@Robert777 when your disagreement is rooted in my oppression it is called IGNORANCE
@MxBliss I earned a Masters Degree from a prestigious university and have a high level position with a Fortune 500 corporation, but thanks for assuming I'm ignorant just because I have a differing opinion than you. Blocking me doesn't bother me in the least---I never even heard of you before or had any intention of being bff's, so blocking me was a pointless endeavor on your part. But hey, if calling people names and making meaningless gestures like blocking anonymous people on the internet makes you sleep better at the end of the day, than have at it.
Im wondering if the Moderator going to close this Discussion????
@parkwayvisual classic move 🤣🤣🤣
So predictable that the folks who can’t tell a tail from sexism 101 calls it a disagreement 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@MxBliss
You're oppressed? How?
Women get so good at internalizing protecting themselves from men that they don’t even know they are doing it.
@CharlesThePoet, thank you for getting it.
I had a conversation with another cuddle buddy who gets it and one thing he said was that he goes into every encounter without expectations. Besides that his manner is laid back and non-threatening, I realized that lack of expectations is what makes it easy to feel at ease with him. Contrast that with most of the experiences I’ve had with trying to cuddle with men from this site. Most of the time it feels like they are trying to get something and from the very start I have to work at asserting and maintaining boundaries. It’s impossible to relax. As a result, I rarely cuddle any of them a second time.
Acknowledging the reality of the world in which we live is not being apologetic for being a man or being ashamed for being a man any more than acknowledging racism in its many overt and subtle forms does not mean one is ashamed of being white or apologetic for being white.
Before the pandemic I was an avid social dancer and one of my favorite forms of dancing, blues dancing, can be physically very intimate. In St. Louis, that dance scene went underground because when it was held in a public place, it drew people - almost entirely men - with the wrong intentions. I asked one of the dancers in Chicago how they managed to have such a thriving public scene and the guy told me, “If we’re not on our best behavior, the women won’t dance with us.”
It’s the same with cuddling. Men need to be on their best behavior or women aren’t going to want to cuddle with them.
Men here often complain they can’t find women to cuddle with them. There are women who want to cuddle and can’t find men who approach it in a way that makes women feel comfortable cuddling with them.
Smart men pay attention and listen.
Thanks, @CharlesThePoet
What sexist things have been said on here? Please educate us.
"Men need to be on their best behavior or women aren’t going to want to cuddle with them."
That goes for men AND women.
"Men here often complain they can’t find women to cuddle with them. There are women who want to cuddle and can’t find men who approach it in a way that makes women feel comfortable cuddling with them."
Sorry, but that is BS.
I have also been propositioned by woman for more than cuddling, so it goes both ways.
Alright, between the comments here and in your other post, I think that's enough baiting and pot-stirring for one night. Your 10-day forum timeout starts now. Please familiarize yourself with our forum rules and carefully consider your behavior in the future. Thanks. -squeakytoy
@Robert777 - That there are women on this site who want to find men to cuddle with and can’t find one who approaches the encounter in a manner that puts the woman at ease is absolutely not b.s. How do I know this? Because it’s not only been my experience but a number of other women have said it’s been theirs, too, both in the forum discussions and in private messages to me. I don’t think you’re the expert on women’s experience cuddling with men from this site.
Your profile says your join date is July 2021. Are you new here or did you recently start a new profile?
Good luck. You’re going to need it.
@Chris04 I don't like closing discussions, in all honesty - I'd prefer not to. I'm happy to leave almost anything up to discussion/debate as long as people stay respectful.
As long as the discussion stays civil, I'll keep it open!
PS. I felt I didn't need to say this. However if it helps some of you understand where some of us are coming from, here: although I too was a victim of abuse by both men and women, I am able to take a step back to listen and be present when the main topic is about one of them. Yes there are humans who do messed up things regardless of their this or that. However I also find value in talking about the specifics and finding times to focus on the issues caused by some members of a specific group. And how that group can be better.
For instance, if a topic is about child abuse, it doesn't help to get mad at someone for bring that particular topic up and claiming "x gets abused too!"
For the record, I just got a couple of abusive private messages from Robert777, which I reported.
And it appears he’s been banned.
@Babichev
Me too. He's thankfully been banned.
What a child.
@Babichev @Envie Not surprised, he blew up my DMs too. Ah well, I tried to be generous - c'est la vie.
Maybe now we can have a nice discussion.
@CharlesThePoet, did you mention anything about not being defensive?
;-)
There are guys here who clearly get it. I think it takes a strong sense of self and depth of character to take a step back, listen, and try to understand from someone else’s point of view.
To all you forum guys who understand how to approach cuddling and how to have a discussion without being a jerk, thank you. You are creating good will with the women on the forum and many of us will gladly cuddle with you if we’re ever in the same physical space.
Years ago here a male enthusiast named @respectful use to do interviews with pros , clients, enthusiasts, male and female , etc For transparency purposes yes I was one of the interviewees. The point is was how all these successful cuddling people were kind and gracious . They seemed to try to understand what the other person they were meeting were going thru. They all would go out of their way to understand or at least try to understand the feelings of the other person they were talking to and hopefully to meet and cuddle with. I wish he’d do more interviews with a lot of the “newer” people here now ……. Just random thoughts 🤔
@Lovelight I like your perspective on listening and being present.
I, too have been abused by both men and women, and I think that unfortunate experience helps me recognize that these things are a human problem and not a man or woman problem. That means I have the responsibility to listen when the shortcomings of my group are being addressed.
I'm grateful for this community, and for the fact that most of the conversations on this forum are uplifting and helpful.
Thanks to the moderators who, when necessary, act to keep things safe and civil.
This is an interesting thread.
One comment that stood out is @MxBliss said she lives a oppressed life.
Can you please explain further. Is there any way we can help or have you tried asking others for help?
That's unfortunate that every man you talked to on here wants more than cuddling. I can assure you that there are many men who just want to cuddle and nothing more.
Are you saying in the 3 years that you have been here, you have not been able to talk to one man who just wanted a platonic cuddle? Have you tried expanding your regions and looking for men further away?
@CharlesThePoet Your entire post (and comment on the post I made a couple days ago) was spot on. Thank you for understanding when people like Banned Robert above make us feel unsafe and therefore we become just a bit more guarded each time we meet a Banned Robert.
@MaineCuddle
How did that banned guy make you feel unsafe and what did he say that made you put your guard up? What did he say that was wrong? I don't want to go down that path.
@denvercuddler1 I don't even want to respond to you as you can read why he was banned and I can assure you your response to @Babichev saying "I can assure you" does not assure anyone. I've made posts and comments about my screening process and people seem to take an awful lot of offense to the fact that I screen and do not see anyone that I can't identify. Like they try to convince me that I have no right to screen people or should give up my personal information as well. Men are correct in that they don't have an obligation to give me real life information, BUT I don't have obligation to put myself in their presence. I don't know why it's so hard for people to understand that men are the ones here who are looking to spend time with women (majority) and women are not obligated to spend time with men they simply don't feel safe enough meeting. There doesn't even have to be a concrete reason. If I just have a gut feeling that you're not a safe person, I don't have to spend time with you. So I don't really know what these arguments are even about or why men here are trying to convince us of something. See the people who will agree to see you. The rest of us, just leave us alone stop trying to be convincing. That's red flag enough.
I may have missed it, but what did he say that was wrong that got him banned? I'm not a woman, so this is why I asked you what did he say that made you feel unsafe? I don't want to make similar mistakes and I want to do better when I communicate with women.
Out of curiosity, how do you screen people? What did they take offense to? What information do you ask for? Are you willing to be screened as well from men?
I'm really confused. So you think it's a red flag when I said that many men just want a platonic cuddle? I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything. I'm just saying that not every man is after sex.
@denvercuddler1 think you should ask the moderator to clarify why the person was banned if you don't understand. And no I don't share my screening details with people who may want to learn how to get around screening. And no I will not screen for a man. Not sure what's hard to understand about I have my rules, if you don't follow my rules you don't have to see me. What's so hard to understand about that? If you have rules, I don't want to follow your rules, I won't see you. Not a problem.
@denvercuddler1 There were posts that he made that have since been deleted. I will make a guess that if you had seen them, you would know why they are offensive. I won't be repeating them.
One observation, that I think might be informative is this: any comment that expresses skepticism about someone's stated personal experience is unlikely to win trust.
There's a lot of information on this forum that is available to anyone with an open mind. In short, believe people who say that they've had bad experiences, and don't force them to relive them by answering endless questions.
You said the banned person made you feel unsafe. This is why I asked you why you felt unsafe by his comments because I'm not understanding where you're coming from.
There are a lot of scams online. I can see why people would be suspicious giving out personal information to a stranger online. And it's even more suspicious that you aren't willing to be screened. Safety goes both ways.
As a woman I’ve learned to take precaution BEFORE I meet a new client. Here’s some of my tips and tricks to ensure your your safety as a female pro cuddler.
When confirming with a client:
•Do not to overuse explanation points. This may confuse said client into thinking there’s more excitement than just platonic.
•Make sure to reiterate what platonic cuddles mean.
•Make sure to ask for a photo of their face to insure their identity, but be careful in which way you ask for a photo so they don’t get confused and send their dick.
•Make sure to confirm outfit requirements. “Forgetting” shorts or a T-shirt may be common for men as they feel they need to be at their most comfortable to properly cuddle.
•Making sure you’re prepared with extra clothes for your client could be helpful if they “forget.”
• Loose shorts and T-shirt is what I wear to hide my size & make sure I’m not extenuating my curves.
•OOPS, don’t forget a bra so there’s an extra layer of protection just Incase there’s space between your shirt and skin.
Before heading over to my client I consult with my safety protocols;
Knife- extra rusty Pepper spray- police grade Second knife, hidden Back up safety plan, in the car. Taser- fully charged
****When arriving at cuddle location:****
•back in to packing spot & park away from other cars.
•If you’re meeting at night or when it gets dark, park under a lamp post for extra visibility.
•When walking back to your car, only have your car keys in your hand. No other distractions
• Tell a friend your location, room number of said client and times to check in with you to make sure the session is going well.
• Ask for the money up front for the agreed upon session time. Do not let them talk you into waiting till after the session is over. This can give them an opening to thinking they can offer more money for “further” services.
When Starting your session make sure to go over the various positions you’re comfortable with cuddling in and mention the positions that you don’t like. This will help your client make good decisions throughout your session. Be stern with your boundaries, but _don’t forget to enjoy your cuddle session. _
Read this with a grain of salt and extra sarcasm.
@bellebeauty I was going to say don't share too much for creepers to read. But as I realized what you were getting at... right - I wonder how much of this stuff men worry about on a day-to-day basis meeting strangers.