Inappropriate and/or Rude Responses

I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover
in General

The following is a message I sent to a new person, and her response which I consider to be totally inappropriate.

Hi,

I see that I am not in your preferred age range, but thought I'd say hi, and welcome to Cuddle Comfort anyway, just to be friendly.

Jim

her response:
Please don't contact me again. You're older than my father.

Pray tell what does my age have to do with my friendly greeting? I think she was very rude, and could have told me thanks for the greeting, but she would prefer to have no further contact because she is uncomfortable talking with a person so much older. That would have been much more polite, and conveyed the same message. I don't really understand why someone wouldn't want to be friendly with someone older, but I accept that as their preference.

Does anyone else have examples of rude or inappropriate responses?
<3 Jim

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]RScarf1 (deleted user)

    "You're too old to cuddle with" was one response I received.

  • [Deleted User]monicagalaxy (deleted user)

    Haven't received any rude messages, but I have gotten some "introductories" by suspicious profiles which were then reported.

    But wow. People really don't consider the feelings of others these days. It's fine to have preferences, I also have a soft age limit for personal reasons unrelated to the person I cuddle, but it's still very inclusive. She's not only jumping to conclusions, it's age discrimination and it IS hurtful.

    I've looked round and it appears a lot of people joining make assumptions and don't understand what the community is about.

  • [Deleted User]timmy1059 (deleted user)

    I basically just ignored and that is fine everyone has their preferences, I look at it as I will be a valued cuddle partner and with a pro be a trusted and true part of their clientele they would be losing out

  • [Deleted User]onceperyear (deleted user)
    edited October 2017

    Men, like you, still feel like you have the right to a woman's attention even when she explicitly stated an age range for people she'd like to be in contact with. She stated a clear boundary with her age range and you willfully and knowingly crossed it. You don't get to decide the merit of her boundaries. You may think you're being harmless, but you're making a power play. If she doesn't want to talk to you, leave her alone. You don't have the right to every woman's attention.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    If you're not a person's desired age, race or height you're setting yourself up to be ignored or worse if you contact them.

    Sucks that it happened but as raw as it is, @corgilove is right.

  • willmott2k10willmott2k10

    Unfortunately we live in a time where manners and being sociable are next to dead. Frankly I only see the preferred age range as that which you're willing to cuddle, I don't see anything wrong with just giving a friendly welcome if you're outside of that as long as you have no ulterior motive but hey everyone's entitled to their own opinion I guess. All I know is if someone loads older than me welcomed me to the site I wouldn't have had any issue with it, not that I'd have had any interest in talking to them much other than that but that's beside the point.

    Thankfully the worst I've got so far is just a lack of a response altogether. I think that's pretty rude too but hey nothing I can do that won't make me look like something which I can't accurately describe without language not suitable for this site so I let it be, I don't message them again and I try not to take it personally.

  • itcrowdfanitcrowdfan

    She was very rude and should be blocked. Corgilove What are you talking about anyway. All he did was say hello. I noticed some people have an age range in their profile but that makes sense for who you will Cuddle with but you can’t even talk to someone outside that range ? That’s extreme and she sounds like a disturbed woman

  • [Deleted User]dentedcanoe (deleted user)

    What corgilove said. Were you really just being "friendly"? You pretty much walked right into that rejection. She was actually pretty polite considering the circumstances.

  • willmott2k10willmott2k10

    If that's "actually pretty polite", I'm not sure I want to know what being rude is...

    Look, I think we can all agree that on the Internet things can sometimes come across the wrong way and that maybe it's fair with all the creeps you get around the web to be a little suspicious or paranoid or whatever you want to call it at times of ulterior motives and stuff. Maybe messaging someone loads younger than you, even just to say hello, is a little weird, but in my mind Jim had good intentions and in her shoes I honestly feel I would've given him a more friendly response, the worst thing I would've done was just not said anything at all. In any case, I don't feel he deserves the kind of accusations corgilove is making, I've never spoken to him over private message but I've seen him on the forums before now and he strikes me as an okay sort of guy to me.

    As for the whole preferred age range thing, I honestly feel it's just saying what ages you would be okay with cuddling, maybe it would be a good idea to take this into account before messaging someone but I don't think it's really meant as an indicator to say, if you're not this age then stay the heck away from me and just don't talk to me. I don't know, @Mark what's your opinion on the preferred age range thing and everything else that's been said here?

  • MarkMark Mod
    edited October 2017

    Yeah, it's meant to be saying that you're interested in cuddling with someone within that particular age range. If you know yourself to be outside that range, you should expect an unsuccessful communication.

  • WilliamDWilliamD

    There lots of antisocial and rude behavior online. When it has no effect on your real life.

    Example that often happens

    One person messages anther person. The person does not care for what is wrote to them or dislikes the other person profile, so either way ignores the person that message them. Other person think there rude for not messaging back. Both are rude one could say. Even more bad is when they message you back to try troll you for bothering them for not meeting there standers.

    If message from some one really bothers you just block them, so if they do second message it lead to very clear message of your standers. And if it really worth reporting... report them.

    I do hope this website does not get to the point of blocking older people from messaging younger people like many other website have done. If they do the young people that professional cuddle will loose good amount of high income people.

    Allot of the catfishing has come about because of blocking messages and unrealistic high standers.

  • [Deleted User]navyman35 (deleted user)
    edited October 2017

    @corgilove "men like you" wow imagine if I said that about some woman on here you guys would be trying to get me banned off this site, that was clearly a rude response and was uncalled for, by any GENDER period! He wasnt trying to control or dictate her attention lol HE JUST SAID HI

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    I think it depends how and where you were raised. Small-town Midwesterner here, everybody spoke to everybody, and our upbringing made certain that we were especially friendly to strangers. Hard for me to unlearn, and I hope I never do. But reading one side of this string makes me wonder.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Once I messaged a person re music as she stated what she listened to and it was akin to my tastes, and she said I seemed really cool and friendly but she feels more inclined with speaking with folks closer to her age. I totally respected that and moved on. It is easier I suppose to speak with diverse people online than in person, as I cant imagine a lot of folks on here having much to do with me in the real world, but some folks draw a line online as well and that is ok with me.

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Kinda reminds me of stuff like this

    But yeah....I think that was excessively hostile. Living in a world where you can't even say hello to someone is not something I wish to see.

  • [Deleted User]Frankincense (deleted user)
    edited October 2017

    @corgilove Wow, what a horrible post! You must be a misandrist at heart. Yes, how DARE a man say "welcome" to a woman!

    "Men like you"??? What kind of men do you mean? Ones who are friendly and welcoming? Ones who hold doors open for women? Ones who dare to say "good morning" or strike up a conversation with a woman at the bus stop?

    You talk about men feeling they have a right to a woman's attention, as if all men should instead walk around in isolation and be ecstatically happy when a woman deigns to give some poor sap some attention.
    But have you considered what right you just assumed you have, to unload your toxic attitude on a guy who didn't even deserve it?

    "She stated a clear boundary with her age range and you willfully and knowingly crossed it."
    That age range is for cuddle preference, it's not about who you're willing to interact with. Do YOU check the age range of everyone in the forum before you wilfully and knowingly choose to respond to their post? I doubt it. But you just assume that they want to hear your man-hating opinion.

    "You don't get to decide the merit of her boundaries."
    And you don't get to decide the merit of his welcome message.

    "You may think you're being harmless, but you're making a power play."
    A power play?! Pfft! You should stop listening to that 3rd wave feminism crap that's toxifying your mind. There was no powerplay here. He said hi and welcomed her to the site, that's it!

    And, since you used the phrase, you're also entitled to be at the receiving end of it:
    Women like you... make this world a toxic place!

  • pmvinespmvines

    It is what it is folks. Some people are going to be more receptive to messages from you than others. I don't feel @I_am_Polylover was doing anything rude or willfully wrong and I have never known him to be anything but gentlemanly . Its not a man vs woman thing, so I'm not sure how it has devolved into a dissertation about feminism. It is a preference thing stated by the person he messaged, and though not tactful in her response, it is still her prerogative. I don't feel @corgilove is being anti male either, but rather stating the point that many men on here feel rejected and bitter if they don't het their way, and feel the women should have to speak with them whether they want to or not and have an entitled attitude about it.

  • I_am_PolyloverI_am_Polylover

    @corgilove I hope that you will come to appreciate a friendly gesture at its face value, and that you never find yourself needing a friend, and not finding one because you have pushed friendly gestures away. I see no further need to explain or defend myself, since others have done that quite well. I appreciate the support that has been given to me here.

    This thread has taken a direction I hadn't anticipated. I intended it to be a place people could tell their own stories of rude or inappropriate behavior, so they might be able to get rid of some of the charge attached to it. However, it is what it is, and will go where it goes.
    <3 Jim

  • [Deleted User]Natwhilk (deleted user)

    @corgilove I'm with you. I agree that @I_am_Polylover certainly gave the impression of fishing for a warm response from a younger woman. Does he greet every single new person, regardless of age or gender? If not, it's a power play, as you said.

  • Gentle_Spirit7Gentle_Spirit7

    Being rude is a rights for being free. In the pursuit of happiness, if someone chooses to exercise their right to be rude in order to protect their stability for pursuing happiness, that is their responsibility to bear. Being rude may or may not have known consequences such as affecting reputation, future opportunities, or networking potential.

    By accepting other people's preference you have to accept their request for no further future communication. I know this hurts and your intentions were well but you have no idea what past trauma they had and how little tolerance they have to associate with people who remind her of her dad. I don't see her comment as rude because she at least gave you a honest reply.

    Examples of rude comment would be reading a well written polite first message and then ignoring it. Begs the question, if you are busy, why did you open and read the message. And how could you treat a generous friendly message with silence? That is my example of being rude. These are my opinions.

  • MarkMark Mod

    Off-topic posts have now been moved into this thread.

  • [Deleted User]onceperyear (deleted user)

    @I_am_Polylover, @Natwhilk made a good point. Are you willing to tell us the ages and genders of the people you send messages to?

  • [Deleted User]onceperyear (deleted user)

    Admission by silence is a real thing, yo.

  • willmott2k10willmott2k10

    I would call it not needing to explain himself to you rather than admission by silence. He's made it pretty obvious what was said was only meant as a friendly gesture, many of the other people who have commented in this thread saw as much anyway, with respect my advice would be accept it too and move on. Frankly it's ridiculous that this big a deal is being made of what was ultimately just one small misunderstanding in the grand scheme of things, especially since I know from other activity on the forums that he's actually an okay guy; in spite of what some people out there may think, there are decent guys out there capable of making friendly gestures without having some ulterior motive in the works, you know.

  • [Deleted User]Frankincense (deleted user)
    edited October 2017

    @corgilove What's up with your last two posts? Is I_Am_Polylover on trial now?
    Weren't you going to balance out the negativity, as you said in the other thread?

    @Natwhilk
    "I agree that @I_am_Polylover certainly gave the impression of fishing for a warm response from a younger woman."
    So that's your impression. Does YOUR impression make HIM guilty of anything?
    Even if he was hoping for a warm response from a younger woman, what is that to you? Are you saying that older people must not engage in communication with younger folk, and that when you get beyond a certain age you should not think you have a right to enjoy a positive interaction with someone from a younger generation? Old age should be all about being lonely and miserable, is that it?

    "Does he greet every single new person, regardless of age or gender? If not, it's a power play, as you said."
    It's unrealistic to expect him to welcome everyone regardless of gender. If he's interested in cuddling women, his search parameters would exclude men, so when he looks at the cuddlers in his region, how would he even know when a new guy joins up?
    Why are you even putting him on trial, demanding that he explains himself or prove his intentions? It's none of your business.

    Anyone can contact anyone they want on this site. And if the approach is friendly, there isn't a problem with that. The person contacted has a choice; they can either ignore the message, or reply kindly, or reply rudely. If they choose to reply rudely, it shows they have issues and aren't a person worth bothering with anyway.
    And that is what this thread was supposed to be about: why reply rudely when it's just as easy to reply kindly, and what other examples of rude responses have people received.

  • CMOS17CMOS17

    New member here (and I feel welcomed by all of you, so no message controversy on that needed ; ) But I would just like to bring up the #metoo hashtag that's been going around. As unfortunate as it is, as a woman, I can attest that at times I've had to set some extreme "boundaries" because other people have used similar setups to exercise that power play that has been talked about. Most women have experienced some form of sexual harassment or another, and the best we can do is go with our gut and ask others to respect our boundaries. If we perceive that anyone is trying to overstep boundaries we have clearly stated, even if ir was done with the nicest of intentions, we will have an internal red flag go up that says l need to protect myself.

    So, Jim, I have no doubt that you had zero ill intentions with your message. But my message to you (And to all) is don't take it personally. Maybe this woman's message was intended to be rude, maybe it wasn't. But go ahead and allow everyone to maintain their boundaries and comfort levels (that's what this is all about, right?), even if there's no rational explanation and don't let it stop you from sharing your positive energy with those who accept it. Water off the back. You can continue being warm and welcoming, and some will receive it well, some won't. That's their choice, just as it's your choice to be a warm, welcoming person.

    Lots of love to you all (even to those who l won't be cuddling : )

  • willmott2k10willmott2k10

    @ImGuessImHete Welcome to the site, it's nice to see a more respectful response after all the hate that's been expressed on this thread :) I would have to agree that some women, and some men too for that matter, out there may have good reason to be a little suspicious or paranoid for the reasons stated there, more so over the web as I said in one of my previous comments, but I frankly see responses such as corgilove's to be way out of order. It's one thing to have had some bad experiences but I strongly believe in treating everyone with respect, within reason, until given a reason to do otherwise.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited October 2017

    While I do think what she said is hostile and unwarranted (?)...

    Going by what you said:

    Hi,

    I see that I am not in your preferred age range, but thought I'd say hi, and welcome to Cuddle Comfort anyway, just to be friendly.

    Jim

    I really don't think the text itself was bad. She could have simply said Thanks. I mean simple.

    On another note, perhaps she felt like you were 'hoping' maybe you were, maybe not.

    While it's nice to welcome, I think really just respecting the age range is good and just staying clear of that. (I know I am probably not saying something you want to hear and some of us seem like we are taking her side). I am not taking sides I think I am just saying for both parties. Some of us think nothing should matter and it's just a cuddle. However for various reasons this can really matter!

    For example, if something, anything were to go wrong, and police and others had to get involved it would really come of as odd as to why an 18/ year old was with a person say 30+ years older.
    Another thing some of us state they want to 'hangout' in public and when such age gaps exist (especially) when they look their age or older it can make matters hard. (There are cases where (relationships) of such age gaps exist) however, that's different, it's a big commitment that both people feel comfortable and make that decision to withstand all odds. While I am not saying cuddle partners are nothing... I am saying all that before.

    Just listed some examples of why someone sets an age range and why could be so important to them.

    Personally I have my comfort level and also I treat each case by case. I did recently got a message... Something like I know I am not in your age range however... let's try/can we... I think we might get along well. This put on my thinker hat. However, I have my limit and said politely something like: I am sorry (I don't really need to be, though I guess I am too nice) I am sure you're a nice/ person... I can't.

    I think it's important to not message if someone is not accepting a smoker, so age difference etc, and if it happens saying a simple no or so can do. As for welcoming, I think leaving that for people who have no issue with (so things) is good so you also have a chance and not wasting your time on those with no match.

  • LovelightLovelight

    Though another thing is this says more about her then it says about you. She is the kind of person to go off like that I guess. Or she was in a bad mood, had bad experiences, others were so rude to her.... annoyed that she was hopeful with the message and discovered it was no match (easily annoyed, for some people every second counts (I am like that at times though not rude about it unless given a reason even then rarely) endless possibilities. What matters is really don't take it to heart and there are more amazing people around! :)

    I hope she and others acting alike can be lighter and respecting people as people regardless of our differences.

  • ThierryC2017ThierryC2017

    @ImGuessImHete : I do agree 200% with you too !
    I talk as an oversensitive person who experienced rude responses in the past on gay dating sites (where the concerns of sexual harassment don't exist --or at least not in the same form-- unlike against women).
    And when I complained about the hurting attitudes, most people ruled against me. That's why, @willmott2k10, I thank you for standing up against people who support hurting behaviours.
    On my side, when receiving communication requests from people really out of my preferences and when guessing that these people do expect more from me, I feel under internal panic because even with the politest and firm "No thanks !" kind of answer, I sometimes received answers like "you're discriminating people the same way you reproach them to do against you ; you're not consistent / not credible" ... and even when replying by the silence.

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