@Cuddlygal21 - “I was going to suggest that perhaps there should be a template on the site for those who don't know how to properly approach someone for cuddling. They might be from another country, or perhaps they're socially awkward - but whatever the case may be, there is a right and a wrong way to approach someone. And some education by the site itself would really help with that I think.”
I came across Cuddlygal's suggestion in an old thread in the Professional Cuddling forum, and I think it's a great topic. If there are enough responses here, I'll write it up as a blog post, and then there'll be reference material.
I agree 100% that there's a right and wrong way to approach a woman. Guys, I know you'll chime in with your thoughts on how to approach a man. As a nonprofessional (i.e., unpaid) cuddling enthusiast, here are my thoughts.
It's not complicated. Be friendly, be nice and make an effort to get to know me first before bringing up cuddling. That's really all there is to it. So far, nine guys have made the first contact with me. One was a little inappropriate (telling me how cute I was and asking if I were a good kisser, not out of line for a dating site but not so good on a cuddling site), and one was clueless (wanting to “try out” cuddling with me in his first message, like he was ordering a hamburger!). I correspond regularly with the rest of them, who are unfortunately too far away for us to get together.
I've initiated contact with five guys, none of whom are close enough to get together. My messages are usually just to say hi because I saw something I liked on their profile or to remark on something thoughtful they may have said on the forums. Two did not reply, the other three I correspond with regularly. I often don't make first contact because of something on a profile, such as preferred body type, that I don't match or upper age limit that I exceed.
I'm sure there's a different approach that works for the professional cuddler, and I hope that they will chime in. What really not to do is approach the unpaid cuddling enthusiast like a professional, such as assuming that just because she has a profile on the site means she will cuddle a complete stranger just because he asked. It just doesn't work that way.
I think it's likely much easier to message a man and get a response. Things like preferred body type and age matter less to a man, and all the more so when it's difficult to get a woman to reply. Worst case, even if a woman is too far away to actually meet in person it's nice to have conversation.
One observation I'll make is that short messages are better to start with. Of course they might get longer as time goes on, especially if you find there's a good connection. But replying to a long message can seem like a chore even if you're really enjoying the conversation.
I don't respond to short messages ever.
I have responded to short messages, especially if the profile is interesting or at least nonthreatening. I responded to a "good morning, how are you" message after checking the profile. The guy had a very sweet expression which I found appealing. We've exchanged much longer messages since then, and things seem to be going well. Considering how often guys send out messages and get no response, I don't think if I were in their shoes I'd go to a lot of effort to send out a much longer message than that at first contact, either. Guys are constantly putting themselves out there first and risking rejection. I try to be sensitive to that.
I agree with @JT1980 that short messages are good to start with. It's gauging interest. I'm a writer by compulsion, so I might dash off a couple of short paragraphs when I make first contact. But I don't expect anyone else to be a prolific writer. However, if after several messages I'm still getting only brief responses, whether it's me who made first contact or not, I'll quickly lose interest.
I find that a lack of effort or imagination at the start doesn't change over time
@sometimes, maybe I should clarify what I mean by "short message". I mean between perhaps four and ten lines. Introduction, comment on one or two things to show you've read the profile, maybe ask a couple questions to show interest in continuing the conversation, reveal a bit about yourself that isn't on the profile.
Not "S'up." Lol.
And not a whole life story, either.
@JT1880 any indication of sentience makes the writer a standout and to me indicates basic competence and respect. Thanks for clarifying.
@JT1980 Oh, that's excellent! I've responded to even less than that sometimes, with a good outcome.
While clearly there are some absolute differences between this site and a dating app, I see some similarities. One that strikes me is that I receive more interest from people who are clearly too far away to actually meet. I see this as a way of practicing some communication skills safely, with less risk. So it's okay.
Most challenging for me as a gay man, is that I truly like women, I'm just not romantically or sexually inclined towards them. But the cuddle conversation can be awkward when the subject comes up, because I do have (ancient) history of being romantically involved with one.
With men or women, my approach is gentle. I'm very cautious both in not wanting to scare anyone off, and in protecting my fragile self-image. So up-front, I make minimal small talk, and ask whether the other might be interested in exploring over email or over a cup of coffee, to see if we might be a good fit as cuddle buddies. If anything, I think I may come off as indifferent, because I'm not pushing to meet, but I'm comfortable with it.
@gaygramps "and ask whether the other might be interested in exploring over email or over a cup of coffee, to see if we might be a good fit as cuddle buddies." That doesn't sound like indifference to me, it just sounds like you're taking things slowly. That's usually a good thing. Anyone who is too eager or too pushy is off putting, to me.
Great thread and points, @BlueIris!
I especially loved your advice towards not "assuming that just because she has a profile on the site means she will cuddle a complete stranger just because he asked."
This really is a great mantra: "Be friendly, be nice and make an effort to get to know me first before bringing up cuddling."
I'm value of the poignant and thoughtful tips you've passed on, @BlueIris. I appreciate your involvement and insight on this and other threads. I think some of the most valuable lessons as an adult (professional education included) I've learned are the lessons children have unintentionally taught me. I recently overheard my niece and nephew having a conversation after their first day of school. One of the first questions they asked each other about their teachers was the all-important-inquiry, "Is he/she nice or mean?" Sometimes, this is what it all comes down to....What do we project in our online profile and real-time encounters? Are we nice or mean? I think "nice" is always the best way to go. Thanks again!
PS. Sideon, really great points from you here, too!
@YourBestCuddler Thank you so much for your kind words! You just made my day!
@BlueIris. It's my pleasure. I'm glad to brighten your day a bit. It sounds like you've certainly enriched the lives of many. Enjoy!
I try to reply to every message I get as long as the person puts some effort into it. I think the only one I didn't reply to was "Hiiiii", because clearly there was no effort there. Lol I also have several pen pals so to speak on here that I know I'll never meet because of distance, but its nice just to chat. Getting to know them is key though, if they keep asking questions about the physical aspects and don't respond to my questions about their personality it's a no-go.
As a professional I prefer short quick messages. Oftentimes I will find clients who want to text all day for several days before the session and that to me is not appropriate for a paid cuddler. Just like somebody wouldn't text their massage therapist 100 times. I don't mind if they message here and there, I just don't like my phone being blown up.
I appreciate the input on this topic, especially from @BlueIris ... For some weird reason, it never occurred to me to start an actual introductory conversation before asking to meet/cuddle. And it's something I think I'm pretty good at too!
@salvadanish You're very welcome! As you can see from all of the input this thread has gathered, the approach should be slightly different when messaging a cuddle enthusiast vs. a professional. Professionals are businesswomen, and they are used to cuddling people they don't know with very little conversation beforehand. Enthusiasts, like myself, prefer to get to know their potential cuddle pals a bit first.
@BlueIris Thanks for starting this thread, and thanks to all the contributors. Finding people to cuddle with in Dallas, TX has been difficult, so i left the site for a while. But i'm back now to try again.
I’ve talked (messaged) with a lot of people. Though none has led to a cuddle buddy thing on here, I’ve met some great people and enjoyed my time!
I think there is a huge difference between contacting an enthusiast vs. a pro. @sugarmagolia is spot on in regards to messaging. I can only speak for myself, but I am on multiple cuddling sites and I would have to hire an assistant if I were to spend days messaging with every potential cuddle. I always take the time needed to put a potential cuddler at ease and answer any questions they may have. However, many of my cuddle partners tell me that they hire a pro because it's just too much effort to find an enthusiast. Hiring a pro is quick and easy. I can quickly determine if a potential cuddler is serious or if he is expecting something other than cuddles. If so, I politely decline. I'm fine with the initial message being a quick "hi". I think that just their way of feeling out if I'm interested. I'll respond with a "hi" and an open ended message to get the ball rolling. @blueIris you are right that we are business women but that's such a harsh term. I consider myself to be an enthusiast and professional. I'm an enthusiastic professional! lol
@Scarlette I completely agree with you that the approach should be different with an enthusiast than with a pro. By their very nature, enthusiasts have a lot less experience cuddling, some of them none at all. So it will take more time to establish a connection and make the enthusiast feel safe. When I first began my search for cuddle partners two months ago, it would sometimes take me a couple of weeks of communicating before I'd feel comfortable enough to suggest an in person meet. Now I'm more confident and it takes only a few days. But as for the approach, anyone who approaches me like I'm a pro -- first message simply stating they want to cuddle and when am I available -- is going to put me off.
I meant the reference to pros as businesswomen as a perfectly neutral, factual term. It does not mean that the pros are not enthusiastic, warm or caring about their clients. Most of the ones who post here most definitely are all of those things and more. I was specifically referring to the fact that as pros, they have more screening experience and are more used to getting to the cuddle more quickly than an inexperienced enthusiast like myself.
I think the term business woman has only positive connotations and should be a source of pride to any woman because it means she is successful and she has made it.
@Scarlette, I’ve seen your posts and you have a very successful cuddling business, you travel and you get booked right away.
I’ve only seen two pros in two years but I would be confident that I’d have a great time and book you if I had the opportunity.
Cuddle on and may your business prosper.
@BlueIris... sorry I tend to be sensitive to the "business woman" term. I do own a very successful business (non-cuddling) and consider myself a business woman in that capacity. I deal with mostly male business owners daily and I tend to be kind of "bad-ass" in the office! lol... Meaning I am self-confident and no-nonsense when it comes to running my business. Cuddling is definitely my "softer side". It's probably why I need to cuddle so often. I guess it doesn't feel like a business to me. However, I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit so what started out as cuddling in my free time has exploded to full-time and I love it. I know you were being complimentary and thank you
@mellow...if you ever get to Maryland I would love to cuddle you!!!!
@Scarlette I totally was being complimentary! Those who don't have business sense don't succeed, and from what I see on your profile, your website and your posts here, you are phenomenal! It is very obvious how much you are about cuddling and your clients. They are lucky people!!!