Cuddling for newbies....

NJcaringCuddlerNJcaringCuddler
in General

So its my first cuddle. We have met to get coffee (hypothetically), and decided we wanted to go back to one of our places to cuddle.

What is the best way to break the ice with the cuddling without it being awkward?

Do two people just start cuddling... or is there a way to get into the cuddling slowly? or is it just best to go for the cuddle?

Comments

  • YourEmbraceMelYourEmbraceMel
    edited October 2021

    I start simple with holding hands and having a chit chat and then I make suggestions from there to increase intimacy step by step. They can say yes, no ,change their mind or go back to something else.

  • [Deleted User]Protector (deleted user)

    Communication is key. Some people want or need to work their way into feeling comfortable and cuddling by holding hands or sitting face to face first, and others are comfortable and ready to lay down and hold each closely right away. There’s no right or wrong way, and it’s totally fine to say you’re nervous and not sure what to do. If you meet with a cuddler has good karma, I think you’ll find they’re really good at helping you navigate the beginning uncertainty of a session, and you’ll feel comfortable in no time. Enjoy!

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl

    I ask them about their experiences so far. What they liked and didn’t like about past meetings. Then I ask about their boundaries and talk about mine. I might ask what their favorite cuddle positions are. I pay attention to my gut feelings and comfort level as physical contact occurs, and pay attention to their body language throughout our time together. The previous comments are good info, too.

  • NJcaringCuddlerNJcaringCuddler

    I like the holding hands part to get started.... i can see that being a way to make that physical connection before the full cuddling. that is a great idea.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited October 2021

    Excellent question, and excellent answers from @YourEmbraceMel, @Protector and @TheMidnightOwl.

    A good way to start is by talking.... What you might like, what you might not like. "I love having my back stroked, but please don't touch my stomach". Talk about your touch history, whether you are ticklish, anything like that.

    When it's time to on to physical touch, the two standard ways are a simple, ordinary hug; and sitting face to face on a couch or bed (perhaps with knees touching) and holding both hands. You can try breathing together too. But it's entirely up to you, everybody is different.

    Pace is governed by the slower person, and who that is may change several times during the course of a session. Everything requires consent. If necessary, you can practice just saying "no" or "yes".

    It is usually not best to go straight for the cuddle, although I'm sure there are exceptions, because the 'old' part of your brain takes time to get used to new people and new situations. However, in my experience, that process can take as little as a a few minutes with a professional cuddler, and perhaps ten or fifteen minutes with an enthusiast. However, with some people it might take several meetings. As long as you talk to each other about how you are feeling, what you want and what you don't want, it'll all be fine.

    There is some more advice in this thread.

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/11489/how-i-found-happiness-on-cc-part-2-the-first-meeting#top

    PS - the awkwardness appears because this is not a conventional social situation, and therefore you you think do not know the conventions of acceptable social behaviour. Two things to remember. Firstly, yes this is all a bit strange but it arises from our partly dysfunctional society: in a fully functional society there would be no need for Cuddling. Secondly, the conventions for acceptable behaviour in Cuddling are exactly the same as everything else - you already know them all. It's just that they are being bolted together in an unfamiliar way.

    Consent
    Honesty
    Respect
    Kindness
    Open Communication

  • NJcaringCuddlerNJcaringCuddler

    Thank you everyone for the advice.

  • Lev136Lev136

    I host quite a bit. I first offer a new cuddler coffee, so we can sit down a bit and talk. Then we go up to my bedroom and change.

    Ones that has been done, we go into my bed., I then speak to the cuddler about what to expect and if there is anything that they are uncomfortable with they should tell me. I always start with some simple steps and then move forward....

    Make sure you understand each other's boundaries.....

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited October 2021

    "Do two people just start cuddling..."

    I'd think it varies from persons to persons... what works for two people may not work for another.

    "or is it just best to go for the cuddle?"

    I don't think there's uno size that fits all. I know, so helpful! Though imma try to delve a little deeper like others have and hope that's of better guidance to you. :)

    "or is there a way to get into the cuddling slowly?"

    For sure there can be! First off, there's nothing that says you have to cuddle the first time you meet someone new. Or the very first time you even meet someone with the intention to possibly cuddle. So if the experience doesn't happen or not really how you may have liked, don't beat yourself up about it. Overtime you're bound to get more comfortable and know your way around.

    With that said, I'd advise you to let go of your expectations or how you think things should or will go: as far as how to go about cuddling goes*. Though to instead, just show up with your pleasant characteristics and with the goal in mind that you'll get to know each other* some more. Personally I only generally talk about the very necessary basics prior to meeting. So when we meet we still have some other basic stuff to break the ice and build upon if needed. For about 10 minutes we just talk about non cuddle related stuff, then we may choose to talk about or consider cuddling.

    If or when you get to a stage you feel you're ready to progress to physical contact:

    You may find that it begins to just happen 'naturally', like maybe one of you begins to move closer. Speaking of moving closer, I typically begin with sitting in a way that's not really conducive to cuddling when I first meet someone new. So that when I'm ready or if the person brings up the topic, I can ask if they'd like me to sit there or sit closer, etc. That's also a way to begin by getting closer to to them and see if they do the same.

    Next thing you know your knees or hands could be making contact as your having a conversation. After a bit I'd suggest breaking contact while remaining quite close. If the other person is interested he or she can reciprocate. You can also ask if putting your arm around her is cool with her. From there she may lean her head on your shoulder, or make some other contact to express interest and that she also wants to comfort you. Then after whatever time you see fit, you two can ask for feedback about if comfortable and if to try a different cuddle position or setting.

    So that's a general rough guideline. There's also the good ol' explicit verbal communication you might find you go with when it comes to some or all cuddle partners. Sometimes our anxieties and limited knowledge can make things seem more complicated and anxiety inducing than they are. Though a good mutual cuddle will be a team effort that's bound to happen with ease, even if it takes a little while to happen. Also it's good to ask whether or not someone has cuddled platonically before, that can help you two gauge where you're at and how to better proceed.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    During my first session ever, our first contact was after a few minutes of talking, and consisted of sitting side by side, shoulder to shoulder.

    Different people are different, but that was less intimidating to me than hand-holding would have been.

    A few people have mentioned communication and consent. Even within the guidelines of platonic cuddling, there are things that may not be comfortable for some people, so I agree 100% that communication is key to a successful session.

  • [Deleted User]ImajenMoon (deleted user)

    So exciting!!! Good luck on your first cuddle!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
    In all of my extensive cuddling history (3 times! lol), it seems to help to just sit and talk together, first. We talked, made one another laugh, discussed our physical preferences and boundaries, and openly decided whether or not we felt "comfortable" with each other..
    I like the CHORK acronym @CuddleDuncan gave, too, and have found that those made a HUGE difference for me, personally. (Even though I shuffled the letters a little, to suit my own ordering! lol)
    If you both just remember that you're there FOR EACH OTHER, and establish clear boundaries, you'll be just fine! Hope you come back and give a GLOWING REPORT!!!! :)

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    I remember my first session with a pro, I sat on her bed and was like what do I do, she said, touch me lol

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @morpheus That sounds like my first date in junior high.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    @FunCartel All those awkward moments before the first kiss happens.
    \

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    Communicate, respect boundaries, ask about boundaries. Ask and wait is a good measure - ask if you can hold hands, then wait for a positive response. I don't know isn't a yes. Would you like to sit together? Is it ok if I give you a hug?
    Also ask the other person what cuddling look like for them and how they want to proceed.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @FunCartel lmao

  • LovelightLovelight

    Don't forget to offer a handshake when you introduce yourselves. 😌

  • LovelightLovelight

    @Morpheus "I remember my first session with a pro, I sat on her bed and was like what do I do, she said, touch me lol" that's a good approach too. :)

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