@MaullySterling Woah, what the heck? People you've blocked can still leave karma? That's wild, I had no idea! What a pain. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
It's funny, I know that as soon as each person has sent three messages in a conversation, then they have the option to leave karma. Because of that, if I'm the least bit unsure of someone, I never send them 3 messages - maybe one just to let them know I'm not interested. I know the mods can handle it if someone you haven't met tries to leave karma (ie. an angry rejected man) but I'd just rather not deal with it. Sometimes I think I'm probably just being paranoid about it, but your story tells me it's a valid concern after all Thanks! But also, ugh.
@squeakytoy - It used to not be that way but it was changed due to guys pushing boundaries then blocking the person so they can't leave negative karma.
@Mike403 Dammit. Can't win.
The men are back...sigh.
Has anyone requested to cuddle in the backseat of their car? Like I explained to the person what I mean by public and he was like just trying to get me into the car. This seems worrying to me... I don't know. He also has no karma and seems like it would be his first session ever. Any similar situations that anyone had? If so how did you handle it?
@Amortentia Oh helllllll to the no, a request to get into a dude's car for the first time you're meeting him? NOPE NOPE NOPE! Combined with the no karma + first session, that's a full parade float of red flags.
@squeakytoy so you had same thoughts as me. I wasn't expecting to get this request today and absolutely not agreeing to it. Did he really think it is just a normal request?
@Amortentia Oh yeah, that's crazy unreasonable of him! At best he's clueless about the safety risk for you, at worst... well, you know. I'm glad you're not agreeing to it.
All the time. My profile is clear as can be about many things, including that I’m not comfortable cuddling strangers/you’re going to need to invest time into a friendship first/etc. and I’ll still get the occasional “wanna cuddle?” first message. But as my profile stands now, after learning what exactly I need to say up front to address basically all the issues that have happened to me here, it has stopped a LOT of dudes contacting me at all.
“Unheard” is an understatement in one scenario here. Was flat out ignored and pressured to engage in sexual behavior I did not truly want to engage in, to which I complied because I couldn’t flee or fight and had no idea what he would do to me if I didn’t give him what he wanted. In case that isn’t clear enough, the scenario: Him grabbing my hair, wrenching it back so my face is where he wants it - facing his - and continuing to kiss and grope me after I had declined, reminded him it was against the rules, and that I didn’t want to do that - multiple times. It got worse from there. I wish I had listened to my gut feelings beforehand when he threw up red flags, one after another as our meeting got closer.
@Sideon You ROCK! Thank you.
@squeakytoy hugs (if you want them)
@Amortentia yikes! Never go to a secondary location. Also, yes, similar, but it was online, no risk / danger
Guy msgs me. Up front I say not meeting anyone, but yes, we can chat. Says he's fine with that, but gets excited and says he will come over, anytime. Uh, no. Ok, we can get a hotel! Crickets hours pass My car has lots of space. Sends pic of him in car Block
@TheMidnightOwl That story is hugely upsetting and also pisses me off to no end. I'm sorry it happened to you. I also wish that man ruination and suffering.
@MaullySterling Of course I want a hug! Hugs to you too. Also, ffs, that exchange describes a whole new level of not taking a hint. It could only end in a block.
You guys are reminding me of some obnoxious trends I see in my inbox on here. Plenty of guys don't read my profile, which is annoying enough, but at least they can be corrected with a curt, "I only cuddle women. Good night." It's so much worse when they read my profile, acknowledge that it says I only cuddle women, and then try to question why, argue about it, or say "let me know if you change your mind!" Dude. Re-read what you're saying to me. This is why my profile says I only cuddle women.
@TheMidnightOwl
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you made it out. That is a childish behavior for a man. I absolutely dislike those that can't respect someone who says no to that. Make sure to never see him again and report him if he's not banned yet. That's like a rapist.
@midnightowl A very troubling situation. I mean, you have grounds for involving the police, to lay charges of sexual assault (not sure where you are, what the charge would be) but then you face having to deal with the "what did you expect, meeting a stranger off the internet" questions, if they don't have sex crime reporting education, in your local PD.
This is it.
I don't know a single female over the age of 16 that hasn't been in this exact situation; where you're making a decision to fight it and risk permanent damage or death, or minimize immediate damage by dissociating, and giving up ownership of your body, for a period of time.
At this point in my life, I couldn't tell you how many times I've been through it. I'm so fed up with every entitled jerk who really has no clue, when he starts whining about how difficult his life is.
I hear you.
@MaullySterling
I don't know a single female over the age of 16 that hasn't been in this exact situation; where you're making a decision to fight it and risk permanent damage or death, or minimize immediate damage by dissociating, and giving up ownership of your body, for a period of time. At this point in my life, I couldn't tell you how many times I've been through it. I'm so fed up with every entitled jerk who really has no clue, when he starts whining about how difficult his life is.
@MaullySterling I feel like I want to add a bit to that, but I'm gonna spoiler the following for anyone who is sick of reading my rants at this point and would rather just skip this one
I remember feeling like I didn't have enough hands to facepalm sufficiently when #metoo happened, and I commonly saw responses from men like, "dis make my life so hardd as man, now I cant even flirt, no wamen complanged before, i cant ckeep up wit all thes e rules"
Translation: "I can no longer mindlessly act on whatever sexual impulses I have, and say every despicable thought that crosses my mind, while remaining comfortably above criticism, and letting women take all the risk and blame for my actions and tiptoe around my ego. Even this tiny move in the direction of equality feels like oppression to me."
I still see it sometimes and I HATE IT.
To all of your responses, @squeakytoy @MaullySterling ..... Yessssssss. 1000000%
@squeakytoy EXACTLY!
@TheMidnightOwl If nothing else, we hear you.
That any woman over 35 dates men, is absolute proof that sexuality is not a choice.
@squeakytoy love the gifs by the way so keep them coming! And you can totally rant in this thread so don't hold in it. Speak!
Thanks @Amortentia ! It's true, I forgot this was a women's thread for discussing women's issues, so I guess my rant wasn't really out of place. Thanks for both the reminder and the permission to be angry!! LOL
Yes, unfortunately, more often than not. Before, during, after! Ugh.
@CuddleSquid how do you usually handle it? Do you just repeat it, ignore them, or do something else?
Have something interesting currently going on that has to do with this topic about not reading things on the profile. So I noticed today that one new person made a booking request without even saying hi first. It is still there pending for 6 hours. I'm also suprised he thought I was magically available then too and for that long lol. Which I'm not so it'll need adjusting anyway. But anyway. I was like I know how to handle this. I was like hi (someone had to say hi right?) and reminded him that my profile says public for cuddling. So yeah turned out he "missed" that part (of course lol). But it's still pending since Saturday is a bit away and he's still wondering about this public thing. So at least he's on the learning path now and nows a little more about what my profile says.
Really disappointing to see Misandry is socially acceptable here, I've always been against hate speech like this. Gonna head away from this community now.
I'm disappointed he let himself out before I showed him the door. [-Sid]
^another good example of one not actually reading what one is saying. This thread is a long way from misandry here since it's not about hate but sharing of troubles during communication and the experiences faced of interacting with those we don't hate. In order to improve on things and better our community here.
@SnugglePurrs, please copy and paste examples of misandry in this thread.
I'm not a pro, and I will say that my personal experience with men on this site as well as personal history off-site are the main reasons why. Consent is key for me as a survivor. I need to be heard when I say no. And accepting that I will not always be heard when I say no, especially on this site, is very triggering.
I think things are different between pros and enthusiasts, or at least I hope they are. I frequently field requests just because I am a low-cost option. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I understand that, and in some ways encourage it. Like, I genuinely don't want cost to be a prohibitive factor to meeting genuine human needs. But just because there's not money involved doesn't mean I don't require a personal investment from prospective cuddle partners.
I have rules, and they're listed plainly on my profile. The purpose of the rules is to help me feel physically safe and make sure my potential partners understand as much as possible what my boundaries are and that they demonstrate the ability to listen and communicate.
Since I'm an enthusiast and don't charge money, I try for an investment of time and effort. A cuddle with me isn't ever going to happen the same day as the first message. Not by a long shot. I also require something in the way of connection, and that means the other party has to open up a bit before I feel like I feel comfortable setting up a public meet and greet. The public meet and greet is a chance to reinforce/talk about boundaries and consent and compatibility. I do not cuddle with anyone who doesn't show up for the meet and greet. Next is the public cuddle, which generally takes place at a movie theater. If I'm going to cuddle a stranger, I need to be able to leave quickly and easily if things go badly. And they do go badly about half the time, even with all my precautions. I cannot count the number of times I've been groped or kissed without my consent. It's easier to count the number of movies I've walked out of after repeated violations.
It's helpful for me to remember that I don't rely on this site to meet my own cuddle needs. I'm connected with the local cuddle community where I regularly attended group events pre-COVID and have a couple platonic cuddle buddies I see regularly. Anyone I connect with here, while lovely and welcome, is an extra bonus, and I can afford to be picky.
I replied to Snuggle Purrs but he's gone, so my reply was pointless 😊
@BuggleBear Why are you happy or amused by that? The misandry in this community drove this guy away. That's not a reason to be happy. Maybe a bit of navel-gazing is called for instead. Whether it is denied or not, I agree with Snuggle Purrs that there is definitely an undertone of misandry in this community. Asking to copy and paste examples from this thread is pointless because of plausible deniability where we men are just misunderstanding you. But there are shades of misandry in the comments in this thread (not all comments, but some) and rather than just dismissing that, perhaps it should be taken on board. That's all I will say here.
@Comfy_Arms - fair warning - but you're off topic. Choosing to engage in this specific thread and accusing the women of this forum of misandry will not avail you any moderator support. I expect differences in opinion - I do not expect personal attacks in any way, shape, or form. As in any other thread, if you have nothing to contribute, then move along to another thread of interest. [-Sid]
Well, will you look at everybody in the women-only thread? I had no idea some of these folks were trans!
Forgive my intrusion, ladies—I know I'm not one of you—but there are so few threads for the agender only, and I'd just like to observe that when an unheard group begins to speak, the tiniest unpleasantness in their speech is vastly more unpleasantness than they produced when they were silent.
Oh, the waves of misandry that crash over men's heretofore bone-dry toes when women speak!
Never mind what women are drowning in.