Do other people find it hard to find people to cuddle with or is it just me?
Ever since I joined sometime last year, it's been hard to find people to cuddle with, so it's definitely not just you. Throwing COVID into the mix has made it even harder than it was prior.
Some areas just don't have a lot of cuddlers (especially a lack of female cuddlers), I'm not sure what your area is like. And I see that your profile says you are currently married; I'm not trying to judge you, but that fact may be too uncomfortable for some people. Even though this is a platonic website, cuddling can be very personal and that may make some people uncomfortable to cuddle with someone who is betrothed.
Good luck out there!
@sunnysideup yes, agreed. It is better to be honest about whether or not you are in a relationship, if seeking a cuddle partner, but it should be irrelevant if booking a pro (who in theory, I assume will meet with anyone, in a slightly different type of relationship). That honesty comes as a cost, as some people look upon anyone already in a relationship as being somehow “unfaithful”. This actually gets to the heart of the matter. What is cuddling about? It’s not about a romantic relationship, so the intimacy of platonic cuddling should not (in theory) imply some kind of infidelity. I know many will disagree, but in my case, my other half announced she was “non-tactile” some 15 years ago. It is possible to be more lonely within a relationship (in which one is trapped) that to be single.
However, I would still recommend honesty and openness, otherwise your future cuddle partner could be upset at a perceived “deceit”.
Personally, it worked for me. I found a cuddle partner who was in a similar position to me. We had a fantastic one and a half years. One reason she selected me (from the many approaches she had) is that she respected the honesty but also recognised that I would empathise with her situation, that neither of us perceived it as “infidelity”, we recognised a mutual need for discretion, and that we wouldn’t judge each other.
I hope that helps.
@marshallbarnett , yes some people find it challenging to meet and others find people pretty quickly. We are all different here but equals. It is like that in a lot of things in life. Good luck. Hang in there.
No, meeting other enthusiasts is difficult for nearly everybody at first. Fortunately, the protocol which gives the best chance of success is well understood.
1) Read the Frequently Asked Questions sticky at the top of this board. Several times. It's far too much to take in in one go.
2) Hang out in the forums for a bit. Be nice - prospective cuddlers may check out your forum posts.
3) Read the profiles of all kinds of other members. Men, women, agender, professional, enthusiasts, near, far, gay, poly, the lot.
4) Use all the resources of the site to discover what your prospective cuddle buddies - in your case, women - tend to look for in potential cuddle partner.
5) Armed with what you have learned, make a decent profile. 5 - 7 pictures and at least three good paragraphs of text. You don't have to be tall or good-looking, people just want to know who you are.
6) Consider meeting professional cuddlers.
7) Now, and only now, start writing brief, friendly messages to prospective cuddle buddies.
The cuddle community in general, including this site, rewards thoughtfulness, patience, effort, openness, kindness and self-awareness.
The whole process is likely to take two or three months. Depending on how many cuddlers there are in your area, actually finding a cuddle buddy may take longer.
@sunnysideup mentioned that your profile said you are married: it now says you are single. Either one of these is untrue, or you took no care at all in creating your profile. It's not a problem being married in the cuddling community - quite a few people are. But what is a problem is dishonesty. Whatever your true situation, explain it concisely and clearly in your profile.
Good luck!
Even though you are married, and that is a hindrance, it is best to be honest as you may hurt other people in the process if they find out later. Best case scenario you may find a kindred spirit that understands your position without judgement, I think that’s what most of us a are looking for, a comfortable space to open up in addition to the physical sensation of cuddling.
I was talking to a married cuddler and told that person I wasn’t interested based on that, but opened up more after learning about their specific circumstances. Helps if you are honest and open, hard to do on the internet I know, people are so snap judgy but it is what it is, best of luck.
I imagine that if you are a guy, at least for 85% of the male population it might not be easy to find someone to cuddle with. If you are a woman, 95% of the female population would not have much of an issue finding a cuddle partner. Just look at the ratio of male/female pros on here, and that should give you a pretty good idea of where I’m coming from.
@CuddlesinSoCal if you're looking at the numbers you are technically correct. However, I stopped counting when I hit double digits on the number of creeps who messaged me and ended up wanting more than platonic. There was one that I even met and cuddled with who I had to report. I've only been on this site for a couple months, too. I've been extra lucky to have found a two amazing cuddlers with whom I immediately clicked, and they clicked with me. But its not easy for anyone, regardless of gender.
Deleted.
I also don't think there is anything wrong with perusing something more than platonic cuddling, as long as it's something that both people would want, and agree to. Or be able to take no for an answer.
@CuddlesinSoCal Just a note here (and for anyone else reading) - on this site, it's against the rules to seek out non-platonic activity. That would be okay on other sites, but definitely not here. If someone messages you with intentions that are clearly non-platonic, report them!
On a separate note: I would disagree that it's easier to filter out creeps than to "make one appear out of thin air". If 100% of the people messaging you are unsuitable (red flags, rude, non-platonic, etc), it still takes time to go through every single one of those messages - you can't just do your own thing while you wait for an email notification that someone has messaged you. On previous accounts, I set myself to cuddle both men and women, and it was exhausting to filter through the messages. For all the work I put into it, I only found a handful of people to cuddle with, and most of them were people I initiated contact with! I'm grateful this account has been quieter.
There are guys on here with plenty of "cuddle wealth" (love that term), and I imagine they don't have to deal with a sea of white noise in their inboxes. They regularly post good advice in the forums - I think if more guys took that advice, they'd have better luck on here.
@CuddlesinSoCal
I also don't think there is anything wrong with perusing something more than platonic cuddling, as long as it's something that both people would want, and agree to
It's not wrong as a general principle obviously, but it's profoundly wrong in the context of Cuddle Comfort. It is abuse. Somebody who suggests non-platonic activity to somebody they have met here is an abuser.
If you are a woman, 95% of the female population would not have much of an issue finding a cuddle partner
That is simply untrue. It is a myth perpetrated frequently on this site. It's relatively easy for a women to find a creep, pervert, nutter or other undesirable to cuddle with, so long as she is happy to fight off sexual suggestions every few minutes. It is not easy for women to find a genuine cuddle buddy, particularly outside the cuddle hotspots like southern California. There is no shortage of women enthusiasts who are unable to find somebody to cuddle at all.
However, I do feel it's easier for a woman to filter out a large number of creeps to find a cuddle partner, than for a man to make one appear out of thin air when the odds of their existence are against him.
That's just absurd. Attitudes like that are the reason for the shortage of women enthusiasts.
@squeakytoy
There are guys on here with plenty of "cuddle wealth" (love that term), and I imagine they don't have to deal with a sea of white noise in their inboxes
I have cuddle wealth coming out of my ears, and yes I don't have to deal with white noise.
“Cuddle wealth” love it ❤️ Is that like Bitcoin? Anyways.... if I suggest I have “cuddle wealth” I’m sure it’s different than the female type attention they get. This point has been on many threads over years that why do men visit men’s sites ? My visitor list of 20 people in past 24 hours consist of 14 men visited and 6 women visited. And I feel blessed! The OP was wondering if people find it challenging to find people. And I think @squeakytoy gave some good advice above . So again just hang in there. Time goes by so fast and before you know it you got cuddle wealth and white noise😊
@CuddleDuncan thank you so much for helping people find cuddles! You really do make this place better
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@CuddlesinSoCal The rule applies to enthusiasts as well, not just pro/client relationships. We don't tolerate users reaching out to proposition strangers on here.
@CuddleDuncan You were absolutely one of the people who came to mind when I thought of "guys with cuddle wealth" on CC! Thanks for adding your 2 cents. You're on point.
@OhioMike Cuddlecoin! I'm actually loving this idea. Why use karma when you could give someone up to 5 redeemable Cuddlecoins?
@squeakytoy , yeah people tell me all the time I’m full of sh.. I mean full of good ideas ! 😂
@marshallbarnett thank you for posting this. As a relatively new cuddler who is married and in a remote location I thought I might offer a different opinion.
Remote: there are only a dozen cuddlers in my city of both genders (I cuddle both men and women). Sadly there are amazing cuddlers on here that are thousands of miles away from me but whom I would cuddle in a heartbeat.
Age: I prefer to cuddle someone about a decade older or younger than myself. I find someone with life experience close to my own allows for easy conversation. We can talk about life experiences, history, music, etc.
New: I’m new to the cuddle world. Have lurked in the past and just decided to make it a part of my life this year. It took working through my own needs and my partners ability to accept cuddling as part of my platonic connection with friends. I think complete openness and honesty with my cuddle buddy and my spouse is important. My spouse has read and seen my profile and because there is a mild stigma associated with cuddling he has requested I not post a face picture so that everyone in my city doesn’t have access to my personal choices. It takes awhile to warm up to the cuddling world, even as a cuddly person.
Female: I am tall and strong so I haven’t felt threatened very often in my life. But letting someone cuddle next to you and put their hands on your arms or shoulders open you up as the weaker person to being taken advantage of. Finding a non-threatening personality and a genuine good intentioned person is essential.
Busy: I have a family and household to run. I don’t have the same time that a single childless person would have for cuddling.
Gut: I only respond to messages and people that my gut tells me might fit with my needs. I would rather miss out on a cuddle than let someone untrustworthy into my personal space. It’s a risk vs reward decision.
Time: I want to know as much as possible about someone before I meet them. I want to see their smile and hear their voice. Get as many signs as I can toward their desires for a cuddle buddy. It takes me time to trust someone with my body.
@CuddlesinSoCal I stand by the points in my previous post but in retrospect I may have been a little blunter than was necessary. My apologies. These are long-standing issues on this forum and they distress me greatly. I would appreciate it if you would be kind enough to consider what I said, but wrapped up in "I wonder if you have considered ..." and "It's always good to have other people's perpsective - I've aways thought of it like ....." and all that good stuff.
@craM 👍
@squeakytoy 🥰
@OhioMike I also get plenty of men visiting my profile. Most are from the US so it's nothing to do with making connections, I think it's mostly driven from the forum.
@Chris55555 welcome and congratulations on taking the plunge. I liked what you wrote and my only comment is about age. I do agree with you about the benefits of shared life experience. However, I'm pretty relaxed about age and I find that cuddling somebody with a big age difference is it's own pleasure.
Are you still with us, OP @marshallbarnett? It would be good to hear your thoughts.
I simply came here saying that it might be possible for a person to develop feelings with a cuddling partner
No, no, that's not what you said at all. What you actually said (my emphasis) was
I also don't think there is anything wrong with perusing something more than platonic cuddling
@CuddlesinSoCal Hmm. I'm not sure how you drew the conclusion that I'm saying people are not allowed to develop feelings for a cuddle partner here - that happens, and it's not a big deal on its own. I also don't see anyone accusing you of being an abuser, and I'm not sure what you're interpreting as toxic in this discussion - from what I see, it's been pretty civil. You said this:
when I said there wasn’t anything wrong with seeking something non platonic with a cuddle buddy, I didn’t really mean regarding relationships with hired pros or making moves on someone during a session. I meant in the general sense. Not specific to pro/client relationships.
In response, I clarified that the non-platonic rule extends beyond pro/client relationships - it includes enthusiasts. This is very important to know, because it's a bannable offense.
I should add, the definition of proposition is as follows: "make a suggestion of sex to (someone with whom one is not sexually involved), especially in an unsubtle or offensive way." I wasn't referring to paid sexual services, just to messaging strangers on here with non-platonic intentions. Does that make things clearer?
@CuddleDuncan thank you for the age comment. I might have to warm up a bit to the idea of a large age gap cuddle. I would love to hear from anyone about their age gap cuddle and how it enriched their life. I’m always ready to learn something new.
@Chris55555 @CuddleDuncan I found the age comment interesting too! I also prefer to spend my time (including cuddle time) with people around my age - I find I have trouble connecting with people significantly younger than me, but not so much with the older crowd. It feels like there's something to learn here!
As I peruse the forum, I note that some people seem to be pursuing (i.e., chasing after) relationships that aren't platonic.
That's definitely not what this website is for. Anyone who uses the site that way, I'd say, is abusing CuddleComfort—they're using it in a way it's not meant to be used.
Deleted due to harrasment by @DarrenWalker
@CuddlesinSoCal: There is nothing better.
Flagged, reviewed. Confirmed by PM that harassment was not the intent of your original message. But please do not bait. Thank you. -squeakytoy
I can see what you wrote before this edit; we do have change logs. Do not make personal attacks again, or you will be timed out. Thank you. -squeakytoy
@CuddlesinSoCal: See, that's harassment. Insults and all. Bit different from pointing out misspellings and clearing up misunderstandings. Fun, yeah? I think you might like it more than I do.