What’s the best way to cope?
Let time pass. In the meantime keep occupied as best you can.
Currently doing it but I am learning that there are different types of breakups. What type did you have?
I'll start by saying that everyone is different.
All of the following could possibly be helpful, but it's up to the individual:
-Grieving (give yourself time to grieve - it's OK to grieve over a lost relationship, even if there were some not-so-great parts of the relationship) -Spending time with friends/pets/family -Meditating -Picking up a hobby -Cuddling -Counseling -Journaling about your feelings -Taking some time for yourself before jumping into another relationship (often, "rebound relationships" don't seem to work out)
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Merlin the Magician told the young Arthur that the best way to get over sadness is to learn something new. Seems as good a method as any.
Personally, I always liked to travel. It took me out of my mundane environment, with all the reminders of the past relationship, and put me into a new one with no reminders of it while I was being absorbed by new experiences.
I wish I can be numb to my feelings… I hate feeling this way
I'm with @DimpleGirl i used to have 1 cuddle buddy, we have been cuddling almost every day, then she left i was completely down. I get over it by cuddling pros. Cuddling it's effective relief. Now she's back
@speedrsr2001 I think that @DimpleGirl put out a great list of post-relationship recovery activities
I want to +1 the "Grieving" step, because regardless of the cause for the relationship ending, our own wellness requires that we process loss. Then, we can perhaps take a look at the cause(s) or underlying events and behaviors that led to the breakup and, if anything falls at our own feet, make a commitment to be and do better in the future. Even if the breakup is due solely to another person's behaviors and actions, taking the opportunity to fully grieve, take inventory of what and how we feel, and committing to a path that moves forward is vital, I think, to our own happiness.
I would also +1 to finding a new hobby, or reading a new book, taking an educational course or seminar, etc. The reason is to keep on a path of growth, development, and enlightenment in the face of (or even in spite of) an emotional setback like a breakup. This not only helps us cope with the loss, but also gives us something tangible that we can accomplish or achieve which, on its own, would still give us something to be proud of. Doing this in spite of a relationship ending also reaffirms within us our own value outside of a relationship.
-Ernie
I'd take the question with a grain of salt.
I wouldn't know. I've never been in a relationship.
Cuddles 💆♂️🫂 🤗
@Mike403 Same. but have you ever grown close to someone you has a crush on, or developed a fondness for them but were pushed away? I’ve been through that and that is very hurtful. I wonder if that feeling is similar to a breakup. I mean I cried for a week, life seemed totally hollow for a while, no motivation for anything. Doing new things, and being around friends, being busy, cuddling, made it easier to bear, but was still brutal. Time helped too.
Alcohol.
Time, coupled with no contact is the only real cure. At 34, I've been through more than my fair share of heartbreak. It never gets easier, but you do learn from experience that it will eventually get better after enough time has passed.
Really, it's a form of grief and you have to process the grief before you can move on. It's okay to feel bad for a while; it's part of the process and you can't escape. All you can do is sit with the feeling and accept it.
@sunnysideup - I tried dating services then I realized that I'm too socially awkward to make anything work. I'm just focusing on my education(as an engineer) for the time being. I'll have a better chance of being like some famous scientists like Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla. Very smart, but died as virgins.
Whiskey
I’ve never actually had a breakup but I like whiskey 🤷🏻♂️
@Mike403 Sorry man. They say with 6 billion + people in the world, there are bound to be many people who will like you. Are those just platitudes people tell me? Sometimes I wonder, maybe people like me can't be loved. My recent experiences have reduced my confidence, but also decreased my "what do they think about me" meter. But I'm continuing to try, because I still have hope for a couple of reasons. One of those being that my social gaps are filling bit by bit. People say I'm normal now, they didn't say that when I was younger, for example.
It's awesome that you are focusing on being an engineer, I bet you are learning some really awesome stuff! I recently took an engineering position and there is a lot that I have to learn, but it's kinda interesting atleast!
Time, mostly, and staying busy; but depending on the experience and how the person reacts to it, it'll never be or feel the same you used to.
Hit the gym
My worst breakup actually is what led me to discovering cuddling. There's nothing you can do to speed up the healing process and its miserable.. I feel you. I coped with it by meeting up with a friend who was also going through a breakup. We would eat macaroni and cheese, watch tv, talk about all the breakup things and cry, and cuddle. Honestly this is my chosen way to cope.
Time, taking care of yourself, do healthy things that can take your mind off of it. You can write about it, even sing, draw or dance about it, etc. Find supportive people or places you can vent if you like, some places such as Reddit have a vent subreddit. Like @DimpleGirl said, professional counselling may also be an option.
Cry if you need to, crying can also be therapeutic.
"Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being." - https://www.medicalnewstoday.com › ... 8 benefits of crying: Why
I have never in my life been crushed by a break-up. Break ups are a door to exciting possibilities and usually the separation was fermenting anyway, just waiting for one of the parties to say hey this isn’t working.
I have observed a rule of thumb about recovering from breakups. It can take up to half the time the relationship lasted.
For example, if the relationship lasted for eight years, it can take up to four years for complete emotional recovery. In other words, quite a long time.
If it takes significantly longer than this time, then there is a serious possiblity that something is going wrong and the healing/moving on process is not happening.
Of course it can be much quicker, especially for the person who initiated the break up and therefore may have undergone much of the pain before the split.
Everything @DimpleGirl said. And do your best not to isolate. Stay connected to your solid, empathetic relationships. It’s common to need extra support from friends and family during such a time. It’s so important to grieve, and process everything that happened so that we learn from the experience and don’t keep repeating it with other partners, or punish future partners for the past one’s mistakes and pain they caused us.
Comment redacted. Please avoid personal attacks. Babichev
So my strategy is to immediately get back on the dating apps and have a string of disappointing dates and hook ups until you find someone else to obsess over. The first heartbreak is the hardest, It’s kind of like moving, it’s stressful and it can sometimes take longer than you would like but eventually you find a new place to live and get comfortable again.
I agree with everything dimple girl said as well, spot on!, & a lot of great advice on here .., but I feel something no one hasn’t mentioned is that at times we truly never get over a certain breakup / or a falling out with someone / an experience / a hurt …. I think most people don’t, but what I mean in general is that right now I could put myself in a rut & think back at 2018 / or when I left to virginia 2002 / many moments in my childhood / ect & put myself there mentally & emotionally & dwell (it happens), or I can think of all the lessons I’ve learned / the amazing people in my life / how much I’ve been able to accomplish & look forward to / how things that didn’t make sense or mattered than makes sense now / my simplicity & my happiness / silliness / sharing laughs with others & my hope that I made someone’s day better … there’s a quote , “we are who we think we are” … I say all this to say don’t think there is something wrong with you or that you’re somehow failing if you find yourself not getting over your situation, most people don’t but you will find your happiness that’s unique to you.
For me - writing about it. Fleshing out the why's. Discover what you learned about it.
Don't look to use someone else as an emotional squeeze toy - get a therapist. There are online group sessions if money is an issue.
Keep busy and add another facet to the diamond that is your life.
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I think every break-up has been a unique journey and I can't answer how to actually get over one, but my creativity changes. I seem to have this courage to explore and jump the border I was caught in.