@pmvines Whaaat? People who ghost or reject you must not be watching the forums, you're a CC legend!
@squeakytoy you are too kind madame
Hmmmm as the OP you’ve stated you’ve done several cuddle parties and workshops I’d start with those people first and then instead of us random strangers. They know you well by now after these get togethers. Don’t you think ? 🤔
When I first joined this site (long ago) I sent out messages to around 20 non-pro cuddlers. I didn't get a single response. But when I checked later, it turned out most of them hadn't been online in months or in some cases years. There are very few non-pros, even in huge metropolitan areas, and the majority are inactive, they never post in the forums (probably never read the forums either) and rarely if ever go online after registering. In my experience, most disappear within 3 months.
@CuddleWho
Are we really arguing with the blindingly obvious fact that the presence of 7x as many women as men makes it harder for men to find cuddle buddies? Really?
Yes. Because for most of these men, the ratio is irrelevant. If it was 1:1 they still wouldn't be able to find a cuddle buddy.
Arithmetic is real.
It sure is. But that doesn't mean it's important.
You have to remember that there is no shortage of women who, in spite of the ratio, can't find a cuddle buddy at all. And look at @squeakytoy's post: 40% of the men who contacted her are actively dangerous. (In previous posts she has referred to various difficult experiences. In other words, in the past her vetting process was too lax, not too strict.) Not murderers it's true, but genuinely threatening.
There are lots of men on this site who are behaving in perfectly reasonable ways and find it nearly impossible to get women to reply to them.
No there aren't. I have seen one or two, but they're pretty rare and they either live in areas where the numbers of cuddlers are tiny, or they have special circumstances.
For instance, no male pros are going to make $150k/year.
Yes they are, one day. I could. Well I mean I couldn't because I don't have either the desire to be a professional cuddler or the energy, but there's no particular difficulty to it in principle. It would take two or three years and would only be possible because I live in a place like London. Remember, it's just a sales pitch.
For instance, @CuddleDuncan apparently has 3 enthusiast cuddle buddies.
No, it's more than that, it was three from that particular cohort of 23. The others live slightly further away or haven't logged to the site recently. And obviously the online ones wouldn't show up in such a search.
@squeakytoy
To date, any time I've seen a man complaining in the forums about women not replying to his messages, it's been very obvious to me why they're having trouble.
True. Sometimes it's taken me a post or two to spot it, but it never takes long.
it's not the ratio that's the problem.
Precisely!
@sunnysideup
Another way that the 7:1 ratio, is hurting things is that it is flooding inboxes ...... good conversations with cuddlers, when out of the blue, their account is deleted. I'm guessing crass messages played a part in that
Both of these points are true. I've had a number of messages from recently-joined women enthusiasts along the lines of "You've been lovely but this place is overwhelming, just wanted to say goodbye before deleting my account".
I've been trying to think of the words to use and I think I have come up with a list. I want to be crystal clear that I am not thinking about people who have contributed to this thread, I have been thinking about this list since November.
The men who cannot find women to cuddle them always demonstrate some combination of: entitlement, misogyny, cowardice, bullying, laziness, secretiveness, unwillingness to empathise, unwillingness to learn, and perhaps most signficantly, unshakeable commitment to being not self-aware.
To put it another way, (I'm talking to you, men who lurk!) if you have a 7:1 ratio in your area and you have been trying to get a women enthusiast to cuddle you for more than a few months, you almost certainly behave in at least one of these ways and probably several. You will not find a cuddle buddy until you choose to become a better person.
Thanks @CuddleDuncan ! I hate to correct this to sound even more doom-and-gloom, but 40% was the number who passed my safety vetting - I would have not met the remaining 60% IRL, public or not, or exchanged any kind of contact information with them. I wouldn't go so far as to call them all "actively dangerous", though - it was more along the lines of "they're doing and saying things that throw up a ton of red flags for me, subtle or not."
It's funny, I actually have a recent example of a guy who set off red flags for me, even though others might have thought he was acting reasonable here. I think it's fine to say his name because he's no longer a member.
@HuggyBuddy21 contacted me right after our exchange in this thread, asking to be friends and talk on the phone. He explicitly said, "You can say No or not reply, I am ok with it". When I politely declined, he called me a hypocrite and immediately deleted his account. Glad that rejection wasn't face-to-face
Off the top of my head he ticked at least five points on my list. (One is enough for a red flag.)
AHA!! So you spotted them too!! Of course, you have a pretty good awareness of our issues, so I'm not that surprised
It could make an interesting case study for some people to look at. He only made five posts. You could go back and look at them, and see if you can see what @squeakytoy and I saw. His profile is gone of course, but as I recall he had no photo and very little text.
I don't want anybody to feel like I am having a go at him personally, especially since he is no longer here to defend himself. He's just a lonely guy like the rest of us, trying to make his way in the world and needing a cuddle. Everybody who comes here needs a cuddle. Part of the reason I spend so much time here writing long posts is because I want him, and people like him, to get a cuddle. However, he did demonstrate some of the things that we have been talking about in this thread.
There are lots of men on this site who are behaving in perfectly reasonable ways and find it nearly impossible to get women to reply to them
Nope. Not actually. And if you don't see where they weren't reasonable, you may be having the same problem.
@squeakytoy You bent over backwards for @HuggyBuddy21, to give him the secret handshake, and he still doubled down on an errant notion. wow.
@CuddleDuncan I can see you doing the 150k / yr, but it would mean committing to 4 hrs a day, every day, and probably take the fun out of it
@HuggyBuddy21 Nailed it.
@CuddleWho I think most rational-minded folks on here would agree that your math and logic are flawless.
Thanks @MaullySterling ! I like to point this stuff out because some guys are well-meaning, just unaware of the signals they give off that make women run for the hills. For the ones who don't listen, it's still helpful for women to be able to see these kind of interactions in their post/comment history while vetting them.
(Safety Reminder: While vetting, you can quickly scan someone's post/comment history using these links, replacing USERNAME with their user name:
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/profile/discussions/USERNAME https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/profile/comments/USERNAME)
@squeakytoy unfortunate that said individual made the claim that there was no issue with his approach, then approached you in a way that shows his behavior is similar to the group that scare women off the site.
@sunnysideup It is unfortunate! But I realize there's not much I can do if someone struggles with self-awareness and isn't receptive to feedback - I can only make an attempt to reach them, and then move on if it doesn't work.
@CuddleDuncan - Bravo! Correct, accurate, articulate and spot on.
@achetocuddle what an interesting thread revived 😊. I see @squeakytoy posts ! Miss that person here 😢
Does this count as necroposting?
@InsaneZane ehhh it happens often. No big deal. The topic for this exact thread is daily almost. When threads come back I like to look at the contributors who use to be here. Don’t know if newer members are acquainted with @squeakytoy contributions but they were significant 😊
Soooo true!! That is one person we for sure were better off with and who I often wish were still here!! I hope she's doing well. 💞
Me too @quixotic_life I was so looking forward to meeting @squeakytoy someday 🥲
Same!!