MTF Transition- only read if you have experience or want to discuss it

cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze
edited April 2022 in General

Hi, you cuddle peeps, I may ask a mod to remove this later.. I just would like to find someone that would want to talk to me and my friend about this. My friend just recently decided to take hormones and begin their transition. She has not told her familyor coworkers, I am one of the only people that know. She wishes she could talk to someone that could relate, I suggested we go to an LGBTQIA+ bar or something but she is not ready to do that yet... I thought about searching in CC and reaching out to people listed as men that identify as female but did not want to bother anyone...
Also I am doing my best to use the appropriate grammar but I don't mind if you correct me. I am still getting use to the lingo and although I've taken human sexuality and gender classes in college, it's been a while...

Comments

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    You're a good friend. I hope you find someone you can talk to about this. 💓

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    What @quixotic_life said. 💞

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    There is a transgender option on here. I have had a handful of trans clients both male to female and female to male. There are support groups for trans people like Pflag, and of course like everything else there’s an online community. For some reason my whole life I’ve always run into trans people so they’ve never been hard to find for me.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze
    edited April 2022

    Thank you @quixotic_life and @Green_Eyes

    Also if anyone would like to message me privately, that would work...
    I am going to visit my friend tonight and we're going to have girls time, I'll do her makeup since she isn't use to it yet, she says she has dresses and shoes...
    Since coworkers don't know, she still is "Mark" at work, but at home when roommates are gone, she should enjoy herself and see herself the way she identifies.
    So yesterday her question was about shaving her legs, says no matter how she does it she gets bumps on her legs, and from what I've googled it seems that laser hair removal will be the best option... but what should she do in the meantime? She plans to get breasts, her Adam's apple removed... it's a long, expensive and painful process, but she needs to be who she is. She has struggled with depression her whole life and she's tired of hiding, but not quite there yet, to come out to her family and the "world".

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @cuddle4health
    I wish I had something meaningful to add. I agree with others that you are a good friend.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze
    edited April 2022

    @xandriarain I could try Pflag, when I suggested to her that we contact someone from Quora that gives a lot of advice and information online she said she was nervous and shy so I'm thinking of easing her in, maybe if I meet someone online first and then can introduce them... not sure, honestly don't feel good about doing this behind her back, but I want to help, and I've been part of this community for a while now, which is why, so far, this felt the most comfortable.

    Thanks I did just try searching by Other and Any for gender and sexuality... reached out to one person and hope it doesn't bother them

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @cuddle4health - has she considered Nair or getting her legs waxed? Waxing legs definitely hurts BTW - just a heads up on that. Definitely message me if you'd like. 🫂

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    She's a good friend too, when we were co workers I learned a lot from her and admired her, we were the favorites because we are fast, strong, and detail oriented. We worked setting up for concerts and she was a great coworker... before we became friends she kept to herself and everyone thought she was rude... no one would have ever guessed what "Mark" was struggling with.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    @Green_Eyes yes she said she's tried Nair and it didn't work but I think when I come over tonight I'll try Nair and then shave, I'm thinking Nair can thin out the hairs... will also make sure she is soaking her legs in hot water, I usually shave in a hot shower, so yea... I'm determined to help her solve some of this... she's only been on hormones for a month so far, so I don't think it has made a difference yet.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    I heard swimmers, motorcyclists, and football players shave their legs... I'm sure there's a way...

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    @cuddle4health - waxing often thins the hair out, as well. I hope she finds a solution!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @cuddle4health You are the sweetest! I wasn't allowed to use make-up when I was growing up, and didn't have any friends or sisters to teach me. Wish I could join your girl's night! 🤗

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • pmvinespmvines

    My son has a trans female to male boyfriend , and a couple of my friends have children who are the same . So I unfortunately dont have much feedback for male to female. Good luck though to your friend . I'm glad to see how the world has become.more accepting of the LGBTQ community . Hate to sound like an old timer , but back in my day, folks didnt have it very easy at all and werent able to freely live their lives as they are now . Obviously still a work in progress , but better nonetheless .

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze
    edited April 2022

    Besides some health, human sexuality, and gender identity classes I've taken in college, watching the documentary "9 Months that Made You", really helped me understand a little better... I don't know if there was enough information out there "back in the day", but each person's own plight is still hard, and I am glad that my friend was able to confide in me and that we can talk about it.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze
    edited April 2022

    I was in foster care and as an "at risk youth" was part of a lot of different support groups... I had a couple friends back then that were of the LGBTQIA+ community, but even then, I didn't know what I know now.. and even then I remember that it was hard for each of us to accept and love ourselves after the trauma we had been through that lead us to those support groups.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Aveeno shave gel helps with razor bumps a little. I assume she is moisturizing every day. That may help. And a long soak in the bath to soften the hair. But I'm sure what male athletes do to shave their legs is better than this.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @cuddle4health You're in Vegas, right? Have your friend check out this place:

    L.A. Laser Hair Removal
    (702) 994-1900
    https://maps.app.goo.gl/KeBEimDywarxBtiX9

    I go there myself, and each appointment has been wonderful. The place is gorgeous and clean, the girls are super sweet, professional, and meticulous, and I'm seeing results after three sessions. I wish I had done laser a decade ago! For all the razors and shaving cream and time spent, I think the price is worth it. 😊

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    Hi! @pmvines
    Yes! @SunsetSnuggles and @achetocuddle those are great suggestions!

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited April 2022

    I went through the same thing with a TF friend about 15 years ago who readied me for my non-binary grand teen (15) today. I knew this day would come and like you, I am anxiously awaiting and embracing every turn of events, helping my trans friends (I'm in entertainment like you) with every detail along the way. In my friend's case, fully transitioning (She's now female on her driver's license) did not end her depression. It helped by getting this one big thing in order and for a while, I thought the depression was totally gone. But it returned. Your friend will know when she's ready to come out. In my friend's case, she chose a radio fundraising event we did. She just showed up female and never looked back. You'll really find out who's who when she does. Our mutual friends and associates varied from total acceptance to total rejection and everything in between. My 15-year-old has group support at school, specifically for trans and non-binary kids. This is a great new era and you're a big help.

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy
    edited April 2022

    Iv been a member for a long time on 7cups (its a app) it has a lgbtq/depression chat room that changed my life and you can get private trained listeners there to chat with for free any time you need.. its certainly not perfect but it helped me a lot.. also I have many close people to me that are in the transgender community so feel free to dm me:)
    I'm glad your friend has you !! 💙💗🤍

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited April 2022

    @cuddle4health - has your friend been involved in any support groups? Your profile says you’re in Denver and Las Vegas. I would think there would be support groups for trans folks in those areas.

    As for male athletes who shave their legs - bodybuilders and competitive bicyclists also shave their legs. They just shave them, nothing special or different about it. I’ve never heard any of them complain about razor bumps. I know this because I’ve worked with them as a massage therapist and they talk about it, also dated a bicyclist for 4 years.

    Try googling this for support groups in the Denver area, a number of resources come up:
    denver support for MTF transitioning

  • LovelightLovelight

    I'm down with a possible food poisoning. So I'm gonna keep this hella short and sweet. Feel free to message me if you need to chat sometime.

    I'm not trans, though I know a thing or two about being ostracized.

    My advise, if she depends on her family for anything major such as finances: probably best to be quite careful until she can get on her own feet.

    Moreover be careful with whom she comes out to or is herself around. Especially depending on her culture. In some cultures they are what do you call it?? "very connected"/close knit and word can get out so easily. It is understandable that she's so sick of it. Though safety needs to come first and continue to go about it as safe as she can.

    If she's adequately independent depending on her family's background/temperament it may be worth it to come out first especially to ones she feels are more open minded. Though keep in mind that it she comes out to one, he or she may run and tell the rest... which depending on different factors: may be illegal to out her like that.
    If many of them happen to be supportive or at least respectful of her, then that could give her less stress and more support moving forward. If they aren't so respectful or supportive, then hopefully she has a safe exit plan, can focus on healing from it and move forward knowing where she stands. Though it's alright if she's not ready or feeling safe enough to come out yet. There are probably counseling she could also seek which could help her with this and any other relate issues. Such as if she's worried to lose her family, it could help her have some tools to better manage and come to terms with that.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    I tried shaving my legs for a bit and got bumps. In my case it was because the razor was cheap and (therefore) duller than it should have been. I dunno if that's your friend's issue, but if she has a sharper razor to try it probably wouldn't hurt. Paradoxically, sharper razors mean fewer skin nicks.

    I regret this is all the advice I have to offer!

  • BabichevBabichev
    edited April 2022

    I’ve been around so many men who shave their legs (I’ve worked with a lot of competitive swimmers, bicyclists, and body builders) that I didn’t even know razor bumps was a problem. However, I googled “men shave legs without razor bumps” and came up with a bunch of links. This is one of them. Lots of the same tips given here: soaking in a warm bath, using a good shaving cream, and using a good razor. Also trimming the longer hairs first. Of course, they are pushing Gillette products but the information remains.

    BY the way, men in Puerto Rico also shave their legs. There’s a lot more men shaving their legs than most folks realize.

    https://www.gillette.co.uk/blog/body-grooming-tips/how-to-shave-your-legs/

  • [Deleted User]AnnieSweetz (deleted user)

    Hi. Popped in out of curiosity. A quick add: don’t shave after using Nair or vice versa. Can cause a bad reaction. Wait 24 hours. (Learned this lesson the hard way a long time ago) also Use gloves with the Nair if possible…

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Yeah, being assigned male and/or having more testosterone than estrogen in your system doesn't preclude the use of a razor. Even being a straight up manly man doesn't do that. Silky smooth legs can be for anyone.

    So can hairy legs, of course. It's all down to what the individual wants their own legs to feel like, be they man, woman, genderfluid, nonbinary, or anything else.

    Which means if anybody happens to be reading this thread and wants to try out leg-shaving, hey! These tips can be for you, too.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    Oh yes of coarse, I've dated men that shaved every part of their body and they weren't athletes or anything having to do with their gender or sexual orientation.. very true.. and I turns out she is shaving after getting out of the shower, which would give me bumps too, so, I gave my advice for her to shave during a hot shower and gave her a new Venus razor which is what I use.

  • cuddleNsqueezecuddleNsqueeze

    @AnnieSweetz thanks for that I did just text her telling her not to shave right after Nair.
    @CozyWolfy I think the support chat app is a great suggestion! I'm sure it won't hurt and not as intimidating as going to an actual group, although nowadays there are groups on zoom or partyline so I will also look into other group options to refer her to.
    @PeopleLikeUs you've made a good point that even once she has come out, it doesn't necessarily mean her depression will go away... she believes she should have every surgery to look more feminine but will always be unhappy about how tall she is, I really tried to talk to her about how many of us go through having to love and accept our bodies and that she is beautiful regardless, because she is a beautiful person with a large heart and a great smile and some would want to have her looks.
    @Lovelight she lives with her brother and roommate but is planning to move out soon. She will definitely come out soon because the hormones might make it obvious either way.
    @SunsetSnuggles she plans to get the laser hair removal first, she said she might start sooner than later.
    Thank you all for your support!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited April 2022

    A year ago, even three months ago, some ban-seeking ne'er-do-well would have derailed this lovely thread by now. The change is partly thanks to our wonderful mods, but also thanks to the ordinary members who stand up to the trolls, bullies and troublemakers.

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