Nothing to add. But if anyone wants to cuddle while I wait for Elvis to come out of hiding, you know where to find me.
@Travismo - So far I haven’t noticed anyone who has said anything remotely like I hate dogs and you should hate them, too - not about dogs, not about anything else.
I have seen people tell other people how they should feel. I’ve seen people try to put words in other people’s mouths and misrepresent their positions. But putting forth one’s point of view is just that. The next sentence is not, “And you should agree with me,” unless they’ve plainly stated that.
I think we’re on the same page about that.
Redacted…wrong thread
@sillysassy "Maybe, if we're looking for feedback from new members we can add on to a post that's already discussed it in EXTREME DETAIL." I believe I did this once not realizing it was a very old thread and people balked at reviving dead threads. 🤷♀️
Can people spot the difference between these two things?
1. "This is me expressing my opinion."
"Great to read your opinion. Mine differs a bit but your view is interesting. Here's my opinion."
2. "This is me expressing my opinion."
"I disagree with your opinion because you're not right. Here's my opinion, which is correct."
@biancalovecraft hahahahhahaa I will totally wait with you for Elvis..... (Hiding!! 🤣😂😁)
@Babichev gosh woman..... I really appreciate the ability that you have to put ideas into writing here. I am so thankful you are here..... not only being a proponent of what cuddling and this site are supposed to be about, but also being willing to volunteer and take time to help sort out problems in the forums. I appreciate you and your willingness to help us.
Putting forth one's point of view is just that. Where I come from we welcome debate and no one takes it personally. We also distinguish between attacking an idea and attacking a person. Focus on the content. Forget about style. I’m not going to police tone. It’s often used as an excuse to shut down those with whom we disagree. It was used to shut down feminists as a way to ignore their message. It was used to shut down civil rights activists as a way to ignore their message. It was used against anti-War activists as a way to ignore their message.
@MaineCuddle I love the way you expressed that! Completely and wholly affirming someone but not attacking them when we would like to share a different perspective. Thank you for being a PRO and welcome to the site (I suppose anyone joining during Covid still feels NEW to me!!)
I might be wrong and the mods can certainly correct this but as I understand it, pulling up/reviving an old thread in order to add to it is something that is acceptable. When someone dusts off a thread for no reason or just to cause controversy, it is more problematic it seems. For me, and this is only my opinion, when someone starts a thread that says "What do I do if I get excited?" it feels like they haven't even looked at any of the information contained in all of the other similar threads. It seems like a great place to get a lot of different people's perspective. Of course its enjoyable to get feedback from all of the current posting members as well so I suppose it just comes down to everyone's opinion on how much they want to get insight from past postings.
Thanks everyone who has weighed in. The comparisons to North Korea are a bit overblown, I think. But in case people really are confused by my request, let me try to clarify. Say I put up a post called “dogs are great!”
Don’t post in it about how people who like dogs are crap! Don’t post in it about how you met a scientist one time (or whatever your basis of expertise is) and that actually there’s no evidence to support the assertion that dogs are even moderately good. Don’t post about how cat owners are the chosen ones or that ferrets are under-rated if part of your point is that actually dogs kind of suck. Also, probably don’t write that dogs are great on toast…
Instead, start your own post. Call it “dogs are crap!” if you want. Call it “cats are better than dogs”. Call it “A Scientific Study Examining the so-called Greatness of Dogs” or call your post “Cats versus Dogs: Which is better?” and let people argue it out there. Even a link to 100 ways to cook and serve dog meat is not irksome to me if you post it in your own thread.
I’m not saying it’s rude to have a different opinion than the OP. But it is kind of rude, in my opinion, to voice our opinion without reading the room first. Hope that helps.
Carry on.
I don’t know why I wrote that. Maybe @FunCartel knows. But I digress.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug Since you invited my opinion on the post, I do have an opinion. But since you hold up your opinion as fact what would be the point?
@MonkeyNeedsAHug your OP said:
"Next time someone starts a thread with, “Who else listens to Elvis Presley?” Please don’t hijack that thread".
Your last comment though states:
"Say I put up a post called “dogs are great!" Don’t post in it about...Instead, start your own post and let people argue it out there." Which contradicts your plea in your OP. (If hijacking=stating differing opinions.)
@MaineCuddle Ooooo, you are walking a thin line with the self-appointed forum cops. I am sure the mods, however, are fine with your post.
@FunCartel I like to walk the line I draw myself and I prefer fine point pens over jumbo crayons.
@MaineCuddle so do I. The Sharpie extra fine is a super fine example of that.
Sorry, @FunCartel . My joke missed the mark in tagging you. I just meant you often say things with your tongue firmly in cheek.
I edited my post and removed the joke I referenced above. I also reread everything I’ve written on the topic. Not sure where I offered my opinion as a fact. I’m usually careful to distinguish the two. Let me know if I’ve been sloppy with my rhetoric please. Otherwise, no worries.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug No worries. Carry on.
I appreciate the intended point of this post. De gustibus non est disputandum. But in areas where someone else's yum is hurting me... well, there I reserve the right to yuck it.
Take the support of poison smoke that damages more than the user, for instance.
I'll yuck that every time, because I want to be able to breathe. Can't even do it in my own home, with the AC pulling in smoke from outside while even more smoke leaks in from other apartments! Did I agree to be poisoned when I leased a non-smoking rental? No, I don't think so. "Good for them" I won't say, because their yum isn't being privately enjoyed—it's coming over here to hurt me, as well.
Same goes for beliefs that don't match reality; but claim to be reality; and make the people who believe act in ways that hurt me (or others I care about)... like, say, criminalizing abortion, or smearing queers.
In matters of taste, there can be no dispute. But in matters of truth—!
And, echoing @Babichev: there is a difference between attacking an idea, or a belief, or even an action... and attacking a person.
@DaringSprinter Welcome back Darren. Missed you as well.
@FunCartel: Thanks. It's okay to be back.
Thanks, @DaringSprinter
I trust people here to understand that I’m not suggesting people “kindly” tolerate violence (threats, harassment abuse…)
I’m saying that there are people here who want to jump in and educate people over perceived harm coming from threats that seem really trivial. And, imo, the heat with which people are being disagreed with / scorned is way out of proportion to the threat posed by their beliefs.
Compounding my frustration with this belief (that people are being taken to task over wildly unimportant topics) is the feeling that every time someone is being taken to task it’s the same personalities over and over again who are doing the task-taking.
@MaineCuddle
Thanks for pointing out an apparent contradiction in my position. I’m not sure I understand where I’ve done that. But I am open to scuttling my entire request if it collapses under its own weight.
I want to say don’t weigh in negatively on someone else’s thread, as a general rule.
To me the general rule would include not dismissing someone’s belief as nonsense, and or belittling them if they can not adequately justify their position.
And
To me, the general rule would not apply if leaving someone’s belief unchecked, would create a significant likelihood of actual harm to another.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug - If somebody started a new thread every time they had a different opinion, they'd be a page of threads on the same topic. If somebody posts saying that something is really great, I'm allowed to comment and say that I don't like it.
"Can people spot the difference between these two things?
No. The art of conversation is lost and people marry their opinions to identity which is why people get so defensive when someone disagrees. One theory I read is information is now traveling so fast, people are turtling into their bubble without a willingness to shift perspectives because for some, these shifts are happening more frequently making people uncomfortable.
I think it’s important to celebrate everyone’s ideas and praise what brings them joy. Too many times in life we are told “ you can’t do that it’s unrealistic” or “ that’s so stupid” ….
@zoeloveshugs: ...My parents have the idea that anyone who doesn't believe the things they do will burn in hell forever... and imagining that happening to people they disagree with brings them joy.
I think there may be more qualifications for what it's important to celebrate and praise than just "it's someone's idea" or "it brings them joy."
Maybe.
I don't believe in 'safe spaces'. I think people should be able to express themselves freely. No-one has the right to not be offended. If the forums bring offence, stop reading them. Personally, I don't even look at most topics because I have no interest in the subject or they are irrelevant to my lifestyle.
@CuddleDuncan and @sillysassy - I 100% agree that people should not be criticizing the mods publicly. 👍
Has anyone noticed that just about everyone here has different “rules”? Different opinions about what is okay and what is not?
Here are some minimal rules: 1) No personal attacks 2) Stay focused on the topic under discussion and not on personalities. 3) Not everyone is going to agree. Accept that.
Some other things that help make things go better: 1) Don’t take anything personally, even if it was intended that way. 2) Assume people’s good will. 3) Avoid logical fallacies 4) No whining. Be the grownup in the room. 5) If you start a thread on a topic that’s controversial, then expect controversy. 6) Complaints about “tone” are an ad hominem attack. Focus on the content, forget about style. 7) If you make claims, be prepared to support them. 8) Your assumptions are not universal, don’t be surprised when others don’t share them. 9) Be willing to change your mind when the evidence suggests that you should. You’ll end up smarter. 10) Take responsibility for your own emotional reactions. If you find yourself getting upset, maybe it’s time to take a step back, take a break, and examine exactly why that is.
I’m mostly going to be offline for the next 2 days.
@Babichev very well said especially people don't move , life is so short what do you expect in discussion. you need to stickied it or open discussion about it.