At least have the decency to say "no thank-you"

JustasmileJustasmile
in General

I have written to 3, 5, 7 cuddlers in my area, and no replies. Worse than Match.com outreach.
So, I finally gave up and wrote this to a person out of frustration. Looking to see if I am alone in "trying to reach out".

"I find this group, not just particularly you, to be extremely frustrating. Here is a website that we join to have a human connection, to share emotions, and to hopefully bond with another.

Yet, if this website is right, it shows when a person was last on the website, and I am assuming , looking at their messages that they receive.
Yet, I am ignored message-wise completely. Like a homeless person who has no anchor of a home, searching humanity for compassion. And this lack of message reply reminds me of a passer-by who avoids eye contact with that homeless person. Pretend they are not there and making their own life less unpleasant. If I remind you of that person who is reaching out for touch and desire acknowledgement of my being, please block my profile. and have me vanish from this hope that there is a person looking for a connection."

Thank you for a place to vent. Wish you all much more success than I am having......

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Comments

  • pmvinespmvines

    Dude . Nobody owes you anything, including a response. Nobidy is responsible for making sure that your feelings aren't hurt. That's the breaks of when dealing with online communities , and life in general really , like it or not.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Let me help you out here...

    No reply = "No, thank you."

    Do you really need that cluttering your in-box? Save the space for those who are interested.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    Yeah... being ignored does kind of suck. But one thing to keep in mind, maybe, is that this site is reflective of society in that people are fricken busy... There's a pandemic. There's a new wave of global unrest kicking up. It's the beginning of the school year. Harvesting and canning season is upon us...
    Basically, understanding that convenient timing for you, may not match that of others. So give it time and yourself a hug. 💓

  • [Deleted User]LadyDebz (deleted user)

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It isn't very professional (in my opinion) to ignore those who are reaching out for a cuddling session. Even if it isn't the right fit for you or the other person, you shouldn't be treated like that. Don't give up. I really hope you find what you're searching for and someone treats you with the respect you deserve. Have a good evening!

  • OhioMikeOhioMike
    edited August 2021

    I’ve always heard that people in BUCKEYE Arizona are the best at giving advice 😊

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    This is starting to make men lonely and desperate here when I see this forums. No wonder most of the females who join this site become pros. Some guys need to really focus on themselves ,careers and purpose trust me you will get those cuddles and responses from women. Chase a check not a female. I can tell you need to be chased and that's best way self improve yourself. Women don't like the needy, they owe you anything guys. Best way to get a mutual cuddle off here is to not go after the most attractive female or cute one. Go after the average female or little below. If you want a response or cuddle that's best option. I know from experience

  • eptxeptx

    @Justasmile

    Are you contacting pros or enthusiasts or a mixture of both?

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    I know it sucks to not receive a reply. Especially when it happens repeatedly.

    But try to understand that this is normal, acceptable behavior on the Internet. It feels like you just walked up to someone at a party, introduced yourself, and they just ignored you and walked away. That would be pretty rude in person. But the culture is different on the Internet, largely by necessity. A woman has showed me her inbox on this site, and she had hundreds of unread messages. Is it really realistic to expect her to take the time to reply to each of those individually? It's just not going to happen.

    So online, you just have to accept that:
    1. Not getting a reply is equivalent to "no thank you."
    2. Very few women will reply.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I know I’m just a pro and I don’t have experience being an enthusiast and I’m not a male surrounded by 300 other men in an area that only has 3 enthusiast women, but I’d like to put a small thought in here.
    I know a lot of guys send a thoughtful message to show they care and are most likely absolute sweethearts but the majority of men on here send messages like :

    “you’re so sexy”

    “Man, what I would do to you”

    “I wanna kiss you”

    “Wat up?”

    “Let’s f$&k”

    “Give me your number”

    So it should be understood in the enthusiast women’s POV, you really really have to stand out. The main point I’m making is people say something like

    “you need to be polite in your messages”

    so yes, people will say

    “that’s what I do”,

    and that’s awesome!! But the main thing is that you guys are far and few between. If the community wasn’t so toxic and filled with men propositioning women and women selling themselves sexually (on a platonic site), I think it would be a lot easier for an enthusiast woman to pick more men. But there is no guarantee for safety for them.

    So for men saying “ I get that women get bombarded with shitty guys, but I’m not a shitty guy. I’m a nice guy”. We don’t know that! We don’t know that you’re an actual nice guy!! A lot of guys will send a generic “how are you” message which seems basic and nice enough, but right after that, cue in the derogatory messages after. It’s just so difficult to know which one of you is actually a nice guy not trying to get busy, ya know? So yes, it’s hard to get responses from enthusiast women, but I’m sure it doesn’t help that there are so many more men.

    If you’re trying to get a hold of pro cuddlers and trying to get a session, if you e gone through 7 pros and no answer, then it might be what you’re messaging them. Or you’re messaging pros who haven’t been on the site in ages. But, alas, there are unprofessional pros that don’t actually care about this business. And there are also pros who are just way too busy. So many variables 😣

    I will say this: to see both sides, not trying to demean or belittle what men go through, but even though women have more options, enthusiast women have a harder time in a different way. I can definitely empathize with how painful constant rejection is, but for a woman to get constantly sexualized and be made to be seen as just a piece of meat is so much more demoralizing and degrading and disheartening. There are sooo many nice women on here; enthusiast and pro that would gladly answer and have a good chat, and there are soooo many incredible gentlemen on here who know how to converse without it getting sexual. People DO reply. It’s just such a large, complicated world for both sides that a specific goal just seems so unattainable. All that matters is that we keep spreading love and answering the polite messages in hopes that they aren’t rude messages and try to get along with each other without having expectations for the other side when we don’t fully know how it feels to be on the other side.
    (All of this coming from a pro that doesn’t know what it’s like to be on either side ((except getting the sexualized degrading messages)) but take it at face value and I hope it shines some light)
    💖💖

  • pmvinespmvines

    @timetocuddle07 you basiing a woman's willingness to cuddle on her level of attractiveness really makes you seen like a jackass

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @timetocuddle07 ~ In addition to being overall an offensive post, your grammer leaves much to be desired...

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    @pmwvines thats fine think what u want . You pretty much agree with anything a pro or female says on forums to get brownie points. So I guess we both win an award for something

  • timetocuddle07timetocuddle07

    I know sometimes I'm fine with a pro and sometimes I'm fine with enthusiast that's its mutual.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @Sheena123

    the majority of men on here send messages like :

    So it should be understood in the enthusiast women’s POV, you really really have to stand out.

    Here's what doesn't make sense to me both on this site, and when women say similar things about their experiences on dating apps.... wouldn't the fact that most men's messages are so bad make it easier to stand out? If each woman is getting 50 opening messages, of which 43 are terrible like you described... doesn't that mean better odds for each of the 7 reasonable opening messages than if she had received 50 good opening messages?

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)
    edited August 2021

    Listen bro, men here are like 97% of the none-pro cuddling community. I have seen like 2-3 attractive enthusiast, which I assumed were fake and their profile, and didn’t last. With few exceptions, all women on here are looking to make a buck. There are currently 2 male pros who are actually getting female clients, and the dudes are good looking, in their 20s, and their female clients are about 3 times their age; god knows what they must even look like. What I’m trying to say here: you are coming in here like you are in an even playing field, ready to make demands and throw a fit if things don’t go your way.

    Now, let me be clear: there is a chance you might find a cuddle buddy you might be happy with. But the chances are slim. I would advice you to reach out to pros if you really want to cuddle that bad. Either that or go on a diet, hit the gym, take a few good pics to upload here and hope for a borderline miracle. Not trying to be rude or anything.

    Thankfully this site has some pretty awesome pros. So there is that. If you are going to hold on for a non pro, I would suggest a lot of patience and understanding on your part.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2021

    It sounds like you can benefit from taking a step back to focus on other things. Like guided meditation, yoga, learn new stuff, running, invest in a massage chair, body pillow, take a bubble bath, etc. Call a friend or two, or make a few more friends. Trying to meet others neither guarantees that you will nor does it obligate others to give you the time of day, especially when just beginning a conversation. I wouldn't go too much into that as others have already said so.

    Though also like others said, find enjoyment, distractions, whatever you wanna call it. Hopefully things you enjoy. If you heavily depend on others, particularly perfect strangers to comfort you, especially while you aren't paying, you are essentially set for failure. PS. Says you only cuddle 40 to 70. Perhaps make it like 20 to 100, also consider adding public cuddling to your list. I'll leave it at that, if you're interested in how you can improve a bit more, then you can let us know. Just pointing fingers at others will not help.

    @pmvines Yep, it ain't really as good of a strategy as it sounds. "The pretty girls don't want me, so might as well cuddle that." It don't sound nice, does it.

  • Big_ChrisBig_Chris

    "I have written to 3, 5, 7 cuddlers in my area"
    😂😂😂😂

    It's not going to get better, you might want to manage your expectations or change your strategy .

    I've come to terms with not getting replies, or being ghosted after a short exchange. It's not you, it's the market. The LAST thing you should do is send an angsty message. Sending that is an indication of poor conversation to begin with... they won't be sorry to have ghosted you.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Speaking from experience, "no thank you" really doesn't make you feel better.
    It almost feels worse in a way.

  • Mela_BMela_B

    I politely respond to almost everyone. I find that when I don't, it's because I feel wary or uneasy. And that's me listening to my instincts, which is my right.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    I've been on here about a week. Most of the messages I get end up like this

    hmu

    Could you send me some more pictures? ( no pictures of them and nothing written on their profile)

    Are you on any other sites?

    Wat up

    Or there is several hundred miles of distance, and I more prefer to be social on the forums.

    I've had one conversation with a local man, we exchange numbers and begin to text and agreed to meet up. At the last minute he texted and cancelled and I haven't heard from him since. I think it had to do with my unusual blue-collar profession for a woman.

    I am currently chatting with two other members. One I actually got to talk on the phone with tonight cuz we both work the same batshit hours.

    The other we have exchanged many ideas and photos of our respective homesteads. Even going into detail on the basics of pond maintenance and spectacular errors with aqua shade.

    Coming from a woman's perspective if we don't feel comfortable we will not continue a conversation. End of story.

    We are not a commodity. We are individuals and everyone of us has our own reasons for why we may or may not return messages.

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl
    edited August 2021

    @quixotic_life

    Harvesting and canning season is upon us...

    I love that this made that list. 🤣

    @Sheena123 - mic drop, as always. I kept thinking, gosh, (not to discredit how much being ignored sucks cause it feels terrible, but…) I wish the worst thing I encountered here was being ignored by multiple people - rather than routinely treated like a free call girl, expected to drive many hours to meet a complete stranger as if I’m here waiting on call to service his needs, read through books of men talking only about themselves with no questions or real interaction, and be sexually violated and then blamed by multiple men for it happening when I mentioned it in the forums. Seems like most dudes have no freaking cluuuuue about the depth of predatory, entitled, and narcissistic sh*t we have to wade through to get to a few lotuses. And that isn’t just here. It’s every sphere of life.

    @pmvines thank you for verbally kicking the douche’s arse so I didn’t have to. The things some guys say aloud…. SMDH

    With all that said… I hope you eventually find a good match, @Justasmile I’m also extremely frustrated by several experiences here. But I’ve also had some really good ones. Keep looking for those.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @Justasmile, welcome to the site and sorry you’re having a tough time. Sandwiched between some less than helpful comments are some very helpful ones.

    Please understand that the ratio of men to women on this site is about 4:1. Of the women who are on the site, many are reluctant to cuddle with anyone, male or female. Exactly what kind of messages are you sending? Give an example. We might be able to help you out.

    Painting yourself as a needy homeless person begging for attention is probably not going to win you points.

    No one owes you a response. No response simply means, “No, thanks.” Move on.

    Have you contacted any pros? That is probably your best bet.

    Good luck. One thing you can do to possibly improve your chances over time is to participate in the forums. People do travel and when people get to know you, they are more receptive to cuddling with you.

  • [Deleted User]Cuddleslikeapro (deleted user)

    @Babichev and to be fair, that 4:1 ratio is female pros vs male enthusiasts. The real ratio is much much more grim for us men.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles
    edited August 2021

    I hardly ever reach out. Maybe check this out instead.
    https://www.moddb.com/mods/stalker-anomaly

    edit-------
    I only suggest having realistic expectations. I wouldn't expect you to meet anyone from here for a few years, maybe a decade. Put in the appropriate amount of effort for something like that and you will be fine.

  • NicoSnuggsNicoSnuggs

    Few things which may help you and other men in particular:

    1) It really is a numbers thing at first, especially when you are getting started and have no ‘karma’ yet. You should be messaging at least 20 to 40 women from the get-go, and then respond to the first one who responds to you. Beggars should not be choosers, especially at the beginning.
    {Just like when we are young and in high school, we don’t start out at our ideal job, we take what job we can get.}

    2) Pictures of you surrounded by cash is a mixed bag, but at this point, it cannot hurt.
    Being surrounded by cash and fancy cars in a picture is the equivalent of a women wearing a beautiful sexy outfit in a picture.

    3) Cuddle with men, as they are lonely and looking for cuddling too, have strong hands and give good attention, sometimes better attention than women give you.

    **
    Bonus options:

    4) Spent a good $1000 on a life-like human mannequin. They have some which are designed really well, and with a heating blanket and/or a weighted blanket, there are similarities to real-life cuddling.

    5) Get a passport if you don’t already have one, and travel to a South America or Asian country. The odds of the women there giving you there time and attention, especially for money, is much higher in those areas than it is here in America.

    6) Search up masseuses in your area online and call around. Although it is not a cuddle, it is much more likely that you will get the attention that you need and at a higher rate than from this cuddle site (at first).

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @Justasmile the critical piece of information that you may be missing is that many women enthusiasts are overwhelmed simply by the number of messages they receive. Some women leave the site simply because of the volume of messages. The site management are working on developments to alleviate this difficulty. Note that this is an entirely separate problem from the content of some of those messages.

    It is possible to meet fellow-cuddlers on CC. Here's how I did it:

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10731/how-i-found-happiness-on-cuddle-comfort#top

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    I would humbly suggest that lashing out in frustration and anger at the very people we are trying to meet and connect with is perhaps not the wisest course of action.

  • RockRollCuddleRockRollCuddle

    @CuddlesinSoCal saying you have only seen 2-3 attractive enthusiast cuddler's on this site isn't to insulting to the ladies on here.

  • NickoliNickoli

    I've had plenty of cuddles on and off this site and none of them were like a mannequin and a warm blanket lol @NicoSnuggs, not even the worst one. To @Justasmile I prefer no response to a few back and forth messages, scheduled meet ups and eventually no shows or cancellations. Consider yourself lucky and move on to the next. Also writing to anyone out of frustration may be seen as a red flag. Good luck.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited August 2021

    People don't cuddle for others, they cuddle for themselves. Venting is cathartic, and I get the frustration, I really do. But reframing that into something like "what is is that female cuddlers look for in male cuddle partner" might be more productive. Some of the professionals on this website do cuddle for others, in a sense, if you'd like to go that route.

    @CuddleWho

    Regarding your point on, wouldn't the decent messages stand out even more? That does seem to make sense. I'll often try to send someone a thoughtful message to an enthusiast cuddler, only to have them check out my profile and never message me. That has happened multiple times. I can only assume that my message piqued their interest, but my profile and\or photos of myself wasn't what they were looking for I guess.

    There was a female cuddler who made an excellent post breaking down the types of message she received. It went something like this: A lot of messages were one-liners and/or crass which obviously didn't make it through the filter. Then, there one or two sentence messages that were polite, written with good grammar, and got straight to the point of cuddling, which was better, but not good enough. After that, there were longer, seemingly thougthful messages, but they seemed like they were copy-pasted en masse to other cuddlers as well. The last category she described seeming truly clever/thoughtful and suggested real human connection and she said it was this category of messager that she cuddled with primarily. She said that only 1-2% of the messages she received seemed to fit into this category.

    So based on that, if the message falls in this category, and the cuddler doesn't have analysis paralysis from 50+ msgs, this message type will help you stand out. Problem is that I try to write this kind of message, but I guess I fall short of it most of the time.

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