Gender Bashing

docgatorbdocgatorb
in General
I'm starting this as a new discussion because this comment is not being directed to anyone in particular. It seems to me that there is an air of gender bashing in many of the recent comments. Hopefully, this has been a good thing as people rant about their past experiences, it may indicate that they are getting over these experiences so that they can move forward into more positive experiences. In many ways, this web site is a social experiment that many of us would like to see succeed. However, and I have been guilty of this, focusing on what is perceived as inequities in the laws of nature can also reinforce the very behaviors that we want to see change.So, can we call a truce on gender bashing, at least to the extent that it doesn't dominate every discussion? Note that nearly every thread has at least one such comment. I realize that there have been apparent abuses of this site, but what is working well? I know that some members have reported that professional services have worked well and there is some resistance to using Cuddle Parties. I would point out that many of the facilitators of these parties have gone through much more training than is required of the 'professionals'. These events are learning experiences and cost less than equal time of the professionals. It's like the saying, feed a hungry man once, and soon he will be hungry again, teach him to fish, he won't be hungry again for life. Let's take a positive step forward and focus our efforts on improving ourselves before we excuse our own behaviors by justifying them based on the behaviors of others. End of sermon.

Comments

  • labelzlabelz
    I've noticed a comment or 2 along those lines. I appreciate what you're saying and going for here. This generally seems like a very positive, encouraging environment. So I never want to get into forum wars over a topic. My view is that some find it easier to find a place to lay blame rather than looking in the mirror. I pretty much believe that when it comes down to natural, animal, instinctual laws, men and women are pretty equal and balanced, though it's not always clear to us in a particular moment when the ego is on the line ;)
    I recently had a conversation with the much younger singer in my band.. Many of his lyrics are griping about ex gf's. He is now engaged, they're happy as can be, and will have a pretty perfect life. So I gave him a lil flack about his lyrics, "Dude, your woman's gonna get tired of hearing all these songs about ex's. Why don't you switch a couple verbs and adjectives and you'll have some quirky love songs" He responds, "Well these chicks messed me up. This one in particular, i just kept going back to get hurt more and more" I said, "Yeah, i get that for sure. However, I'm at a point in life, and personal introspection, that I no longer blame them, and realize I was the one allowing it." Anger with ourselves is too often misdirected.
  • angela10angela10
    Thanks doc, I agree with the gender bashing. I'm actually quite reserved and private. However, reading some of these gender bashing posts had me worked up. I never blame anyone except my own stupidity or bad judgment to meet up with the wrong people. The reason why I felt the need to share my stories is to let men have a better understanding of how women think what we have to deal with. That's all.

    Labelz-thanks for all your input and comments. You have made excellent points and are also very receptive to the difference between the sexes.
  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    I don't blame anyone for any of the statements made, I think that it is therapeutic to get everything out in the open, I'm just asking for a cease fire so that it is not our only focus. Maybe we can return to the topic as people develop strategies that have more positive outcomes.
  • labelzlabelz
    Angela10, thank you. I've seen you in quite a few of the posts. You do well bringing balance and perspective :)
    Doc, I hear ya.. people have to let it out. I don't disagree. But there is a fine line between venting and being rude. The type of person i was after a break up when I was 22 is farrr different than how I am now. I just hope people are always out to progress in life.
  • angela10angela10
    Labelz, thanks for your kind and encouraging words. I am just glad my comments do make a difference here. There are really 3 sides of the story - his side, her side and the truth. It's most beneficial to see them all.
  • CrispinCrispin
    It's not gender bashing until it refers to all members of a gender and defames the gender rather than describes it as factually true. To say men are usually taller and women are usually weaker isn't bashing. To say that men are liars and women are mean characterizes negative traits to a whole gender that includes every member unfairly.
    If you say woman online have rarely responded to a message from you,  that is an experience that can be analysed any number of ways.  To say that Women are selective in ways that I interpret as coldness or hostility in simply a factual statement.
  • docgatorbdocgatorb
    It's the grey area that get's you in trouble, Behaviors, although studied scientifically with some statistically valid conclusions, are not viewed the same as something like body hair. To say that a particular behavior is more prevalent in one gender or the other, runs contrary to the concept of free will.To say, that because I am male or female I am more likely to exhibit this or that behavior questions my ability or likelihood to do something less stereotypical. It feels like you are being judged by the actions of others. Within an academic milieu, this may be okay with all the typical academic caveats. But on social web site, like this, it is only asking for misunderstandings and ruffled feathers and not exactly inviting to new members. In other words, play nice.
  • angela10angela10
    I concur, doc.
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