Some thoughts on the different types of professional cuddler

CuddleDuncan

I'm not happy with this post and it isn't finished. However, I thought I'd stick it up because I need the wisdom of others. Not least because I've never cuddled anywhere except the UK.

I have been thinking for a long time about the different types of professional cuddlers. I have met several, but not all. This is an initial stab at talking about these different types. In the fullness of time the cuddling community may evolve different words for different categories, or different training or regulatory systems.

Note that I do not stand by this particular system of categorisation of the cuddle professionals who can be found on Cuddle Comfort. (For a start, any such system is arbitrary.) It's just where my thinking is at the moment. Obviously lots of people will not fit easily into any of these categories: the idea is to find a system of organisation into which almost everybody does fit.

Constructive comments please. If you are a professional, what category do you fall into? And what category do you believe others perceive you as being? What, if any, categories are missing? I'm particularly interested in comments from experienced clients.

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I have identified six categories of professional cuddler:

A) Cuddle Therapist. Probably has a background in a caring profession and is likely to have completed at least one training course. Their practice may be informed by psychotherapy or other therapeutic modalities. Can talk intelligently about issues like transference, and is well-boundaried. Usually at least 25 years old. Thoughtful and detailed profile.

B ) Cuddle practitioner. May have completed a training course and has a good or excellent profile. Competant and reliable professional with good boundaries, but doesn't have the depth of knowledge of a cuddle therapist.

C) Cuddle hobbyist. Sees cuddling as a good way of making some extra cash or just getting lots of cuddles. Fairly reliable and well-meaning, but may not really understand or care about what they are doing. Often have only a brief profile.

D) Cuddle unprofessional. A variant of the hobbyist, but somebody who is completely unsuited to professional cuddling and has has no concern for clients. Likely to have little or no written profile and be living a fairly chaotic lifestyle. Unboundaried. May cancel without notice, turn up drunk, fall asleep for the whole session, engage in sexual activities or sexually assault the client. But on a good day, may provide a decent service. This is the category that gives rise to many of the complaints on the forum.

Q) Sex worker. Offers some combination of cuddling, massage and sexual services. Shouldn't be on Cuddle Comfort, but finds refuge here because of restrictive laws in certain places. May be only dimly aware of cuddling as a Thing.

Z) Deliberately criminal.

celticboy

E) Cuddle Ghost. Purports to be a professional, is online frequently but doesn't respond to multiple requests for bookings.

MaullySterling

Following for interest, and certainly a good way to review in karma

LoveistheCureHS

This is a hard subject to talk about but I’ve seen so called professionals violate what this site is about and it breaks my heart how so many people want to be selfish instead of making a difference in the world like Superman and me💔😭 where did the inspiration go? Why are so many being addicts and dead to Love? Why must this go on?

LoveistheCureHS

So I screen those who talk to me

LoveistheCureHS

Because I have had enough of creeps no thank you

LoveistheCureHS

And I’m so so so tired of being used and taken for granted because fleeting “pleasures” of the physical “matter” more than loving a living thing that is NOT replaceable!

LoveistheCureHS

I’m the end I will always know always know that Love is the Cure. Sorry for my intensely emotional rant on here but it’s just how my aching heart my aching yearning soul feels

LoveistheCureHS

I’m still allowed to open
My eyes and take more breaths every morning and not fall over dead because I’m still
Being called
To make a difference in this world and I sure hope I can I really hope I will.

LoveistheCureHS

This is how we must think

TheFunCartel

Ok, back on topic now. I think a huge flaw when categorizing people is ignoring or underestimating an individual’s capacity for change or improvement. I have seen it before in pros and I even had one pro that I had written off reach out to me a year later and admit their head was in a bad space and they were certain I would appreciate the difference. She did not charge because the first time was a disaster and she was one of the worst experiences I ever had. The second time was mind blowing and rejuvenating. Perhaps she had an identical twin, but the truth was she had changed and defied categorization. It was truly remarkable—she did it without training and therapy. She said she decided one day that she actually wanted to make a difference rather than just only make money.

CUD_male

Just thinking about what type of scale could be applied to non-pro's - whether they cuddle both & keep to same standard?

MxSmith

I like these categories. I'm hoping to be a type A. I have gone through cuddle training/ basically good consent practices around touch through another platform and have a background working with disabled/differently abled people. My BA is in psychology and I approach touch trough a trauma informed lens. I'm still trying to flesh out some of the other skills that would be best for a cuddle therapist. I try to incorporate things like aromatherapy (lavender/rosemary/lemongrass), soft music, soft lighting, good blankets & pillows. I think my greatest weakness is still in my screening process. I'm great at keeping cuddle appointments but need better discipline around scheduling the screening. I'm actually really curious about how cuddlers feel about the different pro-cuddler screening methods.

ArtofTouch

I would support the professional (A) and possibly a practioner (B), because they care, have taken training, and have experience. The others should not be charging for their time.

ZacRedBear

Pros like @MxSmith as well as others with extensive training and practice, deserve to be labeled as Therapists.

I'm absolutely a type B (Practitioner), and I'd like to think my rate reflects that. My experience comes primarily from high school to present day friends that have found comfort through me. Even in my day job(s), I've helped customers open up, laugh, or just cool down. I also have personal experience in being emotionally stunted, so I'm naturally drawn to others who seem repressed, and offering a hand to help them feel accepted. My cuddling motivation is specifically for healing others, so I'd say that's what separates me from a Hobbyist.

I wouldn't judge any Type A, B, or C on here; as long as they're upfront, charge accordingly, and not a Ghost type Pokemon.

quietman775

Commenting as an experienced client. As of this writing, I have been cuddling for somewhere between five and six years, and have met 70 professionals from four different websites. I would make the following observations:

1. There is often very little connection between what is written on the pro's profile and the experience the client receives. Profiles are marketing material. Some people's profiles are thoughtful and accurate. Some are deliberately misleading. Some people struggle to express themselves in writing, while some just haven't gotten around to making the effort yet. Others have clearly cut and pasted their profiles from bios they liked. In my experience, there is no reliable way to distinguish among A,B, C, D, Q, or Z simply by the size or style of the profile. I have found there is more to be learned in the pre-session messaging than from the profile itself.

2. Intentionally or not, you have ranked these in order of what you view as best-to-worst. At least among A,B, and C, I might suggest a more neutral ranking that does not imply that the therapist is "best," while the next two fall increasingly short of that standard. Many clients are not seeking therapy. I seek cuddles because I enjoy them. Nothing more or less than that. Since I do not view myself as injured, sick, or hurting, I do not feel in need of treatment or therapy. Some of the more self-consciously therapeutic cuddle pros I have met struck me as "lab-coat cuddlers," whose sessions felt cool, clinical, and almost sterile. Like they'd be happy cuddling on a cold, hard, exam table under harsh fluorescent lighting while lecturing on the biochemical properties of oxytocin. Now that may be precisely what some clients are looking for. I'm not saying what is good or bad for someone else. I'm only suggesting that the categories be more like a neutral spectrum and less of a qualitative ranking.

3. Training. I've spoken to a number of pros who have received training or certification in cuddling. Most of this training is in client screening, establishing and communicating boundaries, and other aspects of client management. These things don't speak to the physical act of cuddling, so no amount of certifications can tell a client how good someone is at that. Skill at cuddling is a function of personality traits like friendliness and emotional expressiveness, combined with experience, self-confidence, creativity, adaptability, and a host of other things that can't really be acquired by taking a course.

4. With only the slightest of modifications, these categories would be equally applicable to enthusiasts. Bottom line for me is that anyone seeking cuddles here will meet all kinds of people with different personalities, cuddle styles, skill levels, and motivations. Not to mention good days and bad days. Perhaps knowing and being prepared to roll with that fact is more important than being able to precisely categorize it all.

No snark intended with any of the above. Just my thoughts. Hope it helps

TheFunCartel

@quietman775 Excellent summation and I have definitely experienced and noticed the same things. I did not see any snark at all.

CuddleDuncan

Thank you everybody!

@celticboy I would consider that kind of thing to be an example of the cuddle unprofessional.

@LoveistheCureHS there are a lot of people in pain on this website, it's not just you. I hope you can make a difference in this world and I think you will.

@FunCartel you're absolutely right. People do change, and professionals definitely can change categories over the course of time.

@MxSmith that comment about screening is really interesting, you should start a thread about that. Becoming type A is in your hands, I'm sure you'll get there. Well, you're clearly halfway there already.

@ArtofTouch I take your point but I'm not sure it's that simple. Type C and Q are offering a perfectly good service in their own way, and type D have to make a living somehow.

@ZacRedBear thank you for that. I'm trying not to judge anybody - I want to create neutral categories that are purely descriptive.

@quietman775 very helpful, thank you. I did not see any snark either. You are just the sort of chap I was hoping would post - I simply can't get that kind of experience in the UK.

1. I agree - profiles (and indeed any other single factor) are not a reliable indicator of anything. (Which is why my original post is so full of "likely" and "usually".

2. When I started out I intentionally tried to avoid the ranking that now, sadly, is somewhat implied as you rightly point out. I did say the post wasn't finished! You are quite right, it is not the case that a 'therapist' cuddle is intrinsically better or worse than a 'hobbyist' cuddle. They are just different, and will suit different circumstances.

3. Agreed

4. Absolutely. It's not only the case that every cuddler is different on every day, but every professional-client pair is different. Creating some system of categories just makes it easier to talk about certain topics, and gives us a tool for creating datasets that may reveal interesting or important patterns. One day, I'd like phrases like "cuddle therapist" or "cuddle practitioner" to be protected terms ... but it's a long way off and we have to start somewhere.

SnugglableJacky

I agree with a lot of what Quietman775 said. It seems the OP ordered them sort of best to worst but my experience suggests otherwise at least for me. In all honesty, I look for platonic intimacy not some sort of clinical therapy and have found that the worst sessions have been with the A and B categories and some of the best in the C, D and even Q categories. And to be honest, from my experience unlike the original characterization of those in the C, D and Q categories, I have found many of them to be much more empathetic and caring than the "professional one" who tend to be clinical, intolerant and dogmatic. Maybe some people want that sort of barrier in a cuddle, but if anything the rigid approaches of the ones I have experienced in the A and B categories makes me feel lonelier than I was before. Not saying that the really professional ones could not be completely awesome, I just have not found it yet. Not sure what the "Z" category is I have never seen that here.

CuddleDuncan

Just to be clear, the order is an accident - in various drafts there were various categories in various orders, and that just happened to be where it was at when I said "enough" and posted.

The Z category covers cases where, for example, the profile is totally fake and the client is met by one or more thugs who relieve him of his valuables. Or when the "professional" takes the money, goes to the bathroom and does not come back. Yes it does happen, rarely. That is why the last thing you do, on the doorstep of the meet, is check that the profile is still there.

LoveistheCureHS

Hey thank you for your reply to me it really really means a lot. I really do want to make a difference.

xandriarain

I would say I’m somewhere between A and B When I first started out I was definitely a C even though it was my full-time job from the very beginning, I didn’t really know what I was doing for a while and eventually learned with time and became more of a B. I have a bachelors degree in psychology but I don’t remember much of what I learned and at a bachelors level you’re really just learning concepts and theories not how to work with clients. I am striving to be more of an A type cuddle, I recently completed my cuddlist training, I will continue to broaden my knowledge of trauma and mental health. At the same time when I do interact with my clients I don’t want them to feel like they are in a clinical environment, but I do want to be cognizant of how my interactions with them are impacting their mental well-being. I am naturally a very unfiltered person. In some ways this can build trust and to be endearing but in other ways not having a filter can lead to me pushing buttons I shouldn’t. For example there’s been times where I have asked questions which brought up stressful emotions for my client when they were trying to relax. I definitely am more friendly in sessions and don’t act like a therapist but I try to help them work through difficult issues, and offer support and resources where I can.

HotCocoaLover

According to your classification, I am considered in Group C. However, I always strive to improve my crafts but I've never heard of training courses. Where can I find out more about them?

CuddleDuncan

@HotCocoaLover there is a thread about this ... it's a little out of date now but still useful:

https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/9255/training-courses-for-cuddle-professionals/p1

Amortentia

I work fine as A,B, or C. But since I do this on the side of my normal work one of which is in therapy as well...I then would say that I fall into C a bit more since I prefer to do it as a side thing to my normal work. If I put more hours into it or did this solely then I'd go more for B or A.

European_Amazon

Even tho I consider myself a category “A” professional when it comes to your ranking I often times only do “B” because so many people don’t seek a therapy and just wanna cuddle.
I think it’s all about how much you can adapt to your clients needs that makes you a professional.
Sadly a lot of men here seeking a “Q” here and they might not even show that until you actually meet up. And then they keep telling you about their past experiences where “pro cuddlers” were open to this for more money, so they keep trying until they get one.
I would even go that far to say most women here really have the intention to just cuddle and NOT do any sexual services but are easy to manipulate and maybe have more negative experiences so they think it’s part of the cuddling and make money.
I mean I lost count how often I got asked to perform escort services with specific requests on what to wear and how to satisfy them, I even got told to not bitch around and just take the money and do my job. Like “wtf”???
I can see a lot of women might be confused about this and don’t know how to react.
In my case...BLOCK AND REPORT... I’m really fast with that. And I don’t buy the “Oh I’m new to this and don’t know what to expect”-BS, because all it takes is reading the guidelines and rules.
Anyway...it’s a supply and demand question. Even tho this website is about platonic cuddling...you will always find people asking for something else and on the other hand there will always be people giving it to them without hesitation.
“MONEY” is what drives a lot of “pros” here, even tho they won’t admit it. I even met some on cuddle events and seminars who actually make a living with this.
I don’t wanna assume but I think they might just be that desperate and break certain boundaries. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I always recommend to all new “pros” who don’t have a medical or therapeutic background to do the extra work and put in time to attend seminars, webinars and cuddle events to learn and exchange knowledge and experiences to become better at this. Even reaching out to other pro cuddlers and just simply ask when you’re unsure will help a lot.
That’s really a great topic to discuss and I think there are also at least 5-6 different types of cuddle enthusiasts if not even more now that I think about it. 🤔

sunnysideup

@Aurora87 Sorry for those experiences. Would be interesting to see an Enthusiast type thread, made by a professional. But I'm sure 5-6 types easily exist.

CuddleDuncan

Here are my revised thoughts. It's just the first post amended to take account of the comments in this thread and my other thoughts since. Thank you to everybody who has contributed. This is not intended to be the final version, just an update in the process.

Types of cuddle professional (provisional)

Note that these categories are determined more by the underlying attitude of the professional to cuddling, than what actually happens during a typical session. The category of a cuddler cannot be determined from their profile alone, or even their pre-session communication or a single session; only by their whole practice.

Types A, B, C and D are equally valuable in their own ways and all are essential to the cuddle community. Their order of placement in this document has no significance.

A ) Cuddle Hobbyist. Sees cuddling as a good side-gig for making some extra cash or just getting lots of cuddles. Fairly reliable and well-meaning, but may not really understand or care about what they are doing. Often have only a brief profile. Possibly the commonest type of professional cuddler.

B ) Cuddle Therapist. Probably has a background in a caring profession and is likely to have completed at least one training course. Their practice may be informed by psychotherapy or other therapeutic modalities. Can talk intelligently about issues like transference, is well-boundaried, and should provide a very safe and caring cuddle. Usually at least 25 years old, with a thoughtful and detailed profile.

C ) Cuddle Practitioner. May have completed a training course and commonly has a comprehensive profile. Competant and reliable professional with good boundaries, but doesn't have the depth of knowledge of a Cuddle Therapist (above). Frequently cuddles part-time but may be full-time.

D ) Cuddle Developer. Somebody who is in transition between categories (fairly common) or doesn't fit neatly into any one of them.

E ) Cuddle Unprofessional. A variant of the Hobbyist (above), but somebody who is completely unsuited to professional cuddling and has has no concern for clients. Likely to have little or no written profile and be living a somewhat chaotic lifestyle. Unboundaried. May not return messages, block you without reason, cancel without notice, turn up drunk, fall asleep for the whole session, engage in sexual activities or sexually assault the client. But on a good day, may provide a decent service. This is the category that gives rise to many of the complaints on the forum.

Q ) Sex Worker. Offers some combination of cuddling, massage and sexual services. Shouldn't be on Cuddle Comfort, but finds refuge here because of restrictive laws in certain places. May be only dimly aware of cuddling as a Thing.

Z ) Deliberately criminal.

ubergigglefritz

@European_Amazon "I don’t wanna assume but I think they might just be that desperate and break certain boundaries."

Why would you assume such things? There is a whole world of professional cuddling as full-time work. Most are not on this website, they have their own websites, legitimate businesses, and have way stronger boundaries than the average professional on this site. There are exceptions to every rule, on this site and not, but to assume that just because someone makes a living off of their chosen work that they are needing to bend boundaries is very presumptuous and wrong. 🤷‍♀️

@CuddleDuncan I really appreciate the effort you have put forth in making cuddling a more legitimate profession and service. You write very intelligently and thoughtfully.

I have been an amateur professional with the intention of working my way towards a cuddle practitioner (love the terminology by the way). However, my life circumstances caused me unable to emotionally maintain a professional attitude. So I am back to an enthusiast/hobbyist.

I think categorization could be a helpful thing for both clients and professions, that we may better connect people with what they are looking for. I think defining different types of cuddle theology could also help, or at least give us terminology to express what a client is looking for and what a professional is offering.

CuddleDuncan

@European_Amazon

And then they keep telling you about their past experiences where “pro cuddlers” were open to this for more money, so they keep trying until they get one.

Bear in mind that they may be lying.

I would even go that far to say most women here really have the intention to just cuddle and NOT do any sexual services but are easy to manipulate and maybe have more negative experiences so they think it’s part of the cuddling and make money.

In the UK that is definitely not true. I have cuddled a meaningful proportion of the women who are professionals and precisely none of them fit that description. Having said that, I'm sure it does happen: I would just replace your "most" with "a few".

In my case...BLOCK AND REPORT... I’m really fast with that. And I don’t buy the “Oh I’m new to this and don’t know what to expect”-BS, because all it takes is reading the guidelines and rules.

Yes! Absolutely!!

I don’t wanna assume but I think they might just be that desperate and break certain boundaries. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again, that's definitely not true in the UK. I have cuddled with all the women I know of who do this full time, and all of them are very cognisant of boundaries. It's also obviously not true of the full time professional cuddlers active on the forum. There are certainly sex workers who masquerade as cuddlers, but that's a different thing.