Disabled, not dead.

KenQuadKenQuad
in General

I have an injury to my spinal cord preventing transmission of neurons from my brain to most of my body. It's not a brain injury creating an altered personality, I'm not comatose.
I don't want to make a blanket statement, I realize some people are more open-minded than others about certain things in society. There are things in our culture that remain taboo in the 21st- century, I've learned people who don't know people who use wheelchairs or have spinal cord injuries, often see a wheelchair or a disability, as an impassable barrier to living a full life. As for sharing a moment of comfort and cuddling, it's not.
In general, people fail to recognize individuals with physical challenges having needs and desires for comfort and cuddling, just like "normal peeps". I believe all humans desire comfort and closeness, despite the insecurities and challenges we all face. People with disabilities are capable of giving and receiving cuddles and comfort, I want to be your first!

  1. Have you ever cuddled with a person who's paralyzed or has a disability?51 votes
    1. Yes
      39.22%
    2. No
      58.82%
    3. I would never, that's weird.
        1.96%

Comments

  • KenQuadKenQuad

    I dated a woman with a spinal cord injury- she was cool. I was not mature enough to handle some of the challenges I faced.

  • BabichevBabichev

    Moving this to general discussion [Babichev]

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’ve not cuddled with anyone with a spinal cord injury or other physical disability but I’ve done massage with a few people with disabilities and at least one double amputee. I would not consider it a barrier to cuddling. I have danced with at least one person in a wheelchair and a few other people with disabilities.

    Many years ago I read an interview with a blind farmer and he said the greatest barrier in his life was other people’s attitudes. I’ve tried to keep that in mind.

    I think one of the internal barriers some people face is that they are not sure what to do, how to interact, and they feel self-conscious about that. When I had clients with a disability, I would just let them know in front that although I’ve had a lot of experience, I did not have experience with (whatever their disability or condition) was and I would need for them to help me out. For me, it got it out in the open right away so I could stop worrying about my lack of experience with this specific situation and it helped to establish a therapeutic partnership. No one ever took offense and they were more than happy to help me out, let me know what they needed.

    @KenQuad , what advice would you give to potential cuddlers who are not sure how to approach someone in a wheelchair?

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I have a couple wheelchair bound cuddlers who have expressed interest in cuddling me and I would snuggle the bajezzus out of them as soon as a booking is made lol
    I actually have a question if you don’t mind answering! If they want to come to where I host, it’s not wheelchair accessible but it’s just 2 steps to get onto my porch. But the bannisters aren’t very sturdy. If they do book me, how would I make it easier for them besides having to have someone make a whole ramp? This is a genuine question I have but if it feels offensive in anyway, let me know and I’ll remove it!

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    I haven't, but that's not because I wouldn't, it's because the opportunity has never presented itself. I'd cuddle with someone regardless of their physical differences- it doesn't matter to me at all.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @Sheena123 , my apartment is not wheelchair accessible, either, and if the opportunity arose I would have to go to them.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @Babichev ah boo 😔 you would think a residential apartment would have to have accessibility for wheelchairs. 🤔

  • SlothHugsSlothHugs

    @KenQuad , I am sorry you haven't found a fit yet... Hoping you do from this thread!

    I have not cuddled someone who is differently-abled, but I would im a heartbeat! I have massaged many individuals who have physically challenges (I am an LMT). I would be glad to share space, connection and platonic touch with whomever reaches out and communicates 😊. I echo all that @Babichev said, as far as letting someone who may need accommodations tell me what they are.

  • GODHANDSGODHANDS

    I'm a🎖️ Disabled Veteran 🪖 myself..and was in a Wheelchair for several years...alot of Therapy ,massages , and cuddling have me 85%back to normal... affection was a BIG part of my recovery when I felt SUICIDAL...you don't know how much you might be helping someone just during cuddle sessions, a recent pro I just had a session with ONLY HAD ONE ARM, she had lost in a domestic fight with her boyfriend among other severe injuries..So we had to lay in certain positions and not alternate as much as i would have like..but it was ALL WORTH IT when she told me she had a Boost in Self- Esteem, and felt confident because, I didn't cancel our session..(I didnt know she was missing an arm until I opened the door).. and she now could use our wonderful community to help financially support herself until she heals🤕

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @KenQuad ~ I would 100% cuddle with someone in your situation, someone with CP, etc. (as long as they have a way of communicating their desires/consent).

    Today was actually my first day working with a high school student who has CP, and another with a condition I don't recall the name of. They each require different types of lifts and protocols, but both were able to communicate "yes" and "no" in some way.

    They were really fun to hang out with and just like everyone, desire kindness and touch ~ I just loved that each wanted to hold my hand in the hall and were all smiles when I came back from my break (and that one of them thought my dropping a flower was hilarious ~ so silly).

    Anyway, I mostly identify with what @Babichev said about, "internal barriers some people face is that they are not sure what to do, how to interact, and they feel self-conscious about that."

    Like most interactions, when it comes to cuddling, I want to be sure I'm not causing harm or discomfort to/for my partners. So it's important to me we communicate before and during our time together (which may in itself be a barrier for some).

    Also, if I were cuddling with someone who has medical &/or physical concerns that I'm unfamiliar with how to support, I'd want there to be someone near by, I could call for help (just in case). Again, this could also be a barrier, but when considering the issues that could arise, I think it'd be important for the safety of both of us.

    So it's not that I'm self-conscious, as much as I'm aware of my own limitations and ignorance, which makes me want to be extra cautious.

    Thank you for posting this ~ 🤗🕊QL

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays
    edited February 2022

    I am actually disabled (it's considered an "invisible disability"). I welcome all. I have not cuddled anyone who has a disability yet because I've not had the opportunity to do so.

    @KenQuad - I hope you can find someone to cuddle. 🫂

  • Bella_SeraBella_Sera
    edited February 2022

    Y'all, please let's take a little bit of care with how we talk about people, especially their bodies. It is not wrong or dirty to acknowledge that someone is disabled, but it comes off a little creepy to marvel at how someone with a disability moves or speaks or goes about daily tasks.

    @Sheena123, the best course of action is to ask your client about what they'd prefer--they might be able to navigate a few steps but more than likely, they will feel more comfortable having you come to their place or meeting at a hotel. I know I'm super appreciative when a client sends me a picture of the path of travel between their parking area and front door. That allows me to make my own judgment about how easily I can navigate a space. One other small thing--it's preferable to say "wheelchair user" as opposed to "wheelchair-bound." Mobility devices aren't prisons. On the contrary, they offer people with disabilities freedom and independence.

    @GODHANDS, please please edit your post to omit the story of how your cuddler lost her arm. Those are private details that she may not appreciate sharing with the public.

    And for all: words like "handicapable" and “differently-abled” are suuuuper cringe. Please, just... don't.

    ETA: Some folks have taken issue with the word "creepy." Another way to say it might be "condescending" or "dehumanizing," but those both feel too strong. How about uncool? For the record, I'm not mad at anybody. We're all getting better together.

  • KenQuadKenQuad

    @quixotic_life @Babichev @SlothHugs
    As with all relations- cuddling requires communication by all parties. Given some of my needs and "WHAT IF" situations occurring all to frequently, requires a number of disclosures. I can do that.
    My foremost desire is to be clear with my cuddle-r- so we are both comfortable with each other. I try to be a good listener as well. I want my cuddle-r to be comfortable and gain confidence during our shared time. I want to be a good partner.
    I have answers to so many questions, I look forward to answering many more from curious & adventurous cuddle-rs.

    thank you- ;) KQ

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited February 2022

    @Sheena123 - the apartment I live in is a 4 family unit built in 1907 that is pretty close to the original. The kitchens have been updated and that’s about it. None of the places I’ve lived have been accessible, they were all built in 1930 or earlier. When I still had an office, having it accessible was a priority, not just because of wheelchairs (which was rare) but because enough of my clients had difficulty negotiating stairs because of back/knee/other injuries or pain.

  • KenQuadKenQuad

    @BellaSera I <3 your every word - you can cuddle me anytime!!

  • GODHANDSGODHANDS

    @BellaSera DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is a serious issue and needs to be Acknowledged and STOPPED, not only did she APPRECIATE my story but wished I TAGGED HER @....but I DIGRESS..this topic was not about her , it was to discuss how to treat @Kenquad, Me and other disabled cuddlers If you ever got the PLEASURE TO COME ACROSS US🤷🤷🤷

  • GODHANDSGODHANDS

    @Sheena123 ( BAJEZZUS )....greatness action verb ever🥰🥰🥰!!

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute
    edited February 2022

    I have cuddled a lot with someone with a disability. She’s amazing, wonderful, enthusiastic and has a great heart and a creative mind. I also cuddled just once with someone who acted like they didn’t want to be there and made as little contact as possible; she had no disabilities. I won’t go back to the one who didn’t want to be there.

    Personality and someone’s soul matter much more to me than their physical body.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @BellaSera ah gotcha 👍🏻👍🏻 Good to know. With me never being around a wheelchair user, I just don’t know the proper way to go about it. I’m always happy to learn more and understand the right way 😁

    @Babichev ah, that makes sense 🤔🤔

    @GODHANDS lol I shall give you permission to use the word 🤣🤣🤣

  • GODHANDSGODHANDS

    🫂 @Sheena123 ty

  • adorable48adorable48

    @Sheena123 Hey! I have Spina Bifida and I’m also a wheelchair user. To answer your question about steps. Most chairs, like mine, have push handles , so you’d basically just go behind me and bump me up the steps , and the same thing in reverse going out. I’m more than happy to answer any questions you air anyone may have. Cheers ! 😊

  • BabichevBabichev

    @KenQuad - what are the questions you encounter most often?

    @adorable48 - I did not know about this feature of wheelchairs. Nice to know!

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @adorable48 oh wow! Ok, that’s awesome to know. Thank you 🙏

  • [Deleted User]Healing_Hugs (deleted user)

    @Sheena123 I have cuddled with a few wheelchair users who have come quite a way feom me (as the UK doesn't have many pro cuddlers). Unfortunately I live in a flat without a lift so each time I booked a hotel near me to cuddle in. I incurred the full price of the hotel as I want my services to be fully accessible to people with disabilities. I've always found this to be the best way but I would definitely ask your potential client as they may love you to come to their address 😊

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @Healing_Hugs you’re really amazing! What a great soul you have.

  • Nature_Lover_Nature_Lover_

    What an awesome and informative post! I have cuddled people with disabilities though no one yet in a wheelchair. 🤗

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    Hi @KenQuad have you ever considered an EEG headset that can transform your thoughts into actions, like input into a computer?

    Is cost an issue?

  • Kcalfjt103171Kcalfjt103171

    I too have a disability and am in a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy as well as a recently diagnosed Parkinson's disease. If I could offer some advice when encountering a disabled person or person in a wheelchair, have a normal conversation with us/them. Ask questions to things that you are wondering about and be open and honest about it. I promise you, the person that's in a wheelchair will appreciate you even more. I'll close with this, my Mom growing up used to tell me that everyone has some sort of a disability, mine just so happens to be alittle more noticeable

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    One thing I have learned from TikTok videos is that you should never touch a person's assistive equipment without their consent, as it's an extension of their body in a way. This should go without saying, but I was horrified to hear how many people think it's OK to move someone in a wheelchair 'out of the way' without their consent, and with no communication. That's pretty messed up.

  • PlushandPerfectPlushandPerfect

    I used to cuddle with someone that was a Quadriplegic. He was smart, kind, and thoughtful and I considered him a good friend. Was the way we cuddled the exact same? No, but every person I cuddled has been a different experience anyway. His personality is what mattered to me and the way I talked and interacted with him was the exact same as I would with anyone. I cuddled at his location so I didn't have to worry about accommodating space but I did my best to make sure I was both present and supporting. (Which I feel is something I try to do with everyone I meet regardless).

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