Have family or friends even randomly seen you with a pro or client?

MorpheusMorpheus
edited February 2022 in General

I came up to Northern California for work and brought my team of 14 guys with me. We are all staying at the same hotel. They all like to have a drink down in the lobby at the end of the day. As management, I’m not supposed to join them. I had a cuddle session and walked the girl back to her car at the end. Picture it, elevator opens, I step out holding hands with a girl who has sex hair and my guys are all in the lobby staring at me. It was late so I didn’t think they were going to be there. When I came back in, they all asked who she was and gave me a bunch of crap like guys do. I just said she was a friend who lived in town and was visiting. No one believed me.

For those of you that don’t tell your friends or family that you are a pro cuddler or people that are clients of pros, have you ever been in a situation like this where someone you know saw you with a pro or a client? How did you handle it. If this hasn’t happened, how would you handle it?

Comments

  • desi_babedesi_babe
    edited February 2022

    Yes, I've been the pro in this situation before. I make sure I look presentable before I leave the room (so "sex hair" wouldn't be an issue, and clothing-wise I make sure to change or put on a skirt over my cuddling shorts) and let the cuddler take the lead if it's someone they know, play along accordingly, and politely excuse myself relatively quickly. If they're clearly struggling, I shake hands with the person, introduce myself as a family friend, and then leave with a generic "it was so good to see you again!" and a handshake.

    I also let the cuddler take the lead if we run into each other in public (outside of a session) - and I understand that it might be different depending on the day I run into the person. Sometimes we'll exchange hellos or have a quick conversation, other days they'll walk past without acknowledging me, and I don't take it personally. Something I've picked up from my therapist friends.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @desi_babe that’s great input. Thank you for that.

  • cuddleversedcuddleversed

    I have never been in the situation @Morpheus has been in.
    I also travel for work and usually have colleagues staying at the same hotel so I tend to be pretty careful because if they ever saw me bringing a girl back to my room or walking her back to her car I would never live it down and they would never believe that I had a woman in my room to just cuddle.
    And it can actually be very dangerous professionally if word got around and people thought I was bringing an escort to my room.
    So when I set up a cuddle session I tell the cuddler to just come up to my room and when the session is over I just say goodbye and don’t go with her to her car.
    There have been exceptions of course like when you need a key to access the elevator or maybe the resort is too big and confusing or one time I picked up the cuddler at the resort entrance and drove with her to my room and then drove her back to her car but always minding my surroundings.

    And I just remembered that once I met the cuddler at the hotel bar and we had a couple of glasses of wine before coming up to my room and the next day a guy from another company but that knows me asked me with a grin in his face if that was my girlfriend, I told him that she was just a friend and we left it at that. So yeah, it gets tricky on the road.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @cuddleversed I agree with everything you said. I didn’t think they would be down there because it was so late. I was surprised to see them.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    Maybe I should have said bed head instead is sex hair 🤣

  • GallowglassGallowglass

    I had to introduce my cuddlist, as a friend, to my wife (ex wife), when we walked into her and her date. (nuff said)

  • Maverick07Maverick07

    @Gallowglass Oh my! :o

  • TFWOTFWO
    edited February 2022

    I've not yet had any such experience, but it has been a lingering question in my mind, as how to handle such things. I don't host, in order to avoid making anyone in my family uncomfortable. But in the end, I feel honored to be accompanied by a cuddler who I've sought out, whether I've had to pay for them or not. So I would proudly introduce them as my friend, and carry one with my business. Because quite frankly, it's not really anyone's business but my own, and the cuddler that i'm with. People are going to think, whatever they're going to think. Quite often, there is little that we can do about that. And honestly, I take a bit of pride in the fact that I have allowed them to be deceived, because I know something, that they may never.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I'm not in this situation so perhaps I shouldn't comment. However, simply in the interests of balance, if I encountered a client or a student (I'm a tutor) in such a case I would explain that she is one of my cuddle therapists.

    In the exact circumstances described by the OP I would probably handle in the way described. Afterwards, I would corner the most gossipy person and say, "Presumably half the team think she's an escort and the other half think I'm having an affair?". When they nodded, I'd nod myself and mutter absent-mindedly, "I'm in the clear then."

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @CuddleDuncan: Ha! That's perfect.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    I’m in a different situation because it wouldn’t matter to me if those who report to me or friends/family saw me with a cuddlist or anyone else that might seem odd to the outside observer. I’m in a polyamorous relationship so being mistakenly thought of as having an affair wouldn’t be a problem. It would still be awkward which is why I’m open about being poly with the people who matter the most to me.

    In a weird way I look forward to the day when someone, filled with self righteousness anger, shouts at me while I’m holding hands with another woman, “wait ‘til I tell your wife!!!” To which I’ll calmly respond, “yes. You’ll have to wait because she’s on a date with her girlfriend right now.”

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Gallowglass WOW! Well there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Wishing you well whether finding cuddles here and or future relationship somewhere else.

    @ShaneMTB HAHAHA!!! Awesomely stated!

  • RockRollCuddleRockRollCuddle

    the hand holding to me struck me as odd in your case but I know we all operate differently. If I am away traveling and have a session the cuddler usually just comes to my room to avoid this scenario. Im usually at a hotel with a bunch of work people as well. Don't need the gossip :)

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    @RockRollCuddle to clarify I’d only be handholding with a cuddlist who see it as purely platonic. There’s a whole other thread about that topic - sorry I don’t mean to take this thread OT.

  • RockRollCuddleRockRollCuddle

    @ShaneMTB all good...I wasnt judging.

  • entwineentwine

    Ah, looking forward to the day it doesn't have to feel shameful or embarrassing for getting self care, no matter the type of service.
    But until then, I have the same issue and feelings at times with people knowing (especially my brother) simply because the gossip and "live it down" as well. Though if you're happy and in a good place, then shouldn't matter what others say/think. We just can't let them bring us down for seeking self-care.

  • AngelPendavezAngelPendavez

    At cuddle parties, one of the first things you're taught is never to "out" someone you've seen or met at one. I would always assume that my person wouldn't want to be outed as a professional or enthusiast unless they've specifically said otherwise, so I'd probably introduce them as a friend and leave it at that.

    I've never been in a situation like that, but my heart goes out to you. It must've been a complicated array of emotions you experienced in that one instant. I think it might be harder for you as a man because there's a certain behavioral expectation when it comes to women. And to come right out and tell the truth would invite all kinds of scrutiny and disbelief. You're also in a position of leadership for your team, so there's the matter of needing to keep their respect.

    I think I would've done the same thing you did. It's none of their business, let them think what they want.
    Unless, of course, any rumors circulating could damage your career or personal life in some way. In that case, I guess it might be good to have some other cover stories handy. May I suggest, "I'm a recovering addict and that was my sponsor," as an alternative?

    Honestly, though, I can't say I really have an answer, it's a tricky situation. Thank you for walking that woman to her car. <3 Maybe next time you can just ask her to stay on the phone with you until she leaves the parking lot. That way you know she's safe, but you can stay in the room and not worry about being seen. There's still the chance someone may see her coming or going from the room, but I suppose it's less likely.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @RockRollCuddle I didn’t think my employees would have been down there at that hour so I didn’t think twice about walking her down and holding her hand.

    @ShaneMTB I’m in an open marriage but we don’t share that with many people. It would have been less odd for me to run into my wife holding another girls hand than it would be to run into my employees lol

  • GallowglassGallowglass

    I've been chewing on this post.

    I was with the person I was married-to. I knew it was ending. I kept fighting myself, thinking the honorable thing to do was to keep trying to make something work, which did not.

    When we ran-into my cuddlist, out dancing one night, I was caught-by-surprise. But I had gotten angry with myself enough at that time, that I wasn't letting any shame for my self-care choice creep-in.

    It was easy to say my cuddlist was my friend, from out-and-about. We were friends.
    I've been seen with other cuddlist friends. I introduce them all as my friend.

    The shame within me, fought long and hard but at some point I had to face the realities and realize that:
    1) People probably didn't think or care much at all about who I chose for friends. I didn't really matter that much to them.
    2) Just introducing them as my friends seemed to calm my mind.
    3) It's nobodies business. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

    Take a minute and think about how you would/will respond next time. Practice thinking it through a few times and then you'll not be startled. You'll not have to come up with a reaction, on-the-spot.

    This also helped me when I was experiencing some attachment confusion. Once I had defined for myself, what the relationship was/is, and how I felt about it, it helped me with understanding myself and understand/practice boundaries.

    Just some thoughts. Peace

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