If the author will have me believe that women are not humans, capable of good and bad, but generally helpless creatures that get victimized then I think that in itself is a warped and patronizing point of view.
The real issue is power dynamics. Humans, left unchecked and lacking in a strong internal moral compass, tend to abuse their power. In the case of the genders interacting in short bursts of intimate situations, typically men have the physical upper hand, and therefore the power, and thus must be more aware of of how they are affecting the person with less physical power.
There is a very enlightening book I read recently called "the power". Its a fictional world where women, overnight, acquire the ability to create electricity through a gland. They can harm and even kill with this power so all of a sudden the power dynamic shifts and the world changes accordingly, with men becoming the patronized victims that need to be protected.
@Chris04 you too thank you for shining thru
@Sideon @squeakytoy @MaineCuddle @Big_Chris @JoyfulHeart @CuddleDuncan @pmvines @oxygenjunkee @UCpaaHVg6u0 You have all really carried the conversation so much farther and I’m grateful to share this space with y’all
@natickben curious if you have facilitated men’s anti-sexism groups or the like? That’s the most insightful critical analysis I’ve read from a man with white privilege about sexism ever if you don’t mind me saying? Thank you 🤗🥰
Wow, we’ve had quite the flood of trolls lately. Hope we’re done with that.
Thanks to the moderators for keeping the discussions clean and on topic. You are forum heroes.
Full blown assault is not the only thing women are concerned about, it’s just the most egregious. More common is a problem that we have to deal with almost constantly - men pushing boundaries. It’s happened in most of my cuddling experiences. It’s impossible to relax when a guy keeps pushing for more - more contact than we’re already giving them, more skin, more stroking, more squeezing, more whatever. When we women have that happen almost every single time, and we’re already putting ourselves in a very vulnerable position, we get pretty discouraged.
If I could give men one piece of advice it would be this: Let her lead. Let her be the one to initiate more. Drop your expectations completely and let her be the one to decide.
Guys who argue with our experience are part of the problem. Smart folks listen and learn from what others have to say about their experience.
What I really appreciate about the forum discussions is that we have a chance here to communicate that. I can see who understands and who doesn’t. I can see who wants to understand and who resists.
We’ve got a chance to help each other out here so we are all more likely to get what we want. It’s unfortunate that the men I’ve encountered in real life from this site mostly don’t read these forums. If they did, perhaps some might be more successful cuddlers IF they took this information to heart.
I would like to thank everyone that contributed to this thread, the vast majority in thoughtful and positive fashion.
@Babichev
There's so much right with this comment, both for women and for men. I am fully aware that my strength gives me the ability to take more than I'm offered, but there's no joy in the thought of doing so. To me, the most powerful benefit of any relationship, cuddling or otherwise, is the knowledge that what I'm receiving has been given voluntarily, and that the one giving is experiencing the joy that comes from that.
In short, men who push boundaries through any means at all, or coerce, or hint at those things, these men are hurting themselves.
In a recent cuddle with a new pro, I experienced the joy of simply receiving what she offered: all within the guidelines of this site, but all given with a kind of generosity that left my heart full. I know I would never have experienced that if I had come with a series of expectations for the pro.
To all of the men who participated in this conversation in a positive way, thank you! You make this site (and the world) a better place for both men and women.