@NicoSnuggs @squeakytoy
@NicoSnuggs @squeakytoy is our female moderator. I can't speak for what's going on with the admins, but I'm sure that this post is coming as quite the shock to pretty much...all of them. So maybe we need to extend some grace. I really don't want to leave this community, but if this is what it is, then I will have to bid everyone adieu.
Now is the time for anyone else to speak up if they need to, I feel. I'm so sorry this happened. I really don't know what else to say, or really how I should be feeling other than utterly confused, unsafe, and angry.
@SitaRosee We're standing with you.
@SitaRosee I'm so sorry. His behavior was completely unacceptable. Thank you for the courage it must've taken to share.
Ahh ok, thank you all for the input and for making me more aware.
And thank you @squeakytoy for the moderating work which you do.
Well I always thought it was Interesting on this site to have that much access to people's messages and read everything written. To me power and money always show who people really are. Power is an addictive thing and control. I'm not surprised by things knowing business owners
WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH
Hol up I'm just reading this all and it's incredibly disturbing, I haven't finished yet
@SitaRosee, could you please send the username of this moderator to me and/or a few of the others on the team, please? Thanks. Still reading. Alright, finished reading. I see now.
@mark IIf what the OP says is true , I think you owe it to her and others on the site to investigate
Alright folks, I'm not going to close this thread, and I'm not going to hide or sink it. I'm bringing this all up in the mod forums. I alerted @Sideon off-site and he's coming online in a bit to check things out as well. I think it's late where @Mark and @Gary are, so they might not get to this right away. Have patience, we're on it. Please keep things civil here. -squeakytoy
Thank you @squeakytoy 💗
Interesting the OP did write the moderators name and then it looks like the name was removed out of the later post. Either the OP removed it or the moderator in question removed it. Because it clearly states the name of the moderator.
I really want to try to understand your experiences a little more.
You went out with this guy for one date to dinner and the next time you met him you traveled with him across the entire country to New York? Did he pay for all your expenses?
"he made it best that I would have to spend the night with him and he’d drive me in the morning"- What did you say when he told you this?
I don’t think OP needs to explain herself or anything she did to anybody in this thread. Maybe we shouldn’t fish for details as she’s quite distraught. I’d advise future commenters to tread lightly; this is someone who was taken advantage of, and asking questions as to what she said and did comes off as victim blaming.
She was thorough enough.
Hey everyone I think Admin is involved now so I think the OP deserves some respect and I know I got a zillion questions but maybe this isn't right time for the nitty gritty so to speak. I mean this is pretty serious stuff.
@Catloaf Nobody is victim blaming. We are just perplexed and are trying to understand what exactly happened. Remember, there are always two sides to every story.
The really perplexing thing is why @SitaRosee traveled 3,000 miles with somebody she met one time.
@SitaRosee That's disturbing.
Moving forward I think you've and there are lessons you can learn from this experience. Hopefully make you stronger and better able to stand your ground should you have to deal with anything like this again.
Though I want you to not blame yourself! It's not clear to me that you are, though nonetheless don't. I conclude from what you said, that the person in question preyed on you and abused the power that was afforded to him. Sadly, it happens. Just cause he's a mod or heck even if he were the president, doesn't give him the right to have you in his arms without your consent!
Since you asked for tips, whenever I am meeting people and don't know the reason they are asking to meet, I make sure to ask. I'd not go to another city with a stranger unless I had my own arrangements and safety net. Nor share a roof with. Though I feel you were caught in the moment and trusting. Which he took advantage of. Thinking him being a mod, that you wouldn't question him, which it seems is what happened. Nonetheless after all is said and done, he took advantage of you and I hope this issue is resolved for you. Take good care of yourself and if you need to talk, feel free to message.
**I’m reaching out to Mark and asking him to please at least remove soulcuddlez from admin so he doesn’t longer use his power as admin to boss his way into cuddling with pros **
So @soulcuddlerz is the person that did this?
@Robert777 , and that someone was a person of influence on here! A Moderator. With power to ban and suspend and make life miserable if they chose or not choose. We don't know. Two sides, I agree. We have heard from admin. I am sure we will know what happens in a timely manner. Guys this is big stuff, lets try to have some sense of decorum .
@OhioMike
I don't doubt the OP. I'm just very confused why the man in question would pay for somebody's cross country flight, hotel, etc. after one meeting? There has to me more to this story.
This is what Gary had to say, and from how he’s responding, doesn’t seem like he’s going to hold him accountable. How am I supposed to feel safe that I was watched long before he met me, he preys on the girls he’s supposed to only be responding to for issues or bans that may need to be made, not for “oh she’s pretty, I’m a mod I bet I can get her to cuddle me” and he’s preying off that, he’s able to read the confidential information that is said to us in private, and based off how we respond he’s able to assume weather we’re someone who will go along with what he wants, or is he really getting sent free cuddles from the girls who got those great outstanding reviews, because the man deserves it! Fuck that. That’s not what made me agree to being a professional cuddler, I read the rules, I said finally a business that is not about sex, its in detail about the rules, I should be able to trust it. But I haven’t trusted it after that experience with Soulcuddlez.
Okay, discussions are underway! Have patience, folks, hopefully we'll have a resolution soon. Thanks.
Well, maybe it’s better that this thread is closed until we get some clarification from the investigating parties. I agree there’s two sides, but I feel in a case like this it isn’t our place to publicly poke for details. Admins are involved.
@Robert777 um because he obviously can if he wanted to. There is much more to the story , I agree. I just don't think this is the time and especially the place for all this behavior to be displayed.
I do have one thought though, maybe unpopular, but I think Moderators shouldn't be allowed to fraternize with enthusiasts and professionals. that management usually is frowned upon with fraternizing with co workers, etc. Just a thought. Let me think on it some more.
This is some disturbing shit! Makes me extremely uncomfortable. @SitaRosee sending you hugs! I cannot imagine the turmoil you went through. Plus seeing the above communication is got me even more skeptical about support system here.
On second thought - I think you're right, @Catloaf . This is going nowhere constructive. I'm going to leave the thread visible, but I'll close it for now. We can always reopen it and update the thread when a resolution is reached. Thanks, all.
There are several issues raised here, so patience please while @Mark and @Gary and @SoulcuddlerZ have an opportunity to respond. We need a response.
1) Moderators do not have carte blanc access to private messages. There is a rigorous flag/reporting system in place that ensures enthusiast and pro privacy.
2) I am concerned with the perceived power imbalance moderators have. I am highly aware of how uncomfortable anyone would/could be with us moderators messaging them. ("Oh s***, what did I do?") As suggested, it may be a good policy and practice moving forward that moderators are not allowed to fraternize with pros or enthusiasts on this site.
3) Last reminder to be patient. Thank you.
4) stickied thread to top of the forum
This is going to take a bit of time as we want to make sure to get this right. We appreciate your patience everyone.
I've reached out to SitaRosee privately to discuss her perspective and get her feedback on future improvements. SoulZ is in discussion with us internally, and he is seeking feedback from previous Pros he is friends with and/or has been a client of.
I just want to briefly address a couple technical concerns. Moderators are not capable of reading messages without an active report against the account. That process is included in the internal log we view in order to hold each other accountable.
Also, there is no 'free cuddle' system, classification or selection. Instead, this was an informal arrangement of SoulZ on occasion being compensated via Paypal to help his personal costs of cuddle therapy.
I want to add - just so everyone knows, this is still in progress! We haven't forgotten about it, and we're not ignoring it. We're actively discussing it, and we'll keep you updated on our decisions. Thanks for your patience, everyone.
With the support of SitaRosee, we will unsticky this thread and provide our closing thoughts.
The events described in this thread have brought to light an issue of the unsaid power imbalance that exists with moderators and their friendships and professional relationships. We recruit moderators that truly understand this movement and its community. As a result, they are naturally existing users of this website that value its friendships and services.
As a way to address this challenge, moderators will now be required, when organizing a session or meet-up, to send a declaration that makes clear such arrangements are not connected to their role. The careful wording of this text will ensure there is no ambiguity of purpose, and empower the recipient to feel free and safe in choosing how they respond.
We will also take steps to improve our communication on two other matters.
A free cuddle booking system does not exist and a moderator can never ask a professional cuddler for a free session. We will be making this clear in an update to our terms and a new section of the forum FAQ. To avoid any confusion over this, we have now ended the means for a moderator to request a contribution to costs incurred from cuddle therapy.
A moderator cannot view messages without a process that includes internal accountability. It is a requirement set in code that a report must be filed involving the member for their messages to be temporarily viewable. This action is visible in an event timeline that the team regularly uses. This is another clarification we will be including in our terms and FAQ.
In regards to SoulCuddlerZ specifically, while we did not conclude that there were false pretenses, he has decided to step down from his position.
Thank you everyone for your patience and feedback. We’re proud to be part of such a thoughtful and caring community.