heck, I haven’t even been able to cuddle with one person lol :P but I attest that to my no pro stance.
Ok here goes nothing....
use the little arrow that's often above the period key. ">" It puts the whole paragraph into quote mode.
Oh my gosh!! It worked! Thank youuuuuuu @CuddleDuncan I have been trying to figure that out since I got on this site.
@Amortentia I've been on the site since 2016 and I still dont know how to do it so dont feel bad . I still stick with tagging and hoping that people know what I'm referencing 🤣
@Amortentia And if you want to be cheeky, you can put a "\" in front of the "<" and pretend it isn't working for you
> use the little arrow that's often above the period key. ">" It puts the whole paragraph into quote mode.
@pmvines
I've been on the site since 2016 and I still dont know how to do it so dont feel bad . I still stick with tagging and hoping that people know what I'm referencing 🤣
Keep trying! This way of quoting is getting addicting for me now lol. But yeah it's a lot easier than what I was doing.
@squeakytoy
/> use the little arrow that's often above the period key. ">" It puts the whole paragraph into quote mode.
Nice! The / is a powerful thing lol. Share more secrets if you got any! Like now I expect this § to have powers and this { and this ￦ and more lol.