Menu of Cuddles 🤣

I recently read an article about uber drivers providing hilarious "ride menus" for their passengers. I was laughing thinking you could do this with cuddles and provide serious and some really funny options like...

Straight-up Cuddle: You hold me and I hold you and we platonically touch (non-bikini areas) and talk or listen to music or watch tv/movies.

Stand-up Cuddle: I tell you funny jokes and hilarious stories from my past. Topics can include that one time I gave CPR to a duck and worst first dates.

Awkward Exit Cuddle: Immediately at the end of our cuddle session or probably 5 minutes too early, I will abruptly stop cuddling, gather my things, give you the peace sign and exit swiftly.

Therapy Cuddle: Got something on your mind? Tell me everything. We can cry and laugh together. I'm all ears!

Criticism Cuddle: After our cuddle session or during it, you tell me everything you hated about it. I will take it like a champ and apologize. Please tell me all of your criticisms especially if you dislike my perfume or my hair or my shorts.

Scavenger hunt Cuddle: You are randomly vague with location and time for our cuddle. I will attempt to figure out all the details like a super sleuth and arrive on time and prepared regardless.

Newbie Cuddle: You tell me how nervous you are prior to the Cuddle via messages and then in person...I will reassure you as many times as it takes and help you relax.

Endless Texter Non-Cuddle: You ask for a cuddle session and then never actually schedule one but hit up my messages daily. I will be polite and kind anyway.

Creepy Cuddle: I will hold you, not move, and look at you in creepy ways from time to time.

Silent Cuddle: Don't feel like talking? No problem. I can be quiet too. Let's just hold each other.

Got other ideas? Comment below!

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    Cuddle with added cuddly canines : I will cuddle with you and my pile of mini poodles will snuggle in all the gaps left. They are the softest most loving rescue pups.

  • This is interesting. I mean I guess I'm pretty boring, I'd most likely go for option 1 most times. But always appreciate when asked what my preferences are.

  • @KYtranspant love it! I'd totally be down!
    @sunnysideup Yes! I always like to discuss preferences prior to a cuddle 🙂

  • Lol something different 😅

    Add karaoke 🎤 cuddle & star gazing cuddle 🌌 & I will book with you when I pass through Georgia & hopefully you accept my booking ☺️

  • Cuddles and nails

  • @cuddles_ndream I'm not a great singer but I do know a great spot for karaoke! And star gazing sounds amazing! Give me a heads up when you are coming to Georgia!

  • @pmvines thats awesome! Love it! ❤💅

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)

    Ooh interesting idea!

    I submit the following menu items:

    Cool cuddle: cuddle wearing sunglasses and a trenchcoat, and spout a random one liner right before leaving.

    Disco cuddle: cuddle with random 70's disco music going on, as well as constant finger snapping to the beat.

    Magic cuddle: cuddle dressed as a witch, wizard, etc, with potions and a magically conjured feast (something to drink and a takeaway).

    The curry last night cuddle (alternatively, the Vesuvius): go to the toilet every 20 minutes, and apologise for any gases that might erupt.

    The T-rex: cuddle while watching a random Jurassic park film, and while huddling your arms close to yourself so they're like short T-rex arms.

    The DeVito special: cuddle with 10 cardboard cutouts of Danny DeVito.

  • @Heatherrrr the nail techs always like to tease men who get pedis by threatening to paint their nails . I just tell them I dont care if they do, just to pick out something that looks good . They seem to get a kick out of it so I just let them . Plus it is admittedly kinda fun to have something pretty to look at when I'm barefoot

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @pmvines
    Excellent color choice.

  • @Zundar those are hysterical! I'm still laughing! Good ones! 🤣

  • @Btown hey l just let the tech pick it out so cant take credit but yes , good color

  • Chatty Cuddle: I will talk non stop and forget to cuddle you but you will enjoy my company (I think)
    Mother Cuddle: I will hold you as if you were my child, carress you and tell you everything will be ok, while giving you advice about anything that comes up in our conversation, may include some motherly nagging.
    Yoga Cuddle: I will help you stretch and hold you while in yoga poses as well as concentrating on our breathing
    STD Awareness Cuddle: if you ask me for sexual favors I will explain in detail all the risks associated with that and you will take back your requests lol.
    Life Story Cuddle: I will tell you my life story and listen to yours, I most likely won't cry, but will welcome you to cry on my shoulder.
    Is it a date? Cuddle: we will stare into eachothers eyes, hold eachother, carress eachother, and dance slow romantic songs. (BTW we're not actually dating)

  • @pmvines you have beautiful feet

  • 😆 love these
    T rex cuddles and creepy cuddles had me cracking up

  • @cuddle4health haha those are great!

  • Limerick cuddle:

    I recite 100-150 of my original limericks, then write new ones on topics of your choosing.

  • Yes to the Cool Cuddle, and the T-Rex cuddle- love Jurassic Park…! Though I wouldn’t be able to help but suggest the Magic Cuddle- HP themed potions included !

  • @JoyfulHeart bahaha limericks! Amazing!

  • @Heatherrrr One just for you:

    I wasn't just under the weather:
    I'd come to the end of my tether.
    'Twas then that I knew
    That what I should do
    Was schedule a cuddle with Heather.

    I'm not actually under the weather or at the end of my tether. 🙂

  • [Deleted User]pianomann (deleted user)
    edited April 2022

    @Zundar Yikes. I am going to start asking cuddlers whether they plan to have curry the night before, to help ensure there are no surprises!

    How about the (Upstate NY) Seasonal Cuddle?
    Spring: cuddle outdoors during a hailstorm. Rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to be shielded by the other’s body.
    Summer: the garden cuddle. On a raised garden bed, while contemplatively munching kale straight from the plant.
    Fall: the leaf-pile cuddle, after which we check each other’s hair and armpits for ticks.
    Winter: the igloo cuddle. Heap up a 10-foot tall pile of snow, hollow it out, and cuddle inside until the neighbor kids jump on it and cave it in.

  • @JoyfulHeart aww thanks I love it! ❤

  • Cuddle menus, ingenious, @Heatherrrr! I envy you gave a duck CPR.
    @KYtranspant, Love to be in pile of mini poodles!

    others' menus suggestions are great, also!

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    Project Cuddle ~ You have something that you need to do but would be easier with someone to help. Possibilities may include re installing a sliding screen door, correcting a mounting bracket on the entertainment system, I provide all tools and we'll go though suggestions of pros and cons of proposed improvements before deciding on what would work best and implementing plan of action to a successful outcome. Celebratory feel good cuddles would ensue as we basked in the endorphan high of accomplishments together.

    Other possibilities although rare would be failure of first plan which would then force us to consider if maybe we had overestimated the project to begin with. Comforting condolence cuddles would then be in order as sometimes life just doesn't go as planned. Having someone hold you as the stress of the whole mess melts away makes life easier to face.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    Cooking Cuddle ~ this is really good as it combines two amazing things. We discuss our likes and dislikes about all kinds of food, what we grew up eating, regional favorites, things we would like to try. Then browse recipes, pick one that looks the best and cook it. Enjoying a wonderful meal and then feel good full belly cuddles with a long nap savoring both as time definitely well spent.

    *this is best with a regular cuddle buddy as it allows for proper meal planning and not just scavenging what one might have in the pantry.

    *** I do this with everyone of my regular cuddles as I hate just cooking for myself.

  • @KYtranspant love those ideas!

  • edited April 2022

    Oop! I comment the post twice by accident.

  • Great ideas LMBO!!!🤣

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