Good information for sure. Thanks OP.
I turn down way more cuddlers than I accept.
Feels like 'tis the dream, eh?
I turn down cuddle requests constantly.
Here’s the why: -I get a booking request from someone 12+hours away. No context or message. -I receive “What are the rules on clothing?” Messages frequently. -“Hi can we be friends?” -“You’re gorgeous/beautiful(insert compliment about attraction)”
^If you send these type of piss poor communication messages, you’re unlikely to get a response.
I recently copy & pasted the terms & conditions that spell out the definition of platonic cuddling on my profile so that if any future cuddler attempted anything, I would Be legally justified in my defense against their sexual assault. And that’s what a lot of people don’t recognize- Safety matters. If you can’t be bothered to read a profile, it’s on you for our response. If the effort given lines up with what matters to another human being, then I can guarantee you will have a better time in your endeavors.
There’s needs to be a communication training course just to sign up to be on this site. Not to detract from the original post-just sharing insight to maybe help others understand from a female perspective.
If you admittedly refuse to put forth effort or bother, then don't be mad at and blame the other person for not responding or wanting to spend time with you . You do nothing , yet complain about the lack of interest from others. You are truly getting what you give.
@samfiddle hang in there, brother. Lots of amazing cuddlers on the site who won’t judge based on how precisely worded an introductory hello is. Unfortunately or (maybe fortunately) most of them are too busy making cuddling connections instead of posting to the forum😊!
Weird how some of these women just want to be treated with decency ~ for another to look at them as worthy of respectful interaction and address them as such.
[SMH ~ What a bunch of entitled b*tches!] 🙄
Clearly, the ones who, for whatever reason(s), think anything less is acceptable ~ those are the "b*tches" 💁♀️
I didn't read all of the comments so this might have been addressed but regarding your point#3 - no one should expect instant gratification from reaching out to a pro either.
I had someone yesterday who messaged twice around 10:30am with a couple of questions about appts and when I was unable to respond by 5pm, he went ahead and sent a booking proposal for this morning. I canceled and was getting ready to respond to him when I found I couldn't respond because he had blocked me. And now he's deleted. People need to realize this is a side gig for the majority of pros.
@quixotic_life , not only am I an entitled b!tch I can also ignore someone so hard they begin to doubt thier own existence.
It is quite the mix of personality to have, warm ,caring ,fun but deadly sarcastic, profane and >gasp< outspoken!
I routinely scare and confuse the unsuspecting with my plain looks and dull occupation. They never expect to be met with such a force of nature seemingly out of nowhere.
But, that is my best disguise. 😉
@KYtransplant ~ "I can also ignore someone so hard they begin to doubt thier own existence."
🤣🤣🤣 YEEESSSSSS!! 😂😂😂
and your disguise is perfect!! ~ 😎🥸👺
What irks me about part of the messaging here (the part that says “the reason decent men can’t get their needs met is other men”) is that I see it as part of a knee jerk response I see frequently online to blame all men’s problems on other men.
A particularly galling and common manifestation of this is when I’ll encounter a description of some disheartening behavior by a woman (say, body shaming), and one sees an assertion like “the only reason she acts like that is the patriarchy,” as though women are incapable of being responsible for their actions, and everything they do is ultimately the responsibility of men.
Here it isn’t quite so galling. But still, no, men are not primarily to blame for the difficulty decent men have In finding physical affection. It’s a natural and expected result of human nature (women have a higher bar to clear for who they’re willing to be intimate with than men do), current culture (everything is oriented around casual relationships, so people don’t permanently pair off as often, and it’s necessary to repeatedly find new casual partners), and the internet (everyone’s connected to everyone, so a man is not just competing with a handful of other men in the vicinity, but with dozens or hundreds of other men who can contact a given woman).
Side note, if you really think low-effort opening messages are a male-only phenomenon, make an account on Bumble as a man, where women are required to send the opening message. See if you ever get a single opening message other than “hi” or the like.
@quixotic_life Your comment throws me off. It’s giving me confusion. Can you elaborate? Or explain it differently? Maybe it’s the wording.
@simsaddict I think she's joking.
@CuddleWho You make a few good points, but it is and always has been a man's world. We could say the cuddle community is a certain group where all the rules of the man's world don't apply. We could say a lot of things that would not be wrong. The reality is as Shake49 and pmvines has described it. You just kinda have to throw away the unfair and bad things that happen here (men and women) and continue to search if you want a chance of something happening. I look for cuddlers who don't dwell on how things here or in the world could and should be different. I feel they won't have my best interests at heart and maybe not their own, plus someone that gets so interested in making their point, valid or otherwise, is hard to picture as being cuddly. If lots of people feel as I do, it could be why some guys here find it difficult to find cuddles.
This is a really good thread and absolutely love that @BlueIris is the OP. Welcome back you ! 😊
Much like it’s challenging to write about yourself on profiles here…. It’s challenging also to explain why some men are more successful in meeting people here. Just a general question in general to community… why are some men more successful meeting people here than others you think ? 🧐
@Lucas_ What you say is true. And even if I lived close and decided to try, how would I get thru all the defeatist remarks @samfiddle makes to see if there is a diamond in the rough?
In the meantime I get messages from guys who are open, seem safe and comfortable, and aren't trying to make any points about things neither of us can change. So I do easily and naturally gravitate to them. I hope this is helpful or at least interesting to read.
@OhioMike You could write a book about that. You're one of the most successful at meeting people on here that I know!! I'd say it's because you're friendly, open, good at communicating and you're genuinely interested in other people.
@achetocuddle well said
@BlueIris I’m terrible at picking up on joking through text. 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you!
@BlueIris well thank you for the kind comments!
In my opinion there’s a lot of successful men here. Of course not all post on forums. I have stumbled across some male profiles that are like super star status!
But I will say from my vantage point that I do like meeting people first and foremost. I really do. Cuddling is a bonus for me. I just want to meet and chat with the peeps here 👍
@OhioMike posted: "I do like meeting people first and foremost. I really do. Cuddling is a bonus for me." Exactly! I have this in my profile, but most incoming messages don't seem to have noticed. My outbound messages to people in other states go over very well, though. I've met such sweethearts, here!
~ Sunset Snuggles
I believe genuinely enjoying meeting new people is one important aspect of getting a cuddle, and when it shines thru in your profile, or at least your PMs, people will want to know more about you and be more likely to cuddle you. I think that is part of @OhioMike success and part of mine.
@OhioMike is friendly?
@Green_Eyes the meme thread is over there 👉
😂😂😂
@OhioMike - my bad. 👀
it is and always has been a man's world.
What does this even mean? You’re literally on a site where the large majority of meetups between men and women consist of the man paying the woman hundreds of dollars to spend a couple hours with him. And yet “it’s a man’s world.” OK.
@BlueIris I read your post earlier, and I wanted to come back to say that you sharing your story and your thought process was a beautiful act of bravery. I appreciate your willingness to be open and transparent about your thinking process and your actions. I hope that many people read it with the spirit of openness in which it was written. I did my best to do so myself.
@jetblack Thank you!
@BlueIris I appreciate your post.
As a man who has successfully had many wonderful cuddles on this site, I want others to experience the same. Your words, if heeded, will increase the chances that others will also find success.
To any men on here experiencing frustration: perhaps only some of what was written in this thread applies to you. Even if that's the case you may find useful information to help you find what you are seeking.
It may not feel fair, but the OP's words reflect the reality of the world that we live in. It does not diminish our human dignity or our masculinity to try something that is suggested.
From the most honest place in my heart, I wish you success.
@CuddleWho I know I don't explain myself well. Wish I could do better. And I may not be able to explain myself now. For me and I'm sure a lot of women, living in a man's world informs your viewpoint about men, relationships, how to get along in the world, how to get along here, what you might expect anywhere; some of this subconsciously. It may be partly right; it might be wrong some of the time. No one's perceptions are right all the time. So we all bring this to the cuddle table and it may effect who will talk to who, who get's a bad vibe for a wrong reason, etc. Being a man's world could be seen as off-topic; I see it as one aspect of how interactions here get affected and It was what I thought of when I read your message.
I do hope you will have better experiences. For myself, one reason why I am having some luck is because my whole adult life I have gradually unlearned some wrong perceptions and gained more good ones from talking and observing people. I just hoped this might someone understand the thinking of a few of us.
I do wish I could explain myself better. I feel like there is something in my head that you might like to know but just can't articulate it.
oops meant to say I hoped this might HELP someone understand the thinking of a few of us.
@JoyfulHeart Thank you for your kind words and for your complete understanding of what my initial post was about. It was truly an attempt to help guys who are willing to learn to understand why certain approaches in first messages are doomed to failure. My hope was that my message and the ensuing discussion would help them learn some communication tips that would increase their chances of success.
I wish you many good cuddles!!