Is enough consideration given to the efforts put into hosting ?

[Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)
in General

I woukd like some of your thoughts as a community .Do people knkw how much prep work goes into hosting for cudfling.? The cleaning, the preparing the environment to be relaxing and comfortable. I think it would be nice for guests to ask how they coukd add to the atmosphere or like other social invites ,take something like our mum taught us not to go to the house of others empty handed just receiving .I woukd imagine for a paid sevice it's different cause the transaction is vety clear.When it's not there can still be inequality of labour for both to benefit on the part of the host and then tidying when the person leaves. Has this been discussed in another thread perhaps?

Comments

  • Sheena123Sheena123
    edited February 2022

    There is a lot of work put into preparing my home for a cuddler, but I figure with the amount I charge and how much safer I feel in my own home, it’s so worth it. Some of my cuddlers come to me from 2 hours away. Some do show up with an iced caramel cappuccino for me. Others tip me afterwards. They certainly don’t have to do that, but I would feel weird asking them not to show up empty handed. It makes the tasty drinks and tips feel that much more appreciated when it’s not expected. The fact that some of these cuddlers would make a 2 hour drive in a regular basis just to snuggle me, is a gift in itself. 🌸🌸🌸

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    It's a job. You set your own prices, you put in the amount of effort you feel is adequate and appropriate with regards to yourself and your space, people book you. If they don't feel it was adequate or appropriate they don't book again.

    You don't go into any other job expecting to be given more then your agreed upon fee/salary so why should this be any different? Giving gifts blurs the boundary between professional and client, and is a friendly thing that may give false ideas to one or both parties.

  • SSRequiescenceSSRequiescence
    edited January 18

    Edited to remove personal details.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited February 2022

    There are a significant number of clients and forum contributors who have no idea how much effort goes into hosting. Indeed, I've even seen people argue about it. @xandriarain talks about it sometimes. It's a lot of work.

    The question of "Am I going to somebody's place of business or their home?" comes up in fields other than cuddling. Music lessons for example, it's quite common to go to the teacher's house. In such cases there is a delicate balance to be struck, but the starting point is that you are attending a place of work, because that is the reason you are there. If you go to your accountant's office you do not, in general, take a gift; and therefore, when you attend your cuddler's premises, you do not take a gift unless there is a particular reason to do so.

    In my upbringing, taking something to somebody's house was about the rudest thing you could do. Very, very forbidden except in specific circumstances. You did not arrive with something: you left with something. This was one of the things that really confused me when I left Scotland and came to barbaric and uncivilised wastes of England.

    If you just can't bear to turn up empty-handed - and some people can't: I've have professionals coming to my house bring small gifts - then keep it cheap (i.e. under about five bucks) and appropriate. In London the convention is nice chocolate or something else lovely to eat, although I've also been given little candles and I can't remember what else.. Anything connected to cuddling or relaxation would be fine.

    This is different from bringing something (and taking it away again) that will enhance your cuddle. For example, if you particularly like your own playlist, or your own scented candle, or your own cushion, then mention it in advance. Most people will be very happy to accommodate such things.

    In neutral environments, such as therapy rooms, one of you is always technically the 'host' and it is their responsibility to leave the room clean and tidy. However, given you have just shared an intimate experience, it is only common decency to help at least with the basics e.g. putting the furniture back where it belongs.

    There is are clear differences between going to a fellow enthusiast's house; a professional's cuddle room in their house; or a neutral place like a therapy room or hotel.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @honeycuddle This is such an interesting thread! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And Welcome-ish to the site. I'm totally stealing your Adventure pic!! 😊

    As an ENTHUSIAST..... I have thought about this kind of thing quite a bit. I meet people in public. I meet them for coffee. I meet them at the movies. I meet them in a park. Sometimes if we know each other well enough I meet them at their hotel. Sometimes we go to each other's houses.

    What I have found fascinating is the awareness of balance from the other cuddler. (I'm not going to talk about the PRO perspective because you and I are both enthusiasts and there's lots of information about the professional side of this. I agree with everyone that creating a space is part of your business, but I'm sure its fun to get little extra thank you's etc)

    Like @CuddleDuncan mentioned.... I think we all have conditioning from our culture and from how we were raised. What I think also comes into play is that we also have our specific love language or the way we relate to people and feel kindness from them. I know there are a LOT of people in this community that have touch as a primary love language, but ME for example.... Quality Time and Acts of Service are my primary languages. When someone walks into my house and says "What can I do to help?" or they mention something in prior messages like "I know you have to clean sheets and stuff, how about I bring some snacks?" It makes me feel like they are AWARE of the effort on my side. If we are going to meet at the park and they just assume I am bringing all of the necessary items for the snuggle then I feel like things are a little unbalanced and I can start to feel taken advantage of.

    This isn't the same as long terms friendships and cuddle friends, but if something is extremely one-sided then it gets kind of wonky. If they drive two hours and you drive two minutes, again... finding a balance is important to keep things healthy.

    I also love taking special little things that are specific to the cuddle like a candle or CHOCOLATE to share. hahahhaha You have to take care of you and if you are always hosting in your house then I think its important and extremely helpful that you discuss it with your potential cuddle buddy.

    Thanks for being a part of the community!

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    Bigfoot and I love to host. Currently my hotel set up…I think my at home set up is way nicer.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    I host in my office which makes the preparation of the space much easier than having to make my entire home presentable. I live with six animals and have very severe ADHD so making my home worthy of clients would be a huge undertaking.

    While I don’t have to clean my office as much as my home since I don’t live there I still have to constantly do laundry and have a clean set of sheets for every session and I keep my space stocked with drinks and snacks, not to mention it take me 20 minutes to drive there and I pay to rent it out.
    So what annoys me is when people give me a hard time about my rates. I charge more per hour for shorter sessions because they take the same amount of prep work and the same overhead as longer sessions. Some people fail to acknowledge that many of the pros with lower rates don’t host and charge for travel, So when you add up the cost of the hotel and the travel fees you’re probably paying more than if you booked with me.

    Before I had my office people always complained that I didn’t host and now that I can host the complaint is that I charge too much. 🤦🏼‍♀️

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    If I was to be hosted by someone I would bring something for the host. It would be more likely to happen the second time though after I found out what kind of things might be appreciated. It would always be a surprise.

  • [Deleted User]honeycuddle (deleted user)

    I don't think.some people have read my question or maybe I'm not being very clear ,I'm not a professional. What wonderful responses though thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    An interesting point is that as time as gone on, and I've become more experienced at cuddling, I prepare less and less. This is not a consequence of knowing my cuddlers, it's the same for new people. I have become more and more 'genuine'. Or to put it another way, whereas I used to do my best to prepare for A Very Important Guest, I now prepare for A Good Friend, even if it's a cuddler I've never met before.

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