Reading replies before answering threads?

cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
in General

When you stumble on a new title of a thread that’s intriguing to you on the forum, and you click on it … do you answer the question or concern 1st without reading the responses to it, (that may have already been there), or do you read the responses 1st & than formulate your answer? I ask because I feel that reading responses 1st leads to bias, or trying to see what it is that you “should” be thinking , or who answered “what” already, basically it wouldn’t be your true natural response …

  1. Do you read the responses 1st and than answer?22 votes
    1. Yes, I do (or just noticed) I do this
      59.09%
    2. No, I try to answer very neutral & than follow up with the discussion & other’s thoughts
      40.91%

Comments

  • [Deleted User]ernesto_2 (deleted user)

    @cuddles_ndream While it depends on the topic in question, I think it's also worth noting that for some people, the need to read all comments before responding can be due to how perfectionism manifests in a person's cognition and behavior. This is something I'm usually guilty about (because I don't want to beat a dead horse or just parrot what someone else said), and while I agree that reading other comments may create a bias, it does not necessarily or inherently create one.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @ernesto_2 i love your answer! & the reason why is because this thread came about after the “price gouging” one … I did what I usually do & responded without reading any of the comments, & once I responded & read back, there were 2 replies that stood out to me at the top, & had I read them 1st I would have never responded … so this was one of those instances where I wish (or it would have been beneficial) to read the replies first, but for purpose of avoiding bias & staying as true to my answers as possible, I will continue to avoid reading 1st & than participating after the fact.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    I am using talk to text for this so hopefully it catches everything and translates correctly.
    I actually ended up answering this whole incorrectly. When I read one of the topics in the forums I scanned through and read responses and anything that stands out to me I read thoroughly and let that person‘s opinion meditate in my head before I typed my response. And because there are so many different responses on a topic, I tend to be my own devils advocate.
    I tend to be my own devils advocate. A lot of my comments in the forums A lot of my comments in the forums probably sound like I am coming from a negative mindset or complaining. But that is not at all how I want my comments to come across. I always speak for my own perspective and obviously we are all individuals with different perspectives and opinions. It helps me understand someone else when they feel safe and vulnerable enough to tell me or write their intimate genuine thoughts.

    With that being said I know a lot of people misinterpret the comments as aggressive or egotistical.
    It should also be noted that a person’s writing style is not their personality.

    I am also referencing the price gouging post. Before I commented I read all the comments. It seemed like everyone overlooked the two years the original poster mentioned. I kept a very brief response and that in using gas prices as an example. I think it is a clear-cut case of supply and demand, flexibility and availability in peoples schedules, having a flexible budget,And finding another human being where mutual respect exist in communications. Personally I feel my price for my location is fair and only two people have ever complained about it in a message to me in hopes of getting a discount so I gently thanked them for their message and let them know I was not interested in lowering my price at the current time and suggested if their need for physical touch exceeded their willingness to wait to save up to afford an hour session with me that they could book with a massage therapist instead.

    My example is a very specific one where there is no mutual respect when the very first correspondence was a complaint about a price I have chosen for my cuddling sessions. I’m not sure if the thinking behind it was that I need money therefore I will lower my price to accommodate someone else’s needs or if they really thought complaining about something literally no one else complains about would make me feel guilty enough to offer them a heavily discounted session.
    I think it really is a perspective-based thing and the professionals are not intending to drain you of your wallet. I think as far as those of us who genuinely care about other people and their energy in about wanting to make sure they have a stress-free environment and relaxing time-we selected price we think is more than fair to be able to share our positive energy and take away your negative energy.

    I am 1000% certain I could raise my price to $200 and still book sessions however that doesn’t seem fair to my location or interested perspective cuddlers. For me my price reflects my integrity and character.

    I tend to see a lot of cuddlers speaking in the forums from their perspective and rarely see professionals speaking theirs. It is very possible I gloss over professionals without meaning to.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @simsaddict ty for your response! This stood out to me - “ When I read one of the topics in the forums I scanned through and read responses and anything that stands out to me I read thoroughly and let that person‘s opinion meditate in my head before I typed my response.” … there’s been plenty of times when someone gives a perspective I wasn’t even aware of & considering & my outlook changes.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    It depends. If it’s a poll (like this one), I answer the poll and then I read the responses. But if it’s just one where it’s straight to typing an answer, I’ll read first. It never changes my answer but depending on what someone says on the topic, it will just add to what I say.

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle

    I read comments first. Usually doesn't change what my response is.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    What @ernesto_2 said 😝

    I do find myself reading comments prior to responding simply because my point may have already been expressed by a prior poster which is sufficient. Additionally I may encounter a perspective I hadn’t considered which I’m turn shapes my opinion or response.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    A lot of nice answers thank you all … I started out reading first when I was newer / shifted towards answering first and than reading / & now I’m just gonna go with the flow, how I feel …

  • cookiecrumbcookiecrumb

    If the OP posts a survey, I'll normally just respond to the survey (Obviously this is an exception). Sometimes I'll be able to tell just by looking at the names of the people that respond whether or not I even want to read the responses. If I do read the responses, I still consider whether adding my own opinion will just direct more fodder my way, or if it will genuinely add value to the conversation.

  • Mela_BMela_B

    I usually read all of them if there are just a few. If there are a lot, I only read some of them.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    +1 same as @Mela_B

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited December 2021

    I read the previous responses to see what others have said, for a few reasons: 1. It tells me what others think, feel, and know about the topic in question, 2. It tells me whether the OP has, IMO, gotten sufficient response to their question, 3. It tells me whether I have anything to contribute to the discussion. I accept when my first thought upon reading the OP has been challenged, corrected, or expanded upon. I might contribute based on what someone wrote in a reply that got me thinking.

    Something @simsaddict said got me thinking: “It should also be noted that a person’s writing style is not their personality.” As someone who writes a lot, I’ve noticed that sometimes later on, after writing, I read what I wrote and hear it in a totally different voice and hope people don’t read it in that voice 😬. I wouldn’t want “a lot of people [to] misinterpret the comments as aggressive or egotistical,” as @simsaddict believes people interpret hers.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    I mostly answer on things I can relate to, but sometimes I offer a different perspective which often people see as challenging because it doesn't fall into their narrative.

  • BabichevBabichev

    I would say that @nurturingman‘s response is similar to my own.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    It depends on how long the thread is. I often find myself avoiding threads that are very long because I don't want to look stupid for saying something out of context because I didn't read the full discussion.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I always read the whole thread. If it's long, I might skim read some posts, but I see threads as a type of discussion and I don't feel I can contribute unless I know what has already been said.

    The existing comments often affect what I write. I absolutely take the point about bias, but I don't think that's what happens most of the time, either with me or others. The other posts provide context, opinions and sometimes new information, and these help form my view.

    I do tend to vote on polls before reading though. Going to the end and then back to the beginning is too much like hard work.

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