Does everyone understand how this works?

Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna
in General
Sometimes, I question if some people know that this isn't really a hook up or dating site. Some of the messages I get and some of the profiles I read imply that some members are looking for sex and romance. I wonder if it would help if the how it works statement was more prominent somehow?

Comments

  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    That would require reading.
  • CrispinCrispin
    Humans usually do things for more than one reason. I'm not sure if pics that include lots of cleavage are in the same category as physically complementary respondents.  I know that and heavy makeup is often a cultural matter and not actually a message to the viewer.      With the advent of selfies one can't argue that they don't have a more natural pic around.   Some members use pics of themselves that are intentionally expressionless or distant or even slightly irritated and that is a newer concept. I'm of the generation that would "say cheese" for every pic. Aloof pics are pop now and express a diff approach to the world if you carry it off well. I often think it is a kind of substitute for expressing boundaries but then how would I know. I don't notice any men's pics showing muscles or flexing or lifting weights which I find  interesting.                                     Maybe someone could design an international symbol for "not interested". A heart with a diagonal line across it or maybe a dagger through it.
  • angela10angela10
    Thanks for pointing that out Grace_Anna. It's quite frustrating to get those types of messages. Hence no pictures from my profile. If the member isn't interested in getting to know me, there's no need to see how I look like.
  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    I'm not looking for a cold fish to cuddle either. I agree that a picture isn't much to go by, whereas a profile is very useful. Unfortunately, both are often missing and it makes you wonder why someone joined and is making so little effort.
  • CrispinCrispin
    Doc, I just had this image flash in my mind of a gator cuddling a fish... My fantasy is cuddling that is loving and slightly intimate but not sexually.  Hey, I changed my profile to include up to 79 years of age. Boy, that raises the odds, doesn't it? When I turn 79 I will expand that. 
  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    I think that a gator would eat the fish. I'm not that hungry though. I should find a pic of a gator stuffed animal toy. Something along the lines of the sleeping bags that look like a shark for the shark fans out there.
  • moviesNmuseumsmoviesNmuseums
    The founder of cuddlr wanted to make cuddling easier too. He felt that if we treated sex, romance, and physical intimacy as separate things, and admitted that humans need physical intimacy even when they did not need sex or romance, the world would be better.

    Cudlr failed, partly due to poor design, partly due to too much exposure, but mainly because people we using it for sex and dating. On the other hand, tinder was made specifically as a sex app, but now is trying to market itself as a more general purpose dating app.

    It seems to me that very few people can grasp the difference between sex, romance, and physical intimacy... and usually hope to get all three at the same time. Those that do know the difference, even if they are looking for one specific thing might not mind getting the others.

    Then, of course, there are asexuals, who do not seek (or want?) Sex, buy might really like cuddling more if it were part of a relationship. As far as I can tell, there are no free dating sites for them, so we can expect a few of them here too.

    Then of course, different people think of things differently. Clinton got a BJ, but he didn't call it sex. I call getting a BJ sex, but I had a girlfriend who didn't... awkward... I call cuddling physical intimacy, but others think only sex is physical intimacy. I'd like to cuddle with the same person regularly, but some think that is a relationship... I'd say there are a lot of misunderstandings. I'd say cuddling releases oxytocin, which effects the brain like a drug, and it's hard to use people like drugs without hurt feelings.
  • angela10angela10
    Well said moviesNmuseums. People do have different categorizations for things. You just need to be honest and set precise boundaries before cuddling. Every action should be clearly defined to avoid any misunderstanding.
  • Calm_RiverCalm_River
    edited January 2016
    I think pretty much any site where women are will have some guys looking for sex on it. Some guys assume the law of large numbers- if they ask or try to deceive enough women, eventually they will get sex out of it. Chasing after brain chemicals- no different than using people for drugs. Add to the fact that "cuddle buddies" is a euphemism for sex partners these days, and guys looking for sex will be here. I think starting off without a profile picture is a good idea, at least for women, as then he isn't making his initial choice on initial appearance. I also think getting to know a guy quite a bit before meeting might expose or scare off the ones who are only looking for a quick fix, or get rid of a majority of them. I just wish more people knew about the site, as I know there are a ton of people who want to cuddle, but simply don't have people around that they trust to do it with.
  • Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna
    That's why sometimes I wonder if it would be great to have how this works more prominent at the top of the screen. People who are intent upon deception may continue their actions regardless. However, those who genuinely don't understand how this works might be confused or even hurt when they discover that sex and dating isn't necessarily part of the deal. Personally, part of the reason I'm here is that I don't want to deceive to get my need for cuddling or hugs met. I'm sure women can and do lead men on to get free dinners, drinks and non-sexual touch, but I want to be fair.

    I did start writing a quick statement about my boundaries and expectations in my profile, but not having a profile picture is probably a good idea. I have had better luck on this site than on some other sites or even in person. Here, I've had a few cuddle buddies who were on the same page. Though, I do have a couple of stories of cuddle buddies where it quickly ended after meeting once or twice, because he seemed to have amnesia about me openly stating I wasn't looking for sex.

    My concern is that people in general may get scared away from this site by those who won't respect boundaries. I try to be honest and fair, because I believe it can be possible to get emotional or physical needs met without having to deceive or overstep boundaries.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    What's wrong with sex? Sex isn't the devil you know. A good chunk of the internet is sex and people looking for sex. Welcome to the internet, Grace_Anna.
  • BruinBruin

    Nothing wrong with sex. However as you say, a good chunk of the internet is sex. Why not go to that chunk for it?

  • CrispinCrispin
    Good point, Bruin. OK, Now I see that the big picture is that this is a sexual planet which operates by the natural sexual laws. Plants, animals... all life is perpetuated by it. Even magnetic and electrical energy follows what amounts to the same polarity. Good.  But considerate, mature people don't need to interject sex into all aspects of life.  We love our parents and friends and offspring. We hug these precious people without being sexual to them so obviously we are not so inspired sexually, or horney that we have to have that to the point that we push anyone's boundries. It's about selfishness and respect. Let's just say that hunting for sex and interjecting sex cannot be avoided with some people. No wonder people get frustrated.      These members drive people off and may be why so many women won't even respond to messages or friend requests.
    Well, let's just say that ardourous members need only state in their profiles that this is their style of cuddling so everyone is warned in advance and there are no surprises and disappointments.
  • [Deleted User]SnuggleSymmetry (deleted user)
    Those users all go to Tinder where they can find what Cuddle Comfort does not offer. Maybe Cuddle Comfort should be more like Tinder, haha.
  • CrispinCrispin
    That would depend on the result desired by the site owner. I am not on tinder but wouldn't it be harder to set boundaries there? Would an asexual  cuddler be more or less likely to be happy there?  I'm asking because I really don't know what it is like. I get th impression Tinder is a mating site, yes? I don't see that membership in one site precludes joining the other. If I were single I would enjoy being in both
     Sites. To me this site is a total learning experience and is comforting.
  • stevie1400stevie1400
    If its of any interest, I'd be happy to find either romantic cuddles or friendly cuddles via a site like this.
  • Grace_AnnaGrace_Anna
    It's not that there's anything inherently wrong with sex itself. There are some repercussions that can happen when you have sex that not everyone wants to risk all the time, like STDs and pregnancy. Condoms and birth control are not 100% foolproof. There are also some people on this site who are asexual, who are not interested in having sex. Yes, much of the internet is sex. That is exactly why a site like this exists!

    According to the How It Works page, this site was created so people can get touch without the pressure for it to progress into anything more. http://www.cuddlecomfort.com/how-it-works. As Mark, the creator of this site has stated, while it is nobody's business if two people mutually decide to progress into something romantic, that is not the intended purpose of this site. If someone is insistent on wanting sex, there is much of the internet outside waiting to help that person find sex. Welcome to the internet.
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