@Letsholdeachot LOL, I enjoyed reading that.
@CuddleDuncan
The skill of a true professional cuddler is in the balancing act. Being emotionally involved enough in the cuddle for it to be meaningful, while remaining detached enough to stay focussed on the client's needs.
I agree. I'm a professional who provides care for people experiencing homelessness. It is in my nature to care, and to care too much. My work is something my heart would offer for free, if I didn't have bills to pay.
Part of my ongoing training is focused on helping me to take care of my own needs, and to prevent my care for others' problems from burning me out.
It is because of that training that I'm able to continue providing care. I have a lot of respect for cuddle pros who have learned to practice self care while caring for others.
The skill of a true professional cuddler is in the balancing act.
I would be interested to hear who is defining what a true professional cuddler is because they are all different and yet almost all have been wonderful. And some were unbalanced—some make you feel emotionally special while others have the gift of physical touch and rare is the one that possesses all in abundance, yet there are a special few. I think defining a professional cuddler is not a declarative black and white statement as I have found happiness in the arms of several pros who varied greatly and defy any simple box you wish to put them in.
If anyone doubts that you can define a pro cuddler—or any cuddler for that matter—in a simple statement just look at the different needs of the people looking for a cuddler. Not everyone is looking for the same thing. There are days I do not want any emotional connection. I just want the warm body that knows how to caress, maybe give some head scratches, and lie in stillness. Other times I want company while relaxing and hope that person can tolerate the chatterbox side of me. And sometimes, I unlock the inner me with the very special cuddlers I meet—sometimes things I don’t even like to think about. But that is what chatting before a cuddle is for—finding a fit for both parties and that is not always easily accomplished because pros do not take every client either, nor should they if they sense something is off. Ultimately, only the person looking for a pro knows the definition of a true pro cuddler because chances are they are much different from mine.
This is a great concept. 100% recommended
@CuddleDuncan professionals also have the power to save lives, some people have depression and mental problem,suicide thoughts because maybe some are ignorant they don't ask help or seek advice. Seeking advice it's very necessary in life historically kings or now presidents before any action they first they seek advice from their ministers before taking any action. Example if the Roman king said let's attack with all army the minister will say don't attack with all military keep some in the city to protect our back funny example. Human needs human
If one requires emotional involvement for cuddling, then cuddling with both pros and other enthusiasts is going to be a problem.
One can be compassionate and caring and still maintain professional boundaries. In fact, it is essential for a professional to maintain professional boundaries for the good of both the client and the pro. Imagine this scenario: someone has just lost a close family member unexpectedly and is overcome with grief. They are sobbing. Even as a friend, if I let myself be drawn into their grief at that moment, I can no longer be there for that person. I may feel sad for my friend or my client but in order for them to be able to let go they need to know i am going to be solid for them, to hold a safe space for them. If we allow ourselves to be overcome with grief ourselves, now they need to take care of us.
I’m a professional massage therapist and have been for 30 years. It’s never been just a job. I have a lot of compassion for my clients. That expresses itself in different ways. It could mean just common respect for every person who comes into my practice. It may mean listening to some heartbreaking stories. It may mean maintaining my composure while witnessing a longstanding client who is aging and deteriorating before my eyes and even though it’s hard for me to witness. It may mean that as I massage them I am pouring out all the love I have for them, for the amazing human being I’ve known them to be for over 20 years and keeping back the tears as I watch them fade away.
Having utmost respect for the client means maintaining professional boundaries. That does not interfere with having care and respect and compassion for the client. In fact, by knowing our limits it gives us the freedom to have that care and respect because we know exactly where the guardrails are.
This is the same freedom I feel with a good cuddle buddy. Because I know where our agreed upon limits lie I can let myself go within those boundaries, I can fully relax. I don’t have to keep my guard up. Mostly I find that with my cuddle buddies who are friends in my life. We already know each other and my friends are really big on consent.
@Babichev Eloquently and accurately stated!
@FunCartel oh I completely agree. I wasn't attempting to define anything, merely express a thought. And the balance point is different for every cuddler and every client and indeed every session.
I don't have - and probably never will have - the breadth of experience of professional cuddlers that you do but even I have met different types. In fact, when choosing a professional for my next session I think carefully about exactly what I'm looking for this time, and who can provide that.
@Babichev's excellent post is the long version of what I was trying to say.
I think I'll give my 1.99 cents, which is similar to many of the previous posts on this thread.
On my side, no success. But the reason is my location, i.e. France : the cuddling movement is still marginal despite a slight rise.
@CuddleDuncan Things must be very different in England. Or at least outside of my area of the world. Very few people who get paid to cuddle have any 'expertise'. Of the 9 I have met with, 4 had never cuddled anyone, 2 others tried to cross sexual boundaries, and 1 of those 4 had me jumped and robbed. Only 1 of these paid cuddlers had any kind of training, classes, or research behind what she was doing. Just because someone gets paid to cuddle doesn't mean they have any expertise (or additional expenses for that matter).
My Goodness, isn’t everyone putting a little bit too much pressure on the “professional” cuddlers? And I use the term loosely, it doesn’t require any special documentation or training. You just pay cuddle comfort their cut and you’re off to the races. Are there better “pros” than others? Absolutely, but that’s in all lines of business. They are not therapists, Psychiatrists, or shrinks. This isn’t part of their job description to help you get your shit straightened out. Get professional help, because it won’t end well. They are here to give physical comfort for those lonely guys every once and while. Look attractive, smell nice, keep clean sheets, have an embracing touch, lend an ear so we can let off some steam, and charge a fair rate. That’s really it. You shouldn’t have these expectations on these women because clients will think they will solve all there problems. The half or so dozens who post all the time are really not indicative of the average professional. And to respond to the emotional attachment argument. I would never recommend getting emotional attached with someone you pay to hold you. How in the world do you think that will end? You wouldn’t get emotionally attached to your therapist. If they quit, or decide not to see you anymore because they know you are getting too emotionally connected, how are you going to feel now?
I have to agree with Libra0. It's a job -- they are meeting a demand, each in their own way, and some will be great at it and some not. No one is holding a gun to anyone's head and forcing them to use a professional. But it seems like there is a pretty well-defined scope to the service they are offering and that's all that can reasonably be expected of them. I had someone messaging me yesterday basically saying that pros were awful and "too demanding" -- if you are offering something people want, and especially when demand far outstrips supply, you get to set the prices you want and set the conditions you want. That's the way business works.
@WriterGF 👏 👏 👏 I concur with everything in your post sir! 👍
@creedhands Thanks for sharing that info. Basically sounds like a lot of what you thought to be the pros of cuddling actually turned out to be cons.
Actually yes. Had my first ever cuddle session by a pro this passed Saturday and have made it no secret that I was nervous as Hell about it, especially considering some of the horror stories I've read from others around here, but no. Within the first minutes of the session, I felt wrapped in her compassion and my anxiety slowly died down. We spent the entire time talking and laughing, to the point the cuddling itself became an after thought & just felt natural. It all just felt relievingly safe.
@Shake49 I'm glad that you had such a positive experience!
@Libra0 - exactly. 👍
@Libra0 Hit it out of the park. Is touch important? Of course. But is a cuddle session life altering? I would say that is an overdramatized statement or someone living a very closed off life. I could see it being very emotional for some, but to expect a pro cuddler to alleviate your psychic and emotional wounds is unfair to the person calling themself a pro. Considering that some mental issues are chemical and physical, it is also dangerous thinking to even have a modicum of expectation that a pro cuddler can “treat” that.
@FunCartel
I agree that to expect a session to be life-altering would be asking a lot. A similar thing could be said about one trip to the gym, or one healthy meal.
I believe that little things can have an impact that adds up, and while I can't point to one session that changed everything for me, my time cuddling has been an important part of a pretty big transformation for me. The process has included other positive habits, like diet, exercise, and therapy. I didn't lay responsibility at any cuddle pro's door, but I've received more than I expected, and they've helped me to heal.
@JoyfulHeart The difference is YOU put in the work and YOU decided to change. The cuddlers only offered the service and you took what could help you from the sessions. That is different from the expectation of therapy. You had the mindset to change. Some people with mental issues do not even know that a change is necessarily in order yet they expect the cuddler to make them feel better. I think what @Libra0 is saying is not a knock on pros but rather a plea to stop expecting them to solve things beyond their capabilities as some would want.
I feel that it depends on the area you are in. There are very few active cuddlers in my area. I have had some success by going out of my area but travel too far is hard.
@FunCartel I couldn't agree more
@creedhands I'm really sorry to hear you have had such a succession of dismal and genuinely horrible experiences. That's really grim.
Yes things are very different here in the UK. Over half the (dozen+) professionals I have met have formal training and/or extensive experience. Most had a background in a caring profession. None robbed or assaulted me, and of the few that were very inexperienced I was perfectly well aware of that beforehand. Indeed it was partly why I choose them. Only one was in any way problematic, and only one or two more didn't have at least some understanding of what they were doing.
Here it is effectively legal for sex workers to advertise and practice, and many do so openly on sites such as adultwork. As a consequence there is no need for them to hide on Cuddle Comfort.
Cuddling is also still less well known than in much of the States, which means that the criminal fraternity - along with nearly everybody else - doesn't know about it.
This kind of difference is partly what led me to start the 'types of cuddler' thread.
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/10740/some-thoughts-on-the-different-types-of-professional-cuddler#latest
@Libra0 💯
@Libra0 I don't always agree with you but there was a lot of wisdom in that post.
They are here to give physical comfort for those lonely guys every once and while. Look attractive, smell nice, keep clean sheets, have an embracing touch, lend an ear so we can let off some steam .......... That’s really it.
Up till the ellipsis that is absolutely true in many cases. But the "that's really it" part isn't true at all. A significant number of clients, and prospective clients, have much more complex needs that still lie within the remit of a cuddle professional.