@CuddleDuncan
You are correct.
Maybe, cuddling is different from those other examples because it involves your heart/mind.
To most people ’need’ means ‘weakness’, which leads to lack of respect. Unfortunate, but true.
@ZacRedBear yea. I especially don't tell my parents. And never will! The reason being is if I hug a male who's not family then they already start thinking that there's something going on. And my mom would think that if I hugged anyone at all who's not family. I'm like hello I just hug my friends because I'm glad to see them again. But they don't understand this. If they knew I actually cuddled....and got paid for it...oh they'll probably go crazy overboard and freak out. Next convo with me will probably be about when did I decide that prostitution is ok suddenly...just facepalm. So yeah I just avoid that topic with them because it'll bring unnecessary drama and having to explain how they're confused isn't gonna go anywhere when they're "always right" as they say. Lol
@DarrenWalker I was thinking of myself the same way but then when I started doing it as a side job to get paid then I'm like well I guess I'm a cuddler too then for work now. Otherwise, if it's with nonclients that I cuddle with them I'm still not really a cuddler with them since it's just a natural thing.
@Amortentia I appreciate the validation and empathy. Sounds like you’d have a much more severe reaction compared to me. I’m definitely the weird one in the family, immediate & extended, so best case scenario, everyone finds out and just adds another, “Oh... okay...” to the list that is... me.
My heart goes out to you, and everyone here (posting or not) who feels the need to hide this from anyone. Also a tip of my hat to the rest of you who wear it on your sleeve for all to see. I’m inspired to at least imagine an optimistic conversation with my loved ones about this. Thank you all!
Not ashamed but I am conscious of stigma, and don't want to jeopardize my job. I work in a school and parents expect you to be their certain kind of role model.
Similar to be being gay, a swinger, a nudist, poly, a gun owner etc. If you do it, you probably don't think there is anything wrong with it. There is a community of people who do it with you. So no, you're not really ashamed in the sense that you think you're doing something wrong. Nonetheless, not everyone understands it and many will judge you for it. And so it's easier and preferable for many people to keep it private. The feeling of keeping something like this secret feels very much like shame but is slightly different.
It honestly depends who I am talking to. Some people I can explain it to in a heartbeat, and others I am more reserved
Yes I am new here and feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm married and want to be held by another woman for comfort I have not done anything yet and am terrified to be honest but very intrigued at the same time.
Im in no way ashamed because I honestly love what I do! As cuddlers, I believe we are providing a very important service, I would almost call us healers! 🧑⚕️ our role is very important and even crucial to some folks. I’m not ashamed but I also don’t like disclosing what I do because people are either closed minded, judgemental, or like someone else shared, they assume we can’t possibly just be cuddling but doing something dirty or offering sex.
My mom once found out and almost had a heart attack. She said I was being irresponsible, living a fast life, and not thinking about my child. Like what?!
I also get very weird looks from my neighbors when they see different men coming in and out my house. I could tell them but come on, would they believe me?
😕 I try not to let what other people think and say get to me.
I chose that I am not ashamed all my close friends know that I am a professional cuddler but I also don’t go shouting it to the world my boss at my 9-5 job doesn’t know but a few of my close coworkers do.
I am a pretty private, introvert person, so I don't go around people telling some personal stuff, let alone online. However, this site was the one that I shared pictures and personal details the most, so... I value cuddling quite a bit.
No but, as in other areas of my private life, I’m selective about who I tell about it.
I’m telling my youngest daughter soon. It’s part of who I am now. I’m hoping she understands. I want to add it to all of my platforms too.
Good question … I’m not ashamed that I like to cuddle at all but it isn’t something I put out there
I wouldn't say I'm embarrassed but I don't volunteer that piece of information about me. But I am a middle aged man, the few times I've mentioned it to someone they automatically think it's code word for a sex thing. I think if you're a pro and people know you are the payee then you probably get a different reaction then the payor does.
Yup.
It depends on who learns about it, but some folks are chill about it (surprisingly too) whereas others are nonjudgmental but not too into it I guess.
But it doesn't matter because cuddles are great and the fact that they are so great trumps my embarrassment about it. 👍🏻
I wouldn’t make it public as lot of people still skeptical/ unclear about cuddling. Don’t want to spend time / have patience in on boarding them
Thanks @CuddleDuncan for initiating this excellent thread. In my situation I do feel some embarrassment. Not with respect to the act of cuddling. It’s a healthy activity and I don’t care about the negative attitudes of closed-minded people. On a personal level, however, I feel embarrassed that I would have to pay for another human being to touch me. The enthusiast search went nowhere quick for me. So I can’t help but wonder how undesirable I might seem to others. Nonetheless, the situation is not so bad at this point. I haven’t had any bad experiences with professional cuddlers. And I’ve met two women who have provided profoundly moving cuddle experiences. Too bad they both live far away from me.
I thank you all for your insight on this thread. I’m brand new to the site, and new to being a pro, at that. In my situation, my being a pro has so much more to do with me needing income than me making assumptions or expectations about those who seek pro services! I would never assume anyone “has to” pay in order to experience this, nor would I think less of anyone, given how broad the variance of human experience is. I’m humbled just to be part of this community, however I fit into the bigger picture! I think everyone should feel that they can request, receive, and provide intimacy and closeness without feeling ashamed or hindered. Of course, the world isn’t always as perfect and sensible as I’d like it to be, but my heart truly goes out to y’all on this thread. I would hate for a sense of shame to reach so deeply that it keeps you from feeling restored, relaxed, and cared for during a cuddle, as we all deserve to feel.
I’m not ashamed, but I took a while to “come out of the closet“ about being a cuddler. I didn’t tell my dad until after I cuddled a few people (after learning about cuddling for months) and started the Cuddlist training. I did start telling some of my “day job” (ASL/English interpreting) colleagues a couple of months ago that I was training to be a professional cuddler, and after I successfully completed the Cuddlist training I announced it on my blog (https://danielgreene.com/), Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn. My announcement hasn’t gotten a lot of likes or comments, so maybe I am being shamed for it, but it’s out there now and I’m not ashamed.
Interestingly, it was @SnugglewithSam in the CuddleEd training I took yesterday who said your posture as a cuddler doesn’t come from training or certification; it comes from within. For my own sense of comfort, I have used the Cuddlist training not just to learn more about cuddling and becoming a better cuddler, but as a way of gaining credibility and showing people that I take this seriously. I’m not ashamed of that, either, but I agree with Sam that ultimately we have to decide that we are credible and show that to the world through our “posture”— the way we present ourselves and talk about what we do.
Spock's answer resonates with me, though I do not fully echo it. I have an added twist in that I am a low-level local celebrity with my work with the non-profit I co-founded. My work is in the public eye, including working with substantial financial donors. On top of that, I do many presentations with children between pre-K and high school. The potential blowback from one dirty-minded person misunderstanding and throwing a snit-fit on social media would spell a doom and disaster scenario that I am unwilling to risk. Same reason I do not post on dating sites. THIS is also why I do not post a photo in my profile though I offer to send one if the potential cuddler that seems genuine and interested. When I was lurking on a dating site seven or eight years ago, I realized this was giving me an inkling of what it must be like living in a closeted sexual orientation. It fostered a feeling of empathy I am glad I found.
If this is unclear or confusing, I apologize. I am running on little or no sleep and really should not be online.
Ashamed? I’m not sure if I’m ashamed of what I do. I don’t think I am. However, I know that it can be misinterpreted easily, so I choose not to tell people unless they’re the closest to me. It is super personal and private anyways. It is not only about you but also about the person who you cuddle with as well. What is not private can be super private to them. So I think it is best to not mention about it as some people might get curious. So regardless of you’re proud or ashamed, it is best to keep it DL.
New to this, but can understand apprehension about making it known that I'm On this site. Main concern is people misunderstanding what goes on, and unfortunately people like to imagine things. Perceptions are, unfortunately, reality.
@Canyonrunner you are only the second man I have encountered to have a legitimate reason for not posting a photo. (Unless you count being scared that their wife would find it.) Although, confusingly, the first guy did actually have one.
You are right that one malicious and deceitful actor could stir up a world of trouble for you by deliberately misrepresenting cuddling. It's one of the many reasons why we need cuddling to become sufficiently mainstream so that most people have at least vaguely heard of it and understand that it is platonic.
@CuddleDuncan I disagree that he is only the second person to have a legit reason to not post a photo . Nobody, regardless of gender , is required to post a pic of themselves and therefore there does not need to be a reason not to . I post my pics and would encourage others who say they have trouble making connections to do so as well , however nobody has to prove a reason not to and everybody has a right to their own privacy and a right to feel comfortable on here. Not posting one because you simply choose not to is no less a legitimate reason , and it is their right .
@pmvines 👍. On a side note I am surprised my profile pic has not been reported. After all, I am showing my tail in it.
I am not ashamed of being a cuddler or being on this site. However. I am somewhat ashamed of the attitudes of those people who have no clue what cuddling is about and the benefits it offers. I truly believe we in the U.S. are and have been so uptight regarding physical affection for so long that it is going to take a long time to reverse the situation. He falls as he steps off the soap box.
JUST BE KIND