Public opinion

BellaJamieBellaJamie
in General

Hi! I'm fairly new here. I'm 52, a woman and I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. Sadly, there doesn't seem to be any cuddlers out here in Singapore who are in my age group. I can't be too old for cuddling, right?

I was contacted by a younger dude, young enough to be my son. He's 22 and wants to meet in a hotel. I said no because he's a guy, I don't meet strangers in hotels and he doesn't have a photo on his profile. Well, he obliged with a photo. So I said we need to meet in public to talk and see if we comfortable with each other to want to cuddle. Also, that first meeting is important because that's where rules can be set. He's pretty persistent about the hotel and said we can chat there and people will not judge him for being with a woman who is so much older.

Ouch!

So, am I being oversensitive? Overthinking things? I doubt. I've reached an age where I've realised people will judge, regardless of what you do. Yet, whose opinion matters more? I'd rather be true to myself and hold myself dearly.

Comments

  • deefinedeefine

    Meet in public. If he refuses, refuse to meet him and block him.

  • eptxeptx

    They probably will think he's your son. haha But if you're just talking in public, then I don't see anything wrong with it.

  • BellaJamieBellaJamie

    @davebutton , thank you. I will do that.

  • BellaJamieBellaJamie

    @eptx , I know! I could be a hot mum or aunt lol but I'm very sure that nobody would think he and I are together. And I'm a very normal-looking middle-aged woman. Who would be embarrassed to be seen with me?

  • [Deleted User]CharlesThePoet (deleted user)

    I would tell everyone, listen to that inner voice.

    Always, always, ALWAYS protect yourself.

    Anyone that isn't willing to respect your boundaries, and do whatever it takes to provide you with safety and comfort is simply not worth your time, or the risk.

  • eptxeptx

    @BellaJamie You look 10-15 years younger than your age. I take that back. They probably will think he's your brother!

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited August 2021

    Nope! My advise ignore/block/have a good day him and know that better will come. My take, if he's so ashamed to be seen with you, he doesn't deserve your company. Don't live in a scarcity mindset or settle for less cause of lack of options, it is better to be alone than be used or overlook our comfort and safety. With time, there will be better and there are other platforms you can also try utilizing. As well as getting a massage to help give you a boost.

    I am pretty sure you aren't asking him to some large gathering or in the middle of a crowd either. Just somewhere public that you'd feel safe to meet him and converse. If he refuses to recognize that basic yet vital step you need to take, then he's not worth your time. Thank you, next!

    Also you aren't alone, I've heard of/know people who've been done like that cause of their weight, disability, etc. And as someone who has experienced this myself, I don't settle for less than I deserve and want. And if someone has an issue with who I am, that's theirs to deal with. I'll go on living my life and I am bound to find folks who have no issue with who I am. :)

  • BabichevBabichev

    Who wants to cuddle with anyone who doesn’t want to be seen with them? No me.

    I would say I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re a good fit, and then block him. Don’t let anyone push your boundaries. If they can’t respect your boundaries before you even meet, what will they do when they are alone with you?

    I hope you find a worthy cuddle partner.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    You’re def not being over sensitive in my opinion. first he’s being persistent with the hotel even after you kindly asked him to first meet in public , & than he makes a comment that stung a bit (maybe it speaks of his age or lack of thoughtfulness) but listen to your inner voice … but if you decided to go through with it I really hope it turned out just fine & that you both had a great experience : )

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Well, maybe he's a jerk. But the fact is it can feel awkward to be seen with someone when there's a 20-30 year age gap in what people may assume is a romantic relationship. Although 99.9% of the time it's not a problem, I have occasionally felt a little judged when in public with a cuddler much younger than me, and I wouldn't be bothered if a cuddler felt weird about it too.

    I personally might not write him off entirely if I were in your shoes.

    Then again, wow you look young. Seriously, it seems to me this should be a complete nonissue given how young you look.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays
    edited August 2021

    I would say - go with your gut. I've had guys on here get pushy about various things, and if you want to meet in public first, that's up to you! The guys who are pushy and have said questionable things to me haven't gotten to meet me because I want to be comfortable (I want them to be comfortable, as well but if they are being rude and pushy, then I'm not comfortable). Sure, they would be paying me, but that doesn't mean they get to be pushy and/or rude - you know? It's just like anything else - there needs to be compatibility. I hope this helps! 😊

  • Mr_Cuddle_BearMr_Cuddle_Bear

    He sounds like a jerk. If you were in NY I would be happy to cuddle with you.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @DimpleGirl 💯

  • BabichevBabichev

    If I see two people out together I don’t assume they are dating or cuddling, they are just two people out together unless they are hanging all over each other. They could be related, or friends, or coworkers.

    This guy was being pushy. At the very least, he was clueless about why she wanted to meet first in a public place and his remark about her age. If he’s that clueless he’s probably not going to make a good cuddle buddy anyway. A good cuddle buddy respects boundaries and respects the person.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @cuddles_ndream - thanks. 😊

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Babichev - exactly, he was very pushy!

    There was a guy I recently chatted with on here who said he "might accidentally kiss me" and I'm thinking "How is that an accident?!?" That was one of a few red flags, and I did not move forward with booking anything with him.

  • LovelightLovelight

    I'll add that sometimes the reason people give isn't the real reason. Maybe he's taken or some other reasons. Though whatever it is, I'd rather stay far from it. Like others said, it is virtually not an issue to just be seen with someone of significant age difference. Though if you're acting like a couple then it may become a bit problematic and that's up to you two to weigh if the benefits outweigh the issues. Depending on how it is where you live that could still not be much of an issue. Maybe you can tell him that when out with him, you've no intentions to make physical contact with him if you both aren't comfortable. Though that you need to meet outside til you become comfortable.

    A part of me feels he should know better than to keep insisting a stranger, a woman, go over to some hotel to meet him or who knows who. If you've not given up yet, I'd consider letting him know that if you really don't mind only cuddling with him indoors. If he's still uninterested, you can end it there. I'd also have a video call that's beyond close ended questions.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @DimpleGirl Definitely a red flag.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @Lovelight - I understand you wanting to stay far from all of that.

    Yes, truly a red flag, as was him wanting to pay after the session rather than before (and stating that he "wouldn't do anything that would make it so we would need to end the session early", etc), as well as demanding my email address. Things just felt forced and VERY uncomfortable. I am really glad I didn't meet him. Who knows what might have happened? 🤦‍♀️

  • BellaJamieBellaJamie

    Wow! Thank you all for writing. I'll didn't realise so many of you had replied. He tried his luck once more but I stood my ground. I think he's either too young or thoughtless to truly understand what boundaries are.

    I'm really 52. I'm lucky I've got my mum's genes. I guess smiling and laughing a lot helps keep me young, as well.

    @DimpleGirl , @Lovelight , @Babichev , @cuddles_ndream , @Mr_Cuddle_Bear , @CuddleWho , @eptx , @CharlesThePoet and @davebutton , thank you all for making the world a little bit smaller and warmer. Much love to all of you from sunny Singapore xx p/s

    Hope you enjoy the song It's got to be you by Jin & V of BTS.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @BellaJamie ty so much for the kind words & the 🎶

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    This goes for any woman here - always listen to your instincts. The one time I didn't, second guessed myself, and gave a man from this site the benefit of the doubt, he later got handsy and got booted from my cuddle circle.

    That said, don't rule out young men simply because they are young. I'm 45, my youngest cuddle partner is 19 and a perfect gentleman. I also have cuddle partners who are in their 20s who know how to conduct themselves properly. The one I had to boot was in his 30s.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    He's scarred about people sayings give him a chance to meet in public if not ignore him he can wear Sun glasses if he's scared about people seen him with u

Sign In or Register to comment.