@JoyfulHeart said:
You asked for advice, I offered it, and you are analyzing and refusing it. I've learned something here today.
Yes, I asked for feedback. I didn't promise that I'd agree with it or go along with anything anyone tells me to do.
You didn't really want feedback, I don't think.
@FitSmartCuddler being treated like a human not a commodity with desirable accessories.
I have now changed my profile to only cuddling women with the very few exceptions for men I have cuddled in the past and those I follow very closely on the forums and how they interact and present themselves.
No longer will I be exchanging messages, opening up to someone even slightly and then seeing their true selves.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse the red flags I see look like a fucking Nascar event sometimes.
It has been a long slow process to heal and I will be damned if someone's going to set me back.
I was just discussing this with @OhioMike last night.
@maybefitnotverysmartnotgettingcuddlers
Just because a pro is getting paid, doesn't always mean they wouldn't enjoy your company otherwise. Alot of pros on here have expressed pride in their work and enjoy giving happiness to others. Though I think I understand, you want friendship, not charity?
In the future, I would be careful about your wording. "...wants to be with me..." usually implies something not so platonic. Seeing that would make me weary or confused about your intentions.
When you’re with me, I vow to protect you in every way. Physically, emotionally, spiritually etc.
This thread makes my head hurt. 🤦♀️ 😂😂
My pledge, to anyone who might want to cuddle with me:
I will not trap you in a pit that I dug in my basement.
I will not demand that you put on lotion, nor will I threaten you with a hose should you decide to not wear lotion.
I will not be making costumes out of anything that I might find in my pit after our session has concluded.
I solemnly swear all of the above. Would you cuddle me? I'd cuddle me. I'd cuddle me hard.
Okay! Now that I'm done with that, I'll actually address the subject of this thread: this seems entirely unnecessary. Like, just be a cool person who doesn't set off red flags? And if you do set off a red flag while talking to someone, learn from the experience? Perhaps ask for feedback?
I dunno. The whole idea of doing a pledge comes off as kind of forced. Besides, a pledge doesn't mean anything. I think that any reasonable person would realize that, and question why such a measure would be taken in the first place.
Like hiring somebody to come to your birthday party? No, it is not remotely like that. Whoever said that is simply wrong.
Professional cuddling, at its best, is a powerful emotional experience. As is enthusiast cuddling. If you don't fully understand and appreciate that, you are never going to get anywhere.
I will repeat a story I've already told, to demonstrate the significance of cuddling and why it's such a demanding job. One of the top cuddlers told me of a new client at his first session. Everything was normal until he was sitting on a chair taking off his shoes prior to cuddling. Then he started to cry. He would not be comforted, or consoled, or touched. He just cried. The cuddler just sat and bore witness for the whole session. When the moment came, she said very gently, I'm afraid our time is up. He pulled himself together, put his shoes back on, thanked her politely and left. A couple of weeks later she received an email from him, saying that she had changed his life and expressing enormous gratitude. Never heard from him again. That is the power of cuddling.
@HogboblinZwei Your pledge makes me feel better. Thank you.
@FitSmartCuddler I think you did a great job if I was an enthusiast that would interest me, it might be better if you put a little bit extra of your personality in the message but to get all the formalities out of the way I think you did good because I’m only interested in cuddling safe people. And it’s nice that you explained yourself. I think that’s important so well done!!
@HogboblinZwei
@HogboblinZwei I felt that your pledge was much more genuine and sincere than the other one.
@CuddleDuncan so there was no actual cuddling? She just watched him cry?
@BuggleBear Yes. Absolutely no physical cuddling occurred. It's possible they never even touched. However, she was expecting an ordinary cuddle session - he wasn't one of those clients who had expressed serious reservations about touch.
I really don't think I could sit in a small room for an hour - or maybe it was two, I don't know - and watch somebody cry.
@CuddleDuncan the example you have is so amazing and what I think the majority of the pros strive to be. It’s so much more than we could even imagine for some that we meet with. I was told by one of my clients, that I saved him from harming himself. I was shocked, because I do the same as I’ve always done in sessions and he had never mentioned this to me before. It helped me realize that this impacts people in ways we may never know.
@Tranquilescape somewhere out there is somebody who isn't dead because of a professional cuddler. And by 'somebody' I mean 'a number of people'. The cuddlers concerned may not know. But the clients do.
@KYtranspant
being treated like a human not a commodity with desirable accessories.
See item #4 in my pledge: "--I promise to be truly interested in who you are, and what you have to say, at least for the time that we're together, and to be a good listener. I'm also okay with long quiet periods."
I have now changed my profile to only cuddling women with the very few exceptions for men I have cuddled in the past and those I follow very closely on the forums and how they interact and present themselves. No longer will I be exchanging messages, opening up to someone even slightly and then seeing their true selves.
I don't doubt for a second that you've had bad experiences and need to be cautious, but that seems to be the problem with this site. The level of mistrust here is astounding--apparently, so bad that many think I need to spend $1,000 on paid cuddlers before I can expect anyone to even remotely take me seriously.
I used to post and answers ads on Craigslist when they had personals. Not the most reputable website, I think you'll agree. I know this will shock many of you, but it wasn't uncommon for me to post an ad, trade a few emails with someone who answered, and then within a few short hours be meeting that person at a local bar or coffee house for a chat. I'm pleased to announce that not one of those women were hounded, assaulted, or had their boundaries violated by yours truly.
I don't think I could watch someone cry at all, let alone for two hours, without being able to console them somehow, but that is a failing on my part and no reflection on them. People should be allowed to express themselves authentically when it comes to emotions, and the problem I'd have with it is my own discomfort around emotions (usually my own) and allowing them to be fully realised and played out.
@HogboblinZwei said:
this seems entirely unnecessary. Like, just be a cool person who doesn't set off red flags? And if you do set off a red flag while talking to someone ... "
How do I demonstrate my coolness on this site besides spending $1000 on paid cuddlers so I can accrue "karma"?
"Show, don't tell" is a thing many beginning writers have trouble with.
Here's telling:
I will respect your boundaries.
And here's showing:
If you feel even a little uncomfortable, let me know so I can make the cuddle as perfect for you as possible.
Just avoiding blunt statements doesn't always work well either, though! Sometimes you end up showing something you didn't mean. For instance....
I'm happy to engage in any preliminary communication necessary to ensure that we've addressed any issues or concerns.
That's not great. Imagine if my profile said I was happy to engage in any physical contact necessary to ensure that my buddy felt like they'd been cuddled. That's weird! Why the heck would I specify that? Surely that's something you could take for granted?
Talking to your buddy before a cuddle to figure out what you're both comfy with is standard.
If you have to mention that you're gonna do it, what other basic things do you consider special enough to be worth a promise? "I'll be happy to refrain from stroking your breasts," maybe? It's worrying.
Not, I'm guessing, what you were going for.
I'd love to see where exactly ANYONE has said you need to spend a grand on pro cuddler's services...
As for demonstrating your 'coolness' - I'd say that opportunity passed you by a long time ago with some of the comments you've made tonight.
@FitSmartCuddler I like your updated profile and how you clearly communicated the mutually expected benefits. I have cuddled with many enthusiasts and pros on this site. Time, patience and sending many messages to potential cuddle 🥰 buddies has helped me greatly. I wish you well with finding the cuddle connections.
I think he IS this kind of pledge:
@MCcuddles2 i don’t know if it’s been said yet but I cannot BELIEVE I just got rickrolled!!! 🤣🤣 thank you.
@DaringSprinter said:
Surely that's something you could take for granted?
A recurring theme in these threads is "why do so many men ignore the blatantly obviously, namely, that we don't want to be at all sexual???" So, apparently, nothing can be taken for granted here.
Thanks, @SuperManCuddles!
@BuggleBear said: "I'd love to see where exactly ANYONE has said you need to spend a grand on pro cuddler's services..."
Okay. How many reviews, typically, are necessary from paid cuddlers (which is your only option, at the start) before you've built up enough "karma" that enthusiasts will start to consider you a viable prospect?
@CuddleDuncan I could definitely see that happening. If you have the right cuddler who really is caring for you, just being in a persons presence that cares, could release emotions. End it could’ve been a mix of tears of sadness but it also could’ve been tears of joy the kind of tears that someone loves me. If someone is willing to cuddle me could just release tears. I think whoever that lady was has a very big heart she knew exactly what to do. He needed to be left alone, he needed to cry. Just her presence being there was enough. My last cuddler cried a lot during our session. And I cried also it was healing for me too. But we also laughed and had happy tears. Like I said in my profile even if you never get to touch someone just their presence could release emotions and healing. Honestly I hope I get more cuddles like that. It’s very profound. People need to be touched and loved. I’m so happy to be a cuddle professional. I’m really just learning but I’ve had some really great experiences and some really amazing cuddles.
@FitSmartCuddler
Easy! Talk to people. On the forum, in direct messages—both would be ideal. Critically: listen.
It should be noted that this approach takes time. Forming any sort of relationship that includes respect and understanding takes time. If you haven't got the time or the inclination to establish a safe, comfortable relationship with a fellow cuddler, then you're SOL.
If that's not appealing to you, then a professional is your best bet. My suggestion would be to find a pro who doesn't charge $1,000 per session. This should be easy, as I can't imagine that many pro cuddlers charge that much.
@FitSmartCuddler: Well. If nothing can be taken for granted, you'd best get on expanding your profile. Make sure you promise not to bind, torture, or kill any of your cuddle buddies—wouldn't want anyone to think you might do that, after all. One never knows.
And did you remember to promise to cuddle your buddy? Very important, that.