@Lev136 and all the other contributors to thread, thank you. This a good topic.
“Not wanting to be seen as inspirational but as people….” 🤔
I admit I’m am so guilty of this Be it family or friends, co workers or even cuddlers, usually in the first hour I will mention how inspirational people they are to me and others.
I’ve never once considered that people might take issue with that. I use to volunteer at Special Olympics here in Columbus and I am amazed at how people can overcome disabilities.
Thinking about this now I think maybe it’s because I’m afraid about becoming disabled myself and not having the strength or courage to live with that.
I’ve witnessed so many others have that strength and courage. I don’t know if I process those traits This thread has given me a lot to think about . A lot . Thank you 🙏 and I’m thankful for everyone in this community.
@OhioMike The discussion gave me things to think about too.
@OhioMike ,
One of my biggest issues is how Special Olympics and the Paralympics which come right after the regular ones, are covered in the news differently. They should be on the Sports page as all other sports events. They trained just as hard and are just as competitive.
@Lev136 where are they placed ?
@OhioMike , usually in the human interest section or equivalent......
I have a lot to learn….and unlearn 🤔
@Lev136 "One of my biggest issues is how Special Olympics and the Paralympics which come right after the regular ones, are covered in the news differently. They should be on the Sports page as all other sports events. They trained just as hard and are just as competitive." Right?!
I was recently in a brief* discussion like that and briefly skimmed an article about it.
It's been a couple of years since I watched TV/sports, though when I used to I don't recall them coming on like that and being easily accessible * to come across * like the abled bodied one. In fact, I am pretty sure I had to search them on YouTube when I came to know they existed. I am now considering joining!!!! Though I agree that needs to change.
Edit: Opss wrong thread, sorry.
I agree, @sillysassy, I think we all have disabilities. The vast majority of people will experience some type of mental illness in their lifetime. Many of us will experience some physical or emotional trauma that will be disabling in some way at least for a certain period of time. As @Lev136 said people with visible/physical disabilities have to deal with being othered by society, pitied, and looked down on. Those of us with invisible/mental disabilities, have to deal with having our characters unfairly judged due to a lack of awareness around mental health issues. However, disabilities can have a silver lining. For me, my mental health issues made me more empathetic, patient, and accepting of others. I am more open-minded and less judgemental than other people and I don't know if that would be the case if I hadn't spent years being socially rejected because my ADHD and anxiety made me "weird". Anyhow, I like weird people, it's the normal ones that make me uneasy.
@xandriarain "I think we all have disabilities."
I don't know if you got to read my opposition to that "everyone has a disability" line, though I hope you at least did or do.
I find that to be infuriating and so damaging to the disability community.
I feel you and others alike mean well. Though I need to addressed why it is harmful and not the "this will make them feel included and accepted" you think it achieves.
We might as well go around saying "everyone has cancer, TB, etc." The truth is, not everyone has it. Many may in their lifetime experience it, though will or may experience doesn't mean they all have it either.
Abled bodied people exist, —the world— society* is and was built by them, for them til we the disabled started having a say in being included and even now our battle is ongoing. Expected to continue. Heck, I was able bodied before my disability. Like I shared above, I am not "just like everyone else", I shouldn't have to be and don't want to be or act like just to be accepted. By trying to erase* (even unintentionally) the fact that not everyone has a disability, it is erasing my past as an able bodied person. It is also erasing my presence and what sets me apart. No amount of toxic positively (pretty sure you don't mean to come across as such) is gonna change the fact that people with disabilities are in some ways different and they shouldn't be disrespected, ostracized for that difference. Nor their differences erased under the guise of "acceptance and respect".
The claim "we all have it" paints a superficial form of encouragement rooted in ableism, not really understanding disabilities and or the fact that not everyone has them. Along with it carrying the message of having to be "just like everyone else" to be accepted/respected. Yet the reality remains the same, us continuing fighting battles abled bodied people don't have to fight.
Example:
@Lovelight I was responding to the OP @sillysassy who said "I think we all have disabilities". I probably should have been more specific and said that the vast majority of people will experience some type of disability at some point in their lives. I did specify the different challenges that someone may have with a physical/visible disability, vs a mental/invisible disability. You are right I don't know what disability is like for everyone but I wanted to share the positive side to my own experience with mental health disabilities because I was in the mood to end my post on a positive note and was honestly running out of things to say about disability. I also wrote all of that when really tired at 1:45 am and yes now I am writing this at 5 AM ( I am too tired and lazy to get up off the couch to get ready for bed so now I am here on a forum instead). So I am sorry if this is not some of my best work.
@sillysassy and @xandriarain , I agree we all have some type of disability but sometimes don't want to recognize it. I saws to thank @xandriarain for pointing out mental health issues and other types of unseen disables. I've worked with those with both types and those with mental heath issues are treated unfairly as well. Many people if they notice it will look at them differently, think they are crazy and automatically violent.
@xander70 " I probably should have been more specific and said that the vast majority of people will experience some type of disability at some point in their lives"
I agree, all good no worries.
@Lev136 I disagree, we don't all have it, even I was abled bodied before as there are others who are too. Though I agree that some of us who have, can struggle to acknowledge we do. For instance:
"61 million adults in the United States live with a disability • 26 percent (one in 4) of adults in the United States have some type of disability. Graphic of the United States.
• The percentage of people living with disabilities is highest in the South." - https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandhealth/infographic-disability-impacts-all.html
With the US population being ~331,449,281. That leaves roughly 270449281 without disabilities.
Though at this point, we can agree to disagree on that.
I hope you all didn't think I was ignoring you. I really wanted to be mindful in my responses. (And there was a bit of craziness in the forums this weekend!!😁🤣😂)
@lovelight I can see why you are so passionate about using correct language. I am deeply sorry if you felt like I was trying to minimalize your struggle. Thank you for the plethora of information and also being willing to share your perspective and experiences.
I don't want disability to be trivialized and made SO broad that it no longer has meaning. acknowledging our differences and yet being respectful of us.
This false equivalence must end because instead of helping build empathy it is actually destroying it.
To scratch the surface: Disabilities are health conditions which may be accompanied and often is by environmental inaccessibility, disability based discrimination, eg: a lack of proper accessibility for the blind, mobility users, accessible housing, or the need to take much longer than able bodied people to get some things done cause of mental or a physical disability. ...higher cost of living which can't be escaped by all unless they recover from it, such as: spending ~hundreds/thousands on mobility aids and other medical/accessibility expenses on a daily/monthly/yearly basis.
My 21 year old daughter and her friend were talking about being born with female parts and how that put us "at a disadvantage" Of course I immediately bowed up and said how ridiculous that was etc etc etc. Very motherly response. hahahhaha What was so interesting to me is this. They presented a perspective of "challenge" that men don't have to deal with. From a very young age, persons with female parts have to deal with a once a month process that we didn't ask for and some don't even want. Our internal bodies molt in order to have the ability to produce babies. For some that is "debilitating" for at least 5-7 days. Work might be missed, sickness and muscular cramps can keep us in our beds, "unable" to complete our daily tasks. It costs extra money for these persons with female parts because they have to buy products similar to a pallet of kleenex once a month. Add to this hormone levels that can be tough to navigate and to top it all off we receive a stigma that forever more "defines" us and hinders us on some level.
Why do I bring this up? It FEELS like a small glimmer into the life of someone who has a disability. The money involved in navigating a world made for "able-bodied" individuals. The stigma that surrounds disabled persons. The time invested in just "breathing in and out" when everyone in the world is 10 steps ahead taking care of business. I had vertigo for a solid month and could hardly get out of my bed to go to the bathroom. Again..... this is just a speck compared to a lifetime spent figuring out how to handle a constant/chronic physical or mental ailment.
I am thankful that our world has moved IS MOVING away from the idea that discrimination based on difference from a "NORM" is reasonable/justifiable i.e. "getting killed by people who believe disability to be some type of curse. Or who believe only the fittest deserve life free from discrimination and harm." We all need to recognize how challenging it is for disabled persons living in this world and work toward making changes. We can't do that if we don't have people who are willing to talk about it. I am very thankful for @Lovelight and her gentle but firm "I don't think it is a good thing to paint a picture so broad." If our ideas aren't challenged how can we ever grow? Again. Thank you. I wasn't trying to minimalize. I did want @Spud424 to feel as though his disability isn't something to be ashamed of. I did a poor job of relating that feeling.
My step-daughter is on the spectrum. Beautiful soul living 40 years on this earth with a capability of a 5 year old forever more. Taking care of her and seeing the challenges daily are another aspect of disabilities. The people who love and support those with disabilities have a struggle as well…. Wives and husbands partners etc. .
I know that I can’t FEEL what it feels like to be in anyone’s shoes but my own. There is a HUGE spectrum of disability and like @Big_Chris said it’s tough if you see someone worse off because you don’t feel like you deserve the label if you still have some ability. My niece has epilepsy and from a young age she was part of my household. People can’t SEE her epilepsy unless she’s having a seizure but it affects her every single day. To even hold down a job at a pizza joint makes management nervous because she might fall into the stove if she starts having a seizure. She can’t function like an “able-bodied” soul because she basically can’t be left alone even though she’s 25. There’s so many different things out there that affect living ably in the world and it makes me sad that we can’t find a way to remedy it financially to create a more even playing field and on top of that we struggle to support people emotionally!!
@Big_Chris Wow. Thank you for insight from a military perspective. Out here in the land of random citizen we have this overwhelming desire to believe that there has been growth in that world. Unfortunately there is still a lot of stigmatism it seems. My son wants to go military and I 100% support that, I just wish there could be balance at how much war affects military AND their families. Again.... Thank you for your service. You have no idea how much I want to hug you straight around your middle.... for a long time.... until it gets a little awkward.
It's hard to admit you need help. Harder still to recognize you've been treading water. I got lucky. I don't know who needs to hear it but: Don't wait. Just go get some help. F*** the people who will treat you differently, it's better than having them gossip at your funeral about how you always seemed so happy.
I appreciate this @Big_Chris ..... It helps give perspective.
So disabled isn't wrong but I don't think it really helps to understand me or anyone else. If you read the whole thing, thanks. Take care of yourselves, and check on your buddies.
@Spud424 I do love this community and the idea of cuddles. But mostly I love meeting like minded people who have a desire to TRULY accept and value us exactly where we are at.
So I think part of disability is very real in the physical manifestation of It, but attitude can help a lot also. Hopefully my new journey into the cuddle community can continue to be helpful to me to continue to grow into the person I want to become
@hifigeorge thank you so much for being a part of this!
@adorable48 Wow. That is a strong statement right there. I see a trend in able bodied people as well as disabled. If we worry about how people will possibly see us it sometimes DOES become self-sabotage. We can't control any of that. Great insight my friend!!! I say we let people love us and to the rest that don't accept.... Keep walking! You are on point.
I think it’s related to my disability some and other times I think I sabotage myself by thinking too much about how I perceive people will see me.
@Lovelight I think you have really summed it up with this statement.
There's a range in severity within each disability
Seen and unseen.
Thank you all so much for sharing!! 😊
@sillysassy I appreciate your kind words, and I wish your son the best of luck. When he joins up, PM me his address at basic training and ill send him a care package if you like. I can at least let you know what they need haha
The military has come a long way but there is still a long way to go. At the end of the day, the army is a machine designed to win wars. Not many resources are devoted to broken parts in that machine. The biggest lesson I learned is that the army will keep rolling along, and you need to take care of yourself because the army won't always have your back.
All that being said, it was a very rewarding experience that I grew so much from. I think that it's so useful for young people to learn character, perseverance, and integrity.
@Big_Chris Awwwwwwwwwww so so so sweet to offer such a thoughtful thing.
@sillysassy that's thought provoking, thanks for sharing.