Oh no! We ( I and most other pros ) don't mind being asked for a session in a first message. It's the short, no context, no information provided messages that feel rude and rushed. 🤗
Based on the post I would have assumed you were an enthusiast, not a pro. Clients are literally paying you to cuddle with them. They don't owe you a friendly greeting, they only owe you money, good hygiene, and a respect of the platonic boundaries. If you and @Rezz are asking yourself "Why should I WANT to cuddle with a client?" maybe you're in this profession for the wrong reasons. Do you think a mental health therapists, for example, should ask "Why should I want to treat this person?" Implying that pros have to WANT to cuddle a particular client puts unfair pressure on a client. Many clients pay professional cuddlers precisely because they don't want to worry about the pressure or difficulty of finding someone who wants to cuddle with them in their personal life. Perhaps you should really examine why you're in the profession (aside from the money). Is it truly about helping people, or is it primarily just to get your own emotional needs met?
I agree with you Jon. Imagine getting rejected by a professional. Lol.
@jon5821 - This may be treated differently because of the intimacy involved. You don't cuddle your therapist. People feel uneasy about whether or not a total stranger is intending on crossing boundaries .
Many people are here EXACTLY because they lack social skills.
I mean, they are trying to hire a professional, and for a fairly large number of those looking for that it isn't because they have it readily available from others in their life...
@FunCartel yep. I've had the sweetest clients come out of more simple bookings. It really depends on the person and with no info it IS hard to tell. I don't have the social skills to do a whole bunch of messaging niceties myself. I'm a much more in person communicator. Do I appreciate it when other people do yes but I don't judge when people don't.
@achetocuddle thank you darling. I do have off days, just typically don't post here when I'm not doing well.
@GoodRightHook exactly. This is exactly what I meant, and I won't go into details because of client confidentiality, but if I'd have been too discerning with short messages, I'd have turned away someone with disabilities.
A little compassion goes a long way.
@GoodRightHook @Mela_B Cheers! 👏🏻
~ Sunset Snuggles
When the OP calls a plumber or hairdresser or doctor to book an appointment, does she take 10-15 minutes to get to know them before asking what openings they have? I understand that different people have different styles of communicating, but some people need to understand that what they call "rude," others call "short and sweet." For every person like the OP who likes long and meandering introductions, there's going to be somebody who's inwardly raging, "Why won't he just get to the point?"
Oh, that's due to social media.
I have the exact opposite experience, I noticed pros want you to get right to business (bills need to be paid). I'd like to at least get to know them even a little bit but nope, they will ask you if you want to book disregarding me wanting to get to know them at all.
That’s exactly it though. A lot of pros really do love getting to the point and having a day and time established, sometimes in the beginning message. What we’re trying to explain is that cuddling is a whole different world than any other profession. We are about to be intimate. My cuddler and I are about to enter each other’s personal spaces far more than moth other professions. It’s just simply off putting to be seen as strictly a bag of meat you want to hold. We’re about to meet a complete stranger and start caressing and holding you. That’s entirely different from a doctor, hairdresser or plumber. I just feel that if you’re going to book a pro and expect them to be that intimate with you and prepare to snuggle someone they know nothing about, it’s only right to at least say Hi. At least tell us your name or what you’re looking for in cuddling. It doesn’t have to be perfect but at least treating us like a human that’s about to be really personal and in your space.
I have a lot of patience for the “are you free right now” messages but almost all of them send a booking proposal without even asking if I’m free or what my schedule is like or giving any introduction to themselves. Like I said though, I try to be patient with them so I’ll cancel the booking and just say “sorry, I’d just like to chat a little bit more to at least figure out the where and when details and what you’re looking for. Almost all of the off putting, immediate booking, no introductory types end up ghosting me after the message.
It just takes a slight bit of understanding and respect to us being humans to at least have a one line introductory with that booking. Pretty please.
Here’s a way I view this. It’s messaging/texting and there is no tone to how the request comes across. It’s up for interpretation from our view point and our view can be projected by a large number of emotions and triggers. I always reply back professionally and cordially and usually the response from them changes as you get to know them better and can pick up they were just really nervous. Sometimes they really don’t know what to say or put. And sometimes, their tone in their head may be super happy friendly when they sent the message. For me, I set the tone of how I want to be viewed as a professional and my business. It’s up to me to be gentle and nonjudgmental when getting those first messages. I hope this helps from another persons viewpoint. 🤗🦋🌸
My thing is , if I am to cuddle with someone, regardless of if pro or not, I would want them to want to cuddle with me and if not look forward to meeting , at least not be apprehensive about it . That's totally on the person initiating the contact to set a good imprint of themselves. You can tell yourself how its wrong to feel like you need to try to make an impression all you want ,but at the end of the day, it's your fault if the impression is bad which might impact how your cuddle hang out goes
What's the point of been a pro if you are complaining about it ?
@pmvines Yep. Fair or unfair, easy for ya or hard for ya, this is true.
@Sheena123 @MorganMont81 I agree. I like how you explained it. I think your words will help some people.
It's true there are many people who only read the forum without posting. I feel I have spoken to some nice guys that will benefit from this if they are reading this. It's great how many people take time and make effort to post thoughtful and helpful replies.
@Rezz
Oh trust me it's not just you. I give people the same energy they give me. When I receive these types of messages I just respond with
Oh trust me it's not just you.
I give people the same energy they give me. When I receive these types of messages I just respond with
You shouldn't be a pro if you give the same energy they give. A pro must have morality to be a pro.
@cuddlewisher123 Im wondering what a pro ‘should’ be? People complain about their jobs frequently. While I don’t agree with the OP based on social skills being varied the right to stand up for yourself in professional situations is important. Whether you are a plumber or lawyer you get to decide what your boundaries are. For these ladies and gentlemen their boundary is a greeting because for them they need a name to share platonic closeness. Do I think people who don’t greet should be called out as rude no but I think reserving the right to have your own personal boundaries and methods of communication is something all areas of work should have and many do.
@stormydaycuddle you are absolutely right , I agree with you. Same way clients complain about high price which is human nature.
I agree with @Daniel_12. No one who provides a service wants to chit-chat, prolonging the booking of an appointment. The service provider offers their talents and are contacted by interested clients.
If the OP finds the initial contact rude, a simple re-direct by asking some probing questions would allow them to vet potential clients. Perhaps an intake form for people to fill out? It works for the doctor's office, car mechanics, or even massage therapists. This allows the vetting of interested parties to express themselves without any guess work.
Remember this is not a dating site. Approaching someone cold is not an innate talent. People who are smooth and do it easily are probably not the type the OP really wants to cuddle with.
@marcustanaka Good point. Well said.
I try not to take offense when none is intended. It’s a waste of my emotional energy. And I don’t expect anyone to read my mind about how I want to be approached.
There’s no established protocol for this. I think it’s unreasonable to expect people to know something they don’t know.
In other service professions it’s perfectly acceptable for someone to contact you and ask, “Do you have any availability today?” or tomorrow or whenever. I know because I’ve been getting those kinds of messages from people for 30 years. I’ve never considered it rude.
I’ve got on my profile that if someone wants a response from me they need to have something interesting to say. Do most of the people who message me do that? No. Just today I got yet another message that said, simply, “Hello.” Looked at the guy’s profile - it’s blank. I’ll just ignore it but I’m not going to get upset about it. I’ve got better things to get upset about.
@Babichev Well said.
@cuddlewisher123
Before I accept any client I take into account how they interact with me. If they expect me to drop everything I'm doing to come cuddle them with a mere " u available?" they are going to be sorely disappointed. It's been in my personal experience that any person who send such messages are gropey, disrespectful and are not looking for platonic cuddling. Any chance I've given to those historically make inappropriate requests.
I will rearrange my day to meet with someone who says "hi are you available for a session this evening", I will not give that same energy to someone who can't give a polite greeting with a simple hello. If you can't show an ounce of respect in a message it's unlikely to be shown in person.
I think it’s easy to think that whatever are our standards, that they are universal. Whatever our concept of “polite” is, other people should have the same standards. They don’t. I studied with a Russian massage teacher for many years. She was very Eastern European - that is, she was very blunt and to the point. Midwesterners found this rude and abrupt. She, in turn, experienced midwesterners as dishonest. You couldn’t trust them to say what they really thought because they were hiding behind being “polite.”
In massage therapy we have this concept of a client-centered practice. We recognize that we’re there to take care of the needs of the client rather than expecting the client to take care of our needs. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have boundaries i.e. requiring 24 hours notice for cancellation, expecting to be paid on time, etc. But the focus of our attention is on taking care of the client.
I worked in construction for 13. I’m not easily offended. Besides, I’m 69 years old. I cut people a lot of slack because I’ve come to realize we all need it.
@Rezz I agree with you but some clients it's thier nature or haven't been raised to be polite. Kind words have benefits and can change them or they learn from you how to be polite.at the end of the day we all human, we are not perfect. @Babichev wise opinion, we should learn from you,how to deal with rude people.
@jon5821
They don't owe you a friendly greeting, they only owe you money, good hygiene, and a respect of the platonic boundaries. If you and @Rezz are asking yourself "Why should I WANT to cuddle with a client?" maybe you're in this profession for the wrong reasons.
Theoretically I sympathize with this point of view. It's a little odd that people offering a professional service expect a level of social interaction that would be unusual in any other service. As babichev points out, it would be completely normal to message a massage therapist (for instance) and just directly ask if they have any availability.
In a few cases it gets a little extreme; I've known pro cuddlers who treat the site kind of like a dating app (with the exception that they get paid, of course), being highly selective about who they choose to cuddle.
However... ultimately... it's fine. Laying in bed with someone you find distasteful for a couple hours is unpleasant in a way that other service industries don't have to deal with. It's maybe inevitable that pro cuddlers will be a little choosy, and in particular will often want at least a tiny bit of normal social interaction with a client before agreeing to a session.
To the OP’s question … Generally, yes.
maybe you're in this profession for the wrong reasons. Do you think a mental health therapists, for example, should ask "Why should I want to treat this person?" Implying that pros have to WANT to cuddle a particular client puts unfair pressure on a client. Many clients pay professional cuddlers precisely because they don't want to worry about the pressure or difficulty of finding someone who wants to cuddle with them in their personal life. Perhaps you should really examine why you're in the profession (aside from the money). Is it truly about helping people, or is it primarily just to get your own emotional needs met?
Your therapist isn't going to your home or inviting you into theirs to hold you for what is an intimate service. Therapists refer clients to other therapists if they feel they cannot treat them to the best of their ability or that they are not compatible.
I'm providing a service that requires me to meet a complete stranger from the internet. There's risks involved that most men will never have to consider. While there's lots of great members here seeking platonic cuddling there's just as many who are not. I'm weeding them out as I see fit. There is no screening done via the site. That's my job. I screen people based on how they approach me and determine if we are a good fit based on this. I refer clients regularly to other pros if I feel we are not compatible for any number of reasons. If I was just doing this for the money I'd accept every indecent proposal I received and I certainly wouldn't give referrals to other pros.
In order for me to feel safe, comfortable and relaxed with a complete stranger I need to be treated like a human, not a vending machine.
It's just probadly that money is involved to connect and feels loved, we are buying the feelings and emotions that humans need to feel for eachother. Alot of the woman just try to see this as a job or just a service... Almost none in here would cuddle if there was no money.. in today's society everyone is teaching that you need to be professional and not connect or attach to another person because it can create problems to your life.. everyone is been tought to disconnect from that human love we can feel with eachother.genuine love is been taking by pay.. lot of the woman would not feel secure if there was no pay and the higher the price is the more professional you got to be.. we are turning into a society with out affection.. sadly everyone is just trying to survive in this fallen society where we are teaching eachother to be afraid of eachother.. humans love is waxing cold, no more genuine love because money is what makes us secure.. no one wants to talk about the real problem and that's why we are going to been just like everyone else, who wants to talk of what we really were created for, no one wants to talk about of our real purpose, no one wants to talk about if we really were created by a God and what we should do if we are really sons and daughters of eternal being... We are just living like this is the only life we have or have had.. there's way more then just going thru the motions.
@soullover You know around the holidays when hype is created around a particular toy and every kid wants Santa to bring it but availability is limited so a $30 toy is suddenly $300 on Ebay? It's not exactly but kind of like that. Supply and demand. Men have a greater demand for this service, and some women get overwhelmed with all of the requests they receive and give up. But a few become pros and charge money as one way to keep cuddling but cut down on the deluge of requests or compensate for all of the time they spend dealing with requests.