There are a LOT of cuddlers here that I would cuddle with precisely NO karma, simply because I get a good feeling from them, they communicate well and listen to people, and they aren't confrontational and imlammatory. They come across as genuine, they exhibit no red flags, and they don't strike me as problematic people. They consider other people in the way they interact on the forum, and they give me a generally safe feeling.
Food for thought, perhaps.
@BuggleBear EXACTLY!!
I have read extensively back through the forums even when I don't post much I'm lurking, absorbing, thinking.
And there are a few, even right here on this thread I would absolutely cuddle in a heartbeat because I've watched and read their careful, thoughtful and thought-provoking observations and views on many topics.
And yes, @FitSmartCuddler , I did read clause 4. But I've seen lots of promises that are only feel good fluff for the short-term.
Remember a lot of us come from extremely varied backgrounds and cultures. Some of us carry very heavy emotional burdens. We have to feel safe setting that aside.
You cannot just type some words and put everybody at ease. Over the long term a person will show you who they are if you are patient enough to watch.
@grumpy_cat you’re original reply literally made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
Overall there’s something off putting when someone feels a need to pledge what’s expected and then even worse make loads of assumptions about what a woman’s concerns might be to a wide range of possible issues. Just relax and address questions as they come up naturally, bruh. Just be for a while.
@KYtranspant I think it's pretty clear from looking at the way people interact whether they are 'good' people or not. Good people don't have to talk about how they are good people, it becomes self-evident over time.
I know I have a short fuse sometimes when it comes to inflammatory posts and wilful ignorance, especially around women's rights, feminism, equality/equity and vaccine science, but I hope I didn't give people the feeling that I wouldn't be a safe and conscientious person to cuddle with. Some people here, on the other hand, are walking red flags.
@KYtranspant , @BuggleBear and all other female enthusiasts here....thank you for your thoughtful posts. So glad you participated in this sometimes contentious thread. it is so enlightening to hear that male enthusiasts and female enthusiasts want to AND do connect here. I wish everyone knew how wonderful this site has been. I am constantly recommending it to all.😊
I absolutely do want to connect to other enthusiasts, but I'll use my own judgement on who I feel safe meeting and being around, and no 'pledge' or empty, unfounded promises are going to sway me into meeting someone that has set off numerous red flags for me, and I imagine many people feel the same. Talk is cheap.
@KozyKim said:
I think you did a great job if I was an enthusiast that would interest me, it might be better if you put a little bit extra of your personality in the message but to get all the formalities out of the way I think you did good because I’m only interested in cuddling safe people. And it’s nice that you explained yourself. I think that’s important so well done!!
Thanks Kozykim! I think that's a good suggestion to put a little more personality into it. I'm going to think that one over.
I haven’t read ALL the comments yet, I’m afraid if I did I might get a headache and probably conclude this thread needs to be shut down. But until I know that for sure I won’t do it.
@FitSmartCuddler - I understand you probably mean well with your pledge but there are some bothersome things about it. One is that it comes off like self-promotion. The other is that between that and your responses to people’s comments in the discussion you seem to lack humility and a sense of humor.
You want to know the best way to respond to an attack? Listen. Because even if you perceive the response as derisive there’s some valuable information there. In fact, those are where the most valuable pieces of information lie because there are others out there responding internally the same way but we don’t usually hear from them.
You want to see a male profile with a lot of good karma from enthusiasts: @pmvines. I’m sure there are others out there. He’s so relaxed and easy going that just about every woman who comes into his presence feels relaxed. We want to cuddle with him.
You don’t have to try so hard. Listen. You’ve been given some good advice. It’s nice that you’re fit but that’s not important to us. What’s important to us is that you’re safe and inviting. We don’t need bluster, we need someone who is kind, relaxed, and makes us want to cuddle with them.
I’m not sure I’ll read all the comments, might not be good for me. Play nice, all.
@FitSmartCuddler
I’m an enthusiast who would cuddle with you (and many of the other posters here), but alas, the miles of distance makes this quite challenging. Your original post is exactly the topics I care about and am looking for.
Perhaps I should post this in the Gripes and Grievances thread, but I'm always complaining about how the English language has so few words. So many things we don't have a word for, and should. For example, English should definitely have a word for the wisdom of @Babichev.
@BuggleBear you’re so right because I’ve had the best cuddle I could possibly be imagine from someone who had no karma or picture at all. He had just gotten on but the way he sent his messages were so filled with profound love. When I finally got to cuddle him it was like pure platonic heaven. I have cuddled other men with lots of karma that were kind of strange that’s all I’ll say. I like that @FitSmartCuddler put this in his profile. Sure maybe it could be worded better maybe it does come off a little bit like he’s promoting himself but I think his heart is right he wants to let women know that he’s safe and what’s wrong with that:) I cuddled somebody in the very beginning that said he was safe, and he was very safe and it was a really great cuddle. I look For wording in a profile That makes me feel comfortable.
Isn't every guy going to say he's safe? How many profiles say, "I am going to disrespect you and ignore boundaries"?
@KozyKim I totally agree 💯
I'm kind of surprised by the responses to the OP. I find it very rare that someone has put much, if any, effort into their profile, let alone explicitly addresses many of the issues that women deal with. To me, it shows that he actually has listened to the experiences of women and has offered to ease concerns, while acknowledging that he can't possibly know them all. The critiques here seem a bit nitpicky and hostile. It makes me wonder if there's some history with this OP that I am unaware of.
Things I like:
Minor critique on the body types comment: Maybe just say that you're open to cuddling all body types (I think that is what you're trying to say? Sounds like you were trying to be extra reassuring to "larger" body types but it may backfire for some. Or maybe you were saying that is your preference? Hard to tell... but honestly, compared to most profiles I read, pretty minor.)
The only significant critique I have is of the topless photo, which (edit: I thought wasn't allowed on this site, but apparently is).
You are right but we do allow it in context, like a swimming pool or beach, as long as it fits in with being platonic i.e. not provocative.
If you lived in my area, I'd be open to talking more.
Edit: I went back and read the other posts/responses. I get the hostility now. I'm still leaving my post intact, because on first read I still like it, and he seems to have taken some of that feedback and incorporated it.
@FitSmartCuddler Your comments and responses in this thread, especially this one...
If what I said still isn't good enough for some people, then I guess they won't be contacting me for cuddling. :-}
...leads me to believe that you either don't care about actually finding cuddle enthusiasts, or you weren't genuine when you invited people to "feel free to share [their] thoughts and suggestions for additions or improvements." They have, and instead of thanking folks for their insight and making the proper improvements (which would greatly improve your profile and chances of getting cuddlers), you've decided to either ignore them or get unnecessarily defensive.
For example, many folks (women especially) have commented on the tactlessness of this particular bullet:
I'm fit and athletic, but I'm flexible on the types of body types I enjoy cuddling with. In the past I've had a very nice time with women who would be considered "larger" by societal standards.
And yet you've made no move to address this. First of all, you already have "fit" both in your name and in the first sentence on your profile. We get it, and repeating it just tells us how important appearances are to you, which is a bit cringy, especially considering where the rest of your comment goes and that you promise that you "look like the pictures in [your] profile." If I were you, I'd replace these comments with something along the lines of, "I am open to cuddling women of all body types." And if that's not actually true, just remove the bullet completely.
Speaking of repeating yourself, you also suggest in your profile a few times that you are supposedly a good listener. From what I've seen in this thread, this is an example of words and actions not matching up, which is a red flag to me.
You also claim in your name and in the first sentence of your profile that you're smart. If that's truly the case, try to demonstrate some humility, actually listen to some of the great feedback being given here that you asked for, and apply it rather than making excuses or complaining about your circumstance. Demonstrate now that people's "comfort and happiness will be a top priority for [you]."
@xelda really cool comment, thank you for adding your thoughts to this thread.
@xelda Awesome positive and honest critique! I did not find this out until I became a moderator but here are photo some guidelines. We generally do not allow men with shirtless pics in most settings but in this case @FitSmartCuddler is at a beach 🏖. So his lack of shirt could be considered appropriate in that setting (but in many other settings where lack of shirt is not necessary we could remove).
@SuperManCuddles Thanks! I'll edit my post on the topless critique. (though, it still bugs me 🤣)
@xelda
I have to say, I am actually surprised at your response. The subtext in his responses throws more red flags than China. I read all of his responses as "I am the best thing you will ever get on this website, look how well I will treat you, why should I have to pay for a woman to cuddle with. I may even be willing to if you are a bit on the chubby side."
EDIT
Honestly none of his comments come off as platonic cuddling. They may not be problematic on a dating website, but for this site?
FitSmartCuddler
-
I'm fit and athletic
I look like the pictures in my profile
best experience you could've hoped for
Some women have told me they're insecure about being with me because I'm in "good shape" and they're not
getting a woman, on any website under any premise, to pay you attention and eventually come to meet you, who are a stranger to them, is challenging
someone wants to be with me because she likes something about me and not because she's getting paid
the overwhelmingly more likely way for a man to get cuddles using this site is to pay for them. And, probably, pay for lots of them before you'd ever get one for free--if, in fact, that ever happens at all
EDIT 2
I dont think OP is a bad person.
I don't think they meant any harm in their post.
I understand what they were trying to say
But ultimately they come off to me as someone who is into themselves and is trying to meet women on this site for more than cuddling.
@bekah_cuddles what a well-worded and thoughtful post! You hit the nail on the head with a lot of the things people took umbridge at in OP's original post.
I hope you stick around @FitSmartCuddler.
You've had a little fun poked at you, but it's lighthearted and hasn't gotten mean.
I'm an enthusiast, and I've met several wonderful men through this site. Two of them have become regular overnight cuddle friends, and one moved out of state but visits for overnight cuddles occasionally. And these relationships are all completely platonic, and have been for over a year. So yes, @FitSmartCuddler, it does happen. I'm in process with a 4th one now 😊
There are a few things I do and/or look for when screening new cuddlers. Pictures can sometimes give me a vibe. For example, @pmvines has a picture of himself in a pink/coral hoodie and rainbow tie die pants. We love non-toxic masculinity!
If a man asks me a question that is clearly addressed in my profile, I refer him to said profile. I don't usually hear from them again.
If a man makes a request that I'm not comfortable with, and I tell him no, his response generally tells me all I need to know.
And then there's just an overall vibe that I get when meeting in person. I think this comes down to "women's intuition" or whatever ya wanna call it. My instincts have never let me down, and I've learned the hard way not to ignore them. @FitSmartCuddler, this isn't something you can conjure up or add to a profile. Either you feel like a safe man or you don't. I do think this is something that can be developed, with a lot of listening to women and internal work on one's self, similar to what @JoyfulHeart said.
@Cuddle_RN Wow your words are filled with such grace. Such a beautiful response. Keeping the comfort, in CuddleComfort❤️
@Cuddle_RN good advice especially looking at other mens profiles. It’s a lot easier now with the karma after 5 noted on profile search for everyone. Just browse through those and maybe you will get that “vibe” that @Cuddle_RN mentioned. If it’s challenging to find people here … look to see how other people are being successful. It’s worth a shot don’t you think 🤔?
@Cuddle_RN
I've heard this numerous times. I've also encountered it myself in other contexts, predominantly with women. Does anybody know what's going on with that?
I do the same and get the same (non)response. Yeah, @CuddleDuncan, I have no idea what's up with that. General laziness or inability to commit? 🤷🏻♀️
I’m picking up a “but I’m a nice guy” vibe here with the OP and we all know where that leads
@KozyKim and @OhioMike, thank you 😊
@CuddleDuncan, I see this as low effort men or men who (like my starter husband) don't want to be told what to do by a woman. Honestly, they're doing me a favor by revealing themselves on the site. It's the very rare master manipulator who puts in lots of effort to get through all my filtering, only to set off my alarm bells in person, that is really troublesome. Fortunately, so far they HAVE set off the alarm in person before I invite them to see me in private and therefore have not received any of my personal information, other than my first name.
@Cuddle_RN what is a starter husband?
Also, what magic have you been doing that means you look 25 years old at 46?!?
@BuggleBear, thanks 😊 I took years off my face by leaving a toxic man. It's amazing what not being torn down every day while working, running a home, and raising 3 children while being completely unappreciated will do for a woman 😁
A starter husband is a first husband, generally a mistake that one will end up wanting to upgrade. It's more fun to say than ex-husband.