Hi! Just curious about this, and what do you enjoy about each one? And lastly, does it help keep your touch quotas full?
I'm moving this to Professional cuddling forum. Thanks, @cylee1180 .
Sounds good. @Sideon Thanks!
Good question, @cylee1180 . As is typical for a male pro, I get very few client bookings. To fulfill my own tactile and social needs, I sometimes search for enthusiasts in my area and reach out to them, telling them that I would not charge them unless they wanted to enter into a client-pro relationship. I explain the benefits of each; e.g., as a pro I am there to meet their needs, not my own, and I will not expect any social relationship with them outside of sessions, while as an enthusiast I am there to meet my own needs as well as theirs, and I might be interested in getting together with them socially outside of cuddle sessions. (That's just a simplified way of putting it.)
It's hard to say "each month" because it varies, but averaging many months together I'd say I might have one client session every four months (or ¼ of a client session each month, ha ha) and one enthusiast session a month. It's not really that way, though, because I might go three months without an enthusiast cuddle and then have six of them in one day, such as at the St. Louis meet & greet (oh, what a time!).
FWIW, since you haven't gotten responses from female pros, I can tell you that, having talked to many female pros about their experiences:
@CuddleWho "I've met a couple pros who legitimately seem to get nothing out of any cuddles ever." 🤯 That sounds just so empty. 😔
I'm focusing my intentions on growing other areas other than this site, but I'm getting about 1-2 sessions per month from here, 7-9 total per month, with a goal of 10-12 per month in total.
I love overnights, so that goal includes 4 overnights per month, which I'm currently doing at least 2 per month.
Ironically, I don't have it in my budget to have my own cuddle sessions, but I would love to monthly if I had a professional that fit the bill, and the funds. 😇
It's very important to me to treat everyone equally, so I do not have enthusiast cuddles from here. I have one already existing friend I cuddle with, and making time for that outside my client and parental unit responsibilities is as much as I can handle in my schedule. 😝
As for my touch quota, in reality our touch quota is so closely related to our connection quota, I see it so much more that way, and in that regard, I get SO much out of my sessions. I absolutely love connecting with people, and cuddling is such a beautiful and warm bridge to connecting. Even though sessions are focused on their needs, connecting with my (new) clients and client friends really does make my heart sing. My life would feel so much more empty if I weren't doing this work. I appreciate everyone so much.
@CuddleWho and I have very different experiences of cuddling, and as a consequence very different perspectives. However I would concur absolutely on his observations above, except that I haven't yet met a professional who appears to get nothing at all out of it. I'm confident they do exist. For them it's just a job, which is marginally less unacceptable than the readily available alternatives.
@ubergigglefritz “It's very important to me to treat everyone equally, so I do not have enthusiast cuddles from here.”
I have misgivings about it myself. For me the dilemma is that I want to actually cuddle, and being a pro is preventing me from doing that since almost no one wants to hire a male pro. Yet there is the occasional client here who does want to hire me, and if I weren’t a Pro that wouldn’t be possible. I was on Cuddlist for over a year and never got a booking through that site, and though I have blogged and vlogged about cuddling, and invited people to book me directly, I haven’t got a request (well, I got one who wanted to cuddle naked, but no one compatible with my clothing-required policy).
So, my two choices if I don’t want to mix business and pleasure are:
What are your thoughts on my predicament?
So I mainly just see paying clients. I also cuddle with my boyfriend and my pets so I guess you could classify that as enthusiast cuddles. I average about 20 paid sessions a month, for financial reasons I would like to get closer to 30 sessions a month but in terms of my cuddling needs I am very satisfied with the amount of cuddles I get so I do not feel the need to pay for a professional nor do I need to seek out and enthusiast. As @ubergigglefritz it would be a conflict of interest to give someone a session for free while my clients pay.
@nurturingman for what it's worth I think you're doing the right thing. Cuddle professionals have touch needs the same as everybody else.
There is a huge problem of cuddle professionals using their job to get their own needs met, and thereby sometimes short-changing or even harming clients. I have paid for quite a number of sessions where an independant observer might think that I was the person who should have been paid. Now, I have no problems with any of these occasions, they were all with nice people (well, except one) and I always had a nice cuddle. But that's just me, and I'm [now] a relatively experienced and phlegmatic client.
The situations of a man professional lije @nurturingman and a women professional like @ubergigglefritz or @xandriarain are, I think, different.
@CuddleDuncan you make a very good point about cuddle professionals using sessions to meet their own needs. When I first started I did not have any training and definitely did not understand how the dynamic was supposed to be between Client and Cuddle Therapist. Eventually I got my own therapist (a talk therapist) so I could have my own space to vent every week and not feel the urge to vent to my clients. When it comes to the physiological need for touch I don’t think there is any harm in both parties mutually benefiting from the cuddle and I would say it’s even better for the client when I enjoy it as well so long as the session is focused on them.
@xandriarain
I don’t think there is any harm in both parties mutually benefiting from the cuddle and I would say it’s even better for the client when I enjoy it as well
I defintely agree with that. I've insisted on changing position more than once because the professional wasn't 100% comfortable, even though they wouldn't admit it.
I've even come close to ending a session because I was sensing reluctance from the therapist. I should say that in that case in it was with somebody I know well and have an excellent relationship with. The reluctance was nothing to do with me, and after we stopped cuddling and talked for a bit we resumed the cuddle much more successfully and had a good session in the end.
(I've also come close to ending a session because my head was not in the right place for a cuddle
Cuddling is very intimate. You can tell how the digestion of their lunch is going.
@nurturingman I agree with @CuddleDuncan that what you are doing is fine. It sounds like you are very clear with people in regards to the difference between paying and not paying, which allows them to choose which route is a better fit for their needs. 👍 I don't currently have a personal need that's not being filled (plus I'm already just so darn busy with my own responsibilities, work, and personal efforts), so I don't see the need to make myself available for enthusiast cuddles. 😇
Thanks for the thoughts everyone! It's a peek in the day of the life of a pro.
I average about 1-2 clients daily when I’m home. When I was in Utah I had lots of interest but everyone except one person, canceled last minute. So I had one client in a two week period during my time there.
Weekends are always open for me, it just works out that way. I have reached out to another pro in the past, who said she cuddles other pros for free but never received a response. I’ve also never reached out to an enthusiast.
However, I feel very fulfilled in what I do. I was meant to nurture and it makes me feel great to do so.
I would be surprised to see a pro cuddler need additional cuddling after seeing several clients per week. I know its hard to believe but there is such a thing as too much cuddling lol. I've experienced it before when I had a friend visit out of town for a week and we cuddled every day all day for most of her stay...by the end of it, I didn't feel like cuddling with anyone else for a week or two. So imagine if you're a pro cuddler and you have multiple cuddles per week...your cuddling needs are pretty much met!
@Melancholy that would be true if cuddling as a pro were the same as cuddling otherwise, but it's not (if you're good at this work).
@Melancholy that may well be true for what you might loosely call "hobby" professionals who do not have a deep understanding of what they are doing. It is not true at all for really serious professionals (like @ubergigglefritz) who are offering a much higher level of care.
To put it another way, if a professional cuddler gets their own cuddling needs met from cuddling clients, they ain't doing it right.
You are absolutely right there is such a thing as too much cuddling. I've never got close to your story, but I have got to the stage of thinking "I don't want to cuddle any more, at least not today".
One of the difficulties of professional cuddling work is that an over-worked professional can not have their own cuddling needs met at all, but then can't get them met (for example, from a willing partner) because they are experiencing some of the physical effects that you are referring to.
@CuddleDuncan I love that you acknowledge that last point. I am currently single and generally don't have anything else to give outside of sessions if I were to try to start dating someone. 😴 I would be a full on taker. 😆🤷♀️
*To be clear, I love this work and there isn't anything else I would rather do. I was just continuing the confirmation that it is very different to be a professional in a cuddle than to not. 😇
@ubergigglefritz this is a problem in all the caring professions, in different ways. It can affect children too, not just partners.
@CuddleDuncan definitely. Caregivers are more likely to need self-care because of all they give... 💜 I'm also one year into starting my new role in helping with my parents. I love and appreciate each of my jobs 😉 I just have to figure out how to balance everything (and possibly hire some support with the things I'm less keen on doing myself).
@CuddleDuncan We'll just have to agree to disagree! I don't think just because a pro cuddler gets all her needs met from cuddling clients that means she's a "hobby" professional at all. But its ok we can have different opinions, that's what makes life interesting. My opinion is that the pro who isn't getting her needs met probably has a lot of bad clients. Again, my opinion, you probably disagree but that doesn't make me change my mind. I'm not new to cuddling. My experiences differ from yours, doesn't make my opinion less valid than yours.
"the pro who isn't getting her needs met probably has a lot of bad clients" 😮 no no no. I have the best clients. 💜 Also remember, it's not black and white. One can enjoy the work, have great clients, enjoy sessions, get some life needs met by it, but still have needs to be met elsewhere. You are right, we might have to agree to disagree. I get a lot of needs met in this work, but I have a lot of needs which are not, because if I were to use sessions to meet certain needs, I would not be a good professional. Anyway, be careful with saying those sorts of statements. Absolutely not true in the least.
@CuddleDuncan
You often seem to have very strong and rigid opinions about what certain aspects of cuddling are or should be, that don't match everyone's experiences or preferences.
Although what I want out of cuddle sessions varies from time to time, one of the most consistent things for me is that I want to meet the needs of the person I'm cuddling. I have booked many cuddle sessions with the sole purpose of meeting the pro's emotional or touch needs.
Actually, one of the things that is most likely to make me feel incompatible with a cuddler is if she seems to be only focused on meeting my needs.
@CuddleWho it's all about intent. A good professional puts the focus on the client's needs, and sometimes that focus does indicate that what they want is to know what you want. That and nothing is black and white. There's a difference between doing a cuddle position you like and treating the session like a therapy session for yourself (as the professional). 😇
Many of the more hobby type professionals will focus on the positions they like to receive in their profiles and/or will go into sessions ready and needing to vent, and let everything off their own shoulders. The default should be the client's needs, including listening, but may change or shift after meeting the person and truly getting their consent for that adjustment. When people are paying $100+/hr for our time, I don't understand doing it any other way, but I also understand everyone is different. It just doesn't compute for me. 😆
Personally, I like to challenge people with some receiving positions, just to try, as many people think all they want is to give, when they haven't really experienced receiving in such an environment, but if it's still not their cup of tea, we move on and don't look back. 🤷♀️
