Hm. No.
As an employer, if we aren't actively looking (ie posted a job listing) for someone, we aren't legally or ethically bound to respond to cold calls.
As an individual, you are no more entitled to my time, or emotional labour, when it's a personal cold call.
The older I get, the more adamant I am, in this. I only spend my time where it is appreciated, not where it's expected, or socially pressured.
Let this comment serve as a PSA; peace, out.
@hawker69 - Nobody has to talk to you if they don't want to. Would you rather them reply with "Go away."?
I'm pretty sure we covered this before somewhere: "courtesy" takes a back seat to "avoiding being harassed by people who don't know how to take no for an answer."
Alright, taking off my moderator hat for a sec, putting aside the blue text, and popping into the discussion as just another person with opinions:
@hawker69 I think it's fair to disagree that this could be considered common courtesy.
On the personal side: I know I'm not the first woman in the forums who has mentioned that saying "No thanks" to men, however politely, often leads to pushiness/saltiness, while ignoring a message usually leads to a peaceful silence. In all earnesty, I'd sooner block a dude than say, "no thanks".
If we want to go with what etiquette experts say, I know Judith Martin has mentioned in a few of her articles that in the online world, it isn't impolite if you choose not to respond to messages from strangers.
It's okay to disagree! I don't want to shut down discussion by any stretch. Let's just disagree in a civil way.
@squeakytoy It occurs to me that it should be WRITTEN DOWN somewhere so that people know unequivocally that there is no obligation to receive a response, as this seems to be a theme lately. I'm suggesting perhaps a "Guide for the Self Entitled" that we might peruse upon joining CC.
@UCpaaHVg6u0: Ha! I like it.
Welcome to the internet. You owe nothing and are owed nothing—unless an explicit bargain is made, and agreed to by everyone involved.
Be careful what bargains you agree to.
A message is a free gift. Expect no reply in return; feel no obligation to return a reply.
Unless you have explicitly agreed to trade message for message, image for image, cuddles for money, etc., and whoever you're dealing with has explicitly agreed as well, these things are free gifts. (Note that if money is exchanged in a trade, the site is involved as a partner in the deal.)
If someone has not asked for a specific thing from you, do not be surprised if they don't want it. Do not expect them to be grateful.
Do not rely on implications or hints.
Only a promise to cuddle is a promise to cuddle. "I like talking to you" is not a promise to cuddle. "You're funny" is not a promise to cuddle. "I'd like to hang out with you sometime" is not a promise to cuddle.
...And so on?
@DarrenWalker It's funny that I was actually thinking of you as a good candidate to create a concise guide! Something that would seem absurdly sarcastic to all but those who need it the most!
Edit: I decided to follow my own advice and lo and behold...A guide!
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/2999/forum-rules-your-moderators-reporting-guidelines
As I have mentioned before I am old school . Thinks are really changing . There seems be a fair amount of Opinion Bashing here I am simply just disagreeing with some. And some I agree with. I believe I am entitled to that .That is plain and simple I do not BASH someones opinion . Must be the old school in me If someone has trouble accepting a NO . There is a cool think called BLOCK User. Another plain and simple @Mike403 . We all know Nobody has to talk to you if they don't want to. A simple. No thank you works . @DarrenWalker . Its called **BLOCK ** IMO the internet has really bringing out the low life Most people have trouble dealing with life let alone being rejected. Another post which has gone WAY OFF TOPIC By the way the last few comments is NOT going to Poop on my Parade . I think I found a VERY nice coffee Buddy
@hawker69 - Do you seriously want an inbox full of "No thank you"s? That'll be depressing. You'll be much happier if you only focus on those who are willing to give you their time and attention.
@Mike403 What is it you don't understand ?? Another post which has gone WAY OFF TOPIC Read the title PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC . If you cant then don't comment
I think it's a fair request to bring this thread back on topic. Let's do that, folks! Carry on.
Yay @hawker69 i am glad you found a coffee buddy!!! With or without the snuggles it creates a lovely space to share time with someone. Hmmmmmm which lends me to think whether or bot I could cuddle someone who DOESN’T like coffee. 😂😂😂
I do appreciate all the different ways we as humans can connect. There is an immense amount of opportunities when we explore the NEW!!
I will not derail but instead, I will go drink a caffeinated beverage and process these thoughts internally 😊
@hawker69 Don't know how to convey the gentle tone I'm taking, as often peeps add snark to my directness. Nevertheless...
Spoken like a person who is speaking from HIS point of view without a sense of the reality of others, namely women, who are inundated on this site and can't be expected to respond to every message from every guy that wants to press flesh with us. In addition, spoken with no knowledge of what it's like to be a woman and try this "common courtesy" thing and end up being stalked and harassed for giving the wrong guy "a little hope." Please do consider ratcheting down your judgmentalism, and perhaps consider that others have valid worlds and aren't misbehaving just because they aren't adhering to your self-centric code. Learning about women's reality will help you on this site immensely. We are listening, we are watching, we have very little to go on when deciding who to cuddle. If you display that you don't get the importance of respect, the ability to put yourself in another's shoes, and the basic reality of those you'd like to cuddle with, you're chances of finding willing cuddle partners will diminish.
Whoops! I may have taken it further off topic. Alas.
@hawker69 Re: to previous message. You will get used to it, here. I am sure a political philosopher and mass psychologist will write a book researching the behaviour with the title "The Gangs of Moral Superiority and Virtue Signalling". Kinda lame topic for me to indulge most of the times.
Regarding the misleading conversation. I think it happens to all of us to be a bit apprehensive because some "boxes" were not ticked. I am sure if you met again you would reach to a point to see if it is "make or break" on the actual cuddle front. Most people do not want to mislead the other, but are rather apprehensive to take the extra step. I don't believe there was malintent but rather a miscommunication.
Responding to flag: Folks, we all have the right to express dissent and anger respectfully. I asked everyone to get back on topic because I could see the conversation was starting to spiral. Here's the deal - if @hawker69 addresses that topic again, you have my blessing to continue, provided the discussion stays respectful. Otherwise, let's stay on topic from here on. Thanks.
The opportunity has presented itself to connect with a new person. If you are only willing to connect with the new person on your terms, i.e. cuddling, then you are selfish. That is bad. If you are open to the opportunity to learn of and from someone new, regardless of their bemackground, demographics, or intentions, and to converse with them on your belief level, then that is good. It will lead us down the correct path.
@Nickoli I'll get used to it. After one of my posts i stated " I think I found a VERY nice coffee Buddy " After that the CC off topic group still has put in their total useless comments. And don't forget the CC " Lets comment and make lots of assumptions " Group
GIVE it a REST