Emotional cheating is real. If you're hiding anything from your partner, you need to evaluate why you're being dishonest. I believe everyone has the right to consent to what their partner is doing with other people, and inherently reserve the right to leave based on those actions. Hiding your actions robs them of their right to make informed decisions. I have an amazing boyfriend who knows I am here. It would take serious discussion and consent from him before I would ever cuddle with another human being. I wouldn't hurt him for the world.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles but conversations like that can be hard if not impossible to have if the culture one was raised in thinks all your needs should be met by one single person. That is unrealistic for most people if they're honest about it.
I was married for many years to a man who despised camping and he resented the time I spent with family and friends doing what I enjoyed. I tried to include him, he made everybody miserable and no one had a good time.
People die a little bit inside every day if they're forced to live inauthentically. And sometimes it's years before they ever realize it because they've kept that suppressed for so many years.
There are so many different aspects about this that I can't even begin to sum up in one reply.
Some of my happiest most loving friends are poly (not all sexual) and there is balance there that I've never really seen in many monogamous relationships.
Lots of good food for thought and so well-written.
So glad you all made thoughtful replies and this thread continues to thrive.
Another thought, the five love languages. Acts of service, Quality time, Gift giving, Physical touch, Words of affirmation.
Many of these can be fulfilled by platonic cuddling and when a significant other can not or will not meet those needs ( speak your love language) one feels empty and unloved often in very lonely spaces even if they show love another way.
Every one has a primarily and secondary love language. Mine is a toss up between Acts of Service and Quality Time with my secondary being Physical Touch.
A person will usually communicate to another in thier own primary love language. With cuddles or just even in life. My stronger primarily Acts of Service means I am usually the more active cuddler letting my partner soak in all the attention. And if thiers is Physical touch it is over the moon bliss for them.
I don't even know if what I am trying to convey even makes sense. But I had a most amazing weekend with a regular cuddle buddy and it was so simple as he made me feel like I and my needs mattered.
What did he do you ask? Project Cuddle! He used his expertise to install some lights in my horse trailer. We had picked out a recipe to try and had dinner then settled in for the night with contented cuddles. Each caring to speak the others love language.
So winding the long way back around to the main point, everyone deserves to feel like they matter.
@achetocuddle - Thank you for your kind words. Hopefully, there will be at least woman in my area, who thinks like you do. If there is, then I will get to cuddle.
@GreatHornedOwl If I lived close I think I would have to buy you a burger and/or sandwich and hear the story of your life if you don't dislike telling it. I'm left-handed eater so if you are right-handed eater we could hold hands part of the time while we ate (only if you wash your hands before meals). ha ha. I hope this is not too off-topic. I happen to enjoy a little off-topic, but would gladly be gone from the forum if I knew it bothered anyone.
@KYtranspant Not only does all your contribution to this thread make sense, but a lot of it hit home and makes me feel emotional. You have touched me in a good way.
I know I must stop before I become disagreeably sappy to some members. Lol. Can't say I blame them.
I have appreciated this civilized thread.
@SunsetSnuggles - What you have to say makes perfect sense -- in normal circumstances. Unfortunately, not everybody's circumstances can not be considered at all normal. In many cases what you're suggesting is virtually impossible.
Read a few of my earlier (page 3) posts in this thread, and let us know if your beliefs have changed any.
"everyone deserves to feel like they matter" @KYtranspant ❤
I have cuddled with married clients. I don't judge, besides this is platonic only. My cuddle session is therapeutic & their privacy is safe with me.
If you cuddle your kids or pets this is not cheating, so if you cuddle adults it's okay if they are right person and your partner approves. Just got to work it out in your mind and heart.
@ChristianMystic - I'll make the same suggestion that I made to @SunsetSnuggles. Read some of my posts on page 3 of this thread, and see if you still think that a partner approval is always required.
I agree with the comments of @xandriarain and @KYtranspant. Many other people here have a very black and white view of things.
@GreatHornedOwl I would think yours is an exceptional situation regardless. My heart goes out to you. My aunt has Alzheimer's and half of the time she doesn't even know who my uncle is. The first time she referred to him as "that man" was after she had pushed him out of her room, hitting him, thinking he was an intruder.
You have every right to seek out whatever self-care you need so you can be the best caregiver for your wife, so I hope you find what you need.
@GreatHornedOwl why not just hire a pro, given your difficulty with finding an enthusiast?
@Moxytocin - Thank you. I agree with everything you said, except for one. My situation probably is not nearly exceptional as you might think it is
Depends how Open the relationship is.... id say... I heard of those swingers, so there is such a world.
@MCcuddles2 - I've thought about hiring a pro, but so far, I've resisted. I can't be certain, but I suspect that the degree of oxytocin released in a cuddle situation will depend not only on the sense of touch, but also on my feelings. I just can't help but think that cuddling with a woman who is cuddling with me because she is getting paid to do so, will feel different than cuddling with a woman who is cuddling just for the sake of cuddling.
So, I think that I'll wait a while longer to try to find an enthusiast. If, after a few more months, nothing works out along those lines, I'll start looking at some pros.
@GreatHornedOwl I hear what you are saying re not hiring a pro, however do you not feel like there would be less likelihood of blurred lines and too much attachment if you hired a pro, considering you are married ?
@GreatHornedOwl
I just can't help but think that cuddling with a woman who is cuddling with me because she is getting paid to do so, will feel different than cuddling with a woman who is cuddling just for the sake of cuddling.
Oh, it does. No question about it. Absolutely right. You're totallly spot-on there. Classic case of being absolutely tip-top spot-on.
It doesn't happen much now, but there was a time when I was feeling low I would consciously think, "Do I want an enthusiast cuddle or a professional one?" The professional cuddle offers certain advantages over the enthusiast one, and vice versa. Sometimes I needed one, sometimes the other.
The good professionals do genuinely care about their clients. In a similar way that a good doctor cares about their patients. They really do.
One of the particular advantages of a professional cuddle in general, and for you especially, is that you don't need to care emotionally for the other person. (Obviously you must care for their basic well-being, are they comfortable and so on.) You can just be cared for. Accepting that can be harder than it sounds.
On top of that, any good cuddle is better than no cuddle.
In my time on the forum I have observed that when men present the argument you are saying, it often turns out that it was a cover; a shield to protect them from the real feelings of why they are reluctant to hire a professional. It may or may not be true in your case of course, but it's worth thinking about.
@pmvines and @CuddleDuncan- I understand what both of you are saying, but I really don't know. I think that the question needs some careful consideration.
@CuddleDuncan "Oh, it does. No question about it. Absolutely right. You're totallly spot-on there. Classic case of being absolutely tip-top spot-on."
I'm only a little biased 😆, but I have cuddled with professionals and I've cuddled with non-professionals (on the receiving end), and I would say it absolutely depends on the professional. I would take my top pick authentic professionals over any enthusiast every day of the week, but I would take an enthusiast 100% over a professional I don't get good authentic vibes from (I would go without cuddles before cuddling with someone I don't feel authenticity from). I am very sensitive to energy, so I completely understand people's general impression of what it feels like with a professional. It takes someone special to be able to provide a service for money but give out energy that doesn't recognize that fact.
@ubergigglefritz
It takes someone special to be able to provide a service for money but give out energy that doesn't recognize that fact.
Oh, it does. No question about it. Absolutely right. You're totally spot-on there. Classic case of being absolutely tip-top spot-on.
And of course it totally depends on the person and how you are both feeling in the moment. I've cuddled inexperienced professionals and was the client: but I've also cuddled inexperienced professionals and felt like I was the professional. (The former were trained, the latter were not.) All were happy experiences with lovely people, but very different.
@GreatHornedOwl for you, and others in similar situations, it's a very difficult decision.
Based on the rules of this site, I'd say no. If you did anything that would violate those rules then yes. Anything that is purely platonic can't be cheating on your significant other be that someone you're married to, engaged to, or if you're just dating. If you're partner is overly jealous that you're in a platonic relationship with someone else, that might be a red flag that they're too controlling in the relationship or you really should have discussed boundaries with the person you're actually in a relationship with before coming here in the first place. If you felt the need to hide it from them they would understandably be a little suspicious.
I guess I don't see there being a hard and fast rule to this, because it depends on the relationship and the people involved. If you think it's cheating, it is. If your partner thinks it's cheating, it is. If neither person has an issue, it's not. If it's something that has to be done behind the other person's back, then the question has already been answered.
Bump for merging!
I literally cuddle “Everyone” many diverse cultures, genders, relationship statuses and etc. My girlfriend and I understand each other’s touch needs, so we approve of each other cuddling other people of our own choices. We are each other’s biggest support systems and cheer each other on (cuddling wise).This is my situation but situations could change from person to person.
@GreatHornedOwl it might help to look at the professionals profiles. You can see if someone’s heart is totally in it by what they share. That might help you when you decide. 🤗
I cuddled with someone a couple years ago (from another cuddling service) who was married. Her husband knew about it and wasn't thrilled. She eventually decided to give up being a professional cuddle. I think it comes down to what agreement the two people in the marriage come to.
If your partner doesn't want you doing it and you do it anyway, it's cheating.