Six months + on cuddle comfort but no connections

TbearsmallTbearsmall
in General

I wonder if anyone else has this experience, or whether it's specifically how I'm presenting myself and / or who I am.
There's much more shame/secretiveness than I expected. (Cuddling was actually something I was exploring to take care of some of the needs that are not being met for me, WITHOUT the need for being surreptitious.) I totally get privacy. And maybe that's not it. Maybe big guys don't want to cuddle someone my age? Maybe there just aren't many men who are part of cuddlecomfort and live in Northern New Jersey?

Honestly, I think this site is a GREAT idea, but it's totally not working for me, and I wonder if anyone has helpful hints or feedback.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]cooldh1 (deleted user)
    edited May 2022

    I've had the same experience. It could be a whole host of things that have nothing to do with you. The internet can just be a big judgement machine where you have to "prove" yourself, but even then that's not enough. I think most people are just being cautious but at the same time they might just be busy. A part of it, is to just asking and hoping that you'll find someone on the same level and not give up hope.

    With that said, a Cuddle Party (C) takes some of the caution away. You can put your trust in the Cuddle Party organization and the facilitator (that would be me!) to provide a safe environment. At a Cuddle Party, its people interacting with people. Not personas, egos, identities, or avatars. We get to leave that at the door and just be. If you're interested we have one coming up on May 21st. Let me know if you have any questions!

    https://www.meetup.com/newyorkcitycuddleparties/events/285194407/

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    It's not just you. Seriously, it really isn't.

  • BabichevBabichev

    Moving this to General forum.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited May 2022

    There arent nearly as many men who want to cuddle men on here . Plus geography is always a factor. Plus a lot of men can be boundary pushers and might want to hook up with another guy but not necessarily actually just cuddle so when you factor that in with the small number if men who cuddle men, it makes the pool even more shallow . I think you seem like a really solid stand out guy, and I hope you are able to find what you need here and wish you luck .

  • BoyoftheFlowersBoyoftheFlowers

    Hello, Mr. @Tbearsmall !

    It goes without saying, but just so you're completely aware: know that you are not the problem. You seem like a sweet and genuine person with honest wants and intentions.

    It's difficult to find people who are comfortable sharing platonic affection, it's more difficult men who are comfy with brotherly cuddling, and yet still even more difficult to find one with whom you can form a positive connection. It's kinda sad, but that's the way the leaves land.

    The way you present yourself, I think, greatly increases your chances of success! Like many/most of us, all you really need a lot of patience. I think you seem like a very friendly and honest gentleman, and I would personally love to get to know you (and even cuddle if we were closer in distance).

    Hang in there, and keep your chin up! You'll find what you're looking for. 🤗🌻

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    Hey @Tbearsmall sorry it’s not working out for you yet.

    I looked at your profile and the thing that really stood out to me is you’ve only written about two lines. I like to know who I’m getting to cuddle with, what they’re into, what they’re not. I’d Ike to see your profile with answers to some basic questions like How do you spend your idle time? What’s your ideal day look like?

    Maybe your personality ID - I’m an INFJ-A myself but no one else needs to be, ;)

    Talking about oneself can be difficult or or annoying but it’s important to get your personality and general vibe across to potential cuddlers.

    Try looking at the profiles of cuddlers who have lots of good karma and see what they’re doing right in their profile. Don’t just copy of course because your profile needs to be true to you (that is such an INFJ-A thing to say :D )

    Good luck!
    I wish you many happy cuddle ups!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Tbearsmall For what it's worth from a female, I saw your profile the other day and really liked it...I would have PM'd you, except you only list being interested in men, so I didn't want to intrude. But if you're up for a chat with someone in another state, feel free to hit me up!

    I agree with the others; there's nothing wrong with how you present yourself at all, and I also don't think your age is anything to worry about. Many people of many ages/orientations have trouble finding cuddle buddies on here. For me there are only like two people in my entire area, so if I want cuddles, I would likely have to take an out-of-state trip. A common issue is there might be many people in an area but they are no longer active. You can see when a person was last online, in their profile. I don't bother messaging inactive people because in my experience, they never see the message. Perhaps you've inadvertently been reaching out to people who aren't active anymore.

    The only tip I would give is to fill out your About Me section more. Otherwise, you're doing everything right, it just may take time/perhaps travel. Best of luck!!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • TbearsmallTbearsmall

    I am so grateful to all of you for your kindness, support and great suggestions. I'll certainly go back and say more about myself; it can't hurt! And I will try not to be down about the results so far. I hope you ALL get wonderful cuddles in your lives. <3

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I understand that going so long without touch can be really sucky and that you desire to have some, but I would very much recommend using this site more passively. If you're putting in a lot of effort without any return it is unbalanced and can be unhealthy.

    I personally just browse the forums and make the occasional post and sometimes say hello to local people. If I happen to find a cuddle buddy that's cool. If not that's cool too. I have been on this site since 2017 and while COVID impacted things I have cuddled with exactly two people over these five years. That's probably not a lot but it's more than if I had deleted my account because it's not working and making me feel bad.

    I enjoy the time I spend on the forums here and that's enough for me. I hope things go well for you.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @JasonCuddles I have said things in a similar vein, and the response I get is that I (and you) are not desperate, because we are in relationships. I think it makes sense. My cuddle cup is full, I'm just here for marshmallows on top. Most don't seem to have that luxury.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • ShakeShake

    I'm sad I missed this thread before! Despite my profile saying I cuddle women, please don't be discouraged by that. I'm happy connecting with anyone who respects my boundaries. Feel free to message me anytime you feel the need to talk to someone. 😊

  • TbearsmallTbearsmall

    @SunsetSnuggles Really? Your response to someone who posts asking for feedback about why they are not getting what the site promises is to assert that you have such an abundance of what I'm not getting that the question is irrelevant to you? (And suggests "desperation" on my part?)
    Not very considerate.

    @Shake49 Thank you for your generosity and kindness in offering to talk. I appreciate it!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited May 2022

    @Tbearsmall I deeply apologize for my insensitivity in my second post; I was honestly quoting what single people have told me, and how they view it. You are not single, so I was speaking generally. When I referred to my cup being full, I'm referring to my relationship. Most users on this site are not in relationships, they are here because they are lacking human touch. Due to my relationship, I'm not lacking it, I would just like to share more. I did not at all mean to offend you. If you scroll up, you will find my first post, which was a lengthy message full of support. I have not had any cuddles through this site, either. I'm sorry again for my second message being offensive.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • blisscuddlesblisscuddles

    @SunsetSnuggles That’s grace, class and empathy in your response. True to who you are.
    @Tbearsmall Hope you find lots of cuddles and warmth here or in your life in general.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @Tbearsmall
    Please don't get discouraged. Make some of the suggested changes and maybe participate in the forums. It's a great way to become known and make connections. I wish you luck and cuddles.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited May 2022

    @Tbearsmall

    I'm sorry for your experiences so far on here. There are a lot of men on this website, though most don't cuddle other men. Though, men looking to cuddle women also find it incredibly hard to find a cuddle buddy (assholes and jerks aside). Because this is a niche community, some areas will be a deadspot. You may have to expand your search. I myself am open to finding cuddle buddies of your age. In two years, I've only met with one enthusiast. I treat this website as a community - then, if I find a cuddle buddy, bonus. Have you considered hiring a professional? That's what the majority of men do.

    I think what @SunsetSnuggles was getting at is that it is easier for some people to take a passive approach to finding a cuddle buddy - participate in the forums, have long distance penpals, focusing on our internal journey, because they are getting the majority of their touch needs met. I myself am not. I'm not touchy with any of my friends and And I've never been in a relationship. So I appreciate that SunsetSnuggles can see this scenario.

    Just hang in there, know you're not alone in wanting to find someone to cuddle. Though, I've become frustrated before and have taken breaks from looking for cuddle buddies. I only message people rarely now, as it was pretty demoralizing trying to actively seek a cuddle buddy.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @Tbearsmall Yay!🎉The drought is over!!! We shared many great cuddles 🥰 and you are one of cuddle comfort’s best kept cuddles secrets! Awesome person to spend time with, cuddle and share platonic affection with!🎉

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    Cool :) I like when people are happy :)

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Me too. :) :)

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I like when people are happy :)

    I really don’t want Putin to be happy. He is a murderer of children and adults.

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