Any Deaf cuddlers here? 🧏

nurturingmannurturingman
edited October 2021 in General

Is anyone here a Deaf sign language user? A deaf or hard of hearing person who doesn’t sign? A hearing person who has cuddled deaf people?

The leader of an American Deaf mental health network saw an ASL video I posted about becoming a certified Cuddlist (see below) and approached me about sharing the mental health benefits Deaf people have received from cuddling or hiring a pro. I’m an American Sign Language / English / Spanish interpreter in addition to being a Cuddlist. As such, I would love to promote cuddling to the Deaf community and to deaf and hard of hearing people who are not community members.

Notice about role conflict:

I would not want to cause a role conflict by cuddling local Deaf ASL users lest they become my interpreting clients, but I would be happy to cuddle deaf people who I will not be interpreting for, such as those who don’t sign or signers living outside of Arizona who are not attending a conference I’m interpreting.

Comments

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb

    The short answer to your question is "yes." I've chatted with one, but never met. Introversion is sometimes a difficult obstacle to overcome, especially coupled with deafness. But I will let her disclose herself to you, if she desires to reach out and respond to your question.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @nurturingman wow that's amazing, I think it'll be awesome for you to do that! I used to more or less cuddle with a deaf friend a couple of years ago, if that counts. He was a good friend and I spoke, still do a bit of ASL. So we were okay communication wise. It wasn't planned, we were just naturally affectionate with each other.

  • THBearTHBear

    I know a little ASL and would love the practice of having a different topic than just how are you. I've know enough that when I have met a deaf or hard of hearing person, I can make myself understood. With some patience. Didn't exactly answer the question, I know.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Not yet. I would love to learn ASL so I could offer it though. 😔

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited October 2021

    I wish that ASL would be taught as a language option starting in preschool.

    @nurturingman - interesting conflict of interest angle.

    You are a man of many talents. I wish you were closer, I would love to know you better!

    P.S. I just passed this on to a deaf cuddler that I’ve never met in person but met briefly online.

    P.P.S. I just remembered there is a deaf guy who has been at our cuddle parties back when they were occurring. I’ve never cuddled him directly, I don’t know him well, he’s more a friend of my friends. However, I have participated in FB discussions with him and he’s a really fun guy.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @Babichev I went to montessori for elementary school and we were taught sign language (I just have very little I remember; that was a LONG time ago 😂).

  • BabichevBabichev

    Oh, that is cool. Those things we learn when we are young, even if we don’t remember them, if we get put into a situation where we’re exposed to it, it can start coming back. I studied French in high school and remember very little and that was 50 years ago. However, about 10 years ago I was working in a situation where I was hearing French conversation on and off every day for several days and I started recognizing and remembering words. Same with playing guitar. I had not touched one in 35 years but when I picked it back up, it did not take long for me to remember.

    In Europe they start teaching kids languages from kindergarten on and they never quit. My Italian cousins were learning French, Spanish, and English from the time they were in primary grades until they finished high school and they went to school in a small mountain village.

    But I’m getting off topic. The point I really want to make is that it really should be offered in school. It would benefit everyone.

  • dontrememberdontremember

    My older daughter taught her kids some very simple signs when they were babies. Before they could even speak, they could communicate things like milk, water, food, hurt. I'm sure that contributed to them being the sweetest babies I've ever seen. If they needed something, they could tell mom, instead of just crying and mom getting frazzled trying to figure it out.

    I will never forget my first grandchild, at nine months old, telling me her daddy was deployed. She signed "Papa, ship, ocean". She's twelve now and I don't know how much signing she remembers. I think they may be starting ASL in their homeschool co-op this year.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @Babichev So cool. Thanks for sharing. =) I do sort of remember random letters... O:-)

  • BabichevBabichev

    @donniebo123 , my deaf friend once said that one of the really sad things is that while parents of hearing children are teaching their children sign language, parents of deaf children are often told not to teach their children sign language. @nurturingman would know more about this than I but it’s my understanding that those who favor teaching lip reading discourage teaching deaf children sign language because they think it will interfere with them learning to read lips. I don’t understand why both can’t be taught.

    The other day I caught part of an interview, someone was talking about a deaf friend who used sign language. The guy was so expressive when he signed that his hearing friends who did not sign could still follow him anyway. Apparently the guy was very funny, a great story teller.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Thanks, @Babichev , it would be a pleasure. 😉

    I appreciate your passing this along to a Deaf cuddler you met online, and if you could send your fellow Cuddle Party attendee my way that would be great too.

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    @Andy1996 has brought up this subject in forums before

  • paumedawgpaumedawg

    I am deaf, and am new here. Know ASL and can talk well.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @paumedawg , welcome!

    I have a question, if you don’t mind. Do you feel comfortable contacting hearing folks on this site for potential cuddling?

  • Andy1996Andy1996

    I am a visually impaired cuddel enthusiast.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    how do you cuddle and sign at the same time?

  • [Deleted User]ImajenMoon (deleted user)

    What a lovely picture of a silent, peace-filled cuddle, @Lovelight ! My daughter taught me to sign the alphabet, years ago. Many years later, when she was hospitalized, she signed to me what she wanted done. I was GRATEFUL that I was able to understand her!!! @dontremember , thank you for sharing!

    The idea of introducing the benefits of cuddling to the deaf community seems like a noble, sound one. I hope EVERY type of person gets the chance to discover the tenderness, kindness, and healing that can come from a good cuddle session! Good luck to you, @nurturingman , in introducing the antidote of cuddling to those who live in a silent, often painfully isolated world!

    Imajen

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    I realize after revisiting this discussion that I didn't respond to some of your questions and offers, so I will do so in this reply.

    @cookiecrumb thanks for telling her about this discussion. I look forward to hearing from her if she chooses to reply here or send me a direct message (please tell her she's under no obligation to book by clicking "Request to Book," which is the only way anyone can send a pro a message).

    @Lovelight would you share with me here or privately how you communicated during the cuddle? I had a Deaf lover decades ago and I forget some of the communication methods we used when we interacted physically (though I wrote some ideas below).

    @Babichev

    my deaf friend once said that one of the really sad things is that while parents of hearing children are teaching their children sign language, parents of deaf children are often told not to teach their children sign language.

    So true! I think it's great when hearing parents teach their hearing babies a small vocabulary of signs, because it gives them a way to communicate before they are ready to speak (since manual dexterity develops before vocal articulation), and I think it's a sad irony when hearing parents won't give their deaf babies the same benefit. There's no reason to believe that speech development and signing development are mutually exclusive.

    @xandriarain that's a great question! It's been decades for me, but I seem to remember a few things:

    • you could stop what you're doing to communicate.
    • you could mouth what you want to say. I remember a Deaf partner mouthing "feels good." Mouthing and lipreading with Deaf people who sign will be limited to a few easy-to-understand words like yes, no, and okay; of course it varies from person to person. You can work out with the Deaf person what works for them. I recall a Deaf-of-Deaf (Deaf person with Deaf parents; i.e., one who literally was exposed to ASL from birth) mouthing "I have no idea" to another Deaf signer, and I've seen Deaf signers mouth polysyllabic words like "unbelievable!" They do this with facial expressions that go with the words, and the words/phrases/sentences make sense because they are in context.
    • you could write on the person's back; you can get creative with this, such as drawing a checkmark and question mark [✔️❓] on their back to ask them if they're okay (if you're the big spoon, for example); then you could put your hand on their shoulder or somewhere they can reach it, and they could tap your hand to say "yes" or rub it side-to-side to say "no."
    • you could use other "pro-tactile" gestures (see video below) on their back or front to communicate with them when; then, they could communicate back by signing, and you could read their signs. To continue the example above, you could draw the checkmark and question mark on their back,and they could tap your hand to say, "Yes, I'm okay."
    • you could do tactile (or hand-over-hand) signing and/or fingerspelling, where the person feels your hands in theirs and "reads" what you are signing.
    • instead of communicating using their back, you could reach around the person and sign in front of them; then they can sign back in a way that you can read their signing and/or fingerspelling.
    • you could learn a few signs such as YES, MORE, NO, GOOD, BAD, CHANGE, SLOW, STOP (signs are conventionally written in call caps when "glossed" in English) or agree upon gestures that communicate the same thing.
    • for more complicated communication, you could write notes back and forth or text each other, but this depends on the reading and writing abilities of each correspondent.
    • you could hire a professional interpreter for an intake session if you want to invest in a client you think might become a repeat customer.

    The list could go on, but I hope this gives you some ideas. And here's that video:

    Last but not least, thanks for your well wishes, @ImajenMoon 😊

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @nurturingman ~ I love your list!! I've done some of those and will likely incorporate others. I'm not deaf or mute, but sometimes when approaching a state of sensory flooding, I'm unable to speak. Having alternatives is really important for me because without them I'd likely implode and shut down/have to stop the cuddle.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Funny you should mention that, @quixotic_life . When I’m verklempt and all choked up, I can’t speak but I can sign. I wish everyone I wanted to speak to in that state knew ASL!

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