What Interests Men in a Woman's Profile

edited October 2017 in General

I have been told what interests men about my profile is my smile, my description of how I like to cuddle, my posts on the forums, and the karma I've received.


  • Tangent: I love your posts and how you challenge deeper discussions on cuddling, connection, and community.

    Back on topic.

    Your profile is stellar. You put in thought and effort, your pictures are warm and inviting, your smile could light up North America, and you put it out there what you want (as opposed to a laundry list of things you don't want).

  • @Sideon I love you, dear!!!

  • The first thing I look for is proximity to me. Even if their profile is empty (as so many of them are), I'll write to them if they are close by. However, that being said, I'd much rather write to someone who has put some effort into her profile, giving me something to write to her about. I am always interested in a woman who is knowingly and openly polyamorous, because it is a great point of common interest, even if we don't want to form a sexual relationship with each other. If She can put a little bit of her sense of humor into her profile, that is also great. Letting me know how well she would like to get to know me before meeting in person is always good. Of course, A beautiful smile is always fantastic. I don't pay much if any attention to age, looks, weight, or other things that really shouldn't matter to anyone as far as platonic cuddling is concerned.

  • edited October 2017

    Pictures are good: either to convey a sense of their perception of cuddling or to show their face (people are just wired to recognize faces, and seeing one makes it easier to build a mental representation of that person to understand who they are). @indicolite has a profile photo that is a perfect example of the first: a fuzzy cat burrito! BlueIris's fourth photo does both things and also gives a little background information for those who can recognize it: that crocheted blanket on the back of the couch could be a potential conversation starter for someone who has done some crocheting or has known someone else who has. Pictures can give a lot of hints about who someone is as a person.

    Information about them that the check boxes and other form fields don't cover is also important. I don't care what their friends think about them, though; it's good for that to be there if it's important to them, but not by itself. I want to know what they think of themselves through more than just a list of adjectives. Someone who is self-aware and confident enough to share that awareness (even if it's awareness of shyness or emotional trouble) is much more likely to have empathy and understanding than someone who isn't. It indicates capacity for connection.

    Location. Sometimes I just like to talk to people who live in places where I've been or have friends. Places offer a nice chance to compare different experiences of the same thing, and that can offer some interesting conversation.

    Shared values and interests. It is easier to talk to someone when we have something in common to use as an ice breaker, and having the same values minimizes the chances for conflict in both short-term and long-term.

    Clear expression: correct spelling, consistent and appropriate punctuation, and well-chosen words are all attractive. It doesn't need to be formal, but a profile is a person's representation of themselves. It only makes sense to make that representation clean and clear to indicate respect for themselves and consideration for the people trying to interpret it. It's also much easier to communicate with (and make connections) with someone I can easily understand.

    No smoking. This could be said to fall under the same category as shared values, but really... if they stink I don't want to get very close. Smell is an important part of many experiences.

  • [Deleted User]Frankincense (deleted user)

    "a profile is a person's representation of themselves. It only makes sense to make that representation clean and clear to indicate respect for themselves and consideration for the people trying to interpret it."

    How true, especially that last part. I've been on dating sites and forums where people post something that's akin to drunken rambling because it lacks any punctuation. Don't these people realise that the placement of commas and full stops can radically alter the meaning of a string of words?

    Some people say they type like they talk, but that is not true. When they talk, they will emphasise certain words, and put pauses between words at various points. They don't rattle off a bunch of words in monotonic fashion. Those verbal cues need to be incorporated into typed messages as punctuation, so that the message comes across clearly.

    I find it very annoying that some people are just too lazy to put capitalisation and punctuation into their messages, and instead they expect the hundreds or thousands of people who will read that message to spend maybe 4 or 5 times as much time trying to decode what that person was actually trying to say.
    Luckily thus far, the incoherent ramblers are reasonably uncommon, and most people make at least some effort to make themselves understood.

  • [Deleted User]Frankincense (deleted user)

    In a woman's profile I prefer to see a picture, although I do message and reply to profiles without a picture.
    I also like to see some text that the lady has written about herself. This helps to form an impression about her personality and her ability to communicate, and of course depending on what she writes it can also give info about her likes and dislikes and interests, and any other things that she considers pertinent for profile viewers to know.
    Sometimes those self-written things can be a turn off too: For instance, the way she might express what kind of people she ISN'T interested in. (Does she say it kindly or meanly?)
    Among the various stats in the profile I will usually look for a few key ones that might be deal breakers for me, so I prefer to see that all or most stats are filled out, or at least the key ones that I'm interested in.

  • [Deleted User]onceperyear (deleted user)

    What a cute heteronormative question!

  • edited October 2017

    @corgilove I'm a hetero, so that's my default mindset. Thank you for bringing it to my attention in such a nice way. I'll be thinking of different, more inclusive ways to frame my future questions. :)

  • [Deleted User]onceperyear (deleted user)

    @blueiris Thanks for warmly receiving my comment. Looking forward to your future questions.

  • When it is filled in for a start. :D
    Too many blank ones in my area :( gives the impression that you are not very serious about this.

  • For the most part, I'll only bother with profiles which have both pictures and bios filled in. At the end of the day, if they can't even make the effort to tell a little bit about themselves then what's to say they'll make the effort to meet you, much less put the effort into having that much of a conversation with you? On those which have got those, I try to use them to guesstimate how warm a person they are and go from there. Generally I prefer non-smokers but I wouldn't say no to cuddling someone just on the basis they smoke at the same time, in any case other than that I'm not that fussy in terms of how they look, what they're into, etc.

  • The first thing I look for is whether they describe themselves as quiet/shy/introverted/laid back/etc. I'd have a hard time relaxing around a talkative extravert, and they'd probably be very bored by me.

  • I'm still quite new here and I've been looking at profiles with a picture and at least a few lines of text in the description. I have to say, there's only one profile that fit that description in my area. I think it's hard to write someone out of the blue if you don't have a clue what they're into. Perhaps I'll need to broaden my search.

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)

    @corgilove yeah it is quite heteronormative. I've also had more than one straight woman message me and express an interest in platonic cuddling, just because they feel safer and more comfortable with another lady. You don't have to be lesbian or bisexual to want to cuddle with the same gender.

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