I'm MARRIED!! help! am I opening a can of worms???? Lol

[Deleted User]SaraVirtual (deleted user)
edited November 2021 in General

hellllooo beautiful people!! 🥰 BRAND SPANKIN new to CC my husband recommended I step outside the box. We communicate on everything and trust each other. Decide to try this site to make money for the family but also help others in a genuine way

Sadly I had a bad experience literally within the first 24hrs of creating my profile I can't believe people agree to rules them BREAK them right after never understood that. Then I had a 2nd experience was not bad just tons of confusion. So I updated My profile hope to clear up any misunderstandings.

Because I'm married we both decided on a 2 step process. Virtual/meet in public outing first session. Just me with my client.. Then me and husband discuss the vibe for me to move forward with a regular cuddle.. Then on entirely different day 2nd step is a regular cuddle if I felt comfortable with the first step.

Am I doing too much am I opening a can of worms for being married on here? We just trying to find both monetary value and also pyschological value in helping others at the same time just dont want to hurt others feelings trying to communicate with my clients as properly and respectfully as possible.

Any tips and any other married couples on here what is your process?

  1. would you allow your married partner to be on CC?88 votes
    1. yes if there 100percent open communication on anything and everything
      51.14%
    2. No an unconscious attachment could develop despite best intentions
      29.55%
    3. yes if virtual only
        0.00%
    4. no life is unpredictable having good karma doesn't mean the session will be perfect
      15.91%
    5. yes if my partner is there 24/7 watching us like a hawk like an obsessed bodyguard
        3.41%
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Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited November 2021

    Annoyingly, you have to redo the poll every time you edit the post. And when you do, you lose the existing results.

    Many professionals and some enthusiasts are married/ltr and are very happily here with the full knowledge and consent of their partners, it's not rare. There are threads about this.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    🤗 It's fine for i have 1 amazing pro 1 is married when her husband at home I'm very comfortable i never hear his voice, very respectful couples, she puts alot efforts into cuddles, I'm very happy with her. ☝️ but there are percentage of clinics would mind depends person to person
    ☝️Always tell them in advance

  • [Deleted User]SaraVirtual (deleted user)

    awesome @CuddleDuncan could you send the link to that forum or post im still learning to navigate the site. I can try to find it

    Thank you @Ahmedali999 that makes sense

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @SaraVirtual Your boundaries all sound good to me!!! You were awesome on virtual!!!! I look forward to meeting you and your husband soon in person. I love meeting new people “social butterfly 🦋 “ and respectful, so no problems!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    The forum search function isn't very good, and sometimes you're better off using google. However, I found these:

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12110/guys-are-you-really-comfortable-cuddling-ladies-with-spouses-and-bfs/p1

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/9058/significant-others-who-dont-get-it/p1

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/11592/in-a-relationship/p1

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    I've seen plenty of pro cuddlers and I'm sure half of them were married. One of my favorite pro cuddlers has a huge wedding ring that makes it obvious lol.
    But I don't understand the need to mention it so much in your profile.
    Is it because you think it will deter jerk clients who push boundaries etc ?
    I don't think that matters to them just like your boundaries don't matter to jerks. They are jerks whether they know you're married or not...
    When I cuddle with someone I want to just be with them. I don't want to be thinking about their husband or boyfriend during our session.
    Anyways. Keep in mind You'll get a lot of advice from people who never booked a pro cuddler before and don't know what it's like.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    Welcome Sara!! Loved your profile and pictures. I think it’s great you have support and assistance from your husband in this endeavor! You certainly are bringing good energy to this and seem to be in it for the right reasons.
    My advice would be to keep an open mind as there will be good and also much better experiences. Also, allow for intuition to guide your practice and procedures as you get more comfortable. Definitely stay diligent with safety by all means. Things will come together. Best of luck to you!!

  • BrandiBrandi

    Meant to vote for 1. Not two. My bad. 🥺

  • [Deleted User]SaraVirtual (deleted user)

    aw its ok @Brandi

    @Melancholy that makes sense actually I can understand that. Although I did have a bad experience within first 3hrs of setting up so it caused me to be paranoid and another experience was just misunderstanding

    @CuddleDuncan wow thanks so much to go through the trouble for that information

    @Nature_Lover_ thank you thats very sweet I may add favorite quotes to my profile soon

    @SuperManCuddles awesome yes looking forward to first session 😀

  • LovelightLovelight

    If we're talking gummy worms, then you probably are.

    You are transparent about it and I command you for that.

    If anyone has an issue with you being married even though you are transparent about to both your partner and clients, they have the right to not book your service. Though they've no right to disrespect you or your partner! It's still their responsibility to follow the TOS and be a decent human regardless of your relationship status.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Im with @Melancholy don't mention it in profile ☝️ only when u meet client + make sure he's comfortable like sometimes my husband is at home 🤗

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    It probably helps that I'm a male, but I've never had any trouble with people I've cuddled on here. I don't have a lot of pre-cuddle proceedure, once we've decided to go ahead with the cuddle. I do encourage anyone I'm in comunications with to read my profile, and to ask any questions they may have. I let my wife know about anyone I may be cuddling with, and she has met every one I've cuddled. From what I've experienced, meeting my wife seems to reasure the cuddler. If you have any questions, or just want to chat, feel free to message me.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    If both you and your husband are ok with it than I see nothing wrong honestly (did he personally suggest it or you) … & yes I think it opens a can of worms lol but not in a judgmental way, just in the sense that I feel cuddling is so emotionally intimate, but than again there are pros who are married & partnered & they are the most professional & completely separate the 2 , so maybe I’m talking from the perspective of a clingy / jealous / & needy perspective 😂 (I’m even afraid to cuddle the same person more than twice, I feel like I might get attached) and no I wouldn’t want my partner to do this at all, especially not for monetary reasons, this is just my personal views & not everyone else’s views or truths.

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    I think anyone who wants to go pro should have training, there is more to it than meeting strangers online.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited November 2021

    @Mare_Bear %100 correct + you will have all knowledge about everything ,boundaries,customer service, complaint,unhappy clients, ect

  • flowerbloodmoonflowerbloodmoon

    I hear your concerns and they are valid. Guys are always looking for an angle for shenanigans. You are smart to set up whatever process is comfortable for you, the client, and the spouses. This is a service to help people, that's it. :3

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    It sounds like a solid game plan to me. Plus, you are standing in the right place at the right time to start something like this post-Covid (sort of). You may want to consider conducting a workshop for a nominal fee. A friend of mine does this and has learned every cool trick in the book. Plus, she gets approached by people she is actually getting paid to train. She also has all-female workshops where she sets new women cuddlers at ease. By reading books and attendings training sessions yourself you will be able to better set the stage beforehand based on the experience of others without learning the whole thing on the job, which as you have experienced already, can be rough. You are lucky to have a supportive husband. This may make your relationship stronger. If cuddling others is something you would probably do anyway, then you're doing the right thing. If you are doing this just because you need the money, I would rethink.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited November 2021

    @SaraVirtual your profile is great!

    I often look for a cuddle buddy (or pro) in a different city when I'm travelling there, so depending on the timeframe the two step process would probably not work for those who are just visiting town for a day or two. I don't know what percentage of clients that is, though. When not travelling, I tend to find a pro in my area and stick to the same one for quite a while, so the two step process wouldn't be a problem in that case at all.

    That said, if I look for a cuddle buddy when travelling it's usually more of an activity buddy, so the first step public cuddle would also work just fine :-)

  • CuddlesByGracieCuddlesByGracie

    Welcome @SaraVirtual and I'm really sorry to hear you've had some negative initial experiences, I hope things improve exponentially from this point forward ❤️

    For context I'm married and my husband is perfectly comfortable with my cuddling (as I would be if he wanted to, but he doesn't like people half as much as I do!). I'd say the most important factor is trust; both within your own relationship, and your partner's trust in your judgement. My husband trusts me to be safe and to be honest with him, and I trust that he will always respect the decisions I make and my right to make them, and would never blame me for someone else's behaviour. Feel free to message if you'd like to chat about any of it x

  • [Deleted User]SaraVirtual (deleted user)

    Thank you everyone for the positive comments. Im looking forward to our journey here. I always wanted to be a counselor but can't afford school this could be a way to be a listening ear and offered touch that traditional counseling could not offer. I know I will learn alot about myself and other perspectives in the future.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    Ty 🌌 all the best in this journey.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @CuddlesByDeep "I personally look for a cuddle buddy (or pro) in a different city when I'm travelling there, so depending on the timeframe the two step process would probably not work for those who are just visiting town for a day or two."

    That is why some people feel hesitant or don't agree with meeting new people from out of town, because of the pressure it can put them under. They might think this person came from another state and feel like having them come just for a chat is not enough. Or worse they may be made to feel that.

    Which is why I personally make sure that the person has other plans in the city if they are coming from far away or something. So that also if I need to cancel the meeting more so last minute, their trip wouldn't be that much of a loss. Or if I don't feel comfortable to proceed with contact. I once rushed into contact with someone I didn't really want to a time I was more inexperienced. All because where he came from was far to me and I felt it would've been a loss. Though now I know a better way to go about it and to most importantly prioritize my best interest first.

    I also no longer put a time frame on it, such as on meeting two we can. I prefer to go by individual basis and go with what feels comfortable. If I need more time, or the connection isn't gonna work for one reason or another, then I let the person know. Though I make it clear that the first meeting is to get acquainted and if we find that we are comfortable once we meet, we can go from there.

    One of the concerns I have is someone showing up stinky which has happened before and it can be a tricky thing to have to tell someone or deal with. Especially someone you've just met, even for someone like myself who is pretty upfront. So I like to have the space to say no should I need to and for it to not feel a bigger loss than it needs to be.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    That’s fine if someone doesn’t want to meet someone from out of town. I travel a lot and the vast majority of pros do not have elaborate processes so I usually do not have a problem finding multiple partners. But when you are traveling, as @CuddlesByDeep noted, time is a factor, especially if it is a business trip. Many pros see out of towners because it is a great way for them to network and travel to other cities and have at least a couple of clients already.

    So if the spouse of a married pro wants to sit down with me, we are probably not a fit as meetings take time and I do not have time for maybes. But I empathize with where they are coming from so I move on.

  • Fredrick_HugsFredrick_Hugs

    I can only go from the experience with two pros back in Los Angeles at Cuddle Sanctuary who both have partners. Jean Franzblau is prominent on the internet and I'd suggest writing to her since she has a lot of experience.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    My wife knows who my female friends are. I tell her when I’m going to spend time with them or a cuddle buddy. She never asks for details. She’s always number 1. I never put her aside for another female. I only spend time with other girls when my wife isn’t available. My Wife cares that I am happy and have constructive relationships.

  • MrMarkAndrewMrMarkAndrew

    "would you allow your married partner to be on CC?"

    This is an odd way to phrase the question IMO. It's not anyone's place to "allow" their SO to do anything.

  • Lev136Lev136

    Hi @SaraVirtual , welcome to Cuddle Comfort!! I looked at your profile and if you were closer I would ask you to cuddle with me.

    I've cuddled with many women who are either married or have boyfriends. It doesn't matter to me. As long as we both understand the nature of the relationship between myself and the pro. it works.

    Many women have asked me to do a virtual session or meet each other in person before the session. That way you have a better idea of who each other is. I would not really feel comfortable with your husband meeting beforehand. You need to be able to decide on who you want to meet on your own

    Good luck!

  • bekah_cuddlesbekah_cuddles

    Pro here! Just wanted to say that I am happily married and the clients worth cuddling with don't have a problem with it. My husband is super supportive and wishes he could be a pro too, if only there was more of a demand for male cuddlers.

    Pros are just that...professionals. As long as everyone is open, honest, aware, consenting, and respectful, their relationship and/or marital status should be irrelevant, especially given that the cuddling is strictly platonic.

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited November 2021

    I held off on commenting because I wasn’t sure I had anything to add. I was thinking about it in the shower this morning, though (#showerthoughts), and I realized I felt strongly about something that I felt needed to be said— not just to @SaraVirtual but also to the community at large.

    In my opinion, the statements “Due to the nature of my relationship I require…” and “These are the boundaries me and my husband have set” are unnecessary. There is no need for anyone to explain their boundaries.

    “Most guys would not let their girl talk to other guys so openly let alone progress to touch” feels a bit threatening to me, and if I were a prospective client I would read this as “you’re lucky my husband is allowing you to be with me,” which is not the message I want. As a customer, I want to feel that my custom is reason enough reason for the professional to serve me.

    Respect for boundaries is «de rigeur». Not only do they not need to be justified; they should not be justified. Rationales such as “I’m married” can come across as condescending and set an unfair precedent for others. For example, I met a male cuddle partner here whose profile stated that sessions with men would be strictly platonic as he was a straight male. I told him “this session will be strictly platonic not because you are straight or male; it will be strictly platonic because that’s the rule for everyone.” Being straight, gay, married, or single is irrelevant. If you say anything like “because I’m married,” it might imply that people can expect looser boundaries from someone who is single. I’m married too, but apart from letting it be known, I don’t mention it. I’m also gay, but I won’t say “women can trust me because I am gay” since that might imply that a) women can’t trust men who are straight, and b) men can’t trust me because I am gay. People can trust me because I’m trustworthy. We cuddle platonically because that’s what we do. We respect each other‘s boundaries — whatever they may be — because that’s what we do.

  • [Deleted User]SaraVirtual (deleted user)

    @nurturingman you make alot of valid points. On my profile I have the word update in *** because originally my profile didn't say those things or mention husband or anything beforehand. But within 24hrs I was disrespected by someone who actually had plenty of karma and a second person even talked down to me and called me names. So I only put up my barriers after they were crossed when I tried to be open initially and unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Ever since my profile update I have gotten nothing but respectful.men and women and even got bookings set up. Before the profile update in a perfect world it would be awesome to believe people would understand the site platonic nature but I was told sexual things immediately within 3hrs and other things not at liberty to discuss. It would be nice to believe wouldn't need to say this or that or do x or don't do x but unfortunately the world we live in some people simply don't abide but the general consensus. Many people DO understand and are automatically respectful and don't need to say or add extra things and for those people I am grateful b ut based on my first 24 to 48hrs showed that not everyone thinks that way. Now that my boundaries are set and profile update I have had nothing but complete serenity in conversations love and respect.

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