Do you seek therapy/safe space?

[Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)
in General

I’m met with confusion when I tell people I am a cuddle therapist.
I do offer therapy based techniques but maybe only one individual has ever asked for therapeutic methods on here.
I think the majority want physical touch and nurturing, rather than conversation. Nothing wrong with that.
I would like to employ more meaningful conversations in time spent with others in this specific area, however this is difficult to provide when a good majority of messages I receive are borderline flirtatious or inappropriate.

Perhaps it is I who expects to provide healing to another human being and that is unreasonable?
I suppose I would like insight-

  1. Do you want therapy based techniques while receiving cuddles?57 votes
    1. Yes
      56.14%
    2. No
      43.86%
«134

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)
    edited December 2021

    It's unfortunate to hear that so many of the messages you receive are inappropriate for the site but also unfortunately not too unexpected with how these things tend to go.

    As for the lack of people asking for therapy specifically, and any confusion from people you tell about it, would say that likely comes down to you not mentioning being a cuddle therapist on your profile. Though some might just be confused by the idea of a cuddle therapist in which case that's going to be down to them.

    There are quite a few people with experience as therapists on here especially amongst the professional cuddlers but it isn't the default, and the people who are after cuddle therapy I'd assume would primary message and interact with the cuddlers who are more explicit about being cuddle therapists.

    Don't think it's unreasonable to want to heal others, but maybe it is to expect to heal others as a baseline/default. Not everyone has a wound like that which can be healed just from conversation, and some maybe do but aren't seeking to heal it here/aren't aware that cuddle therapy is a viable option.

    To answer the title question, I'm almost certainly someone in need of therapy but personally I'm not actively seeking it. Cuddles for me are usually something that involves emptying my mind and enjoying just being there, that doesn't mean it's not something I'd potentially be open to but it's not the first thing I'd go to or look for.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    I am often in awe of the growth and mending which can take place when connecting and cuddling. Sometimes just being held, seen, and heard can facilitate tremendous healing! Even those in a great space prior to a cuddle share with me a ( mutual ) boost in overall well being.
    While in Austin, I met with some phenomenal pros, a couple of which offered sound healing and other healing therapies in conjunction with their cuddling.

    I will share that I have also had a couple clients now who had been referred to cuddling or otherwise sought cuddling after grief therapy. Certainly cuddles with people post break up or those who were just in a low place due to being isolated and touch starved.
    Personally I feel cuddling can be highly therapeutic but depending on the situation perhaps as a supplement to or in conjunction with other necessary treatments which may include talk therapy, or other professional services. Clearly there are cases in which cuddling alone can be the primary or only self care or treatment as well.
    I’m excited to devote time and energy towards exploring ways in which I can best serve or even potentially offer additional therapeutic skills or benefits within my sessions.

    Great post, @simsaddict

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I’m in the category with most, physical touch & nurturing / connecting … but I think its amazing that you offer & are passionate about therapy based techniques & it shows you’re a very empathetic person for others.

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited December 2021

    Your profile says you offer unconditional love yet here you express what you really want - for others to interact with you as a therapist. That’s a condition right there. And yes, that expectation is unreasonable.

    I’m not sure what your professional training is that qualifies you to be a therapist but I would humbly urge you to get some supervision around boundaries. You asked for input and I’ll be really honest - you don’t sound qualified to be a therapist. A qualified therapist would see the myriad problems with what you are expressing. You are setting up an unclear situation. You want the client to fill your needs instead of you filling theirs. If you are, in fact, trained as a psychotherapist or similar you would know that you need to set clear boundaries with clients from the beginning. If you want to see them as a psychotherapist, assuming you are qualified to do that, then that should be your approach and keep that completely separate from other cuddling that is not psychotherapy. Your commitment should be to the wellbeing of the client and not let your desire for the client to fulfill personal desires contaminate the situation. If you’re a trained psychotherapist you should already know all this.

    If you are not qualified to be a psychotherapist, then please, for the sake of your clients, stop trying to be one. It’s potentially dangerous. Wanting to do that when you are not qualified is in itself a sign that you should not be doing it. It would be like me wanting to practice medicine without having gone to med school.

    You asked for insight. That’s mine. I’m speaking as someone who has seen many, many people over the years try to be an amateur psychotherapist and it never ends well.

  • herby357herby357
    edited December 2021

    Your perspective is spot on, but I don't see it as a negative, but a choice.

    I started cuddling as another holistic healing tool to add to my self-care regiment. However, from reading many of the posts here, I'm in the minority. I came to this conclusion having gleaned that the vast majority of folks here are looking for connections, friendships or other ways to combat loneliness e.g. "non cuddling activities" that are well outside of the traditional client/therapist relationship.

    While sparring to define what the platonic aspects of cuddling meant for me, and to a point where I could clearly communicate it to my potential cuddle partners, I put cuddling into the therapy box. Therefore, I seek out professional cuddlers like yourself that view themselves as healers on some level.

    From my perspective, cuddling often manifests as an extremely intimate occurance. So, I developed my idea of the difference between intimacy and romance to allow myself to be authentically venerable with my cuddle partners without the fear of transference. Something I've experienced in the past.

    As far as the holding, caressing, and touching, or the sensual aspects of cuddling go, I've developed my idea of the difference in sensuality and sexuality. Doing so has provided me with the language to communicate my sense of boundaries and consent, and to better understand others.

    These two distinctions have allowed me to fully enjoy the unique holistic healing experience that platonic cuddling provides.

    So, if someone talks more about their personality, how friends see them, etc. in their profiles. It tells me that they are looking for connection more so than therapy.

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited December 2021

    I also must mention that I do think it’s hubris to think we heal others. We don’t. People heal themselves, whether it’s physically or emotionally. At best we set up conditions that give them a place to do that but the locus of control should always be with them and that should be made eminently clear from the outset. To cultivate the role of “healer” means that we are the ones in control, we have the power in the relationship, and it fosters dependency rather than self-efficacy. It is the opposite of empowering the client. There is a term, “Healer Syndrome,” used to describe people who fall into the trap of thinking of themselves as healer. This article goes into it from the perspective of those who work with people with chronic physical pain but it applies just as well to those who work with individuals living with emotional pain.

    https://www.painscience.com/articles/healer-syndrome.php

    This is not to say that we cannot have a role with helping people recover from pain, grief, trauma, but we must be very clear about the professional and ethical boundaries of that role and stay within those boundaries.

    @herby357 , I like the way you express how carefully you have approached cuddling as a therapeutic relationship and found pros who can live up to that role. You bring a level of awareness to the relationship that many people - both pros and clients - lack. How many pros have put serious study into understanding transference and counter-transference? How many pros have put serious time and effort into understanding the myriad pitfalls that can occur? With maintaining professional and ethical boundaries on not just a physical level but an emotional level, too? How and with whom have they studied?

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited December 2021

    My pro is a therapist + adviser+supporter , she has been supporting me,and giving me advice, I'm very nervous she tought me breathing exercises which is really works if i do it regularly,+ adviced me to see a life coach or doctor, also I'm too negative she tough me to be and think positive which is works because when you are negative u become more depressed which can lead to suicide . And if i have any problem she's ready to listen, to be honest if you have basic knowledge on mental health is good , because there're are people just want someone to listen to them.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    @Zundar
    Thank you for your feedback. I love how insightful your perspective is! I wish I could reply with more detail but I’m using the mobile version and that would require me to constantly scroll up and cite yours to expand on it.
    It definitely helps me understand a bit better!

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Sometimes it's impossible to heal someone but if you listen to the person its part of healing maybe you can advice them on what to do or just listen to them.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)
    edited December 2021

    After reading the comments on this forum thread-I will be responding in length soon.

    Aside from the obvious hostile aura that now lives in this thread-
    The messages I receive are enough disgust to activate my trauma. I do not deserve hostile assumptions and energy.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @Babichev I’m going to be honest, & I hope that this doesn’t put me in a box where it has in the past, but I’m not a fan of bullying, that was extremely uncalled for -the way you responded to such a wonderful member on here, & it was extremely nasty / rude / & aggressive… if me speaking my mind gets me banned than so be it, & if you use this opportunity to attack me in the future than just ban me now … it was VERY NASTY & I took her explanation to be meaning the way @Ahmedali999 explained to us before he even wrote it. This is not the 1st time you’ve done this to a member here either, this is me not wanting to turn a blind eye to it anymore … it amazes me what is tolerated & what it’s not.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    I have conversations with many of my clients and we often have deep discussions. I’m not an LPC, psychologist or social worker so I do not have the training to implement techniques used in talk therapy. I can listen and hold space for clients and ask questions to encourage them to open up. Sometimes I share personal experiences to relate to the client and help them feel less alone in what they are going through. Some people don’t want a whole lot of conversation and just want to receive touch and that is just as valid as talking. I have thought about getting my masters degree to become an LPC and combing it with my cuddling practice. I’m just not sure what the professional ethics would be for an actual talk therapist to cuddle their clients during a session but it could be an innovation in the mental health field. I would probably have to charge more if I were to go back to school and get a masters degree and at that point I may no longer be affordable if I’m charging for both Cuddle therapy and talk therapy at the same time.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2021

    "I’m met with confusion when I tell people I am a cuddle therapist."

    That seems natural, I myself don't get what "cuddle therapy" is really and how it's different from a regular cuddle. Or what qualifies, if you are, you to be a therapist.

    Also I think that may open you up to liability issues.

    Or disadvantage the clients, because psychotherapy can be a really sensitive subject and it seems there's really no means for them to do anything if they open up to you and you fail* to protect their sensitive data.

    So that could be a big reason they are hesitant or unwilling. Along with the need to have a separation between getting physically all up in their personal space, vs getting into their mental/emotional space.

    "I do offer therapy based techniques but maybe only one individual has ever asked for therapeutic methods on here.

    I think the majority want physical touch and nurturing, rather than conversation. Nothing wrong with that."

    So far I'm hearing that a good majority of the people you speak with are being inappropriate or want physical touch and nurturing rather than a conversation.

    "I would like to employ more meaningful conversations in time spent with others in this specific area, ..."

    Though that isn't what the majority of the people contacting you seem to want, which you said is fine... but then sounds like it's not fine, because you want to employ more of what you want: communication...

    Though of course those being inappropriate out here are out of line. So I'm talking about the others.

    "however this is difficult to provide when a good majority of messages I receive are borderline flirtatious or inappropriate."

    I'm also confused, because on one hand you speak of the majority you spoke with wanting what the site offers. Though also say that the majority are being borderline inappropriate/flirtatious. Which is it?

  • [Deleted User]ernesto_2 (deleted user)

    I actually had a really good conversation with a professional cuddler on this topic.

    While I liken cuddling to a form of therapy, it's much closer to a form of socio-physical therapy than psychological or emotional therapy, for several reasons:
    1. Cuddling sessions are generally not held in a clinical setting
    2. There is no governing body that regulates cuddling as a practice, nor establishes minimal medical, psychological, or kinesthetic training and/or experience to be a "professional" cuddler
    3. Cuddling is not recognized as a primary treatment for emotional or mental difficulties that would otherwise qualify as of a serious enough nature to warrant counseling or therapy
    4. There is an expected level of professionalism associated with the term "therapist" and I don't see the benefit of using it loosely here.

    I think a more accurate (and universally applicable) term would be "cuddle-provider", as this term does not oversell or sensationalize the services being advertised here.

  • Soft_Hug84Soft_Hug84

    @cuddles_ndream I agree with you wholeheartedly! I very rarely interact on the boards, but must say that I too found @Babichev 's bullying to be out of line. This thread was going swimmingly prior to her outburst.
    @simsaddict Please don't be discouraged by some of the responses here. Your question is valid, and your empathy towards your clients is admired. Wish there were more Pros like this in my area!

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited December 2021

    Please show me exactly - with a direct quote, in context - anything that I’ve said that qualifies as bullying.

    When one talks about doing “therapy” then one takes on responsibilities that non-therapists do not bear. It is not bullying to point this out. My concern is for the safety of clients.

    If we’re adults, we should be able to speak honestly about boundaries, professionalism, and ethics. Professionals especially should be willing to speak openly about professional ethics, responsibilities, and boundaries. Professionally trained therapists know this and put the well-being of the client first.

    The expression of an uncomfortable truth or an unwelcome opinion is not bullying. So please, with direct quotes, show me what I’ve said that is bullying and explain exactly why it is coercive, threatening, or harmful.

    I’d also like to know, with a direct quote, exactly what I’ve said that is construed as “hostile,” “extremely nasty,” or “rude.”

    Perhaps we could cut through some stuff by first establishing: does the OP have the credentials to be recognized as a therapist, like an MSW or psychotherapist? That would be a place to start. If yes, what are those credentials? If not, then how appropriate is it to call oneself a therapist and want to engage in therapy?

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    Cuddle therapist don't need to be a healer but a listener and many people who go to cuddle therapy have mental problems and want someone to listen to them

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2021

    @ernesto_2 Exactly, you put those points so well.

    Though I'd be hesitant with calling it is *"cuddle-provider."

    Because it reminds me of "healthcare provider", is it a stretch?* I'd say a bit. Though it still seems to make it come across somewhat sensational. I also don't see a need for it when "cuddle pro" already exists and we've become more accustomed to. Unless it's changing for everyone, in which case maybe "Paid Cuddler" is a better direction, if it is to change. Anyway I don't want the OP's main topic to derail, I just wanted to touch on that as a little side note.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    The thread was taken wayyy out of context … & it was done so to ridicule a person , & its especially bad because it came from another female - who happens to be a mod, & than reading the comments “, the original poster continues to be attacked by another female that wants to come to your defense with words like, “I’m also confused, because on one hand ect ect ect”

    “You don’t sound qualified to be a therapist” - when I read this it felt like all the Oxygen left the room, it felt like a punch to the stomach & it wasn’t even to me, I can only imagine how the original poster felt , and what’s sad is that this set the tone , it was the opening statement for what would follow …

    “You asked for input and I’ll be really honest” & “you asked for insight “ … you say these 2 lines above , if you didn’t think you were going to be nasty / & if you didn’t think you just finished being nasty , you wouldn’t have mentioned these 2 lines in the beginning & in the end of your first input (there was another input in this thread as if the 1st one wasn’t bad enough & cringe)

    “ ’m not sure what your professional training is that qualifies you to be a therapist”
    “ If you’re a trained psychotherapist you should already know all this.”
    “ If you are not qualified to be a psychotherapist, then please, for the sake of your clients, stop trying to be one.”

    In these 3 quotes you acknowledge that you yourself don’t even know if she is or isn’t … and maybe she is or maybe she isn’t, but let’s just say she is, than wow what a way to really tear someone down .

    @Soft_Hug84 ty!!! Really ty … I’m sooo embarrassed & humiliated for her & trust me I have tuff skin & would indulge in that petty behavior when someone wants to bring it & asks for it, but she didn’t deserve this at all, many people here don’t.

  • LovelightLovelight

    @cuddles_ndream "& than reading the comments “, the original poster continues to be attacked by another female that wants to come to your defense with words like, “I’m also confused, because on one hand ect ect ect”"

    Hi, that "other female" is me who made the comment you flippantly quoted. I was not coming to anyone's defense. I was responding to the OP's post given she asked for insights, which I gave her. If what she said was confusing to me, I've a right to express that and I left it for her to clarify it should she want to. Now if you can take a hike and quit trying to talk trash about me, that'd be splendid.

  • [Deleted User]ernesto_2 (deleted user)

    @cuddles_ndream on the other hand, if we're unsure the qualifications are that someone holds, then that person failed to properly identify them prior to suggesting they qualify to use the title of "therapist" in any capacity.

    I could, to an extend, agree that @Babichev may have come off more aggressively than necessary, I did not think that her comments qualified as bullying or otherwise a ridicule of another poster. Just exceptionally blunt.

    As someone myself who seeks therapy, but also enjoys therapeutic cuddle sessions, I'd caution anyone about labelling themselves as a "therapist" on CuddleComfort unless they carry a few extra letters at the end of their name.

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited December 2021

    @cuddles_ndream - I don’t know if the OP is a trained psychotherapist or not. However, I know enough to spot red flags. People who are trained in psychotherapy or similar would know to establish better boundaries with clients. If the OP is trained and licensed as some sort of counselor, it’s even more alarming because they should already be clear about this. I’m sorry that this distresses you but over the course of about 45 years I’ve encountered numerous people in alternative medicine who considered themselves qualified to practice psychotherapy when they had not been trained to do so. I saw some serious harm come about because of it.

    It’s already been pointed out that many people come to cuddling because of emotional distress. There is nothing wrong with being a good listener. When pros start talking about doing therapy, though, they are taking on a role that bears a fiduciary responsibility.

    The field of professional cuddling is in an embryonic stage. There are no agreed upon regulations, no organization overseeing conduct or setting standards. It’s the Wild West. Some of the pros here have demonstrated that they take their role seriously and put great effort into interacting with their clients with a high degree of professionalism. They take that upon themselves on their own without anyone imposing it upon them. I have high regard for their commitment to high standards.

    When pros start tossing around language about doing therapy, though, and using therapeutic methods without having any mention of their qualifications, either here or on their profile, that raises some warning signs. A qualified therapist would be more than happy to provide their qualifications, etc., because they are not threatened by anyone asking relevant questions. They already understand why it’s important to protect vulnerable clients.

    When I see language that puts the needs of the therapist first, that is a warning sign. When I see a lack of professional boundaries, that is a warning sign. It is not hostile or bullying to point that out. These are legitimate concerns.

    Meddling with the psychological state of vulnerable clients should not be done by amateurs.

    I’m willing to listen to other points of view but I’ll bet you $20 that the OP is not a licensed mental health care worker. If they were a trained psychotherapist, they would appreciate my concern for the client’s well-being, thank me for bringing that up, and then reassure us as to their qualifications.

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited December 2021

    @Babichev to me it seems like you have a lot of strong triggers and emotions around the word "therapy" and that guides and colors your perception of this thread.

    My personal opinion is that therapy is a multidimensional spectrum. Healers are as old as the human race, and have existed in various forms long before psychological therapy became a profession over the last hundred years or so.

    To dismiss this fundamental and ancestral facet of human society seems unwise.

  • Mela_BMela_B

    @MCcuddles2 your comment is extremely relevant here. Modern, and especially western medicine and healing modalities are so heavily regulated that the perception is that alternative healing and medicine are considered pseudoscience. Ironic, considering cuddling itself is constantly argued about, and, as of yet, unregulated, but still merited as a valuable and worthy tool for healing. ❤️

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited December 2021

    My response is professional, not emotional. I’m licensed as a health care worker. I take protecting vulnerable clients seriously.

    Are you saying that anyone should be able to call themselves a therapist, practice “therapy,” and use “therapeutic methods” on anyone they wish, without any qualifications?

    The title of this thread specifically asks, regarding cuddling, “Do you seek therapy” The OP talks about using therapeutic methods and expresses dismay that clients seek them out for cuddling rather than therapy. This thread is specifically about that. They ask if they are being unreasonable. My answer to that question is that if you are not qualified to be a therapist then yes, expecting someone to seek you out for therapy is not only unreasonable but potentially harmful. The OP so far has declined to clear up any question about their qualifications.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    “ Perhaps it is I who expects to provide healing to another human being and that is unreasonable? ”

    What is unreasonable is life in all of its unexpected twists and turns.
    When I ended my train of thought, I was getting my oil changed, coming straight from work. Why is it necessary to write that? It’s not. I am not obligated to provide details of anything but for context-having worked all day and JUST getting home at 9:38pm, I haven’t had the opportunity to read and respond comments in full length to meditate on my own thoughts in response.

    Reading some of the comments has caused an emotional reaction for me-that’s a normal response to reading cut and dry written messages that come off hostile.
    For clarity, I suppose the fault is my own in wording. Sometimes I say cuddle therapist and other times I say cuddle specialist. I chose to write “cuddle therapist” in the post.

    I respect different views and appreciate the comments and feedback.
    Maybe I am interpreting written words with hostility, and that is completely on me.
    It is not and will never be my intention to hurt anyone, and clearly I have triggered some. It is apparent to me that even when writing my personal thoughts and asking if others would prefer cuddle based therapy approaches during a session, that I am doing something wrong.

    Unconditional love is not tolerating bs.
    I do not have to prove who I am to recognize what I do helps other human beings.
    This thread subject is pointless now.

  • [Deleted User]simsaddict (deleted user)

    & Not responding because I am unable to, is not declining to respond.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999
    edited December 2021

    @Mela_B cuddle and listening it's healing, i had severe depression,hopelessness, wanted to end life but in my religion u go to hell,I'm not dead or a life in the middle, first time when I met my pro i looked like a homeless,i loved life,also my pro 😁, i started to think winning the lottery,finding better job,looking after myself, I changed 180 degree,☝️ at the same time she game me advices,supporting,caring, and she tought me to think positive and thinking negative leads to more depression.

  • BabichevBabichev

    There was a brief response earlier where there would have been an opportunity to mention qualifications, hence my observation that to address that question was declined. Since no mention of qualifications have been given in a later response, that observation stands.

    Whether what we do is helpful or not is not the issue. We can be helpful to each other in a myriad of ways. I’m not a grief counselor. However, as a human being and as a massage therapist I’ve sat with many people who have lost a loved one. I know the difference between being a grief counselor and being a friend who can sit with someone in their grief, not be afraid of it, and just be with them. I’m not a psychotherapist. I’ve listened to friends and clients express their struggles with depression, abuse, all sorts of mental struggles. It’s okay for me to listen. It’s not okay for me to offer therapy.

    Words have meaning. To rob words of their meaning is to make them meaningless. The question was about whether we seek therapy and about whether it is reasonable to expect clients to seek therapy from someone who is not a therapist.

    That is all.

  • Ahmedali999Ahmedali999

    @Babichev i'm with you %100 , if don't know the medicine of patient don't give them . there are minor therapy skills you have can offer such as breathing exercise, eye gazing,ect i suffer from nervousness, sometimes when people look in my eyes i look away and they feel offended it depresses me. now I started practicing with my pros eye gazing.

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