Your view of married people coming here?

November 2015

What is the general consensus on married people who love their spouse but desire extra affection through cuddling?

[Mod Notice: Renamed the topic title for clarity.]

November 2015

It's unfortunate, but probably not uncommon. Most likely a sign of more significant problems in the relationship. First attempt to address the deficiencies in the marriage. But it is not fair to deprive a spouse of touch. If you need to get your cuddling from somebody else, just make sure you know your boundaries.

November 2015

I agree with TxDoc. My thought is this: not being able to perform sexually is a legit denial because it is not a voluntary choice. However, withholding hugs and cuddling is not attributably the same unless your spouse becomes paraplegic. You should want to initiate hugging and snuggling with your spouse and your spouse should never have to beg for it. Honestly, I feel my husband psychologically pushed me into this. This wasn't the happily ever after I envisioned. And I'd venture to say you might feel the same, KittyMama. Don't feel guilty for needing affection. It isn't your fault; it is how a woman is packaged. I respect the CC crowd because they have chosen a venue that is outwardly innocent to satisfy a very basic, human need. Lack of physical touch is not only debilitating to the soul ... It hurts emotionally, spritually, and yes physically because there are proven correlations between physical touch and wellness. I speak from experience too.

November 2015

That's exactly it, dreamdean. He's been making more strides toward snuggles lately so I am hopeful! There's nothing quite as satisfying as being held and feeling the love of your spouse.

November 2015

Oh, how fortunate for you! As disappointing as some of my experiences have been on CC, hearing from others that are getting their needs met gives me hope that I will find the same. Is there something you did to encourage the snuggling? I have tried everything but snuggling is annoying to him. It makes him hot, he isn't comfortable laying that way, why do I have to be on his side of the bed ... I have so much love to give and it hurts. He grew up with parents who never touched (and I mean NEVER) and so maybe this makes sense to him. But I'm dying inside ... Something has to give before I am spiritually annihilated. In all honesty, I'm just about there.

November 2015

Dreamdean I know that feeling all too well. Annihilation. That's the perfect word. I had a very honest talk about how I absorb energy and emotions.

AutumnCzun · November 2015

It is very unfortunate that you don't get your basic needs met and it probably hurts really badly, so I'm sorry to hear about your situation. However please understand that your partner might not have the same need, in fact they might have the need to NOT cuddle. And this want is just as valid as yours. So you can discuss your incompatibility and hopefully find a way to compromise. If you want to cuddle with other people outside of marriage, then objectively speaking that is a good idea if it works for you. Just don't forget to talk about this with your spouse beforehand.

November 2015

That is a very valid point. We do have discussions and I have not met with anyone. I'm not even sure that I will or genuinely want to. I just need the perspective.

November 2015

Glad I found this post. I am I man in the same situation as you. It is the worst felling not to be loved by your spouse. I haven't cuddled yet but I'm hoping it will help. My wife knows I need it l, in fact I've almost left twice because of it. You would think she would make an effort.

November 2015

Giving a cuddle costs the cuddler nothing but a little time so you are right, David, there is no good reason not to make an effort for someone you supposedly love. I feel like if your spouse's feelings change, they have made the decision for you. I would never play with someone's emotions like that so I don't expect it in return. Fair is fair.

AutumnCzun · November 2015

Of course everyone is different and some couldn't care less whether they cuddled or not. But it is an emotional thing and some people are averse to cuddling or see it as work. One can get tired of constantly having to do something one would rather not and having to look happy about it at the same time. In other words: Just because we like and maybe even need cuddling, that doesn't mean that everyone feels the same. And yes, it sucks.

November 2015

I would not have married a man that didn't want to hug, cuddle, and snuggle me. It is a major part of who I am and to me is a necessity no less than water or air. Believe me, if I thought I needed some sort of prenuptial agreement for something that should occur naturally between a husband and wife, this whole situation would have unfolded differently. The game was changed on me way far in and so as far as I'm concerned, that is cheating. And I don't play twice with a cheater.

Grace_Anna · November 2015

I'm so sorry. I could understand if someone was actually feeling touch averse why that person might not want to cuddle or hug, but it is possible to put a hand on someone's shoulder or rub their back without having to be touched yourself. In exchange for getting their need for touch met, the touchy feely spouse could do something to meet the other person's needs. There is an online quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ so that both spouses can figure out their love language. Sometimes, this helps couples to better understand each other so they can do a better job of loving each other in the way each person needs.

If a spouse still isn't willing to meet the need for touch in any form, I don't see any reason why non-sexual touch has to be restricted to romantic relationships. I hope all of you can find people who will give you that touch. If this site alone isn't working for you, there is also an app for finding cuddle buddies called spoonr and there is something called cuddle parties that might be in your area. Cuddle party locations and dates are listed at cuddleparty.com or meetup.com. I have had some good experiences from this site, but I do expect that a lot of the connections I make will be temporary. It seems like that might be the nature of platonic cuddling. It will go well for months perhaps when a guy is in between relationships and then he becomes ready to date again and the cuddle arrangement ends. Then I look for a new cuddle friend. I would definitely recommend stating upfront that you are not here looking for sex or a relationship. Talking about boundaries up front can help cut down on frustration.

cuddlepartner · November 2015

It is highly unlikely that it is just about the cuddle. Even though it certainly can be a need that can be addressed innocently with someone else via "cuddling" it also opens up other possibilities and opportunities that addresses the deeper underlining issues which will almost always lead to infidelity. I totally get the concept "cuddle buddy" and in itself the notion is as innocent as a new born baby however the very nature of the innocent jester is a portal to a whole sleigh of other dynamics that will ultimately cause someone pain in the end. I am not knocking the concept, just saying approach the opportunity with both eyes open and a willingness to except it's potential consequences.

Image: http://lovingyourrelationships.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/couple-arguing.jpg

January 2016

Very interesting conversation and points being made in this discussion. I am on the same boat, in a relationship but with a partner that is not interested in cuddling and to me it is a necessity and the reason I joined this site.
I am great at cuddling and hopefully I can find cuddling partners to have a nice time and I think if it's not here there are other sites that have also been mentioned and I will give them a try as well if it doesn't work out over here although I have high hopes.

Crispin · January 2016

Don't give up on your mate for touch. Couples, like people, are organic and grow and change. We are all a little touch deprived and touch ignorant. You would think a wife or mother would have it all down pat but it ain't so. Let you be the expert and leader for a while.

LodanoSyazwan · January 2016

I'd love to provide the extra cuddles.

Crispin · January 2016

That is truly nice.

January 2016

Unfortunately, many of us are here not because we gave up on our partners/spouses but because our partners/spouses gave us up for whatever reasons. I am a passionate girl and can't live in this frozen state. I have tried for years to rekindle affection in any form but I have given up completely. It is just so depressing to want to be wanted.

hereagain · March 2016

I have all the extra cuddles,hugs,warmth,closeness you want.. I also need and want all the above (NOW).. Gotta be some ladies in south florida who wants and needs cuddle just like me.. I am single and looking for LTR also (NOW).... Talk to me ladies

BadgerBob · April 2016

Sometimes two people of different cultures can be married and good friends but not in an intimate way so they allow each other to find someone to cuddle with (similar to their particular culture) and have a special type platonic friendship. This can be very therapeutic.

docgatorb · April 2016

What;s wrong with married people? They need hugs too

April 2016

I would like to say that I would be too uncomfortable as a catholic in cuddling with a married man. Just my opinion.

4cuddles · April 2016

I share it your feelings robward27 & i'm not Catholic.

Darren66 · April 2016

I met a friend in a nude resort in Florida. She's married but she has her own business and works on the road. As a result she is not in a position to get the affection from her husband that she would like to have. The two of us spent a rather pleasant hour or so cuddling and it was wonderful for both of us. All that to say that there are circumstances in which married people can find themselves that deprived them from the physical contact that we all needed. As long as it's just cuddling it can be very beneficial for a person's peace of mind and emotional equilibrium.

Bruin · April 2016

I've no problem with snuggling up to a married partner. However, I've no interest in replacing hubby either. Not what I'm here for.

sassorison · April 2016

I agree with bruin. A lot of you are making cuddling out to be something couples do, and if you think that I'd suggest you leave the site immediately! You're only going to get hurt or hurt someone else! Cuddling is a basic human desire often filled by a sexual partner inn this culture, but on this site that is not the goal.

docgatorb · April 2016

At least in this county, we are largely "out of touch". As a massage therapist. I was always amazed at how many people who only knew touch in the context of sex. Perhaps it is sad when someone in a marriage is suffering from touch deprivation, but it does happen. I would dare to say that this deprivation and not realizing that this need can be met without having a full romantic relationship has probably driven many extra-marital affairs. The same could be said of companionship.It's time to drop the idea that every human need is to met by a spouse.

4cuddles · April 2016

I completely agree with you docgatorb about human need and spouse. However upbringing, religion and culture can play a role when it comes to touch especially in marriages.

I can empthatise with a married touch deprived person. However, think I'd be uncomfortable about having them as a cuddle buddy if heterosexual and male. (Guess I'm not as open minded as I wish..) think its because I'd feel like I was crossing a line.

docgatorb · April 2016

We all have our 'comfort zone' and fortunately, as much as religions and other zealots have tried to make us all the same, they have had only a limited success. We must pick our battles with these forces or we would eventually go mad. Many of the discussion on this website are exploratory in nature.This is the first step in change. no one should feel bad about where they are starting in this process. Fortunately, we are not debating the passing of a restrictive law or doling out punishment to those who decide to follow a different drum. Hopefully, everyone is coming away from these discussions with a little more dimensional of the issues and how they effect those involved.

bluestripes · April 2016

So, since I specifically was asked what *I* think in the title

(not in the first post, I have no clue what general consensus is!)

In these situations, I ask the person whether their s/o is aware of what they're doing and what they think of it. If I'm told that the s/o is aware and comfortable with what's going on, I don't have a problem to proceed. If the s/o is not aware and would not be comfortable if they knew, I would not get involved; however, for me it isn't a problem knowing that someone else is getting involved in that kind of interaction. I'm just not very secretive and would want to have an opportunity, in an unlikely event that I met the s/o, to be their best friend

. (I don't want to deprive myself of options for having more friends!) But other people are, of course, different, and human relationships are so, so, so nuanced. So many ways in which we try to connect, I like all of it

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Your view of married people coming here?

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