This is in reference to non-professionals
After the first message, how often do you generally prefer to wait before meeting in person?
So for me I prefer to meet somewhere public for coffee relatively quickly. I generally only exchange our basic details, why we are on the site, and maybe a few personal interests before suggesting a public meeting.
Mostly this is because long conversations take AGES to have. I send a message in the morning, they respond the next morning, I respond that evening....etc. A 10 message conversation can take a week.
Meeting in public is risk free for both parties and allows us to determine if we are compatible in one quick session.
Actually I like to determine compatibility as much as possible before making the effort of a public meet. I can usually tell within a few messages. I prefer at least one Skype so I'll know the guy isn't tongue tied and can have an actual conversation. That happened a few times, so if the guy can't hold a conversation, no point in an in-person meet. If he can't talk to me on Skype, cuddling with him would just be awkward.
When I first signed on to the site about two months ago, I used to take longer to determine compatibility to the point where I wanted to meet. It took me a couple of weeks. My screening methods have evolved, and most recently, I went from first message to cuddling in five days. And by the way, it worked out GREAT!!
Like @BlueIris I like to take a bit of time to test the compatibility and energy.
Not meeting for coffee (I don't drink coffee and it's not a date) but possibly willing to meet in a park for a nice walk. So far the people I've cuddled with haven't even requested a Skype but I'm more than happy to oblige for any reason.
I've cuddled the same day as first contact but that was 10 years ago. I would again if we chatted back and forth all day and both parties felt comfy. Basically it depends on their comfort level as I'm a free-spirited hippie but normally it ends up being days to weeks because of schedule conflicts.
I've done same day cuddling and it worked out great. I've also done chatting via CC message, email, phone and then cuddle. It took anywhere from same day cuddle to a couple of days to a week and this depended mostly on finding the right time for both of us.
The remarkable thing about the same day cuddle was that from initial message in the morning to cuddling at night it was all done via CC message, we never spoke on the phone, she never asked me for a picture (she did have a couple on her page) but once we met she turned out to be a lovely lady and we proceeded to have a wonderful time cuddling for a few hours and then she had to go to work but both of us were happy to have connected the way we did.
Sometimes you have to take a chance and I am a firm believer in calculated risks but I also understand that is not for everybody.
Absolutely beautiful @mellow.
I'm also a firm believer in calculated risks and definitely understand it's not for everybody but wow when it works out...indescribable feeliiiiiiiing. (right, Jasmine?)
It depends with me really, I'll message them on here for a bit to get to know each other a little and make sure we'll definitely get on well, then we'll get each other's number and we'll talk about when to meet. Ultimately how long that takes depends on when we're both free and how quickly we reply on here, I've spoken to a couple of people where we've exchanged loads of messages on here in just a day or two, other people the same amount of messages might only be exchanged after several weeks as they don't spend as much of their time on here, we'll literally just reply when we can.
If I had my way, I'd be happy to meet within a few days of first messaging them, but at the same time I'm generally only able to meet cuddle buddies on weekends and I don't like to rush things, all of us might be strangers to one another prior to talking but I don't want to feel like I'm going to meet a complete stranger when I go to meet them for the first time, I like to have at least some area of familiarity to work with.
I'm with @BlueIris. After a few messages, I can generally judge if I want to cuddle with the person. I'm far too busy to have coffee with every potential cuddler unless they ask for an initial meeting. I think it's a case by case basis. If the cuddler has good Karma, a decent profile and a pic, I have no problem cuddling that day.
Another thought. I've had guys say they want to meet me after several messages and will get back to me with specifics as to when and where, then I never hear from them again. If someone is serious, it shouldn't take that long to figure it out. Now, if a guy doesn't get back to me in about three days, I write him off. My message box is never empty. Next!!
I have a very similar approach to you, @BlueIris. I prefer talking for 1-3 weeks online before meeting in person, and doing a Skype/phone chat, especially because I have very limited time and energy at the moment. I don't want to waste my time on lacklustre meet ups which feel awkward and drag on for a long time.
I want a platonic friend so i'd have to get to know the person for a while and even if we're meeting in person it'll be at stores/cafes/etc so I know them better before we get closer. I'm completely against going with strangers or people I don't know well.
Full agreement with @chococuddles re: @mellow 's great experience and calculated risks. Great to see positivity and intention in practice.
I'm open to same-day meeting, but the norm so far has been 1-4 weeks.
@sideon @chococuddles I’m a cautious guy. I might meet same day, as a precursor to a future cuddle-up, but I’m not going to cuddle on short notice without gaining a level of comfort with the other person, and with the knowledge that the other person is comfortable with me. But to the point you both made, exceptions happen. Sometimes it feels right, or sometimes if you don’t get some human contact you’re going to explode. Sometimes.
I've not met up with anyone, but I don't think I would have a set time. Just whatever is natural and works.
Regarding what greybeard said about the other person being comfortable, I completely agree. I think it's really important that both people are comfortable and feel safe meeting up.
I'll meet fairly quickly. If they put effort into their communications and are respectful over messaging, I'll meet offline. This goes for online dating as well. Online messaging can drag on and create a false sense of connection.
@greybeard Oh, I'm cautious as well. I'll meet someone quickly/same day (coffee, walk, drink, etc), but I don't go into meeting someone with any expectation of cuddling. If it's not a mutual interest, it's not happening.
@Sideon I never go into a meet with the expectation of cuddling, either. But once I did cuddle on the same day as a first time meet, since it went so well, and it worked out great!
It may happen again this Thursday. The candidate and I have messaged a ton, and his communication skills are excellent. He has references (although no karma), and he is very well mannered, charming and funny. If we get along great already and the coffee meet goes well, I don't see the point in making him drive all the way to meet me a second time on another day for cuddling. He's indicated interest in a cuddle on the day of the meet, so if he seems fine in person, I'm okay with it, too.
On a related note, who would you prefer suggest the first meeting -- you or the other person?
I personally prefer the other person make the suggestion, so I try to give obvious indications when I'm ready without actually offering to meet unless they're already doing the same. I'd be happy to meet after sharing just a couple of messages, so I have no gauge for guessing when someone else would be comfortable enough to receive the suggestion. In my experience, suggesting something (whether it be a meeting, trading phone numbers, or whatever) before the other person is ready to agree causes them to stop responding altogether rather than simply saying, "not yet" and continuing to communicate.
I've yet to even find anyone interested lol. I'd like to go to movies soon too. Popcorn plz XD.