@SunsetSnuggles, you said:
I am so self-conscious of my tummy, I would be horrified if someone wrapped their arm around my waist, or rested their hand there.
One of my cuddlers said something that really helped me with this. He put his hand on my stomach and said "Women's stomachs are magical to me. You can create life in there!"
I have since had another man in a different context express a different type of admiration for my tummy...but that anecdote is not platonic so I'll have to leave it at that lol. Let me just say I was very very sure that he quite liked it.
In general, my post divorce experiences here and with dating have shown me that us women are way too hard on our bodies and most men are not nearly as picky and critical as we're afraid they are. Even men who are 20 plus years younger than me and/or hawt hahahahahaha
@SunsetSnuggles So, where SHOULD someone rest their hands? Cause obviously going above or below the stomach would be inappropriate.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with "Helping Hands" if you ever watch "Who's Line is it Anyway" you might be familiar with a version of this game. We did a version of it in my high school Drama class where three people would sit in chairs with their hands behind their backs while three other people would be behind them acting as their hands for the scene.
I did this a few times and once being the person in front not being able to use my hands, Of course audience gets to suggest what your character is and I as a straight man for some reason got stuck with someone suggesting that my character had to be gay. Luckily there was no physical contact with another male.
Another there were other times where I was in the back providing the hands and I ended up with a girl in front of me. Because we were sitting down during the scene any time she wasn't talking I was resting my hands around her tummy cause there was no where else I could go. And she was rather small so while we were sitting I could occasionally feel her legs against the lower part of my arms while her breasts brushed against the top part of my arms at the same time. It wasn't constant and only just barely but she didn't have to lean forward very much to make that happen. I learned later in life that padded bras exist and she very likely never realized she was rubbing against me that much. But anyway... yeah... where do arms go?
Oh and to answer the original question... I've basically already said this in another thread but... generally being a man the chest isn't typically considered off limits but I feel like it is. Other than that and the obvious areas I don't really care. Generally just don't touch me any place I'm not allowed to touch you. I guess in your case I'd say don't touch my tummy either for the same reasons. I just think it's easier if we follow the same rules. Set the example and I'll follow it.
I don’t like my belly button being touch either. I think if their hand is grazing my tummy and it brushes past my belly button, I’m alright with that. But full blown centering your attention on my belly button is a hard pass.
I don’t mind when someone’s hand is resting on my tummy, but I don’t think I would like it if some guy started saying my stomach is magic because it can create babies lol Am I weird for not liking that? I’m guessing that makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want kids and my whole life ppl have tried to force me to think differently. I’ve had ppl say I’ll regret it, say I’m selfish or even full on rub my stomach all while telling me I need to change my mind cuz I’m a woman and I’m meant to have children. Icky. No thanks 😅
When I’m with my cuddlers, we usually have a quick chat about boundaries. I’ll ask them how they feel about their face being touched along with other platonic parts and see where their comfort level lies. Communication is very important. I really love when o have a cuddler say how they want the cuddle to go if they have a strong preference. I would hate to guess lol Like, if you would rather we have a completely silent cuddle, I’m on it. If you hate dead silences, ima chat you up lol. That’s why I always ask what your preference is and what you look forward to most in a cuddle 👍🏻👍🏻
@Sheena123 A guy saying a woman's stomach is magic cause it can create babies is creepy. And I don't know why more people don't understand that choosing to not have children can be for noble reasons. My reasons are noble. And I've known plenty of selfish women who had children for selfish reasons.
Between my cuddle friend and I, there was nothing creepy about it. I don't cuddle creeps. He's a good man. Neither he nor I intend to imply that all women should have children, nor do either of us believe that.
@Cuddle_RN I should have reread the whole thread. I'm sorry. I like your forum contributions. You say kind and level-headed things and some things that I am not able to articulate. I've never seen you imply anything. I trust your instincts. Have a good day.
@Cuddle_RN I definitely didn’t mean to belittle your experience or judge your character. I can only add to that with my own experiences and how that would be another thing added to my no no list of things I wouldn’t want to experience during a cuddle. I’m glad the two of you are able to enjoy that copacetic relationship.
Thank you, ladies 😊
The nape and sides of my neck for me. For embarrassing reasons 😅 it happens by accident during hairplay (I loooooooooooove hairplay) and it's not a big deal if by accident but if it's intentional, then I'll have to put a stop to that.
"I’ve had ppl say I’ll regret it, say I’m selfish or even full on rub my stomach all while telling me I need to change my mind cuz I’m a woman and I’m meant to have children. Icky. No thanks 😅"
That's not selfish at all, WTF are they talking about? I personally think there are a lot of people who have kids who only had kids for entirely selfish reasons. There are parents who treat their children like they only exist to do chores and continue the family name and if that's the reason for having children need to rethink your priorities. Parents are there to protect their children during those vulnerable ages until their old enough to care for themselves. The child comes first not the parent. If you can't understand that or aren't ready for that kind of responsibility then it would be selfish and irresponsible to have a children. But it is never selfish NOT to.
You MIGHT change your mind later but you don't NEED to and it's perfectly OK if you never do.
BTW just FYI... men get it too... I've been asked by my grandparents when I'm going to have a child... even though I already have one and I'm kinda getting mixed messages when I've both been told if I feel like he's my son then he is and then the very next day so when you are you going to have kids of your own? Like what? Do you or do you not accept my son as my son even though we're not biologically related?
I don't want any children who are biologically mine because of health problems that I have that could potentially be inherited by my children, I'd never want them to suffer the way I have. There's also a chance they could be totally fine but I'm not willing to take that risk. I have cousins who have children on both sides of the family... and since all my cousins are older than me some of their children are actually my age. Even if I never have kids there are already others continuing the family name so what does it really matter if I don't?
Not quite as creepy as having people place their hands on you telling you to put a baby in there, I can't relate to that, but I can relate to the "WHY WON'T YOU HAVE CHILDREN!?" part. It's none of their business, it's between you and your partner to decide if you're ready for the responsibility of child care and no one else.
@CuddleForDID it’s nice to know there are like minded ppl out there 👏👏 I figured it was mostly something women experience. My husband tells ppl all the time that he doesn’t want kids, and not once has he had someone say what others have said to me. And it definitely is incredibly unnerving to have someone touch my stomach while saying anything baby related.
It’s weird because during a cuddle, I love being in the spooning position and having someone’s arms and hands wrapped around my tummy and pulling me in, but the moment the topic of children gets brought up, I’m immediately uncomfortable 😣
I should probably let the thread get back on track but thanks for the support and letting me know I’m not alone.