@BlueIris @JoyfulHeart is good at understanding, up to and including nuances. And an equal part I think is because he TRIES and wants to understand. He seems to know that more understanding of anything in general can only lead to a better life for himself and possibly others.
It would help everyone, I believe, if they came to this site, and especially this forum, with the idea that if they type a single word it would be with the idea that they are gonna try to make a friend, a cuddle, make someone laugh or anything that typical human beings enjoy. It's hard to draw people if we hone in on some parts and ignore the whole or don't understand or refuse to consider nuances.
I think this post was trying to help, but there again, I read this thread thinking I would learn something or that it might do something good for someone else. The people who don't approach threads and other humans this way will always have a hard time, I'm afraid. I would like to help them if I could. Don't know that I can. I really look forward to more thoughtful threads such as these. Thanks!
@Lucas_ wrote "hang in there, brother. Lots of amazing cuddlers on the site who won’t judge based on how precisely worded an introductory hello is. Unfortunately or (maybe fortunately) most of them are too busy making cuddling connections instead of posting to the forum😊!"
I wonder what percentage of members here post on, or even read, the forum. In reference to rate discussion, a moderator, while closing the thread, posted that most here don't even read or care about the forum, let alone post, so discussing or complaining about rates is useless and won't change anything. Perhaps also on other issues, what is posted by a small percentage might not reflect the greater reality.
@snugbuddy True!
While we have been on this thread I have received more messages wanting to chat and cuddle. I'm thinking it is partly because I look before I leap and I refrain from saying negative things about them as a group or individually. Admittedly I don't know as much as some here. There are some really intelligent people here.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CdGIbmgg2ey/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
🤣🤣🤣
~ Sunset Snuggles
Thank you for taking the time to write what I've always felt.
@BlueIris, I agree with everything in your original post. I also agree with this: "Don't read the profile, don't follow the requirements and you don't get a response."
I too state my boundaries very clearly, yet I regularly receive first messages such as "Hi beautiful" and "I would like to book a session." I generally don't respond to anyone who clearly hasn't read my profile.
@CuddleWho, you asked "Can’t you just ignore or delete such a message and move on?" Sure, we could choose to do that. But many of us are empaths who care about other people and we want to help. In this case, @BlueIris is "posting this on the forum so that those of you who are having a difficult time connecting with someone might learn from this."
@sunnysideup said "it’s a cause for many leaving the site" and he's entirely correct. I've received requests for help from multiple women who have since deleted their profiles because it's just too much to deal with and when you put up the necessary strong boundaries, you tend to be viewed as a b*tch. Fortunately I've now reached a stage of life where I embrace that label. It wasn't that way for me when I was younger.
@KYtransplant you said, "The ones that I do meet are the best of the best and respect me as a person." This has been my experience as well. Yay for setting high standards!!!
@BlueIris "I've probably vetted hundreds of people over the years on here but have met less than two dozen in person. The ones I've met have been 100% polite, and there was never a red flag in their communications to me ever." Completely agree. My ratio is probably similar and the first time someone gives me the uh-oh feeling, it's game over. No regrets.
@achetocuddle "I've told a couple of guys who send me a nice message that I suppose maybe my current bio sounds harsh, but they say it doesn't." YES. Only weak men are threatened by strong women. Good men find us attractive.
@CuddleWho, you said "But I've seen this assertion before
The behavior she's describing is precisely why even the most genuine men here have such a difficult time finding an enthusiast
and it seems completely backwards to me." You're trying to apply logic to an emotional reaction. A new woman comes here, puts up a profile, gets inundated with messages from creeps, gets overwhelmed (emotional reaction) and removes herself from the situation. Once the fight or flight response gets activated, there's no calm reasoning happening, as in "so many shitheads makes it easier for genuine men to stand out." Also, in this thread you're coming off like a man who says what's the problem ladies? Ladies tell you, and you say Nah-uh!!! That's not happening. And we REALLY don't like that. Prime example, this statement: "men are not primarily to blame for the difficulty decent men have In finding physical affection." Until women can go anywhere at any time and do anything without fear of violence from men, particularly sexual violence, men are the problem as a whole. Not individual men. There are plenty of good individual men. And we need them to call out the shitheads, because the shitheads don't listen to women. And @CuddleWho, this is really the cherry on top: "it is and always has been a man's world.
What does this even mean? You’re literally on a site where the large majority of meetups between men and women consist of the man paying the woman hundreds of dollars to spend a couple hours with him. And yet “it’s a man’s world.” OK." Gee, it must be nice to be able to just walk around without a thought about your own safety, about being targeted for sexual violence because of your gender. I WISH my biggest problem here was having to pay for cuddles. MY biggest problem here, along with every other woman here, is HOW TO AVOID ENDING UP RAPED OR DEAD. Your refusal to listen and understand tells me volumes about why your experience here is what it is.
@pmvines said "What they should.be more upset with are the plethora of shitheads." YES AND THANK YOU
@samfiddle, I'm puzzled by what you've written here. We've never interacted I don't think, yet you have me blocked.
why are some men more successful meeting people here than others? The men I'm closest with from here all have several things in common. They are all kind, giving, nurturing, and caring. They take care of me as much as I take care of them. More importantly, and what sets them apart from all other men, is that I'm a person to them, rather than just a female body in which they want to find comfort.
@jetblack, thank you. Well said.
I definitely understand the OP's frustration. Many people message me without reading my profile first, so I often end up needing to ask them for a pic and also end up needing to explain specifics about my booking requirements (that are already covered in my profile).
This is a good post to explain why people should: 1.) be reading profiles, 2.) be understanding of other people's preferences.
Yes, we have our own preferences, and everyone isn't a good fit for everyone else (clearly the person you're describing was not a good fit for you, @BlueIris). Sorry you had to deal with that. 🫂
Part of the problem is that before a guy can get his Man Card he has to acknowledge to never ask for directions, read instructions, or show emotions. Fortunately, many guys don't have a card while those who do just keep plodding along.
@Cuddle_RN There is nothing left to say except I agree
@Green_Eyes Also agree. And I think it's bad when I have to explain ONE single thing already in my profile. If I had to explain booking requirements already in my profile that would really chap my hide.
@Green_Eyes @achetocuddle posted: "If I had to explain booking requirements already in my profile that would really chap my hide." Me, too, yeesh! I would just tell them to read my profile, I wouldn't take the time to re-type it all.
@Cuddle_RN
Don't give the blocker the time of day. He spews nothing but negativity and woe is me rants. Consider it a blessing. ♥️
@Rezz 🤣🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
@Green_Eyes I realized I forgot to add the 2nd underscore to your username. Oops I messed up.
That's something I like in other people - when they can say they messed up. I'm thinking the people, men or women, who don't get many cuddle offers may not do much of that. Or maybe they never mess up. LOL.
My eyes may be playing tricks on me. Oh, well. I'll PM @Green_Eyes .
But @Rezz & @Sheena123 ~ Have you seen his profile?? It's sooooo good!! I have yet to see a rendering of it that didn't make me chuckle!! 😉
Maybe this belongs in the cuddly compliments thread, but may I just say I always appreciate how blunt and direct you are with people @Rezz Even though we've never met, you always leave me feeling like I could trust any word you have to say.
Your refusal to listen and understand tells me volumes
I am perfectly capable of listening and understanding.
about why your experience here is what it is.
I've had many great experiences and met lots of wonderful people here. You're making a lot of assumptions about me based on almost zero information.
It's always weird to have this kind of conversation on this forum. When I talk to women in real life about these issues, it's always a more nuanced take - we're both capable of acknowledging what seems to me to be an obvious reality: yes women do have to put up with some shit and are at greater risk, but they're also in an extraordinarily privileged position over men in this space. It's a give-and-take, and we're both capable of empathizing with each other. Then on this forum it's just so incredibly one-sided... it gets old.
What I hate the most on this forum is that any time I try to add some nuance and stick up for men just a bit, half the commenters make all these absolutely bizarre assumptions about me that have zero relation to reality, like I'm incapable of empathizing with women or forming normal human relationships, or that I just sit around being lonely and frustrated all day, or that I haven't had any good experiences on this site. It's absolutely nuts.
@SunsetSnuggles "I would just tell them to read my profile" this is literally what I do. I usually don't hear from them again.
@CuddleWho Nuance is difficult to get thru written word. I just don't have the impression that you are being nuanced here. @Cuddle_RN has made several good points. You have made some also. I just don't get a vibe from you that you are trying to meet anyone halfway and word things neutrally. I also realize that anyone that has posted on this thread may not interest you in any way. That's OK too. You do seem capable of nuance and having a good conversation. I believe you when you say you have these types of conversations IRL. I hope you have some more. I hope we all do.
I've been cleaning for a cuddle and I'm tired. I probably should have cleaned more and posted less. Lol. What can I say; I like the forum Thanks @BlueIris for this thread.
@achetocuddle
I just don't have the impression that you are being nuanced here.
Here was basically my last word on the issue:
yes women do have to put up with some shit and are at greater risk, but they're also in an extraordinarily privileged position over men in this space
I find it weird that you can read @Cuddle_RN 's comment, and then read mine, and I'm the one you feel the need to tell isn't being nuanced.
But OK. I'll remind myself for the Nth time to stay off this forum.
So many threads of folks spinning their wheels til the rubber falls off but one fact remains. Nobody who complains and argues and puts off negativity out here is very successful with making connections . Cant expect a lack of success to change unless you change
@pmvines ~ Perhaps some people just prefer to embrace their contrarianism rather than other people (like enthusiasts).
@quixotic_life An unavoidable conclusion for me. I like how you worded that.
@pmvines All your response needs is a YEP
@achetocuddle: Your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. In the forums, usernames with underscores to either side of them get rendered in italics with the enclosing underscores removed unless you put the names on their own line and type some Markdown code around them. Like this:
@_Green_Eyes_
As ways to keep yourself from getting lots of forum tag notifications go, this kind of username is one of the best... and if you ever decide you'd like to be more (or less) conveniently tag-able, usernames can be changed here:
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/settings/main
@DaringSprinter Thanks! I like learning that comes to me, instead of digging for it. This is good
Yay! I'm glad you appreciated it, @achetocuddle.
So here's some more learning! This is the Markdown code that goes around the username:
<p>@_Green_Eyes_</p>
<p>
</p>
And it took me a good long while to figure out how to make it visible, let me tell you. Turned out I had to put backticks on either side of each bit of Markdown code.
I know I'm going to forget that, so I'm making a note of it here. For later. Hopefully.
Lovely to see you grace the forum again @BlueIris
@FunCartel Thanks!
I am still experimenting with the Indian cuisine and have been making some at home with mixed success.
What also that gets very old is what I go thru. I exchange 5-6 messages with a female. We schedule a session- all messaging on this site. Then she stops messageing me. Or askes for a pic and then stops messageing me.