Although it doesn’t happen as frequently as it did when I first started cuddling professionally, I still get requests that fall under the category of sex work. Many people think that sex work means having sexual intercourse for money, and anything that falls short of that is still in the “grey area” and does not count as real sex work. In reality, sex work is an umbrella of professions; there are plenty of legal forms of sex work such as exotic dancers, porn actors, dominatrices, etc. There are plenty of sex workers who never touch their clients, such as phone sex operators and webcam performers. The common thread between all the professions under the sex work umbrella is that the goal is to arouse their clients. One great example is a foot model, the foot fetish is prevalent among men, and some women make lots of money with foot content. This content may not have nudity, so you could argue that they are PG, but the foot content intends to arouse viewers, so they count as a form of sex work.
The trouble arises in the cuddling world because it attracts clients who have all kinds of needs around touch and intimacy, and they don’t always know where to get all of their needs met. Some seem to think that cuddling can be a catchall for anything that falls short of having sex, but in reality, we are much more like therapists than we are like sex workers. To create a safe and nurturing experience for clients, we must have ethics and boundaries. Imagine seeing a therapist willing to violate their code of ethics sexually any time a client bribed them. Would you trust them with your mental health?
A typical scenario I run into is a prospective client will reach out to me, and one of the first things they will ask is if they can give me a foot massage. When I was new to the cuddling world, I would take this type of request at face value and think the person was being kind, wanting to give me a foot massage. It didn’t take me long to realize that if someone asked to give me a foot massage early in the conversation, there was a 99% chance that the client had a foot fetish. Even if a foot massage is not technically breaking the terms of service on this site, it goes against the purpose of the cuddle therapy because it is entertaining a fetish and getting that client aroused, which is not the energy you want in a cuddle session. Now, if a client did not have a foot fetish and asked to give a foot massage after we had established trust, I may allow it if I felt their intentions were pure and would not consider a foot massage in that scenario to be a form of sex work.
I am not sharing this to shame people with fetishes; It’s crucial to be in touch with your sexuality and meet those needs. I am simply sharing my experiences and views as a guide for members of this community if they make or receive a request to consider the true intention behind that request and if it falls in line with the spirit of platonic, therapeutic cuddling.
We are all complex beings with many different needs, and we see different types of professionals to meet those diverse needs. For example, you see a dentist to keep your mouth clean and healthy, but you wouldn’t ask them for a tongue piercing. Even though the tongue piercing would be in your mouth, it is not the type of service a dentist provides. If you wanted a tongue piercing, you would go to a body piercing professional. There is no more shame in getting a piercing than in getting a dental cleaning, but they are two different services from different professionals.
Here are some good questions to ask yourself before making a request. Conversely, you should ask someone these questions if they are making a request that seems unusual to you:
1: Is this request related to a fetish or kink?
2: Will I become physically or mentally aroused if this request is fulfilled?
3: Is my primary goal to cuddle or to have the request fulfilled?
If the answer is “yes” to the first two questions and “to have the request fulfilled” to the third question, chances are you need a different type of professional to fulfill your request. If cuddling is just as important or more important than your request, you may need to see both a professional cuddler for your touch needs and a sex worker for your erotic needs.
*DISCLAIMER: I am not suggesting anyone see an illegal sex worker, but bringing awareness to the fact that there are legal sex work services that are designed to deal with some of the special requests that we professional cuddlers get.