How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?
Add spring water
Ooooo...
@DaveTheBrit that's excellent, really excellent!
I've started a business making sailboats in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
Possibly the best/worst pun of all time was a football headline in The Sun newspaper after Inverness Caledonian Thistle, known as Caley Thistle or just Caley, beat Celtic 2-1 in the Cup.
the time Caley were way down in a low level league, and Celtic were the top club in Scotland. It's like the Green Bay Packers losing to a good high school team. The headline was, Super Caley Are Fantastic, Celtic Are Atrocious.
Do you know why NASA uses a Linux based operating system on all their computers?
Because you can't open windows in space.
I’m not going to lie! I got this one from Alexa! I was fully expecting a cool animal fact! It said to ask Alexa why bears are so light on their feet. I thought, “Okay Alexa, I didn’t know bears were light on their feet!!!” So I asked her! And She says, “because they only keep the bear necessities.”
I couldn’t help but laugh and be slightly disappointed at the same time!!!
My best friend is so good at this. He can play off almost anything you say. It’s insane.
¿Qué son 50 físicos y 50 químicos?
100tíficos.
"What are 50 physicists and 50 chemists? Scientists."
Cien is 100 and científico is "scientist."
Courtesy of LaDragonaria on Tumblr.
I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD. It was here a minute ago.
@tallandcuddly27
~ Sunset Snuggles
Tomorrow night I'm going to be sleeping over at my girlfriend's, I'm really looking forward to it although her dad says we can't sleep together................ Which is a shame as he's a very attractive man!
@pmvines I've been saying Aht Aht Aht to myself for days! Haha
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system
@DaveTheBrit Love it! 😅
A dad joke in sign language.
I will not tell you the punchline.
Where are you, @nurturingman?
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8 9
Tried donating blood today. Never again. Too many stupid questions.
Who’s blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?
Frustrated, A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to the counter for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here." Upset and disappointed, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up. He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?" "No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."
Oooo
Did you hear about the butter? I can't tell you because it might spread.